I’ve been doing some form of hair removal for as long as I can remember. Since I hit puberty, I was always told that shaving would leave me with darker and thicker hair (spoiler alert: it’s a myth), so at some point I turned to waxing. I got so close with my waxer that she knew (and saw) more about me than some of my closest friends. She would tell me that the dozens of ingrown hairs I had were from years of shaving, and waxing would help eliminate those. Her advice went along with what I was told as a pubescent 12-year-old, so I kept going back to her. But finally, after calculating how much I spent on waxing every damn month, I decided to switch to a more permanent hair removal method—laser hair removal. There, the Esthetician told me that waxing is what was causing all my ingrown hairs, and the laser would help eliminate them since I was only allowed to shave from then on.
So now I’m f*cking confused. Does shaving cause ingrown hairs or not? Why was I still getting ingrown hairs when I waxed? This article will break down the truth of whether waxing or shaving is better for you, and for getting rid of those pesky ingrown hairs.
To start things off, no matter what form of hair removal you use, you are susceptible to ingrown hairs. But some people (like me) are more prone to them than others. When you shave, you are cutting the hair at the base of your skin (which is the thickest part), which is why it can appear that it is growing back thicker and darker. While this tends to be a less expensive option, you can be left with the dreaded razor bump that is v itchy. (Don’t lie that you haven’t tried to scratch your recently shaved bikini line in public and been scared someone thinks you have crabs.) On the other hand, waxing uses hot wax that is pulled away from your skin and removes the hair from the root. Because of this, results can last longer and you don’t have that 5 o’clock shadow some get from shaving.
The Pros & Cons
There are many upsides to waxing and shaving. They both remove the hair and can leave you with super soft skin. While shaving is cheaper, it does not last as long. And if you have dark hair like moi, you can still see the shadow of the hair follicle immediately after shaving. Shaving tends to last 2-3 days, whereas waxing can last 3-6 weeks. So while waxing is more expensive, you don’t need to do it as frequently. Finally, the pain. Before my first wax, I was sacred from that scene from The 40-Year-Old Virgin. I’m not going to lie, waxing can be painful, but (for me at least) the more you do it, the less painful it is. However, shaving is no walk in the park, either. Like, I still have a cut on my ankle from when I shaved my legs in the sink in college…
Now, for the reason you’re all here. Those stupid little red bumps that call out to you, “pick me! pick me!” but when you do, you’re left with even more unattractive red bumps. So what is causing them? An ingrown hair is when a hair starts to grow underneath the skin. It can happen with any hair removal technique on any part of your body. Grool. But remember, places with thicker, curlier hair (aka your bikini line) are the most at risk. When you shave, you create sharp edges at the end of the hair strand that makes it more likely to curl into the skin. However, while waxing completely removes the hair from the follicle, you cannot guarantee that it will not curl back under the skin when it grows back.
Waxing vs. Shaving: The Verdict
So when it comes to preventing ingrown hairs, should you wax or shave? Honestly, neither. The best treatment plan is to let everything grow, but if that isn’t your style, it isn’t hopeless. Laser hair removal is a permanent way to remove hair. Since, in the long run, it will eliminate your need for waxing or shaving altogether. However, it’s pricy. So as long as you take the proper precautions when you’re waxing vs. shaving, you’ll be fine. Make sure to exfoliate before whatever hair removal you use and moisturizer after. And whatever you do, do NOT pick at your skin.
Images: Taylor Hernandez / Unsplash; Giphy (2)
For the past couple of years, my jaw has been clicking. And it’s like, loud and noticeable, and honestly, more annoying than anything else. I can’t even sneak a quick protein bar at work without everyone around the world knowing, because the clicking is THAT loud. However, in the past year or so, it’s gone from “just annoying” to painful and nauseating, to the point where it was negatively affecting my overall well-being on a daily basis.
When the clicking first started, I consulted with my dentist about the issue. He gave me a night guard, which did temporarily help the issue, but clearly wasn’t the answer. After a couple of months of religiously wearing the night guard, the clicking returned. Not to mention, I had also started grinding through my mouth guard harder than the cast of Jersey Shore when they’re at da club.
