Self-care has never seemed as important as it has in the last few months, and with everyone having so much more time at home, there’s no excuse not to show your skin some love. Although wellness trends seem to be a dime a dozen, some of them are actually a worthy addition to your weekly routine, even if they don’t perform all of the miraculous functions they’re touted for.
Dry brushing has been around for centuries as an ancient way to detox the body, increase circulation and aid in digestion. In recent years, it’s ridden the wellness wave into our homes as an easy way to reap major benefits and rid the body of toxins from the comfort of your own bathroom. But what is it, and does it actually work? We spoke to board-certified dermatologist Dr. Adam Mamelak and pharmacist and natural health and wellness expert Dr. Lindsey Elmore to comb through the details (see what we did there!)
What Is Dry Brushing?
Dry brushing is a centuries-old practice that is well known in Ayurvedic healing. It employs a brush with stiff yet soft bristles and a wooden handle to softly and methodically brush away dead skin cells over large portions of the body. Although primarily an exfoliation practice, dry brushing has been plugged for potential detoxifying properties. It’s also been heralded as a way to miraculously brush away cellulite (if only it were that easy!). Unfortunately, there is no hard evidence to support the idea that dry brushing is the dream technique your tush has been looking for, but that doesn’t mean it’s devoid of all benefits.
What Are the Health Benefits?
That’s a bit of a gray area. It’s been said that dry brushing can help reduce cellulite, increase circulation, and detoxify the body. Wellness influencers and celebs alike have been drawn to this trend, with beauties like Gwyneth Paltrow and Victoria’s Secret model Josephine Skriver adding it to their routines. Hell, even dream girl Cindy Crawford calls it a “miracle tool.” However, the results are mixed, and there isn’t much hard science to support all of the things you’ve heard.
Dr. Mamelak says that “Exfoliation is by far the greatest benefit of skin brushing. The dry bristles help remove dead and flaky skin from the surface, leading to a brighter, healthier and more vibrant glow.” As we know, exfoliation is a great way to scrub away dead skin cells, unclog pores, and leave you with a more lively look. It is also thought to increase circulation and encourage lymphatic drainage, which would in turn encourage detoxification, says Dr. Mamalek. Dr Mamalek says “Rubbing the skin could theoretically increase circulation to the area and encourage lymph movement. While this could help encourage fluid movement in and out of the area, the brushing itself would not necessarily eliminate toxins from the body.” Dr. Elmore goes on to explain that by stimulating the skin’s lymphatic system through brushing, it could help to release waste and environmental toxins from cells.
When it comes to reducing cellulite, Dr. Elmore says, “Unfortunately, though many women swear by it, there is little to no evidence that dry skin brushing can improve the appearance of cellulite. What is likely happening is that the increased circulation makes the cellulite dimples plump up.
How Do You Do it?
As the name suggests, neither the brush or the body should be wet. Use a brush with soft, yet stiff bristles and a wooden handle (this one from Goop is specifically designed for those hard-to-reach places). Dr. Elmore suggests starting at your feet, then “gently drag the brush bristles over the skin in sweeping patterns towards the heart.” She recommends adding this practice to your morning routine (before your shower) as it’s thought to have some energizing properties, and could give your skin a more vibrant appearance. Dr. Mamelak recommends starting with 5-10 sweeping strokes per area of the body about 1-2 times per week.
Can Anyone Do it?
Although almost anyone can dry brush, Dr. Elmore says there are certainly some people who should exercise caution or avoid it altogether. If you have inflamed or irritated skin, or if you’re experiencing a skin condition like eczema or psoriasis, it’s best to skip it. Also, she notes, you should definitely not use a dry brush on wounds or skin with an infection.
The Bottom Line?
Dry brushing is a fantastically effective way to exfoliate and reenergize dry or dull skin. It can also increase blood circulation and might help to support lymphatic drainage. If you want to add an easy, energizing and indulgent wellness practice to your routine, this is a great one to incorporate. All other miracle cures should be met with a skeptical eye.
