If you know anything about us here at Betches, it’s that there’s nothing in this world we love more than watching the social experiment that is Bella Thorne’s Instagram presence. And there has been a lot to keep up with over the past year. First, we learned that Bella is not just the musical genius behind the instant classic “B*tch I’m Bella Thorne,” but also a budding business mogul, when she dropped her new makeup and lingerie lines, Thorn by Bella and Filthy Fangs, respectively. Then she educated the masses on wtf a throuple is by announcing that in addition to dating the human equivalent of a dirty sock, Mod Sun, she was also dating Tana Mongeau, a girl who is most famous for propositioning Miley Cyrus via a cry for help Twitter. Well, in addition to singer, songwriter, actress, throuple advocate, and business mogul, don’t forget that Bella Thorne is a best-selling author!
That’s right, the girl who brought us the lyrics “been inside the club since I was hella short (hella short)” and “pussy scuba diving, need a surfboard” is getting paid actual money to write a full-blown book. Bella Thorne’s book is called The Life of a Wannabe Mogul: Mental Disarray. Just writing the words “Bella Thorne” and “published author” in the same sentence is giving me stress eczema, but it’s not even her first book! Back in 2014-2016, Bella actually published a YA trilogy, which I just ordered on Amazon. That said, this new book is a whole different thing, and I’m sure you have a lot of questions about it, like “why” and “how” and “what did I do to deserve this.” Well lucky for you betches, I did a very minimal internet search some digging and can now answer all of your burning questions. So here’s everything we know about Bella Thorne’s new book thus far:
Apparently It’s Already A Bestseller
Last week, Bella started promoting her book on Instagram via a series of posts in which I literally thought she was promoting scribbles on the back of random receipts. Apparently I was mistaken and that’s just her book’s aesthetic. My apologies! When I found out she was actually promoting her book, I was alarmed for a number of reasons. For one, in the caption she claims the book is a “#1 bestseller overnight” despite that fact that the book hasn’t even been released yet. As a person who used to work at one of the largest book publishing houses in the world, I can definitively say oh, sweetie no this is not how bestsellers work. In order for a book to be a bestseller it has to first be released and then sell over 9,000 copies in its first week. Since the book doesn’t even hit shelves until July 9th, I can only assume that by “#1 bestseller” she’s referring to the book having good pre-orders, which, while good, is not at all the same thing.
The Preorder Will Include Photos
Speaking of the preorders, if you order Bella Thorne’s book in advance, she will send you personal polaroids of her from her everyday life. Considering that her Instagram feed reads like soft-core porn, I can only imagine the “behind the scenes” images from her life she’s going to give to her most loyal fans. I would put money on it that they involve some drug paraphernalia and cleavage. I mean, look at the above video and then tell me I’m wrong.
Bella Thorne’s Book Is A Collection Of Memoir Poetry
According to Amazon, The Life of a Wannabe Mogul: Mental Disarray is a “collection of illuminating and inspiring poems that chronicles her personal struggles, relationships, and wild-child lifestyle, all with her trademark wit and wisdom.” Lol. First of all, Bella Thorne is known for many things, and I’ll even give her wit, but wisdom?? Are we sure? Secondly, did she intend for the title of this book to be a random string of words that actually makes zero sense? It’s like she Googled “impressive words” and used the first five that applied to create a sentence.
In addition to Bella’s poetry, the book will also feature crude drawings innovative art throughout. Bella’s teased a few of these already on Instagram, including a picture of poorly drawn dice, a clock, and black scribbles. You’ll notice Bella’s drawings are also featured on the cover of the book, which resembles the background image I chose for my MySpace page after my mother refused to drive me to Barnes & Noble so I could get the latest book in the Princess Diaries series. And also the lyric video for “Look What You Made Me Do.”
So there you have it, that’s everything we know about Bella Thorne’s book. All jokes aside, Bella has been very open about her struggles with mental health and the media, which is what we need from celebrities right now. It looks like this book is going to get personal about that journey. which I imagine will be helpful to people who share or identify with those struggles. Maybe this is where that trademark wisdom will come in? Not going to lie, I might pre-order it, or at least convince a friend to let me borrow it.
The Life of a Wannabe Mogul releases on July 9th, so go ahead and mark your calendars, Betches.
Images: @bellathorne /Instagram (3)