To give some more context, I clench my jaw when I’m stressed or really focused on something at work. So basically, I’m clenching the majority of the day. The clenching was causing so much tension that my jaw legitimately felt sore. Like, the kind of soreness you feel after a tough workout but like, in my jaw. But the issue only just began there. This tension was then causing me headaches, which were consequently making me feel nauseous. Basically, this jaw issue was creating a recipe of misery impacting my day-to-day life.
And, on a more vain note, my face shape had gotten more square. For friends and family it was hard to notice the change, which had occurred slowly over a few years. But, when I looked in the mirror, I saw a Lego head. And, if I back-stalked myself on Insta hard enough, it was clear to me that my face shape had changed. Whether others could see it or not, my face had gone from oval to square, and I wasn’t here for it.
I started doing my research on the issue and, this time when I went back to the dentist a year later, I asked him about my findings. (Yes, I was that annoying patient who diagnosed myself via Google.) I asked him about jaw Botox, a newer treatment gaining popularity for patients with jaw issues. He told me that there was still limited knowledge and research on the procedure, but that he was more than willing to give me a referral to an ortho surgeon to get a consultation. At this point, I was more than willing to try anything.
So, I scheduled my appointment with the ortho surgeon in hopes of some relief. The surgeon carefully went through the normal questions with me to make sure she was diagnosing the issue correctly. She asked about whether I wore a night guard and questions relating to whether it was possibly TMJ. It wasn’t TMJ, because my jaw wasn’t fully locking, I was just clenching. And clenching hard. The diagnosis? Bruxism, a fancy name for the grinding and clenching of the teeth. Which, for many people such as myself, is a bad habit resulting from feelings of nervousness or stress.
From just looking at me, the oral surgeon affirmed my own observation that my face shape was square. Of course, she didn’t know what I looked like before, but a quick look at me and she agreed with what I had already believed. She then actually felt my lower jaw muscles (known as my masseter muscles) and was in shock and disbelief about how strong and bulky mine were. Next, she felt my upper jaw muscles (the temporalis) and also commented on their strength and bulk. The ortho surgeon then explained how the two muscles were connected, and how they together enhanced the overall appearance of my newfound square face shape. She explained to me that it makes sense my face has gotten more square because these muscles had become so overworked and strong that they had gotten bulky. Uhm, excuse me miss, but how can I transfer this stressful habit to my abs instead????
All that being said, the oral surgeon said she would start by injecting my masseter muscles with Botox, using a smaller amount than would probably be necessary. When it comes to this procedure, she explained how it’s better to start with too little rather than two much because, too much could affect my ability to chew. Which like, low-key I would have been down for—what better way to finally kick my late night snacking habit, ya know? But not really. Anyway, then after two weeks, I would come back into her office and she could add more Botox if I felt it necessary.
Even in those first two weeks following my first appointment, I felt an incredible difference. My jaw was no longer sore and the headaches were both less severe and less frequent. However, I was still getting the headaches, and they actually felt like they had moved in towards the center of my forehead. So, this time when I went back, she injected a little more in my jaw and also some additional units into my temporalis muscles as well.
And, let me tell you, it’s been a month and my life has never been better. I mean, that’s an exaggeration, but my overall well-being has definitely improved. Now when life’s daily annoyances happen, like spilling my coffee on my shirt, I’m just dealing with that issue. It’s not that on top of having a sore jaw AND a headache AND feeling nauseous. Additionally, it’s only been just over a month since I got the procedure done, and I can already tell my face looks slimmer and less square. And, it’s not just a placebo effect; friends have even commented on it. Most people have actually asked me if I’ve lost weight, which is crazy because I haven’t. Like, not even a pound, lol. But, it’s further testament to how square and swollen my face had looked prior, and the positive effects this procedure has had on, not only my well being, but also my appearance.
Just like when you’re getting Botox for solely aesthetic reasons, the procedure needs to be repeated every few months because the Botox does wear off. Overtime, as my jaw muscles continue to stay relaxed, the muscles will continually become slimmer and less bulky, until my face pretty much resumes to its normal natural shape. At the end of the day, I would hands down say this procedure was a win-win. Not only do I feel better, I look better as well, and feel more myself, and couldn’t recommend the procedure enough. And, if you guys have any additional questions, please feel free to ask in the comments section below!
