The final season of Game of Thrones is upon us, and I’m sure you’ve all seen plenty of predictions, questionable spoilers, and lame people complaining about how they don’t care. But there’s one issue that hasn’t been getting nearly enough coverage, and it’s time to address the most important Game of Thrones question: which character has the most Big Dick Energy? 2018 was the year of BDE, and honestly, it’s not going anywhere. Whoever wins the iron throne is irrelevant, but whoever has the most BDE…now there’s a reason to bend the knee. Move over Pete Davidson, because winter is coming.
10. Lyanna Mormont
Lyanna doesn’t have a huge role in Game of Thrones, but anytime she is in a scene she is exuding big dick energy. She’s a literal child who rules her house like a boss, and grown-ass men respect the hell out of her. She’s a no-nonsense bitch, and she’s got the BDE to prove it.
9. Tyrion Lannister
It’s been heavily implied that Tyrion is well-endowed, and the energy of his endowment matches the size. He can drink anyone under the table, has a witty comeback to everything, and to put it bluntly: this guy f*cks. Big dick energy for a big dick’d man.
The first thing we learn about Ygritte is that she’s very good at making fun of Jon Snow for being a virgin who can’t murder her. Love that. She also teaches Jon Snow how to eat pussy, for which I deem her a BDE legend. Plus, she brought us the line, “You know nothing, Jon Snow.” And for that we are eternally grateful. May Ygritte and her BDE RIP.
7. Lord Varys
Lord Varys may be missing his member, but he has the dick energy of a man with a 12-inch shlong. He always has to tea to spill, and he does so very strategically. He’s a messy bitch who lives for drama, and he’s always playing games. That sh*t takes a lot of energy–big dick energy, that is.
6. The Night King
This dude goes around murdering people for like, no apparent reason? Kind of a dick move, but also a big dick move. Guy gives zero f*cks. Like, he literally came to slay.
5. Just Like, Dragons In General
Dragons can fly, breathe fire, and are generally terrifying and beautiful. This is the big dick energy that Westeros deserves.
4. Daenerys Targaryen
She is the mother of dragons, need I say more? I don’t need to, but I will. Daenerys started out as a servant-bride, who then simultaneously rebirthed herself and three dragons by surviving a fire, and continued to casually gather a massive army of soldiers who have all bent the knee to her as their queen. Swing that big dick energy around, girl.
3. Cersei Lannister
Cersei has two modes: drinking wine while arching her brows, and mercilessly murdering people with a smirk. That makes her a giant bitch with massive dick energy. Sure, she f*cks her brother, but she is also a woman in a man’s world who has managed to rise to the top by outsmarting everyone at every move.
2. Olenna Tyrell
From the moment Olenna Tyrell walked on the scene, talking about cheese in her gorgeous headdress, we all knew we were dealing with a goddamn queen. Pretty much every line she delivered became an instant meme, as she was never not dishing out blunt insults and witty wisdoms. And she did so right up until the iconic moment that she died, when she used her last moments to talk shit about Cersei, and then calmly tell Jamie Lannister that she killed his son, right after he had decided to grant her a painless death via poison. That right there is peak BDE.
1. Arya Stark
Let’s be real, any girl who has a list of names of people to murder has the most big dick energy of all. Her entire life since the series began has been dedicated to seeking revenge via murder, so like, she might be a sociopath, but we know for sure that she is a BDE queen. Remember when she cut up two of Walder Frey’s sons, fed them to him in a pie, slit his throat, carved off his face, and used it to disguise herself as him, and then slaughtered the entire House Frey? Yeah, there isn’t a ruler out there big enough to measure that dick energy.
So these are the official rankings for now, but we’ll be watching carefully throughout Game of Thrones season 8 to see if anything changes. Maybe Jon Snow will suddenly stop being a little bitch, or maybe Dany will do something to really annoy us. Who knows? This sh*t is about to get crazy, and I can’t wait to see it all go down.
Images: HBO, Giphy (10)
If you haven’t heard about Big Dick Energy, you clearly haven’t been on social media all week. WTF? And if you’ve never been in the presence of Big Dick Energy, please stop hanging out at houses of guys who have a “Saturdays Are For The Boys” flag. Like most ridiculous concepts that you didn’t know people could conceive of, BDE is a concept that came from Twitter. It was first used when talking about Anthony Bourdain (RIP) and then used when talking about Pete Davidson. And like any viral thing, it just took a life of its own that will inevitably die out when Ellen Degeneres features it on her show or Fat Jew steals a meme about it. Big Dick Energy is the capacity to carry yourself with an unshakable confidence and truly not give a fuck. I honestly have no idea why this is called Big Dick Energy, because there are way too many well-endowed dudes out there who have zero confidence, but it’s a vibe that any gender can cultivate. Check out some female celebs who have BDE.