Images: Zainchkovska Kateryna / Shutterstock.com
Trends come and go, but overwhelmingly the credo for brows lately has been: the bigger, the better. And thank god, because thinking about my pencil-thin sperm eyebrows from 2009 still gives me nightmares. “People are looking for the full, feathery, Cara Delevigne look,” notes makeup artist and brow expert Niki Metz of Nine Zero One Salon in Los Angeles. You might think that since the trend is towards fuller brows, that means by default everyone is just embracing what they naturally have—and if you think that, you clearly don’t live in the age of Instagram. From brow gels and pencils to microblading, there are a number of ways people are giving the illusion of feathery brows. If you haven’t been quite as genetically blessed as Ms. Delevingne but getting a glorified face tattoo scares you, there’s a new treatment on the market called brow lamination that can help you attain your brow goals.
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So What Is Brow Lamination?
In short: “It’s the same general process as lash lift or perm, but for your brows,” says Metz. Brow lamination is a chemical treatment that straightens your brow hairs and makes them malleable to shaping so they can stand up and pay attention like they never have before. Think semi-permanent brushed-up, yet shapely Emilia Clarke brows all in about 45 minutes. Not only will it take time off of your morning prep time, but “it wakes up your eyes and perks you up,” says Metz. Which is especially intriguing for those of us who haven’t had a full eight hours of sleep since middle school.
How Does it Work?
According to Metz, first she gently coaches brows into their ideal shape, then she applies a lifting cream: “It breaks the bonds in the hair so they’re softer and moveable.” After a few minutes, she wipes it off and brushes the brows up before she applies the setting product. This solution straightens the hairs and fixes them in place. She removes it after another few minutes, adjusting time for the coarseness of the brows. Following the treatment, she applies castor oil onto brows to rehydrate them, because exactly like when you chemically straighten your hair, it can cause dryness. After the brows are orderly, Metz cleans up the shape with thoughtful tweezing. Although you shouldn’t experience any redness or irritation from brow lamination, doubling up with waxing afterwards is not recommended. To maintain the results, don’t wet your brows or sweat for 24 hours afterwards. As Elle Woods says, the rules of perm maintenance are simple and finite. (Even if those hairs are on your face.)
Who Is It For?
Brow lamination can work for pretty much any brow type and shape. It looks a little different based on what you’re working with (obviously), but much like VSCO, it makes everyone look amazing. For thick, unruly brows, “it’s a godsend,” says Metz. It’s perfect for taming and getting a polished and lifted look if you think your natural brows resemble Eyebrow Cat. But, if you have thinner brows, the results can be even more dramatic. It makes them look much bigger—think of what happens when your straighten wavy hair to its maximum length. Metz adds, “even if you still have some sparse spots, it makes them easier to fill in once they have shape.”
Additionally, if you’re thinking about microblading but are not ready to commit, it’s a good intermediate step. Lamination doesn’t add the pigment like microblading, but it can give you an idea of what it might look like for a lower cost. The pricing for brow lamination ranges depending on your city and your expert, but expect it to run you somewhere between $60-100.
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How Long Does It Last?
It depends, but generally around five to eight weeks. It will vary based on your natural brow growth, but the best part is there is no wonky grow-out process. “One day you just notice your brows aren’t as good anymore,” says Metz. But for the glorious month and a half or so, just expect to wake up every morning with essentially perfect arches that will elevate your usual no-makeup-and-dry-shampoo-topknot look. There’s basically no maintenance: Use a spoolie and brush up your brows every morning and be sure to keep them hydrated using castor oil or a brow serum containing nourishing peptides. When it’s time to re-up, wait a week or two between growing out your lamination and your next treatment to give your skin and brows a little bit of a break to prevent any skin irritation or hair thinning.
