Now that we all suffered through Brittany and Jax’s wedding, there’s finally some news out of Vanderpump Land that we can actually be happy about: Stassi Schroeder and Beau Clark are engaged. Praise be, hallelujah. After almost a decade of watching Stassi fall all over herself for men who treat her like hot garbage (hi, Patrick!), she actually ended up with a guy who treats her like the princess she thinks she is. It’s actually pretty funny that she said she feels like Meghan Markle in her Instagram caption, because she’s definitely the royalty in this relationship.
I also love the photo that Stassi chose to post, because they look happy, but also she looks like she could rip him apart at any moment, which is the perfect description of Stassi’s personality. She is the devil, and don’t you forget it.
The best detail of the engagement, that I think a lot of people missed, is that it happened at a cemetery. Actually, Hollywood Forever is a super famous cemetery in LA, and Hollywood legends like Judy Garland and Cecil B. DeMille are buried there. Is there a location that could be more perfect for Stassi’s engagement? I mean, she literally had a murder-themed birthday party one year. Maybe this proposal could be seen as disrespectful to the dead or something, but I’m sure Judy Garland doesn’t mind.
The Vanderpump Rules cast is still filming for season eight right now, so this proposal should be a refreshing moment after we have to watch several episodes of Brittany in full bridezilla mode. On one hand. I’m excited to see that wedding, but I also think it might kill me. Whatever, at this point I’m willing to lay my life on the line for Bravo. It’s a lifestyle.
But Brittany and Jax’s wedding won’t even be the only one on the upcoming season of VPR, because last weekend, Tom and Katie finally legally tied the knot. I’m not sure if this was all a publicity stunt or not, but Lance Bass recently revealed that Mr. and Mrs. Bubba never actually obtained a marriage license when they had their wedding a few years ago. This was surprising to me at first, but also I distinctly remember Katie bringing up her medical marijuana license multiple times during the season she had her wedding, so maybe they just forgot.
Stassi is pretty busy these days with filming the show and her upcoming book tour, so I don’t know when she’s going to plan a wedding, but if I had to guess, it’ll probably happen next summer when they’re filming the show. Or maybe it’ll be on National #OOTD Day, because you have to keep your brand strong. I’m just happy that Stassi finally stopped messing around with tragic guys and got serious with Beau, because he’s perfect. Congrats Stassi and Beau, you’re the only thing holding this friend group together!
Images: stassischroeder / Instagram; Giphy
For avid fans of Vanderpump Rules (hi), there have been few greater joys than watching the burgeoning friendship between Stassi Schroeder and Ariana Madix. They are, as Lisa Vanderpump once pointed out, two queen bees—two beautiful, sassy, blonde queen bees with devoted boyfriends and killer style. It wasn’t always so easy to see what they had in common: in the early VPR years, Stassi was on full-time duty wrangling the Witches of WeHo, while Ariana was just trying to get through her new bartending gig without being shanked by Kristen. But as time went on, Stassi and Ariana have revealed their true colors as boss bitches who take no sh*t and look out for their own. IMO, these two are winning VPR right now—in honor of these two queens’ birthdays (happy birthday Stassi and Ariana!), here’s why.
Their Boyfriends Are Obsessed With Them
Obviously, Beau Clark stole everyone’s heart this year, and doubly so if you follow him on Instagram. Yes, Beau is handsome, funny, and fits right in with the VPR gang. But the most adorable thing about him is how blatantly obsessed he is with Stassi. He shares #OOTD pics, makes her elaborate, Stassiage-based breakfasts, and FaceTimes her what her dogs are up to when she’s away. I’d say he’s following the perfect boyfriend handbook to a tee, but honestly he’s pulling moves I hadn’t even thought of. This guy is straight-up reinventing the game.
Then there’s Sandoval and Ariana: a relationship you might be tempted to overlook just because it’s been so solid for so long. But this year, Sandoval honestly impressed me with how he stepped up for Ariana. These two have always been head over heels in love with each other—now, they’re learning how to face challenges as a team. In this season’s reunion, the issue of Ariana getting married and having kids came up once again (*massive eye roll*). Sandoval shut that line of questioning down, and wasted no time pointing out what bullsh*t it is that Ariana is consistently asked about it. Sandoval didn’t take the opportunity to espouse his personal views about marriage, but instead stood up for his partner and solidified their stance as a couple. It was exactly what we need from men in 2019, and let’s just say I’m proud of Ariana for getting him there.
