The Best Skin Care Products To Buy During Sephora’s Spring Sale

Now that there is some—albeit incredibly vague—info on how we can reenter the world when coronavirus finally GTFO, I am feeling eager to get my skin back on track. I don’t know about you, but when I go out to dinner with my friends for the first time after being locked in my apartment for what will be at least two months, I want to glow. Luckily for me, Sephora’s annual spring sale is upon us! As always, Sephora is offering different deals and savings for each of their three member tiers. From April 17th through May 1st, Rouge members can save 20%; from April 21st through April 29th, VIB members can save 15%; and from April 23rd through April 27th, Insider members can save 10%. I am a proud Rouge member, so let’s f*cking do this. 

If you’ve read any of my articles, you know that there are more skin care products in my medicine cabinet than there are food items in my pantry. I have no shame in my game. It took years of trial-and-error to discover which products are the best, so you can trust I know what I’m talking about when it comes to my recommendations. 

Estée Lauder Advanced Night Repair Synchronized Recovery Complex II, $72

The only YouTube channel I subscribe to is Klossy, which belongs to, you guessed it, Karlie Kloss. I don’t care who she’s married to, I love her and will continue to do so for the rest of my days. Anyway, Karlie has the best skin I’ve ever seen, so when she recommended this night serum, you better believe I went out and bought it, and I am happy to report that it works. My skin isn’t really problematic, but I want that dewy, plump look, and that’s what this serum delivers.

Like any skin care product, though, you have to use it consistently and for a while before you start to see the effects take hold. I started to notice how good my complexion looked after about three weeks. It’s incredibly moisturizing, smells delicious, and it’s the perfect consistency. What else you got, Karlie??

Clinique Pore Refining Solutions Charcoal Mask, $28.50

I buy this twice a year for one specific purpose: visiting my parents in Florida. My skin may be able to withstand the pollution and whatever the f*ck is coming out of manholes in New York, but it cannot deal with the Florida humidity. My skin gets really oily and then I start to break out, so I visit my parents pretty infrequently. The one thing that absolutely saved my skin is this specific charcoal mask. I have tried about 10 types of charcoal masks in my lifetime, and this Clinique one is that actually works.

It feels like you’re spreading a thick, goopy paste on your face, but after about 30 minutes, it dries and hardens and, something magical happens in that phase of the mask. When I rinse it off, my skin is soft and supple with zero traces of excess oil. I’m obsessed.

Bobbi Brown Hydrating Fresh Cream Moisturizer, $60

This product was my first foray into skin care. I bought it when I was a sophomore in college after talking to a Bloomingdale’s salesperson for way too long. As the name suggests, this is a very lightweight moisturizer that falls between a gel and a cream. Because it’s so lightweight, it’s perfect for summer. Also, all Bobbi Brown moisturizers are made with a built-in primer, so you can save a few seconds in the morning when you’re getting ready.

Caudalie Beauty Elixer, $18

This toner is another Karlie recommendation for when you’re traveling, because planes really dry your skin out. Before I went on my study abroad trip, I asked my mom to get it for me and she said, and I quote, “Who do you think you are? You’re not a jet-setter!” Rude. To spite her, I bought it for myself and I have no regrets. I use it as a toner and spritz it on my face right before I put on my moisturizer.

My dermatologist suggested that I massage my moisturizer into my skin while it’s still damp from the toner because it will absorb better, which makes sense because, if you think of your skin like a sponge, it won’t absorb a thick cream when it’s bone-dry. This doesn’t really do much, but it smells amazing, isn’t that expensive, and it’s something else I have in common with Karlie Kloss.

Murad Vitamin C Dark Circle Correcting Eye Serum, $62

I recently learned that vitamin C is an essential ingredient in skin products for anyone who wants nice skin. I incorporated it via an eye cream because I wanted to test it on a small area before I introduced it to my whole face. Safe to say, it works! This eye cream is really moisturizing, which is important because the skin around your eyes is much thinner than the rest of your face and is usually the first to show signs of aging. Yikes! Using a product that protects against free radicals (something vitamin C does) and moisturizes is a really good way to slow down aging around the eyes. It also smells fantastic.