Images: nikimetzbeauty/Instagram (3)
If there’s one thing we all know about so-called viral makeup trends, it’s that 90% of them are bullshit. Squiggly eyebrows? Show me one person who is actually doing that in public. Just ONE! The people demand receipts! That being said, the latest viral makeup trend that may have slightly more credibility involves doing your makeup to mirror a Bratz Doll, aka what Kylie Jenner does every damn day of her life. We all remember Bratz, the heavily made-up dolls with
lip fillers no feet and the most extra looks imaginable. These dolls took the Betches “dress like a slut” philosophy and monetized it for children. The early 2000s really were something, eh? Basically, the Bratz were thots before Instagram launched thotism as we know it today. In hindsight, we can now see clearly that each Bratz doll corresponds to a very real and very special variety of thot who fills our feeds with her selfies daily. Here’s how each of them break down:
Chloe – The Wannabe Thot
Truly a special breed, Chloe—nicknamed “Angel” because she doesn’t get how nicknames work (see: Sami Sweetheart)—wants desperately to be a background vocalist on a local rapper’s mixtape, but is quite simply too white to function. She makes vague references in her Insta photos about being “hard” and her “struggles,” but you remember her from second grade and are pretty sure she grew up in the rich person suburb next to yours. Chloe’s biggest accomplishment are her contributions to thirst-trappery, where she is truly unmatched. Your feed is constantly filled with photos of herself that you are legally required to screenshot and send to your group chat with the text, “You can see her vagina in this, right?!?!” Occasionally, Chloe’s Instagram will go dark because too many people reported her account as porn, but she always comes back with a long screenshotted note directed at “haters” full of strange grammatical choices and vague references to how you “just gotta do you.”
Occupation: Aspiring Pop Star
Insta Bio: “All U Bitches Mad” – My new SiNgLe oUt NoW On SoUndCloud! Link In Bio<3 xoxoANGEL
Example: Iggy Azalea, Niykee Heaton
Jade – The International Thot
Jade, whose nickname is Kool Kat (again, not how nicknames work), wants you to know that she is the ho the phrase “hos in different area codes” is referring to. You keep following Jade mainly because you’re trying to figure out how a person who does not appear to have a job is constantly traveling to different countries. Your entire group chat has basically concluded she’s a high-end escort of some kind, but the rules of feminism state that you must continue to support her by liking her photos
in hopes that one day she’ll invite you along on one of her journeys. You know she has at least one boyfriend who is a sultan because of the time she stayed in that spinning hotel in Dubai, and she appears to be on a mission to Instagram herself standing next to every luxury hotel pool on the planet. 20 years from now you’ll check back in on her and find out she’s in jail for smuggling cocaine in her butt and everything will make sense.
Insta Bio: They say a smile is the same in every language, well so is Resting Bitch Face<3 Jetsetter <3 Student of Fashion <3 HMU On WhatsApp
Example: Tila Tequila (Before she became an alt-right Nazi)
Yasmin – The Actually Successful Thot
Yasmin, nicknamed Pretty Princess (can someone put me in touch with a Bratz representative? we need to talk about nicknames…), doesn’t need the thot life for money or food or weight loss tea endorsements. Yasmin is a thot purely for the love of the game, and honestly, you kind of respect it. You started following Yasmin because you were fascinated by her ability to seemingly have erect nipples at all times, but you stayed after she requested you on LinkedIn and you realized she was a low-key successful businesswoman. Sheryl Sandberg by day, Ariel Winter by night, Yasmin’s account is private for a reason. Does she have her own line of lipsticks that makeup vloggers are raving about? Yes. Is that going to stop her from posting pics of herself in bed with captions like “Come find me ;)?” Hell the fuck no. Is Yasmin a feminist icon, or does her very existence set women back thousands of years? Unclear, but you’re not going to unfollow until you find out.
Occupation: CEO Of Yas Cosmetics
Insta Bio: Follow @yascosmetics for latest swatches! Get money, get paid. Real friends only. Not accepting new follow requests.
Example: Kylie Jenner
Sasha – The Batshit Crazy Thot
You don’t know Sasha IRL, but you are legitimately concerned for her safety. Every other week, Sasha appears to be embroiled in some kind of major crisis, and she has no qualms about sharing every detail of those crises on social media. Bless her heart. There was the time she was moonlighting at a Florida strip club and a loose dog bit her on the leg (“Please donate to my GoFundMe surgery page y’all! My foot is fucked!”). There was the time her ex boyfriend Snoop Dogg (different Snoop Dogg) crushed her apartment with a helicopter (“Venmo me @Sasha2Fierce2Furious y’all! My roof is fucked!). And, of course, there was the time she didn’t post for a few weeks and you were sure she was dead but then her Insta story revealed she just trapped on a boat (Tweet my whereabouts using #FindSasha! Where tf am I?!?! Our navigation tools are fucked!”). Sasha’s life is a beautiful human train wreck, and you have no choice but to follow obsessively and hope you can make it to her funeral. It’ll probably be lit.