Images: @nikolayh / Unsplash; GIPHY (2)
As someone with acne prone skin, I will try literally any and every facial treatment that promises to clear, brighten, and smooth my face. Does this make me susceptible to every gimmick out there? Probably. Does that stop me? Not in the slightest. With the promise of “better skin”, I’ll do whatever it takes. So when I kept seeing “microneedling” all over my Instagram feed, I knew this was the next thing I had to try. A quick Google informed me that “Collagen induction therapy, also known as microneedling RF or skin needling, is a cosmetic procedure that involves repeatedly puncturing the skin with tiny, sterile needles.” Yes, needles. I admit I honestly didn’t know exactly what it was when I signed up, and couldn’t find a solid explanation when browsing the internet, which was why I knew I had to try it out for myself. I guess I’m brave like that (or just stupid).
I decided to go to Better Brows & Beauty, a microblading and micropigmentation salon owned by permanent makeup artist Kendra Bray. I made an appointment, and all was good. It wasn’t until I was in the chair that I started internally panicking. The idea of coming in for the treatment sounded great until it hit me that I was voluntarily coming in to have needles poked into my face repeatedly. During the process itself, I asked Kendra a million questions, which she thoroughly answered and eased my mind. These are the most important takeaways from the experience.
What Is Microneedling?
“The whole premise is you’re making micro damages to your skin to activate your body’s own wound healing system so that it makes new healthy cells,” Kendra explained. “What this is doing is making controlled damages, that’s what’s building that collagen. The whole premise of microneedling started in the 70s but was quickly overshadowed by laser treatment that had started to come onto the scene. Doctors were experiencing quicker and more dramatic results with lasers and for many years, lasers took the forefront.”
To back it up even further, collagen is a protein our bodies produce that is responsible for smooth skin, but our bodies produce less of it with age. So by stimulating collagen production, you’re improving your skin. And when it comes to choosing a method of collagen induction therapy, there might be benefits to choosing microneedling over lasers. “One of the things that seeing is we can achieve the same things with microneedling as we can with laser treatments, but the risks aren’t as high,” says Kendra. Namely, when you get laser treatments, you risk hyper and hypopigmentation, or the lightening or darkening of the skin, which happens in spotty areas. That’s not exactly desirable, and definitely not so on your face. Kendra also says, “doing too many lasers throughout the years can start to shrink the dermal layer of your skin—that’s where we keep all that plumpness.” In other words, doing too many laser treatments could be counterproductive to keeping youthful, smooth-looking skin.
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A minimally-invasive non-surgical procedure for skin rejuvenation that involves the use of a micro-needling device to; reduce fine lines and deep wrinkles, hyper pigmentation, age spots, acne scars, stretch marks, hair loss and leads to improved volume, strength, resiliency, smoother texture and a brighter complexion to create healthier more youthful looking skin. #Microneedling at #BetterBrowsAndBeauty is just a consultation away. Visit: www.betterbrowsnyc.com
Does It Hurt?
I asked Kendra if it hurt to which she chuckled, and said “Um, well it’s needles,” but further went to explain, “Some people think that it’s not bad at all. I use numbing cream through the entire process, so it’s not painful but you will feel something.” Kendra started with a microdermabrasion treatment that removed the dead skin cells off my face, which allowed the numbing cream to soak in a little more. After that she approached the skin with a traditional micro needle, which is a cluster of a couple of needles hitting the skin simultaneously. Honestly, it didn’t hurt at all since she put layers of numbing cream on throughout the process.
Who Is The Ideal Candidate For Microneedling?
My main concerns when it comes to my face are redness and acne, but microneedling can help with a multitude of skin concerns. According to Kendra, “It’s really great for scarring especially: acne scars, surgical scars, facelift scars, things like that. What you’re doing on a scar is you’re breaking that old scar tissue, and then building new, healthy cells in place of that.” Even still, she notes that there are some things to keep in mind. “One thing with microneedling versus laser treatments,” she explains, “is is more of a long-term game. You are making those little damages and your skin is making new healthy skin cells, so you’re allowing your skin to go through a healthy regeneration cycle.” She says some people, especially people who are older, might need to do multiple sessions to achieve the results they want, and also keep going to maintain the progress.
