It’s officially August, which means you’ve finally given up on your summer body and Target is filled with 18-year-old girls fighting over twin XL sheets with their moms. In other words, it’s back to school time. Back to school means many things, such as the
end of joy return to some minimal responsibilities (look, if you’re in college, don’t even whine to me about how “hard” your classes are. Talk to me when you have to decide between a 401K and an IRA). To others, the back to school season is the reveal of a carefully orchestrated glow-up that took months of secret planning. But nothing can ruin your meticulously crafted New (School) Year, New Me persona than a fashion fuck-up. Here are a few things you definitely shouldn’t wear this year, because they’re just socially unacceptable at this point.
1. Puffy Vests
Vests have been having a moment for way too long and it is time for that moment to be over. Besides the fact that they’re
hideous bulky and unflattering, everyone wears the same like, four ugly vests. Shoutout to J.Crew and Vineyard Vines for convincing college girls to basically wear floatation devices on a daily basis.
2. Jeggings That Don’t Actually Resemble Jeans
I get it. The invention of the jegging was revolutionary because now you can look semi-presentable while wearing pants that don’t feel like pants. But like, let’s not get ahead of ourselves and do something regrettable, like wear jeans without a zipper or pockets. Those are fine for stay-at-home moms who are involved in some kind of MLM to feel useful and independent, but probably not the look you’re going for.
3. Printed (Non-Workout) Leggings
Now that people sell ugly cotton printed leggings out of their homes (see: MLM), printed leggings are cancelled. I mean, they’ve been on their way out for a while, but once they started being sold like Tupperware at a house party, their fate was sealed. Obvi, you can still wear printed leggings to the gym (or to Chipotle, as long as it’s a solid athleisure outfit and not leggings and a sweater or some shit).
4. Riding Boots
You do not need to be wearing anything that is inspired by equestrian equipment to the library. There’s just no way around it. I don’t even like the fact that there’s probably an outfit that incorporates these on my “style” Pinboard from 2011, so I really can’t imagine actually wearing them.
5. Weird Scarves
Despite what the tacky name may suggest, you can’t wear infinity scarves forever and the time to stop wearing them is like, yesterday. These are outdated and blanket scarves are better. You’re welcome.
6. Fur Vests (Maybe)
Like everything else good in this world, Forever 21 tried to kill off the fur vest last season. These are pretty much dead, so definitely don’t buy a new one. However, if you have one sitting in your closet that you can’t part with because you’re a stage five clinger, I guess we can make an exception just this once.