BTW, her nickname is apparently “Bunny Boo” and I’m calling the police.
Insta Bio: Bitches Ain’t Shitttttt – GoFundMe.com/SashaSonFund to help me find my son!!! where tf is he!?!?
Example: Blac Chyna
Raya – The Religious Thot
Raya, aka Sun Rayz (kill me), was the fifth Bratz doll added to the pack, mainly because she was a full-fledged Christian before that point. Raya was raised in the light of the Lord, but after a fashion-internship-turned-stint-on-The Bachelor took her to New York, Raya has converted to the Church Of Thotism and she is never looking back. But don’t worry, Raya has not fully turned her back on Jesus. Each of her selfies, cleavage pics, and thirst traps are accompanied by a caption like, “God is great!” or “Living in HIS light<3” and she is not above just straight-up posting a Bible verse from time to time. How she reconciles her thot lifestyle with her love of Christ, you’re not sure, but photos of herself at Sunday service in a bodysuit tell you she’s doing just fine. One day she’ll scrub her entire Insta presence and return with an entirely new persona after marrying a secretly gay pastor and popping out a baby named Zion or Abraham or some shit. She’ll act like everyone has forgotten her former thot life, but you have the screenshots to prove it.
Insta Bio: The Lord Has Plans For This One Right Here <3, Christian, Future Mommy, 32D
Example: Raven Gates
Even though it feels like Satan’s armpit in New York rn, fall is fast approaching. But with every new season comes a new wave of people trying to make
fetch some batshit beauty trend happen. Hello hairy selfie nails? Fucking wave eyebrows? It’s a wonder God doesn’t just smite us all rn and start over with the human species. Honestly, would not blame Her one bit. That said, there are a few trends that if I saw a person rocking them on my Instagram news feed I wouldn’t immediately report that person to Instagram HQ for personally victimizing me with their beauty choices. I’m kind like that. Anyways, here are 5 beauty trends that are about to be all over your Instagram this fall.
1. Metallic Accents
If you would have told me three months ago that this metallic/glitter trend would still be going strong this fall AND that I’d be into I would have told you to lay off the bath salts. But I guess it wouldn’t be a Monday unless I decided to
lower my standards try something new, and metallic accents are about to be everyfuckingwhere this fall. They were all over the runway during Fashion Week and I have a feeling they’re also about to be all over the J train at 8am during my morning commute. Tbh I’m barely in the mood to speak words to humans before 11am, and I’m certainly not in the mood for you and your iridescent eyelids assaulting my retinas that early in the morning. The key to metallics is to be subtle AF with your makeup. Think gold eyeshadows and shimmery nail polish—make the metallics the statement piece of your look.
2. Graphic Eyeliner
We’ve said it once, we’ll say it again: Winged eyeliner is done. It’s cancelled. And thousands of thots just screamed into the void. During Fashion Week makeup artists ditched traditional eyeliner techniques for more graphic lines paired with fresh faces. 100 percent this look is not for your 9am department meeting (or so I am “gently” reminded by HR), but it could take your after work happy hour game to the next fucking level. Again, the eyeliner should be the statement of your look so don’t try pairing this shit with a crazy lip color or glitter eyeshadow. Instead pair the blunt, clean lines with barely-there makeup for a chic AF finish.
3. Black Bows
For those of you who have been dressing like Blair Waldorf since 2012, just waiting for preppy-bitchy-chic to come back into style (as if it ever wasn’t) then get ready to lose your fucking mind because black bows are making a huge comeback for fall. This is not a drill. This hair accessory is about to blow up your Instagram feed with girls who are trying to
exercise their daddy issues make a bold statement with their look. It’s a low-maintenance way to upgrade your everyday look. Plus it’s cheap AF to pull off.
4. The Natural Glow
Apparently this fall is going to be all about “fresh faces” and “looking natural”. *shudders* But if you think for one fucking second I’d let my coworkers see the actual face I was born with, then you’ve lost your damn mind. Even though contouring might be over forever (someone needs to notify the Jenner/Kardashian Klan ASAP), there’s still a shit ton of makeup that goes into looking natural because no one just woke up like that. Use hydrating creams and highlighters to get that clean, clear complexions and natural looking, healthy glow.