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#BetterBrowsAndBeauty now offers #microneedling! Collagen Induction Therapy (CIT), aka Micro Needling, is a new and innovative skin facial rejuvenation procedure taking the beauty industry by storm. It is a minimally-invasive non-surgical procedure for skin rejuvenation that involves the use of a micro-needling device to; reduce fine lines and deep wrinkles, hyper pigmentation, age spots, acne scars, stretch marks, hair loss and leads to improved volume, strength, resiliency, smoother texture and a brighter complexion to create healthier more youthful looking skin. Who wouldn't love that?!
What Happens Afterwards?
Directly after the treatment you’ll have some noticeable redness. “You’ll have this pinpoint redness all over the skin. Later in the evening, it will look like you got a sunburn all over the skin. Around day 3 you’ll experience some exfoliation, this process basically speeds up the exfoliation that would’ve happened over the next couple of weeks, so you’ll experience flaking of the skin,” Kendra explained. She says that you can use makeup to cover up the redness, though. The best part to me, however, is that those expensive AF face products I have at home will actually work better after treatment. “Because we’re making those micro damages to the skin, your skin can actually absorb 80% more of the skin care ingredients that we’re using on it.” After a week or so I started to see a noticeable difference in my skin. My acne significantly subsided and I felt that my skin was overall more clear, less red, and had a glow to it.
How Many Times A Year Should Someone Get Microneedling?
Just for fun, I asked Kendra to answer this question, assuming someone had all the money in the world. Kendra said she’s seen microneedling cost anywhere from $500-$2,500 depending on where you get it done. The frequency is also dependent on individual needs, “If someone is trying to treat something specific, like acne scars or dark spots, we would do treatments every six weeks. And after that we would do a couple of treatments as ongoing maintenance. For someone that’s looking for anti-aging and that ongoing maintenance, three times a year would be great. You could do that, give your skin a rest, get better use of your products during that time.
Overall, microneedling is pretty much for anyone. If you are deathly afraid of needles, maybe pass, but if you’re looking for brighter, clearer skin, it might be worth looking into.
In 2018, we’ve definitely noticed that the way we use makeup is changing (unicorn brows, anyone? JK, this trend made my eyes bleed). Specifically, we’ve seen a lot more honesty from celebs and normals alike about how much of a role makeup plays. Think: Kardashian-esque contouring, YouTube beauty tutorials, #nomakeup selfies. And often, it’s been empowering to watch people openly celebrate both natural looks and the transformative power of makeup. But recently, the tone has shifted. While the idea was once more “everyone has flaws and that’s ok,” it’s now about having such naturally perfect features that makeup would only detract from them. These treatments are typically semi-permanent (aka not a full nose job/brow lift—so ‘90s), always expensive, and basically give you an Insta-filtered face. Here are some of the semi-permanent treatments celebs are using to get that perfect “effortless” look.
I’m lumping these two together, not because they’re all that similar, but just because these are the beauty treatments we’ve all known about and made fun of since the ‘90s. Both treatments have gotten a lot more sophisticated—so the Samantha Jones raw meat face doesn’t happen after peels anymore, and people with Botox can (kind of) still raise their eyebrows—but they’re still the basic anti-aging treatments we all know and wish we could afford love.
@amberrose we couldn’t love that beautiful smile more. We love when you come to see us! #repost • • • • • Fresh faced @drjasondiamond’s office! I got a re-up on Botox! ???? Everyone in his office is so sweet and helpful! Hit up Dr. diamond for Botox, fillers or any type of Facial plastic surgery! He’s the best in the business ????❤️????
Microneedling is a procedure in which a tiny needle pokes holes all over your face. (If you’ve ever used a dermaroller, it’s the expensive version of that.) This then promotes collagen production as your skin heals, which reduces the visibility of fine lines, wrinkles, pores, and acne scars. You know, all the things that make you look like a human, which is no longer desirable. Treatments cost up to $1,000, but then your skin is as good as Kourtney Kardashian’s. (You didn’t really think it was her diet that made her skin good, right?)