Tatcha Luminous Dewy Skin Sheet Mask, $12

Until I tried this mask, I always thought sheet masks were kind of stupid. Like, you pay all of this money for something you use once for a few minutes then throw away. Then I tried this mask and I’m questioning everything I once believed to be true! Tatcha is a brand you’ll likely find in any high-end natural beauty store, and the products are 100% worth it. This mask is made with vitamin E, fatty acids, nutrient-rich rice, ginseng (which has a calming effect), and a bunch of other sh*t that gives you an instant glow.

And for anyone who’s wondering, sheet masks are packed with nutrient-rich serums that absorb best into your skin when you’re wearing the sheet and looking like Hannibal Lecter, but the serum is still very much on your skin when you take the sheet off, so they aren’t exactly a waste.

Dior Lip Glow, $34

I am weirdly specific when it comes to a tinted lip product: it can’t be sticky, it has to be the perfect shade, and it has to last through my morning coffee. This Dior lip product is literally perfect. First of all, it’s incredibly moisturizing. Secondly, it goes on clear and within a few seconds, changes color due to a bunch of science I don’t really understand. For me, it transforms into rosy pink with a coral undertone, but for my friend, it becomes more of a purple color. I’m truly baffled by this magic, but I won’t question it.

Kiehl’s Ultra Facial Cleanser, $21

Until recently, I was a firm believer in all cleansers being the same, so paying more than a drugstore price was unnecessary. This cleanser is the definition of a super basic (in a good way) product that does exactly what it says it’s going to do. Wet your face and massage this into your skin for a few seconds and rinse off with warm water. Boom! You’re cleansed! It leaves your face feeling soft and clean, but without stripping your skin. I’ve said this before, but if your face feels tight and dry, your cleanser is too harsh!

Clinique Take The Day Off Cleansing Balm, $30

Double cleansing is an important part of any skin care-lover’s daily routine. The first step involves taking off your makeup and the second one is cleansing. This Clinique balm is unparalleled at removing makeup, so I highly recommend getting yourself a tub ASAP. It has the consistency of soft wax, but it works. Scoop a little out with your fingertips and move it around in your hand to break it down a little. Then, once it’s slightly softened, move it around your face and it literally melts your makeup right off. Don’t believe me? Use this then dab a clean white towel on your face and you won’t see any residual makeup!

Tan-Luxe The Body Illuminating Self-Tan Drops, $59

This purchase was a catch-22 because, on the one hand, authentic tans are horrible for your skin, but on the other, my natural skin tone is concerningly white. This self-tanner is unreal and legit impossible to f*ck up. I always strayed from self-tanner because I feel like it always looks fake and streaky—especially on people’s wrists, ankles, elbows and knees. This, though, is different! You mix a few drops with your go-to lotion and then spread it all over your body and it always turns out even and natural-looking. I’ve used this on my legs many, many times and I’m always impressed with how good it looks.

Images: Mercy / Unsplash; Sephora (10)

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How To Do Your Makeup To Make Your Eyes Look Bigger

Your eyes are the window the soul, so says probably some old dead white guy from a million years ago. Somehow, not much has changed because we still are obsessed with making our eyes look bigger when putting on makeup. Focusing on your eyes makes a huge difference to your overall look. It makes you look more awake, alert, and often way prettier. I’m just basing this off my own experience when I don’t wear any makeup and people keep asking me if I’m sick or tired (f*ck you too). Spoiler alert guys, I’m an overworked insomniac, I am always tired. I’m just ugly today.