5. Vampy Lips
You know what they say: if it ain’t broke then don’t fuck with my vampy lip color. Tbh I don’t think I can imagine a world where dark lipwear isn’t in style and I’m feeling v blessed that I don’t have to this fall. There’s a reason this shit is timeless: It’s chic and edgy, it looks good on legit any skin tone, and you will 100 percent find me rocking this lip color from now until Memorial Day. We suggest using NARS Audacious Lipstick in deep aubergine because the color is amaze and that shit will never come off no matter how many vodka sodas you drink at happy hour.
We can all agree that men know nothing about fashion, food, travel, or truly anything. Let’s be clear, I am a man—a super gay man, yes—but I know about straight guy stuff because I unfortunately know many of them. Even grew up with several.
Recently I overheard a straight guy named Randy (I can’t even) say “Huh, that look cool,” in regards to a woman’s flawless ombre that she most definitely paid millions for, as he tucked his football back into his pants and grunted about classic rock. I looked at the floor shaking my head, my own freshly dyed faux-gray hair falling into my eyes. Most men simply don’t get it, and yet their opinions are considered “important,” what with them essentially
ruining running our entire government and making decisions for us and all that fun stuff. It’s insane bullshit, but until the day we completely dismantle the patriarchy it’s important to take time to see things from everyone’s point of view. Or so I am told by straight white men.
I spent many years pretending I was a straight man, acting indifferent towards any and all fashion trends so people wouldn’t find out my secrets of being gay and also fashionable, because society drives it into our heads that those things go hand in hand and that we shouldn’t express them. Which is why I asked some aforementioned straight men what they thought about the hottest summer trends. Here’s what they had to say:
1. Denim Skirts
Let’s begin by talking about the elephant in the room. Summer is approaching more rapidly than global warming can destroy us, and denim skirts are coming back faster than Beyoncé’s body after she had Blue Ivy.
Personally, I fucking hate denim skirts. Nothing says “I shop mostly at strip malls upstate” like a denim skirt. Even the high fashion ones you can get for hundreds of dollars in Soho look like they could be Faded Glory by Walmart. The opinion of the straight male, however, seems to skew very different. Straight guys love denim skirts. They live for them, in fact. You want the attention of a fuckboy? Slap on a denim skirt from Forever 21, a little mascara and a band T-shirt you’ve never actually listened to/cared about and the fuckboys will come crawling out of the woodwork like pretentious termites. Take Sean from Maine, for example, who said, “Denim skirts are okay. They’re pretty hot I guess. Like, in the summer I like them.” I didn’t have time to punch Sean from Maine in the face and also he is my brother’s friend so instead I mentally clocked him as a fuckboy and moved on.
2. Starbucks’ Unicorn Frappuccino
Speaking of things that are insane, let’s discuss Starbucks’ Unicorn Frappucino. It’s only here for a very brief time and I think we all need to thank whatever God we pray to that they go away as fast as they came. They’re literally all sugar and food coloring and Starbucks’ baristas hate making them. If I was ever interested in a dude and he ordered a fucking Unicorn Frappucino, I would probably wait for it to come out and then throw it in his face. If a straight guy thinks it’s cute or charming that you want a Unicorn Frappucino then he’s an idiot, or very possibly a pedophile, and you should ghost him immediately—and I’ll add we should all ghost the Unicorn Frappucino. To get a straight guy to comment on a Unicorn Frappucino they’d have to admit that they’ve had one, which would make them maybe seem gay to their friends at the gym, so you’ll have to just trust me on this one.
“What’s underboob?” Dan, a bartender in Brooklyn asks while pretending to be stressed about making me a vodka martini. After showing him my go-to underboob picture from Kylie Jenner’s Instagram, he changes his tune. “Ohh, yeah, yeah…I like that. I like underboob.” So complex, the male species is.
So that brings me to underboob. Of course fucking sicko straight dudes love underboob, but the thing is…so do I?!? If it’s done tastefully it can be shocking and exciting and even high fashion. Celebs everywhere are doing it, from Lady Gaga to Gigi Hadid. Women have been showing top boob for centuries, and side boob for the last three years or so, so why not show off the bottom? It exudes confidence and when I see it I automatically think that the woman showing it off is not to be messed with. I mean, Beyoncé and Nicki Minaj have been doing it for years, so it’s truly insane that it’s taken this long to really catch on. Plus, now you can show off that tattoo you got on your rib cage when you were 18 that you never want your mom to see.