@kimkardashian having a Microneedling treatment with @drjasondiamond ???????? Microneedling is great for fine lines and wrinkles and to increase the collagen production in the skin! We offer this for just £49 per Treatment! To book call 07590652233 ???? #LipEnhancement #LipFiller #CheekFiller #CheekEnhancement #ChemicalPeels #Microneedling #Manchester #Cheshire #Aesthetics #KimKardashian #TheLipKing #TheLipKingAesthetics ????
Injections is kind of a vague way of putting this, but that’s because injections can do so many different things. You can use filler to fix bad under eyes, smooth out your jawline and cheeks, and really just smooth out any imperfections you’re worried about. While I’m certain that most celebrities over a certain age have had some sort of filler put in, some of the most vocal users are the cast of Vanderpump Rules. In fact, Lala Kent and Tom Sandoval recently took a joint trip, where Lala got something called “Diamond Facial Sculpting.” (Fillers, but fancy I guess?) Lala says Tom was there for “moral support,” but I swear I saw him in a chair in the background of her IG story. Hard to believe Sandoval would willingly skip out on a beauty treatment.
No, I’m not talking about laser hair removal. (Though I’m certain that any celebrity who’s ever worn a bikini has gotten that too.) I’m talking about lasers used as facial treatment, which, like fillers, come in many varieties and have many uses. Basically, lasers can be used to fade pigmentation (*glares at rosacea-ridden face*), even out texture and tone, and basically act as “permanent concealer.” MUST BE NICE. Both Kim Kardashian and Jhené Aiko have recently raved about their laser treatments—and if they’re not #skingoals, IDK who is.
This one is along slightly different lines, because it’s not about skincare. BUT, now that we are officially living in the Age of Eyebrows, it’s pretty freakin’ important. Microblading is getting semi-permanent tattoos draw onto your brows with teeny tiny strokes that resemble real hairs. This then gives you the appearance of naturally full brows for roughly two years. It also costs around $1,000 upfront, plus a mandatory touch-up two weeks later. So yeah, I’ll be getting that when I’m 70 and win the lottery, and will be drawing on my brows each morning until then. Irritatingly, I cannot tell you that celebs like Cara DeLevingne have used this treatment. Instead, it’s a whole bunch of awfuls including Bella Thorne and Lena Dunham. Microfeathering is another version of this treatment, which basically just fills in instead of drawing you a whole new brow.
Happy Tuesday with Bella's new brows #Repost @microbladingla with @repostapp ・・・ Microblading LA was featured on Bustle! ????????Actress Bella Thorne @bellathorne came back to our studio for her touch up with Julia @juliaaffaria and Bustle wrote a piece about it this morning. Check the link in bio for the full article! ???? We'll post before and after pics a little later today so stay tuned… Brows by Julia @juliaaffaria ????????????
Do I have anything against these treatments, beyond the fact that I can’t afford them? Yeah, a little. I definitely have a problem with celebrities who pretend they haven’t had ANYTHING done. I respect their privacy and all, but I’m a grown-ass woman and I find myself getting upset about my own visible pores. This isn’t something that bothered me even two years ago. But now, every picture I see on Instagram features skin that doesn’t look like skin. And just a few years of being bombarded with those images has been enough for me to think there’s something wrong with my face because of it. Which is all to say, I’m truly worried for young kids who are growing up surrounded by that kind of illusion, and not being repeatedly and aggressively told that it is, in fact, an illusion.
Ultimately, I think it’s probably positive that these treatments are public enough that I can even write this article. Yes, the treatments themselves are becoming more mainstream. But the information is available—if you look—about why exactly these celebs can post #nomakeup selfies that make me feel like a garbage rat. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to start a GoFundMe because all these procedures cost more than my rent.