Regardless of the actual size of your eyes, there are many ways to emphasize them using makeup so that people will look in your soul windows (gross) instead of at the acne on your chin. Here are the best products to buy so you never get that “oh you look tired” comment ever again:

Step 1: De-Puff

Yeah, I get it, I’m supposed to sleep more and I won’t look tired, it’s not f*cking rocket science but it’s just not an option. When you’re exhausted, your eyes look small and puffy, so the first remedy in our line of defense to tired eyes is to use some kind of caffeinated cooling product, like this one from Milk Makeup. This is my new favorite product, actually. It feels amazing and calms the bags under your eyes. The caffeine will send that puffiness away and the cold is really refreshing. You can also use a gel eye mask that you left in the fridge or cold spoons to do the trick.MILK MAKEUP - Cooling Water 1.2 oz/ 34 g

MILK MAKEUP Cooling Water

Step 2: Whiten

Wasn’t there some stupid thing going around a couple years ago where dumbasses were actually putting bleach or lemon juice in their eyes to whiten their eyes/change their eye color? I’m going to just go ahead and call that Darwinism at its finest. Great job, everyone. Anyway, do not do that. If the whites of your eyes are looking super red, it will make your eyes look smaller. The whites of your eyes contrast to your skin tone, so use Visine (particularly on days you’re really tired) to neutralize redness and make your eyes look bigger and brighter.

Visine Maximum Strength Redness Relief Formula Eye Drops, 0.5 fl. oz

Visine Maximum Strength Redness Relief Formula Eye Drops

Step 3: Line *Correctly*

If you’re super pale like I am, your eyes probably just blend into your skin tone. Ugh. The key here is contrast, so regardless of your skin, you want to make your eyes pop as much as possible to get them to appear bigger and more awake. Use dark eyeliner to line the top of your lash line completely. When it comes to the bottom lashes, either skip them altogether or make sure you’re only lining below the waterline where your lashes start. If you line your waterline, it will actually make your eyes look smaller. Lining below the lashes creates the contrast you want but makes the waterline blend into the rest of your eyeball, making your eyes look bigger. This is the mistake we all did in middle school—no top liner, and super thick bottom waterline liner. It was gross and made you look trashy with teeny swollen eyes.

This is correct:

And use a smudgy eyeliner pencil like this one to achieve the perfect bottom liner (I like to use liquid for the top):

Urban Decay - 24/7 Glide-On Eye Pencil Perversion 0.04 oz/ 1.2 g

URBAN DECAY 24/7 Glide-On Eye Pencil

Step 4: Volumize Lashes

To further the contrast to the whites of your eyes, eyelashes make all the difference. This is why eyelash extensions make everyone so much prettier. However, those are expensive. And they rip out your real lashes. Leave those for people who don’t have any eyelashes on their own and tons of cash to blow, or Bachelor contestants. You can imitate the look with glue-them-on-yourself falsies or just a really great volume mascara. I switch mascaras often, but my all-time favorite is Diorshow. If you have a good dupe, please tell me in the comments.

To make your mascara look like falsies, do the following: swipe your lashes with translucent powder, then curl, then apply mascara. Let it dry, apply powder again, 2nd coat of mascara, dry, powder, third coat, dry, curl again. I also like to put a little powder on my eyelash curler before I use it with mascara on so it doesn’t stick (and rip out my eyelashes by accident). You are welcome.

Dior - Diorshow Mascara Black 090 0.33 oz/ 10 mL

DIOR Diorshow Mascara

Step 5: Bring Out Your Eye Color

There are two ways to really bring out your eye color: similar colors or complementary colors. I took years of color theory and got a painting degree for this very moment. I was like, hmm should I be the next Da Vinci or should I tell sassy betches how to make their eyes look bigger? And I chose you. Again, you are so welcome. Complementary means the colors are opposite on a color wheel, which provides maximum possible contrast. I trust you know what the word similar means.

So for blue eyes, you either need to wear a blue toned eye shadow (except not that frosted blue from 7th grade, please) or an orange based (or similar) color, like autumnal browns and golds. For brown eyes, they are considered a neutral and don’t have a true opposite, so you find a color within the brown to emphasize.

If you have warm brown eyes, you should wear gold tinged shades to make your eyes look more honeyed, or blue shades for contrast. If you have cool-toned brown eyes, try blues to make the the color deeper, or reddish purples to make them pop.

I am a green-eyed person, which makes my opposite red, and since I can’t seem to make green shadow or red shadow look good, I look for reddish pinks or purples to make my eyes look greener, like the new Cherry palette from Urban Decay. You could also do a colored eyeliner instead of basic black to really make your eyes pop.