4. Pink Eyeshadow
Hot. Pink. Eyeshadow. It was very popular at the Met Gala, with celebs from Jennifer Connelly to Selena Gomez sporting the attention-getter with no apologies. I’m very into it. I think it makes the eyes pop while sending a subtle message of “I’m confident and I’m better than you, which may be due in part to the Adderall I just railed,” which is always the message I try to send. Straight men tend to shy away from a bold eye or a bold lip—or a bold personality, for that matter—but I’m here for it. My friend’s boyfriend Ian said, “What’s eyeshadow?” After I convinced him that knowing what eyeshadow is doesn’t make him gay, he finally admitted that he knew what it was and also that he didn’t like it. See? They’re timid about very bold makeup choices as it may draw attention from other men and you may end up leaving them for someone more confident. Men and peacocks essentially think the same way.
5. Center Parts
Center-parted hair is back and sort of becoming classic, at least if Mariska Hargitay’s hairstyle on this season of Law & Order: SVU is any indication. The center part has never really gone away, and with Kim K sporting one at the Met Gala last week, it’s sure to be popular this summer. Center parts are…fine. My personal taste is a little…flashier…but if you’re heading to the beach or to a house party and you don’t have a lot of time to get ready, then yes, by all means go with the center part. Fuckboys love a center part because it’s not too flashy and they think they’re deep for being into a girl that looks high fashion. As I explain this article to a friend, her boyfriend who we’ll call Straight Eric mentions he likes center parts because it makes girls seem seem smart and sophisticated. While I can’t disagree, I am surprised he knows what the word sophisticated means.
To wrap up, I’d like to say that only one opinion matters and that’s yours. Fashion trends wouldn’t happen if someone wasn’t the first person to slap on hot pink eyeshadow, or reveal underboob. Where would we as a society be without the brave trailblazer who thought “maybe I’ll part my hair…but in the middle?!” There’s no excuse for the Unicorn Frappucino, but hopefully this summer has some other fun food trends in store for us, preferably ones that won’t give you immediate health issues related to high insulin levels.
The takeaway I hope you learn from this is all men are insecure and you should never change your makeup or wardrobe or anything about you at all based on their preference. (Unless they’re like…Ralph Lauren. Then maybe listen to his fashion advice.)
There’s something in the warmer air that makes it an acceptable excuse to drink more. But with sitting outside under the blazing sun, trying to look cute sipping a margarita, comes major beauty no-no’s. Looking pale and sweaty on Insta is obviously not an option so, you’re gonna need some makeup that doesn’t melt as quickly as your resolve to not text fuckboys once the first tequila shot hits. So I’ve rounded up your summer beauty essentials—buy this shit like, now and keep them on you at all times. You know, just in case you decide to take a faux candid.
Damn, you are so lucky you have me to guide you.
1. St. Tropez Self Tan Express Advanced Bronzing Mousse
If you constantly look like Casper the Ghost, have no fear. The best self-tanner is here. The Kardashians literally use their products so that’s when you know they’re actually fab. This award-winning bronzing mousse will be your new obsession. #SorryNotSorry. Depending on how deep you want your tan, wait an hour to shower for a “light sun-kissed” tan, or up to three hours for a dark bronze—no more than that or you’ll look like Tan Mon. To maintain it, moisturize and reapply when your little heart desires. If anyone asks, hell yeah you went to Punta Cana last week. Only you and I will know you just sat in your room developing this tan.
2. Lancôme Bienfait UV SPF 50+ Super Fluid Facial Sunscreen
Before you put your face on, put this shit on first. This life-changing facial sunscreen feels so smooth it’s unreal. It leaves a matte finish so you can start your makeup with a clean slate. When you’re blacking out in 80 degree weather, this will protect your face from stupid UVA rays and from getting burnt AF. Word on the street is that it’s also water resistant so it’s really a win-win.