I don’t know about you, but when I first heard about Big Dick Energy, I immediately thought of Rihanna. No seriously, I didn’t think of guys who seem like they have big dicks. I thought of Rihanna. She made nipple piercings and bringing your own wine to restaurants cool. Sure, those are things that I have since done to disappoint my parents, but that’s still Big Dick Energy. She even brought a flask to the Grammys, because are we still acting like award shows are interesting (besides the red carpet or when someone does something offensive)? Completing the cinnamon challenge or gallon of milk challenge would be easier than encompassing into words how much Rihanna has—no wait, invented—Big Dick Energy. So I’ll leave this video of her instead because it does her BDE justice.
2. Lala Kent
You need a lot of balls to cheat, lie, throw drinks, and nearly commit murder on camera for Vanderpump Rules. But you need hella Big Dick Energy to suck milk and honey out of a baby bottle on camera for Vanderpump Rules. Lala’s epic one-liners alone emit BDE. “Obviously I’m not getting paid to have sex, although that would be dope”—that would make a great Seeking Arrangements slogan, boo. “I’d like to thank my little kitty cat because it takes that D like a champ”—better than any Oscars thank you speech. “Once you let a guy inside any of your holes, it’s very easy to get back in”—engrave that into my grave. Lala lives everyday like it’s payday, and luckily for us, every day just so happens to be a good day to take your top off. And that, right there, is the essence of Big Dick Energy.
3. Kathryn Merteuil
I don’t know about you, but I was pretty surprised that the plot of Cruel Intentions is about a dumpster baby of the Winklevoss family who falls in love with a Southern version of a virgin who can’t even drive. I really thought it was about bad bitch Kathryn Merteuil kicking ass and taking names all while being high on cocaine. Isn’t that what Jordan Belfort basically did? And any finance dude or frat bro will tell you Wolf of Wall Street is all about dick energy (of course after telling you how much Big Dick Energy they definitely don’t have). The X-rated version of Blair Waldorf legit had her own sex lair. Did Jordan Belfort? Nah. Kathryn Merteuil is the movie embodiment of BDE.
4. Kris Jenner
I know the Kardashian family is used to paternity drama (*cough* Kylie’s bodyguard and OJ Simpson), so it wouldn’t be shocking if Rihanna turned out to be Kris Jenner’s daughter the entire time.
Exhibit B: Their Big Dick Energy. Either that, or Big Dick Energy comes from vodka and hanging out with rappers. Regardless, Kris Jenner is the biggest hustler. She truly changed the landscape of Hollywood. And being the most ruthless and the most fabulous person on the planet definitely means she has BDE.
5. Anyone Played By Julia Louis Dreyfus
Elaine Benes does it like a dude: she shit talks, sleeps around, and is just as much of a dick as any of the guys she hangs with. George Constanza definitely is the embodiment of Small Dick Energy, but out of all the guys there, Elaine definitely embodies Big Dick Energy the most. One time she threatened to have the IRS crawl so far up a politician’s colon, he better think the only thing they find is more cancer! You’re gonna need to have a proverbially big dick to get that far up their colon so they feel completely emasculated. And I don’t even have to say that much about Selina Meyer. How can the first female president NOT have BDE?
6. Cardi B
I’m semi-surprised Cardi B didn’t invent this term, because it seems like something she would do. Cardi B certainly has BDE because she’s so unapologetic. From the famous “let me fat in peace” to “I know I look good. I know I’m rich, I know I’m talented. I know I could get any man I want—any basketball player, football player,” Cardi knows who she is and she gives the least amount of fucks possible. Watching her twerk at Coachella while heavily pregnant and telling the crowd that she wanted us to see how she got pregnant in the first place was truly inspirational.
7. Mindy Kaling
Mindy Kaling once said she is so confident because her parents raised her to have the confidence of a privileged white guy. First off, do you know how confident privileged white guys are? The Republican primary literally turned into an argument about who has the bigger dick. That’s not confidence. That’s Big Dick Energy. Her parents clearly raised her to go after what she thinks she deserves and while doing it, she’s broken down a lot of barriers. And breaking down barriers takes a lot of Big Dick Energy.
Images: Giphy (2)