Urban Decay - Naked Cherry Eyeshadow Palette 12 x 0.038 oz/ 1.1 g

URBAN DECAY Naked Cherry Eyeshadow Palette

Now that you know how to make your eyes look bigger using makeup, go out and take a bunch of selfies—you won’t even have to use one of those dumb animal filters!

Images: Alex Perez / Unsplash; Sephora (4); Amazon
Betches may receive a portion of revenue if you click a link and purchase a product or service. The links are independently placed and do not influence editorial content.

5 Hacks You Need To Know About Shopping At Lush

I don’t know how to tell you this. But I’m like, a teeny tiny bit of a hoarder. Not like Hoarders level bad, though. Probably. I am a total product junkie, especially if it’s special, glamorous, or seasonal. My tons and tons of bath products are all half-full (I’m ever the optimist), perfectly organized, but still probably an issue. I just feel like I have to try everything and I like to have a scent for every occasion. Which brings me to one of my favorite places to casually drop my rent money by accident: Lush. I’m so obsessed, in fact, that I actually had to start exploring creative ways to get more Lush.  I’ve used their regular line products so many times that I wanted more. So for all of you, here are some of the best kept Lush secrets to make the most of your shopping at Lush.

Lush Kitchen

If you have never shopped at Lush Kitchen, I’m sorry, you’re doing life wrong. The Kitchen is part of the UK store exclusively. It’s where they come up with all the Lush recipes and product ideas, and they release limited edition lines of products. The products are always amazing, in super high demand, and sell out almost immediately. I recommend following Lush Kitchen on Instagram or Twitter (@lushkitchen) so you’ll know when a new release is coming.

Products can be anything from totally brand-new stuff to old seasonal favorites to new creations using the same scent as popular products. For example, in my most recent Kitchen haul, I got a Lord of Misrule body lotion and an American Cream body lotion. Lord of Misrule is usually a shower cream that is only available around Halloween, and American Cream is the most heavenly smelling hair conditioner ever. I also ordered 10 other things I didn’t need. I have no regrets.

The only downside from shopping at Lush Kitchen is that you do have to pay for shipping from the UK. But again, you literally can’t get these products otherwise. Shipping is something like £7.99. I don’t know what that is in dollars, look it up. If you total up your cart and the shipping is like, £40, it means you’re ordering too much weight-wise, so it has to go to the more expensive shipping. To circumvent this, just divide your order up so you’ll only pay the £7 on each. #Math. However, if you’re only getting a couple of things from the Kitchen, check out the regular UK store (on the same website). They always get products before we do in the US and their product sizes are usually way bigger. Lush USA just recently started selling products in the XL size that the UK has had for years. What a scam.

Seasonal Products

Seasonal products are the best at Lush. The best holidays to shop for seasonal products are Halloween, Christmas (obviously), and weirdly enough, Mother’s Day. Just a couple tips: If you want anything seasonal, buy what you have to have online literally the day it’s released.  Lush products always are available online about a week before they’re in stores. All these products are also limited edition, so once they sell out, they’re gone for good. One Halloween, they sold out of everything I wanted before it was even October, and tantrums were thrown. You can always return items if you hate the scent once you get them, but at least you don’t miss out on trying it. This is especially true for Christmas products. Don’t wait until it’s December to buy; all the best stuff will be gone. By the way, Halloween is already on their website. In case you were thinking of procrastinating, don’t.

Christmas Sale

Speaking of Christmas, both in stores and online starting the day after Christmas, all holiday products are 50% off. One year, I went online and I bought one of every gift package they had left, and I had Santa-themed baths until July. Shopping at Lush in the store is not recommended because are f*cking psycho, so avoid them and shop online. The only caveat to shopping online is you have to be super fast. I mean like, at 12am on December 26th, you better be checking out on their website fast. The best products will have sold out long ago, but you can still get decent bath bombs. They also always have Snow Fairy left because it smells like someone smacked you in the face with a sugar plum fairy. Not in a good way. Is there a good way to do that?