3. Smashbox Spotlight Palette
This bomb highlighting palette comes in two different hues: Pearl or Gold. Each has three different shades to choose from, but no matter which one you choose, I guarantee your face will be just as lit as Kris Jenner was at her birthday party.
^Me the second 5:00pm hits. Oh yeah and here’s the palette:
4. Skindinavia Makeup Finishing Spray Bridal
When I’m outside for, like, more than five minutes, I feel like I sweat out of pores I never knew existed. I end up wasting not only an hour of my life, but I also waste a day’s worth of perfectly good makeup because sweat is a scum-sucking road whore and ruins lives. This setting spray was originally created for brides to keep them looking fresh for their big day as they sweat and ugly cry, but it’s really a must-have for anyone during the summer. Whether you’re going to a music festival or hitting a nightclub, you will still look ~flawless when you drunkenly look at yourself in the mirror.
5. Clean & Clear Oil Absorbing Sheets
While we’re on the topic of oily grossness, if you can’t get your hands on the setting spray, it doesn’t get any better than this. These oil absorbing sheets are Major Key to success, as the wise DJ Khaled would say. And they’re only, like, $5 and you can get them at Target so what’s not to like?
6. Supergoop! Fusion Lip Balm with SPF +30
I think this goes without saying, but then again, I always overestimate people. Lips can get real dry real quick, crack, and burn under the hot sun too. That shit is noticeable when you and your BFF are doing kissy faces on Snapchat, so be sure to rub this on beforehand.
7. Tarte Cosmetics LipSurgence Lip Tint
Things that aren’t cute: Licking your lips profusely, getting lipstick on your teeth, and looking like The Joker after a really intense makeout sesh.
The solution? Lip tints: A combo of a stain and a gloss. They’re practically smudge-proof and melt-proof. They glide on smoothly, stay on for hours, and your lips feel so luscious you might start to think you could be the next Angelina Jolie. Your lip tints are cool, your lip tints are poppin’.
8. Too Faced Shadow Insurance Eye Primer
I once asked a friend if she had accidentally cut her eyelids, because honestly that’s what it looked like at the time. She replied no, that it was just her eyeshadow so, the whole time I was like ?????. That is why I highly recommend this product and would rate it 10/10. Before you do a smokey eye, put this primer on your eyelids so it stays put and no one mistakes annoying creases for eyelid cuts.
9. Stila Cosmetics Stay All Day Waterproof Liquid Eye Liner
Nothing says “I’m A Fierce AF Betch Who Takes No One’s Shit” like the perfect winged eye. However, during humid weather, eye liner can be so done with your shit and decide to just drip off your face. I know, so rude. Stila’s waterproof liquid eye liner is here to save lives. One cat eye at a time.
10. L’Oréal Paris Voluminous Waterproof Mascara
vodka soda coffee be strong, your lashes be long, and Mondays be short. If there’s a mantra I really live by, it would probably be that. No one actually has the time (or the energy) to put on fake lashes when it’s too hot to function so, using this waterproof mascara is your best bet for sexual-looking lashes all summer long.
Stop wasting your money on Sephora because these 8 drugstore beauty products are just as good. Find out here!
This is why we can’t have nice things. Somebody on Instagram got bored and decided to start a new brow trend that makes your eyebrows look like Will Ferrell’s character from Zoolander. They’re calling it barbed wire brows, which isn’t exactly a sexy sounding name either. Sure, because we want to think of coarse and sharp metal when we think of our faces. What’s going to be next, freckles that look like stalagmites? Oh wait. We already have freckle tattoos, so pretend I never said that.
Unfortunately the barbed wire brow isn’t the first brow of its kind. The feathered brow—literally separating your eyebrows down the middle so they look like two feathers above your eyes—has been making the Instagram rounds as well, and our first instinct was to look for Sarah McLaughlin so we could donate to the charity behind this “trend”. Because surely nobody would willingly make their eyebrows look like that unless they were born with some rare eyebrow deformity, right? But nope, there was no GoFundMe to speak of, just an overly confident makeup artist on the other end who is trying to ruin our lives with fugly brow trends.
note to self: when u make a joke about starting a funny brow trend people will take it seriously and…. well. start the trend anyways THANK YOU for all the love and hate on my last pic! i think we should call this #featherbrows so if you actually want to recreate this, pls use the hashtag and tag me in the picture skin: @maccosmetics strobe cream, face&body foundation c1, pro longwear concealer in NC15, fix+ highlight: @maccosmetics Double Gleam brows: glue stick + @anastasiabeverlyhills dipbrow pomade in Dark Brown eyeshadows: @maccosmetics Texture & Coppering lashes: @ardell_lashes Wispies lips: @lipsicosmetics Leros + clear lip gloss
It’s like somebody watched The Hunger Games and saw how people in the Capitol dressed and thought that’s the epitome of beauty. We love Elizabeth Banks and all, but we’re not about to live in a future where the beauty standard is clown casual.