Images: drjasondiamond, thelipking, lalakent, jheneaiko, microbladingla_juliafaria / Instagram
Is your skin tired and sad? Did winter leave its mark worse than that guy who gave you hickeys in high school? Are zits making their presence known among the debris field that is your face—which includes dry skin land mines and crater-esque dark spots? We feel you. Winter is a time not only for acquiring a boyfriend and gaining four pounds, but also for dull, dry skin that screams “I’ve been inside for five months straight.” But like, it’s summer now and you will soon be required to leave your house and show your face both in public and on Instagram. To combat all the damage winter did to your attractiveness level, we recommend making yourself (and TREATING YO’SELF) to an at-home facial. Going to an actual spa requires driving, a bra, and making your hair look normal—none of which seem to fit with this whole “pamper yourself” thing, so here’s our guid to spa-level skin treatments that you can do while binge watching Netflix in your pajamas.
1. For Brightness:
Mix together the juice from one fresh lemon and ¼ cup sweet almond oil. Pat on to your face, wait about 15 minutes, then rinse off. The Vitamin C will brighten your skin and the almond oil will sooth all the dryness winter left behind.
2. For Dry, Pimply Skin:
Mash together 2 tbsps of all natural raw honey, one banana, and ¼ cup plain Greek yogurt. Yummy. Smear over your face and let sit for 20 minutes before washing off. This shit’ll have your skin smoother, softer, and less sad.
3. For Peely Skin:
Feelin’ parched? Mix together ½ an avocado, 2 tbsps raw honey, and ½ tsp coconut oil. Smooth over face and leave on for 10 minutes, then rinse off with warm water. The avocado and coconut get skin some much-needed moisture while the honey actually acts as an antiseptic and soother.
4. For When You’re Tired Or Puffy:
Caffeine is ALWAYS our friend, and it turns out smearing coffee all over your face isn’t so crazy after all. Mix together 2 tbsps ground coffee, 2 tbsps cocoa powder, 1 tbsp of honey, and 3 tbsps whole fat plain Greek yogurt. Spread over your face, let sit for 15 minutes, then wash off.
5. For When You Want Both A Smoothie And A Facial:
Yeah we hear you with that whole double duty thing. Mix together ¼ cups mashed strawberries, 2 tbsps freshly squeezed lemon juice, 1 tbsp yogurt, and 2 tbsps honey. Pat onto face and let sit for 10 minutes. Wipe off and rinse. Use leftovers with almond milk and boom, breakfast.
In today’s world there’s no shortage of batshit people doing batshit things in their quest to look younger and hotter than their younger sister that sells lip kits. Speaking of Kim Kardashian, in a moment of weakness, aka the three hours I spend at night
checking emails scrolling through my Snapchat feed until I pass out, I noticed Kimmy added facial cupping to her beauty regimen. Because I Keep Up am shameless, I immediately had to know everything. Why was she resorting to a more natural method for skin rejuvenation? Was it the robbery? Is that why she’s more “real”? Or did the family plastic surgeon finally draw a line in the Calabasas sand after working around the clock on them for 375 days of the year? So many questions.
But let’s start with the name, shall we? Facial cupping. It sounds like some sort of weird foreplay my overly sensitive ex-boyfriend from college would have been into.
But you probably heard of it back in the early 2000s—it’s what Jennifer Aniston was blaming all of her hickies on and we were all just like “Sure, Jan.” Well apparently we should have been paying attention because while we were out buying body glitter and clip-on hair extensions from Claire’s, Jen found the fountain of fucking youth.
What Is Facial Cupping:
Similar to body cupping, a phenomenon made popular (?) by famous
amphibian Olympian Michael Phelps, facial cupping sucks sections of your face to “improve skin circulation, encourage lymph drainage, tone tissue that is flaccid, and relax tightness.” Basically it gives your skin more glow than J Lo’s and makes your face look tighter than Megan Fox’s the moment she realized directors stopped casting her as “hot girl” in movies. So, like, sign me up.
How It Works:
Facial technicians drag a small suction cup up the side of your face, gliding the cup along your neck, cheekbone, and under-eye area. They then release the suction and repeat the process until you’re pretty. Users say it’s supposed to feel like either a massage or like someone’s sucking on your face. So there’s that to look forward to.
Will The Treatment Give You More Hickies Than A Fuckboy On Tinder?:
Nah, girl. Unlike body cupping, facial cupping doesn’t leave those giant red and purple bruises on your body, just #flawless skin. Sorry, you’re gonna have to start blaming those hickies on your “curling iron” again.