Lush will give you samples of literally any and everything. They will even cut off tiny slivers of solid soap. Whenever you do make it into the store, stock up on whatever they will give you. Some of their moisturizers are pretty expensive, so get some of those. I’m not sure why, but anyone who works at a Lush store behaves as if they snorted bath bomb-scented cocaine. They are all so enthusiastic about showing you the new products and watching bath bombs fizzle out in their little tubs. It’s super unsettling. But whatever. Just act very, very interested and walk away with tons of free sh*t.

Free Face Masks

They put little sticker notices about this on all of their labels, and yet somehow I still see people paying for fresh face masks. Never, ever pay for these, people. They are free if you bring in five empty containers. Lush is basically trying to force you to recycle via bribery, and I’m here for it. I keep a bag under my sink that I toss all my empty Lush bottles in and when I need a new mask, I collect from it. Okay, that makes me sound like a hoarder again, but at least there’s a reason for it. You can thank me for your flawless skin later.

Images: Shutterstock; Giphy (2)

4 Foundations That Are Better Than FaceTune

If there’s one thing I strive for in this life, it’s the pursuit of happiness the perfect selfie. Whether that pursuit is a means to trap a man or to make my sorority sisters from college jealous or just because I think I’m, like, really pretty, sometimes the pursuit of the perfect selfie isn’t always as easy as people think it is. First, it involves my face, which 9 times out of 10 is working against me for reasons that are unclear to me. Then there’s the fact that half the time my foundation is blackmail causes me to look like Casper in all my Insta stories. Thankfully, not all foundations are sabotage (just the ones I got conned into buying at Sephora). Anyway, here’s a list of all the foundations that are better than Instagram filters and will give you fire selfies.




There’s a reason this foundation has a 5,000+ wait list, and that’s because it is motherfucking sorcery makes you look better than your Facetune app can. The #FauxFilter foundation is the brain-child of Huda Kattan aka person who looks eerily similar to Kim K one of the best beauty bloggers in the game. The foundation itself is highly pigmented but instead of feeling mask-like and weighted down, it actually goes on  creamy AF. It blurs out pores, blemishes, and redness for an airbrushed finish that’s practically guaranteed to have your ex sliding back into your DMs (I paraphrase). Beware because this shit is long lasting AF, as in will outlast you and the six vodka crans you “accidentally” downed at the bar last night watching the Super Bowl, and you will be scrubbing off after work later along with the remnants of your dignity. Plus, it has serious range with over 30 different shades that cater to literally any skin type. Blessings. 

???????????? #Repost @sana_khatri786 ・・・ I am in love!! The @hudabeauty @shophudabeauty #FauxFilter Foundation is just perfect! ❤️ My shade is Amaretti 310G #shophudabeauty #fauxfilterfoundation #hudabeautyfauxfilter

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Okay, so technically this is a primer, not a foundation but, whatever, I’m still including it because it’s fucking magic. Last year Milk Makeup launched their Blur Stick and people lost their goddamn minds over it. Mostly because it does more work hiding facial imperfections than Kim Kardashian before she posts a nude on Instagram. Like its predecessor, the new Luminous Blur Stick still absorbs excess oil, smoothing over pores and fine lines, but now it also leaves skin with a v healthy glow. Plus you can use this product in lieu of an actual foundation for that “I just woke up like this, I don’t know makeup” look.

Want to Blur both ways? Your favorite pore blurring and mattifying primer now has a pearlescent twin ???? @sephora #luminousblur

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We reviewed Rihanna’s Fenty beauty line when it first dropped last fall, and, while normally all Rihanna has to do is breathe in the same vicinity as a product and I’ll buy it, I wasn’t super impressed with her foundation. That said, it gets an honorable mention here because it’s inclusive AF with over 40 different shades available. If you have oily skin then this foundation is about to change your whole damn life. Seriously. Think Kardashian Fam 2008 to 2018 transformation goals, but, you know, minus all the plastic surgery that went into that transformation. Plus, if you buy this product then you’re, like, one step closer to being a part of Rihanna’s inner circle. Or at least that’s what I whisper to myself every time I use a Fenty beauty product.

