6 Summer Wedding Trends We Need To Retire

Once again, wedding season is upon us. Bring on the free cocktails, questionable hookups, and bridesmaid dress drama that comes with all things nuptials from May through September.

Along with said wedding season is the absolute anarchy that reigns with summer wedding trends. Beachy everything, cacti, obnoxious footwear, and questionable headwear all seem to come out when the weather is at its most brutal. I mean, what’s a summer wedding without a lemonade bar, right guys? And everyone needs to be barefoot because the temperature is over 80 degrees and we’re just outside folk now, right?

Wrong. There are ways to have a classy, cute, and true-to-you summer wedding without giving in to the absolute worst and most cliche summer wedding trends out there. Like, go nuts with flowers. Wear a lace dress. Don’t encourage your guests to wear flip-flops. Here are our least favorite wedding trends for summer, and if you’re caught doing any of them, know that you’ll be judged.

1. Succulents

Succulents had their f*cking moment in the sun (no pun intended) the last few years. It’s time to move on. I get that we all love Joanna Gaines and her super adorable succulent/Anthropologie-esque decor, but translating it into a wedding for the fifth year in a row is gonna be a no from me, dog. Opt for something more interesting, like long grasses, summer hydrangeas, or sprinklings of wildflowers. It’s literally summer, there are literally flowers everywhere. You don’t need to channel boring with an aloe plant as a centerpiece.

2. Flower Crowns

If you still think flower crowns are in, then I’m willing to bet that you still have a Live, Laugh, Love sign hanging somewhere in your house or apartment. Unless you’re heading to Coachella, flower crowns have had their moment and it’s over. They do not belong at your wedding.

It is a rare bride, indeed, who can pull this off without looking like a Manson family member. The only way a flower crown is acceptable is if your dog wears one as he comes down the aisle as the most goodest boy ring bearer there ever was. Oh, and don’t make your bridesmaids wear this sh*t unless you want to be the subject of a really mean group text. Opt for flowers woven into hairstyles, instead, if you insist on making this whole affair boho-chic.

3. Overly Minimal Sh*t

Plain dresses, a lack of decor, furniture, and rugs that look like they’ve been brought straight out of that IKEA up the street do not make a trendy summer wedding. We blame Meghan Markle for the boring dress trend and undone hair (yawn), but the minimalist sh*t seems to always pop out in the summer when folks feel the need to lighten up everything. Just because it’s hot doesn’t mean you need to cut corners on your decor or flowers. If you want a dress decked out in lace and sequins, then f*cking go for it.

4. Bad Hashtags

So, terrible wedding hashtags aren’t necessarily a summer wedding trend, but they are, overall, a sh*tty wedding thing we’re tired of. We’re all tired of seeing #BrandonPooSaysIDo or #TheNicholsonNuptialsAreNeat or #StanAndBranDoTheDamnThing. If you insist on having a hashtag, keep it short, simple, and nice. Try not to get overly funny, punny, or clever; it never translates, and your grandmother is already super confused about what Instagram even is. She did send you a birthday message on Facebook, though, which you have yet to respond to.

5. Flip-Flops

You know what’s f*cking disgusting? A man in flip-flops. Go ahead and @ me in the comments. You’re probably the type of person that loves seeing a dude’s big, hairy, un-manicured feet hanging off the sides of a cheap, plastic, $2 flip-flop. We get that it’s summer and you want your guests to yolo or whatever, but can you just trust that your guests are all adults and will, hopefully, wear comfortable, seasonally appropriate footwear?

Do you really need the large basket of multi-colored flip-flops with your wedding date stamped into the bottom, just waiting for their moment on the dance floor? Save the money and put it toward your open bar—something everyone can actually enjoy (except kids, but they’re not real people, so).

6. Mason Jar Drinks

Omg, it’s summer. So you need a lemonade station dotted with mason jar cups, right? Won’t that be so adorable? Won’t that totally communicate how down-to-Earth and super fun you are? No. Mason jars had their moment in the sun circa 2012. It’s time to put them back in your redneck neighbor’s basement where they belong. Put out adult beverage glasses and call it a day. I can guarantee that approximately zero people will see your mason jar setup, yell “HOW QUAINT”, and submit it to Vogue as a burgeoning wedding trend.

Images: Unsplash; Shutterstock

Overdone Spring Wedding Trends We Don’t Want To See

If you’ve already been bombarded with invitations for upcoming spring weddings, mazel tov and welcome to adulthood. We’re all for basking in the glow of happiness and love, but being subjected to the same spring wedding trends over and over (and over) can get, well, boring. Just because spring weddings aren’t super common doesn’t mean we haven’t seen the same floral decor everywhere. If you’re planning a spring wedding for 2020 (or a quickie elopement for April or May) here are a few trends you’re encouraged to remove from the nuptials narrative, if you will. In other words, avoid these wedding trends for spring like Miranda Priestly would avoid florals.

1. Flower Crowns

wedding flower crown

This isn’t Coachella circa 2012. Flower crowns definitely had their moment in the spotlight a few years ago when literally everything was boho-inspired or nature-centric, but it’s time for this particular trend to go back from whence it came, which, I assume, is the Indio desert. Flowers in a bride’s hair are absolutely acceptable, but forcing 10 bridesmaids to have woven crowns of orchids or roses or some rare poisonous bloom I’ve never heard of? No thanks.

2. Succulents As Gifts
Wedding Succulent

They’ll die. You’re dooming that cute cactus and that adorable baby aloe plant to be left behind and thrown away, or to sit in a car until it shrivels and dies, or to be sentenced to a life of being nibbled on by a passive-aggressive cat. Give your guests something they’ll use and love immediately, like extra bags of cookies or local honey.

3. Hand-Painted Signs

wedding sign

I don’t care how much money you saved on Etsy. The whole boho-chic wood sign with calligraphy trend is dead to me and probably to the majority of your cooler guests. If you have attendants or a wedding planner or other people like that working your wedding, use them to usher guests to their seats. Additionally, let’s curtail the poems about how we’re all family and we don’t need to pick a side. Of course I’m picking a side. Unless you want me to sit in the middle of the aisle, which I can also arrange.

4. Bare Feet

Barefoot Bride

This feels like disease ready to strike. If you’re planning on saying vows at the edge of the ocean in the heat of summer, fine, ditch the shoes. Treat yourself. However, if your wedding is set on a quaint farm in the mountains and the temperature is hovering around 60, please don’t go barefoot. It’s tacky, we know you’ve lost feeling in the tips of your toes, and all I want to do is throw some nice warm wool socks at you. I can’t help it. I’m very nurturing.

5. Chevron

Chevron Wedding Invitation

I’m hopeful that this trend, which seems more likely at weddings taking place March through June, is slowly going to make its way back to children’s playrooms where it belongs. That’s neat if your sorority used pink and grey chevron to spark joy; seeing this zigzag pattern on tablecloths, napkins, and runners is one of those spring wedding trends that makes me (and, likely, the rest of your guests) feel carsick.

6. Insanely Large Bouquets

Bridal Bouquet

I get that it’s spring and flowers are blooming and you want everyone to know just how dedicated to pretty things you are. That’s great. But oversize bouquets are heavy, take focus off of you in pictures, and tend to be extraordinarily expensive. Instead, opt for daintier pairings of fresh wildflowers or classic tea roses, hydrangea, or lilac. Skip the giant arrangements of daisies and baby’s breath.

Images: Omar Lopez / Unsplash; Shutterstock (5)