In case you somehow managed to miss the slew of Apple News push notifications and Instagram reposts from every major lifestyle publisher (god bless the social media editors who had to deal with that frenzy on a weekend), here’s some news: JLo is now officially J…Af? Oh god. We’re going to have to start saying “AF” again, aren’t we? Anyway, the important thing here is that Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck got married this weekend, and it was literally the least big deal of all time. The duo, who have essentially been one of the most publicly cared-about couples for not one, but two eras in our lifetime, had an extremely low-key wedding, and it truly could not have come at a better time for the three-ring circus that is currently the wedding industry.
In an announcement shared in her newsletter, On the JLo, it was announced that Bennifer casually tied the knot at a Las Vegas chapel in a 12:30am ceremony that was apparently “super small.” JLo used the break room at the chapel to change into a dress she ALREADY HAD “from a movie,” while Ben used the men’s room to slip into a jacket he also conveniently already had, and take some mirror pics. The announcement also included a few selfies so grainy, they must have been taken on an iPhone 4. And you know what? I think that’s beautiful.
Jennifer wrote plenty of lovely things about the night in her newsletter: “Stick around long enough and maybe you’ll find the best moment of your life in a drive through in Las Vegas at twelve thirty in the morning in the tunnel of love drive through, with your kids and the one you’ll spend forever with. Love is a great thing, maybe the best of things—and worth waiting for.” Notice that, unlike all the couples you know who tumultuously broke up and got back together, JLo saved us the “relationships are hard work and I basically hate you” speil and kept it sweet. And that’s not to say Bennifer hasn’t dealt with hardship. We’ve all seen Gigli.
As much as celebrity weddings exist in a parallel universe that us Normals have absolutely no use engaging with (remember when Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries spent $10 million on a wedding for a marriage that ultimately only lasted 72 days?), I think that we could learn something from Bennifer. I genuinely believe we could all do better to consider these two a benchmark. If Jennifer fucking Lopez can get ready for her wedding in the break room of a Las Vegas chapel, there is simply no reason for you to force seven girls you went to college with, one cousin you talk shit about with your mom, and two coworkers who are definitely never going to write a good reference for you after this to wake up at 5am to get their faces beat in a gaudy bridal suite you paid thousands for.
Sure, it might sound harsh, but if it’s good enough for JLo, it’s good enough for you. On a surface level, this argument could feel like comparing apples and oranges, considering JLo has a wardrobe containing a white gown that already looks like a wedding dress, and there are probably days you root through your closet and struggle to find something appropriate to wear to guzzle down a Strawberry Kiwi ‘Rita at Outback Steakhouse. She gets to wear glamorous dresses and have her makeup done professionally all of the time. Meanwhile, the cute ivory linen miniskirt you bought last summer is still hanging in the back of your closet with tags on it because you haven’t attended a single event that isn’t attached to someone else’s impending nuptials in recent memory. With calendars full of bridal showers, bachelorette parties, rehearsal dinners and weddings, we’re all just a moment away from breaking into Gretchen Wieners’ iconic “you know I’m not allowed to wear hoops, right?” monologue, except instead of earrings, we’re mourning the outfits that used to only be off-limits after Labor Day and on the most unpredictable days of a menstrual cycle.
As brides-to-be, it kind of makes sense that we make such a big deal out of the days that are considered “ours” because we’re all spending so much time and money celebrating people who are doing the literal same exact thing as us. When it’s finally our turn, we go nuts. It can very easily feel like the only way to differentiate your wedding (and the half dozen events leading up to it) from everyone else’s is to make it bigger and better than anything you’ve seen before. But Jennifer Lopez marrying Ben Affleck with an energy that can only be described as ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ is a pretty solid reminder that we should all just chill the fuck out. It may seem impossible to remember a time in which our minds were occupied with anything other than wedding content, but I urge you to think back to how hard you laughed the first time you saw Bridesmaids. For a foolproof vibe check exercise, try rewatching the film. If you realize you’re siding with Helen instead of Annie this time around, it’s officially time to reprioritize your life.
The next time you find yourself spiraling over floral arrangements or scolding your well-intentioned maid of honor for showing up to a booze cruise in the wrong swimsuit, just think: WWJD? What would Jennifer do? Probably nothing that would involve a complicated Google Sheet or firing off passive aggressive text messages. Let her chillness guide the way. If JLo can be an outfit repeater on her wedding day, there is truly nothing stopping you from settling for the Etsy dupe of the infamous Jimmy Choo pearl bridal heels. Your credit score will thank you.
Image: Rich Fury/WireImage