We can get down with thick brows, but brows that look like they belong in a Coachella headband are not a good look. Sorry, but those barbed brows make your face look like a 8-year-old’s science fair project. What’s next, wearing fake eyelashes on your eyebrows? Brow extensions? Beaded brows? Never mind, forget we even said that.
My nail lady and I are practically besties, usually only communicating in a series of soft smiles, appropriate chuckles here and there, and nods for yes or no. But as of late, she’s really overstepping her boundaries and telling me I need to “contour my nails.” Please. Please, God. Tell me you’re joking.
NOPE. This is not satire and I did not make this up. People are literally contouring their nails to make them look longer. Because actually like, letting your nails grow out is too practical a solution? Look, I don’t care if your nail beds suck, stop trying to make nail contouring happen. First there was face contouring, then more specifically nose contouring, then butt contouring—when does it end? All I’m asking for is ONE part of my body that I don’t have to contour. Is that so much to ask??
While we used to be proponents of nail art, this shit has really gone off the rails within the past year. We started with the deeply sus phase of gluing actual fur on your nails. You know, just in case people weren’t clear on how many cats you owned/how much time you spend listening to Taylor Swift. Now your bearded lady fingers can tell everyone what’s good.
@ay0brandiiii RT @BeauTuts: these furry nails are cute pic.twitter.com/A67XG3H7EF
— PRSZN (@Prizzle_) March 1, 2017
And then there was the whole succulent nails trend. Too many green thumb puns to make, not enough time. I thought I saw enough cacti at Coachella, but learned the hard way nothing and no one can fight a hipster’s allegiance to their Insta likes—no matter how many plants they kill to glue onto their nails, no matter how many succulents they leave dead and bloody along the way, just as long as they can make a name for themselves as an Instagram beauty model.
I thought a lot of things were gonna happen in 2016 that didn’t. For example succulent nails never quite took off pic.twitter.com/bvCJZkfWll
— Jen O. (@Jenodd) December 30, 2016
Just when we thought it couldn’t get any worse, here we are (honestly, that’s a metaphor for 2017). The nail contour. So people literally paint their nails with a clear/light coat, and then do a thin strip of a darker, brighter color down the middle to make their nails look longer.
Nail Contouring Is The New Beauty Trend You’ll Actually Want To Try: https://t.co/EAZEOc1N6n pic.twitter.com/mxtgkXogfb
— Girlfriend (@GirlfriendMAG) January 24, 2017
Don’t get me wrong, I’m eternally grateful for the Kardashian wisdom that so blessed me with the benefits of contouring. 15 minutes and 5 steps later, I watched myself go from a 6 to an 8 right in front of my very bathroom mirror. But nails??? At least let’s pick a part of the body that needs to shed a few.
Said benefits of the “nail contour” from manicurists—manicurists I would never let within 15 miles of my hands—are:
1. It’s “cool”. Guess we’re gonna have to disagree here, nail experts. If you have a cosmetology license, that shit should be revoked.
2. It creates the illusion of longer nails. But who asked for this illusion?? And why can’t they just pay $40 for acrylics every month like the rest of us???
3. Easy execution. Well, I would hope the execution would be easy considering you’re LITERALLY SKIPPING HALF THE MANICURE. I wish life worked like this. Like, whenever I was in the mood for something easy, I could just skip half the work and just claim it’s the new trend. As I wonder why I’m still single and unemployed.
Overall, -2/10 do not recommend. America, let’s stop being so goddamn lazy and finish painting our whole nails. This is coming from the girl who just microwaved my food for 1:11 because I was too lazy to move my thumb to the 0 button. DO BETTER.