Who’s Doing It:
Turns out Jennifer Aniston and Kim Kardashian aren’t the only ones to
make a deal with the devil try out this beauty treatment. Gywneth Paltrow, Miranda Kerr, and Lindsey Ellingson (a model, apparently) are all hyping this product more than teenage girls with a new Justin Bieber album. I’m sure they’re only about it because it comes from an “ancient eastern medicine practice” and it’s, like, so natural because they’re natural girls with natural bodies and a natural fuck ton of money. Got it.
If you want to look like Miranda Kerr, then a visit to her face specialist will cost you $300+ a session. But if you’re
on a budget poor and want to pay half the price to look one-eighth as good then there are at-home kits for $26 where you can do it yourself. Whatever, there’s worse shit I’ve used my mother’s Amazon Prime account to purchase.
Just please, for the love of God, do NOT try a DIY version with a vaccuum cleaner. We all remember how the Kylie Jenner Lip Challenge ended—let’s not have a repeat.
Just when I wanted to trade in watching The Bachelor for watching paint dry, Corinne Olympios, nap queen and personal hero of mine, said this: “My heart is gold, but my vagine is platinum.” And sorority girls all over America got out their bedazzlers and went to town on making matching T-shirts because #feminism. Seriously, I saw like like 4 of those in the crowd during The Women Tell All.
First of all, can we all slow clap for this girl? Because she has more confidence in one hair extension than any fuckboy who messages “send nudes” at 12pm on a Tuesday, and that is fucking empowering.
Second of all, WTF is a platinum vagine and like, should I be concerned that mine might be sterling? Is it literally platinum? Did her father buy her a golden vagina the same way he bought her a multi-million dollar company and Nick’s $3,000 kept man uniform? Or is there some sort of groundbreaking beauty regimen involved here that may or may not also be the secret ingredient to Raquel’s cheese pasta? These are the questions that keep me up late at night when I should be wondering about the state of our world or, like, really doing anything else with my life.
Thank god the internet is shameless because we now have the answer. In a statement to Entertainment Weekly, Corinne said this: “I’m lasered. It’s like, small and cute. There’s no weird things going on down there.” So… it’s just lasered? Groundbreaking. Honestly I expected more from the girl who sprayed her tits with whipped cream on national television, but I guess we all have to realize one day that our hero is just some rich girl chugging Champagne in Miami. Sighs.
But in case you don’t want to drop a cool $250-$500 dollars to look like a 12-year-old beauty queen downstairs (because that’s how much lasering your vag costs), there are actually other beauty regimens you can invest in. For example, if you’re more low-maintenance and
natural a Nice Girl, your go-to vagine product is going to be Fur Oil, i.e. the product Emma Watson just announced she uses, and which we conveniently endorsed in our 2016 Holiday Gift Guide.
Aside from the name making me want to vomit a little it’s actually a good AF product. Made with grape seed, jojoba, tea tree, and clary sage seed oils, this brand is all about making your pubic hair soft and manageable. It’s also antiseptic and antimicrobial, and it works to prevent ingrown hairs. Praise. The downside is one teeny, tiny vial of this vagina oil costs $39 and is more than I’m willing to spend on most bottles of wine. Plus side? It’s literally made for Disney princesses so maybe some birds and shit will come sing to you and your platinum vagine.
Or if you’re feeling rich AF and want to treat yourself like a Kardashian, then you can make you and your vagine an appointment for a vajacial aka facials for your vagina. Seriously, Khloé Kardashian spends a fuck ton on of money on these. As if I needed one more reason to unfollow these bitches on Snapchat. But I won’t because I
Keep Up hate myself. Vajacials include exfoliation, toning, and some sort of a “face” mask for your vagina. And you can expect to drop $75 on the appointment. Jesus. Here I am worrying about the extra two dollars I’m spending to make the minimum on my Seamless order and there are people out there spending more money on their vaginas than the cost of a high-priced escort.
So do what you will with these beauty recommendations. In the end, your vagine is as platinum as you think it is and how you take care of it should be solely for you and your comfort level. Not the crying douche-canoe in a sexless turtleneck that you’re dating.