They’re Making Major Professional Moves
I’ll keep this brief—I’m not trying to depress anyone, including myself. In the last year, Stassi published a book, Next Level Basic, that became a New York Times bestseller. Ariana is launching a skincare line, Facelixir, and just bought a house with her bar-owning boyfriend Sandoval—so it’s safe to say this power couple did well for themselves this year. I won’t completely suggest that Sandoval’s success with TomTom is due to Ariana’s influence, but let’s give at least a little credit where it’s due. Ariana has helped transform Sandoval from an over-eager cocktail aficionado into a hardworking business partner—and she’s even willing to stand up to Lisa Vanderpump to protect his reputation. If Ariana doesn’t get a cut of TomTom already, maybe she should.
They’ve Overcome Huge Personal Hurdles
Earlier this year, Ariana opened up about a skin cancer scare. She had her lymph nodes biopsied, and a melanoma removed from her chest. Thankfully, she’s all clear now, but she took the opportunity to spread awareness of how important it is to advocate for yourself with your doctors and to stay vigilant about your own health. Ariana has always been open about her personal struggles when she feels it can benefit the public, including season 6’s frank discussion of sexual discomfort and learning to love her body. The way Ariana handled this year’s health scare proves that she’s stronger and more determined than ever to fight for what she cares about.
Stassi, on the other hand, has never been one to open up too deeply about why she’s feeling the way she is—until her struggles with Beau changed all that. Suddenly faced with the possibility of losing Beau over mood swings and a temper she’s struggled to control her whole life, Stassi leapt into action. By the reunion, Stassi was a much more self-aware, honest version of herself, having clearly gone through some deep reflection and hard work to undo destructive patterns and get to the root of her insecurities. It’s the kind of emotional deep dive everyone needs to do at some point in their lives, and it was such a sign of growth for Stassi that she not only took those steps, but also shared that journey with the VPR audience. Somehow, I can’t see “I am the devil and don’t you forget it” Stassi of season 1 doing the same.
All in all, these ladies have stepped up personally, professionally, and romantically—and their futures honestly couldn’t look brighter. Happy birthday Nastariana! Looking forward to at least another seven years of watching you grace my TV.
Images: NBC; @thegoodthebadthebogie; @officialkatiecazorla; @stassischroeder / Instagram
Between the drink throwing, the cheating, and the verbal lashings these people dish out and take each week, the Vanderpump Rules cast has turned reality television into an art form. It almost makes us forget that they first flocked to Los Angeles to, ya know, follow their dreams of acting and modeling. These people have so, so, SO much to be ashamed of based off their show alone, but there’s even more shameful stuff in their past. Let’s take a look at the highlights of their slightly less embarrassing, hilariously underwhelming iMDb pages and lackluster portfolios before they became reality show riot-makers.
Kristen Doute Was In An Award-Winning Movie
Every struggling actress dreams of being in a movie that has received acclaim from the Michigan Film Awards or the Honolulu Film Awards. Turns out our very own Kristen Doute starred in a movie that got awards from both esteemed festivals, plus the highly coveted Golden Ace Award at the Las Vegas Film Festival! Why, oh why did she let her reality television show and T-shirt line get in the way of becoming the next Meryl Streep?
I honestly have no idea what’s going on in this trailer, so I really feel compelled to watch it in full to understand what the hell is going on. Plus, the lawyer in it seems like the kind of guy that would buy me a vodka soda at a Lower East Side bar and invite me back to “The Ski Lodge,” which is code for his Upper East Side apartment where he does tons of cocaine. This so happens to be my type, which means I am all in on this movie. The plot says that the movie is about a young artist and her lawyer’s lives intersecting, but all I see is a hot mess.
Stassi’s Embarrassing Makeup Commercial
After watching this commercial, I’ve decided that Stassi is never allowed to make fun of Scheana’s showcases or makeup ever again. In fact, I don’t think Stassi is allowed to make fun of anyone else ever again because this commercial is a travesty. It consists of Stassi preening while wearing a makeover that I can only assume was given to her by someone who has a personal vendetta against her.
I thought her costume jewelry phase was her worst look ever, but then I saw Stassi wearing this sarong that was probably purchased at a Sandal’s Resort gift shop. And can we talk about that other white corset and underwear paired with black stockings? I don’t know about you, but when I think of beach apparel, I TOTALLY think of wearing something from the clearance rack from Frederick’s of Hollywood.