Complexionnnnnn | #PROFILTR Foundation

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For all my betches on a budget, you’ll want to try Revlon’s Photoready Airbrush Effect Makeup foundation. It’s a light, buildable foundation with a natural-looking matte finish that costs less than the bottle of wine you just bought. Plus it holds up better than my Hinge dates when I ask them “what we’re doing” after 10 dates. But beware because this foundation does have a sparkly finish to it. From far away (and, most importantly, in all your selfies) you’ll look fucking fabulous but up close you might resemble Bella Thorne after a rave chill night in. That said, I’m just going to point out once more that IT COSTS LESS THAN A BOTTLE OF WINE. You’re welcome.

Our #NewYearsResolution: Feel flawless every day **grabs InstaFilter foundation**

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Images: Ayo Ogunseinde / Unsplash (1) @shophudabeauty / Instagram (1); @fentybeauty / Instagram (1); @milkmakeup / Instagram (1); @revlon / Instagram (1)

How To Get Ready Faster In The Morning So You Don’t Get Fired For Excessive Lateness

I’m not a morning person by any means, so waking up anytime before 1pm 11am honestly crushes my soul. Not sure what asshole made 9-5’s a thing, but I’d like to change that please. Until those dreams become a reality, I still have to go to work and wake up at soul-crushing hours, but if I can afford an extra minute of sleep, I’m def going to hit the snooze button five consecutive times maybe once or twice. This means rushing out the door yet still looking like a functioning member of society who gets more than six hours of sleep and doesn’t “forget” to wash her hair a couple times a week. Since half-assing my makeup makes me look like I got ready while drunk and I’d rather have a Starbucks barista fuck up my coffee than finish my makeup on the subway, I’ve learned how to condense my routine and find shortcuts to perfecting my contour without wasting 30 minutes. Here are the tricks I have up my sleeve to help you get ready much faster.

1. Make Dry Shampoo Your BFF

Yes, it’s true. By Friday, my hair is approximately 68% dry shampoo. If you know what’s good for you, then you know a good dry shampoo will save your life, one spray at a time. If you wake up early enough for a morning shower—first of all, you’re already winning—skip the whole shampoo-conditioner-blow dry thing, and use some dry shampoo to soak up any oily, greasy shit in your hair. Comb your fingers through and give it a good shake for extra volume and body. Blowout or just good dry shampoo? No one will tell the difference.

Dry Shampoo

2. Contour Using A Kabuki Or All-In-One Brush

Unless you’re a makeup artist or an Instagram thot aspiring beauty vlogger, nobody has the fucking time to use 100 brushes for contouring when you’re on a time crunch. It’s just not possible and it’s too time-consuming for anyone’s good. Instead, opt for a simple kabuki brush (my fave is the E.L.F Ultimate Kabuki Brush) or a multi-purpose brush like the BECCA The One Perfecting Brush. Rub it in your bronzer and starting at your hairline, work it onto your face by making a “3” on both sides. Don’t forget to blend in entirely or you’ll look like a fucking idiot with 3’s on your face. When I hit my rock bottom started following Kim K on Snapchat, she shared this beauty secret and I’ve used it ever since. And people say she doesn’t have a talent.

Kim Kardashian Contour

3. Skip Highlighter, Use Lighter Concealer

Applying highlighter doesn’t even really take up that much time, but it’s still an extra step you don’t really need. Instead of making a glittery mess, get a concealer that’s at least a shade lighter than your usual color. Apply it before foundation to hide those corpse-looking bags under your eyes and along your cheekbones to really make them glow. The light contrast will give you the same wide-awake, refreshed look you need to look like a human at work.


4. Ain’t Nobody Got Time For Mistakes AKA Liquid Eyeliner

In the time of a crisis, aka missing the last possible train before running late (again), we’ll need to forfeit a winged eye. This is only acceptable during Monday-Thursday because Fridays are when we take the office glow to happy hour hoe and with that, we’ll need winged eyeliner. But for the rest of the week, skip that shit. In place of liquid eyeliner because that’s just too much of a risk, use a nude eyeshadow as your base. After that, make a thin line where you’d use eyeliner with a dark eyeshadow shade. Or, honestly, just skip eyeliner altogether if it’s unnecessary there’s no cute guys in your office.