But to Stassi’s credit, you can tell she is totally over this commercial because she’s grooving to the music with the enthusiasm of someone waiting at the DMV. Can you blame her, though? This music is probably what they play while they put you on hold when you call a Hawaiian Holiday Inn Express. Based off the hair color she has in this commercial, I think this is around the time she was dating Jax and paying for all his bills. (Again, I know way too much about these people.)
Beau Was In A Lifehouse Music Video
The only reason I remember this song from the VH1 Top 20 Music Video Countdown is because the beginning chords were the reason I would switch the channel until this song was over. So no, I have not seen in in full and that’s why I never made the connection that Beau was in this video. He’s so adorable here, even if his #OOTD was a PacSun T-shirt over a long sleeved T-shirt. Hey, that was the “style” at the time! We could’ve gone without the attempt at Pete Wentz hair gone wrong, though. However, Beau’s not adorable enough for me to make me endure a song by a band that’s like Maroon 5, only not fueled by Monster Energy Drinks and a secondhand high from fumes of too much hair products.
Lisa Vanderpump Was In An Episode Of ‘Baywatch Nights’
We honestly though Lisa could do no wrong until we saw that episode of her in Baywatch Nights. Not Baywatch. Baywatch Nights, the knock-off version of Baywatch that starred David Hasselhoff (because it’s not like he has anything better to do) and the chick from Agent Cody Banks (I’m sure she’s done other stuff but that’s all I remember her for). Lisa played a manager of a posh beach club that is constantly clad in pink. So essentially, she was playing herself. Surprisingly enough, however, she played the villain for once because she couldn’t persuade the producers to give her a good edit like she usually does. And I forced myself to watch the episode until I finally caught a glimpse of the HBIC herself. And TBH, I continued to watch the show because for some reason I just couldn’t stop. It was an over the top train wreck starring ridiculously good-looking people with a SoCal backdrop. Does this sound like a familiar formula for trashy television to you?
Lala’s Low-Rent Modeling Career
In her older Instagram stories, Lala was pretty open about how she used to model for um…lower end lines back in the day. I mean, check out these prom dresses:
I wish I were trashy-hot enough to pull this off, but I guess that’s just not my journey. Also, I wish I were hot enough to even have a prom date, but that wasn’t my journey either.
Lala also dabbled in modeling for tops they sell on Groupon, but you can only see the bottom half of her face. I say this as someone who judges almost everyone for almost everything: I’m not hating on her for modeling for lower end clothing lines. I can’t hate on her for shilling an inexpensive top that would be perfect for any woman trying to cover up the fact that they’ve given up on their diet for the past couple of days. I understand having to pinch pennies, because just last week I had to spread buying a bottle of water over two credit cards. However, I am side-eying her for throwing shade at flying coach and having 50 different names for “private jet” when she modeled clothes that aren’t exactly Fendi.
Also, I’m judging her for modeling in this sex pill ad too. It’s not the sex pill ad I’m hating on, it’s the guy she’s pretending to be attracted to. If this low-rent Dan Bilzerian unbuttoned one more button, he’d look like J.Lo at the Grammy’s in 2000.
Katie Was In ‘He’s Just Not That Into You’
I kind of remember seeing He’s Just Not That Into You because it was 2009 and I was doing whatever I could to support Jennifer Aniston’s rocky transition from television to film. Turns out, Katie had a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it cameo as a girl who nodded a few times and looked vaguely sympathetic while rocking a serious “I’d like to speak to your manager” haircut. Katie should really teach a seminar on method acting.
Season 7 of Vanderpump Rules airs Monday at 9pm, an event I’ve been anticipating with a fervor my boyfriend some have described as “chilling.” I can’t help it. As a latecomer to the series, this was the first season I could spy on via the cast’s Instagram. As such, there a lot of drama that I’m excited for. Brittany and Lala’s engagements, the launch of Kristen’s T-shirt line, and the 20-30 meltdowns I anticipate Ariana having over her still-unreleased cocktail book, to name a few. But most of all, I’m excited to watch Stassi Schroeder with her new boyfriend, Beau Clark. I’ve been stalking the living sh*t out of their relationship, and they are goals in every sense of the word. So you don’t go into season 7 totally uninformed, I’ve compiled a list of what we know about Beau Clark. Let’s dig in.
The Timeline
In a February episode of Straight Up with Stassi, Stassi revealed that she and Beau began dating in August 2017. They were introduced by Katie and Kristen, an opening that seems dicey until you realize the still-married Katie and Schwartz were introduced by Kristen too. Hey, maybe she has a career as a matchmaker if the T-shirt line doesn’t take off. As a reminder, Stassi’s breakup with professional sh*thead Patrick Meagher was also right around that time.
Broken up with on our anniversary after I planned a trip for us to Mexico. Call me Carrie Bradshaw. @rachaelnobrien you're coming w me now.
— Stassi Schroeder (@stassi) August 12, 2017
Don’t we all miss Patrick, guys??? JK, and I’m psyched that Beau apparently made an appearance no more than two weeks later. As a little background on Beau himself: he works in commercial casting, lives in LA, and loves the Rams (it’s a football team, I had to look it up), country music, and dogs. Here is his Instagram. On the podcast, Beau says he was reluctant to meet Stassi at first after looking through her Instagram. The bleach blonde, Botox, bottle service look was apparently not for him—but on their first meeting, they “closed down the Mondrian talking.” He’d never “laughed as hard ever with anybody,” and all around it sounds like a fairytale first date.
Flash forward six or so months and Stassi, understandably reluctant to put another relationship in the public eye, goes IG official with Beau. She posted a series of stories documenting the Valentine’s Day he set up for her. As proof that the man knows who he’s dating and how to make her happy, decorations included “dead people gloves,” handcuffs, creepy clown posters, and plenty of images of hearts being stabbed with knives. Plus, a special Valentine’s edition of their couple’s OOTD. Anyone else’s Valentine’s Day suddenly feeling totally lame in comparison? Yeah, same.
Stassi’s debut couples post:
Their Shared Life
Since then, it seems like it’s been pretty smooth sailing for the couple. At the Vanderpump Dogs Gala this past week, Stassi and Beau gushed about how happy they were, admitting that marriage is “on their minds.” While Beau had some initial reluctance to appearing on-screen for season 7 (he’d never seen VPR before he and Stassi started dating), it seems like filming went well. Notably, Beau has bonded hard with the whole Vanderpump crew, so much so that Stassi insisted they were no longer “ best friends.” “Now, they’re our best friends,” she shamelessly brags. If that isn’t the f*cking dream (never putting up with any of your boyfriend’s friends again because you both mutually agree on the 4-6 most fun people to hang out with), I don’t know what is.
Here’s their latest double date night (dogs in tow):
While I can’t find any solid proof they live together, I’d largely assumed they do from her Instagram. It’s pretty much a 24/7 reel of them eating Taco Bell, lounging on the couch with their two dogs, pulling elaborate pranks on each other and filming it, or getting ready for double dates with their friends. (Most often, actually, Brittany and Jax, which I find surprising.) Though I think the two dogs belong to Stassi, Beau appears to be a dedicated dog dad. And Stassi, for her part, now has plenty of personalized Rams gear and accompanies him to games. Seems like one of them is making the bigger sacrifice there, but he also basically became a Bravo star for her so it’s fine.
Here’s the Rams gear I mentioned:
And here’s a peek at their freakin’ cute home life:
Their Vacations
In addition to living a disgustingly adorable life at home, the couple has taken a few extremely sick European vacations. Here they are in Berlin and Paris this November:
Here they are being disgustingly cute in Italy in May:
And while these trips are enviable in their own right, they also seem to be an opportunity to hang out with Beau’s sister, Georgia, who—from what I can tell—lives there. The couple has annoyingly only documented their hangouts on their stories (and her IG account is private), but from what I saw, Stassi fit right in with the fam. Also, they’ve been a fabulous opportunity for Beau to up his Instagram-boyfriend game:
BRB, forwarding this link to my boyfriend with the caption “take notes.”
Ultimately, watching Beau and Stassi’s relationship on social media has been an absolute joy. They seem to share each other’s sense of humor, even while his laidback demeanor provides a slight contrast to the high-strung sh*t-stirring side of Stassi we all know and love. I’m no Us Weekly body language decoder, but they’re positively radiating joy in every photo together. Plus, over the course of their relationship, Stassi has invented a holiday, come out with a Witches of WeHo Pinot Grigio, written a book, and risen to 1.4 million followers on Instagram. Not only are they (seemingly) gloriously happy, they’re pushing each other to be the best versions of themselves. So, so happy for you Stassi—and can’t wait to see this all unfold, starting MONDAY!!!