5. Use Mascara For Both Your Eyebrows And Your Lashes

If you haven’t made a trip to your eyebrow lady and you also know filling them in takes 2,000 years, buy a colored mascara (brown, brown-black, whatever) to fix this struggle. Shade in your eyebrows with the mascara brush, which gets the job done and still makes them look natural. Then, load up on your lashes to kill two birds with one stone.


6. Put On Some Lipstick And You’re Good To Go, Betch

Lastly, to really complete your look and fool everyone into thinking you woke up extra early to slave over your makeup for hours, put on a bright red lipstick or your fave nude pink to finish it off. A red lip is perf for a boss-ass bitch going into work and it looks good on everyone, so honestly so you can’t go wrong. For something more subtle, apply a natural-looking nude pink as you head out the door and you’ll look as put-together as you ever will for the next 8 hours. See, that wasn’t so bad, was it?

Mean Girls Lipstick

Read: How To Look Noticeably Hotter By The Time School Starts
The 6 Makeup Mistakes That Are Ruining Your Selfies

In case the world wasn’t already going to shit, apparently now your makeup could be sabotaging your Instagram photos. So should I just step in front of a moving car now or?

So if you were hoping to be the next face of hair vitamins or laxative teas on Instagram then listen up betch, because here’s a full list of all the ways you’re fucking up your Instagram photos with your makeup choices. You’re welcome.

1. Over-Powdering And/Or Skipping Powder

Unless you are the next face of Maybelline, you need to powder your fucking face. But not, like, too much or your skin will look start to look flat and dull. Ew. To appear fresh-faced and like you didn’t just spend last night making work happy hour your bitch, only powder the t-zone area of your face, i.e. your nose, forehead, and chin.

White Chicks

2. Not Matching Your Base To Your Face Makeup

This is a rookie mistake that is only acceptable to make your freshman year of college and that one time in Miami you got too drunk by the pool and just said fuck it when you were getting ready to go out. THOSE ARE THE ONLY TIMES. Because even though you might think you look fine you fucking don’t. So for god’s sake, make sure you blend your foundation down your face, neck, and chest because no one wants to see that shit.

3. Doing The Most With Your Eyebrows

PSA: Those eyebrows that you spent an embarrassing amount of time sculpting this morning might make you look like Olivia Culpo up close, but from afar you look like you should be preforming at a drag brunch. For selfies and your Bumble profile picture stick to the opaque and overly sculpted look, but for group photos and, like, life maybe go with a fuller, fluffier brow.


4. Going Batshit With Your Highlighter

There is a fine line between “gorgeous glow” and “dear god you’re blinding my eyes with what’s happening on your cheekbones rn.” Too much highlighter can emphasize uneven texture and the size of your pores. Dab a cream highlighter like RMS Beauty Living Luminizer on the tops of your cheekbones, cupid’s bow, and inner tear ducts. Avoid at all costs the center of your cheek and forehead or I will fucking call you out for it.


5. Being Stingy With Your Mascara

Tbh I feel like this one is sort of elementary, but don’t be stingy with your mascara. Short, straight lashes can make the eyes look tired AF. Makeup artists suggest curling lashes for at least 30 seconds and then applying several coats of carbon black mascara to lock in the curl. Or you could just buy eyelash extensions like a fucking adult.

6. Ghosting

And, no, I’m not talking about your Bumble boyfriend who just fell off of the face of the earth after you used the term “monogamy” for the first time. I’m talking about the kind of ghosting where you’re in the club and it’s too dark to take a selfie so you turn on the flash and all of the sudden you look paler than Anne Hathaway at the beach. You can blame the SPF in your moisturizer/foundation for that. If you’re trying harder than a former Bachelor contestant to get likes on a photo, then maybe go for a foundation with a lower SPF rating. Or just use a weird Instagram filter to make you look “artsy.” Idk seems to be working for Kim Kardashian these days.

Our Bachelor Predictions: The Heinous Looks We Can Expect At The Finale