For the last 18 years, ABC has slowly sucked the will to live out of us with a torture device known as The Bachelor. I hate this show. But my god, I LOVE this show. You know what I mean? In the beginning, it was gripping because reality TV was relatively new, and we got to see people genuinely fall in love. In the end times (that’s us now, am I right COVID/murder hornets/Isaias?) it’s gripping because of the unconventional endings and the overwhelming desire to know which blonde women from the South will end up with the best FabFitFun sponsorship when it’s over. But, through the years, one thing that’s remained constant in Bachelor Nation is its disdain for spoilers. That’s right! Bring on the racists and the sex offenders, but don’t you DARE spoil this contrived mockery of modern courtship for the masses. Or at least, that’s what they say. But I’ve got another theory. I think ABC actually LOVES having the season spoiled. And, dare I say it…they may even spoil it themselves. Allow me to explain.
First, let me lay out the evidence that ABC claims to hate spoilers. Just last season, Chris Harrison went on Almost Famous, Ben Higgins’ and Ashley I’s podcast, and told them that spoilers “ruin people’s lives,” are “disrespecting the hard work done by writers and producers,” and that people who spoil the season “have no self-worth.”
Oh, Chris. That’s cute. But people with no self-worth are busy ruining their lives by texting their cheating ex 73 times at 1am (hypothetically!), they don’t spoil The Bachelor. Producers also make the contestants sign an NDA when they go on the show, which of course includes a clause forbidding them from revealing the ending.
But even with that clause and Chris Harrison publicly cursing Reality Steve’s name, somehow spoilers get out. Every season since Jason Mesnick’s, actually, and I know like 75% of you reading this were still wearing a diaper when he was publicly changing his mind (ugh, men). So, spoilers have been a part of the Bachelor franchise for a long time—longer than March 2020. And of course there are some reasons for this that don’t involve an underpaid production assistant getting wine drunk and chatty in a public place near a recording device. Obviously The Bachelor is a big production, and they have dates out in public, so naturally people are going to see them, take pictures, and tweet about it. And some seasons the lead even spoils it themselves. Kaitlyn Bristowe actually posted a Snapchat in bed with her winner Shawn Booth before the season finished airing.
Well Kaitlyn just gave away who won the bachelorette on snapchat @RealitySteve pic.twitter.com/MlbIX3fNQx
— Graceanne Parks (@GraceanneParks) June 13, 2015
So, like, did Kaitlyn get in trouble for this? If she broke this clause in the NDA and didn’t get sued, can contestants on the show finally talk about “controversial topics” like feminism? Please hit me back, Bachelor lawyers. And, if she didn’t get sued, doesn’t that just further the idea that, at the very least, ABC doesn’t really care if their show is spoiled? The only consequence for her actions that I could find was when Jimmy Kimmel told her that ABC was “very, very mad.” Well! I didn’t know they were very, very mad! Two very’s! That should certainly serve as a strong deterrent to other contestants.
So, of course, plenty of people, spies and dummies alike, are spoiling The Bachelor. They have never been able to contain it. My bet is that ABC decided that if you can’t beat ’em, join ’em. Because we have finally made it to my star witness, the season that has me all riled up, Season 16 of The Bachelorette, aka The Clare Catastrophe™ . The Clare Catastrophe™ began all the way back in March, when Clare Crawley, woman who talks to crabs, was announced as the Bachelorette. And then her season was immediately put on hold due to COVID-19. That makes sense, they’re swapping a lot of bodily fluids over there. But now that we have the virus under control (lol I am a mole person and everyone is still dying) they began filming in July in one isolated location. One isolated location I might add, that immediately got leaked. That means no going out in public on dates, no leaving the property at all, and STILL spoilers got out. I’m no genius, but I’m pretttyyyyy sure that means that someone on location had to be the one to spill the metaphorical beans, no?
You can find our full explanation of The Clare Catastrophe ™ here, but I’ll give it to you quick to prove my point. First, Reality Steve found out that Dale Moss got the first impression rose. HOW WOULD ANYONE WHO WAS NOT THERE KNOW THAT? The call was coming from inside the house! And then we had the Reddit post that outlined pretty much EXACTLY what happened with Clare, and how Tayshia was coming in to replace her. AND THEN we have this Instagram account that revealed EVEN MORE about why Becca and Hannah Ann have shown up.
Sorry for all the caps, guys, I realize this looks like an email from my grandpa, but I am THAT jazzed up about it. Because at this point they just want people to speculate. They could have easily made sure that no one knew Hannah Ann was coming and locked down the location, but they didn’t.
So, we have the fact that the information about Clare’s season leaked even though they were quarantined for filming. And sure, some of the information could have been from contestants that were called back, but that doesn’t account for the location being leaked, the first impression rose info, and the story that was posted on Reddit. And then we have the fact that the show is getting a TON of publicity from this. Did I care two weeks ago about a sad, lonely old lady looking for love? Sure, but that old lady was me. Now I’m pumped to see how this season all goes down, there have been non-stop stories on major media outlets about the season every single day, and people give a sh*t again. HUH what do you know? So why wouldn’t the people who benefit from this the most be the ones to put it into action?
Every website is talking about the "Bachelorette," all former contestants are on social media discussing it, they're congratulating Tayshia, etc. This is productions wet dream. We're over a month away from premiere & look at how many people are giddy over what's going on.
— RealitySteve (@RealitySteve) August 5, 2020
And I’m sure this isn’t the last we’ll hear of this season. The leaks will just keep coming, they’ve opened up a can of worms. These spoilers are basically me with an episode of Schitt’s Creek. Once you watch one, you may as well stay up for 52 hours and watch the entire series! And though ABC will NEVER admit that they may have played a part in this or at the very least benefited from it, and I’m sure Chris Harrison will have a field day sh*tting on these spoilers during filming, you and I know the truth!
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Images: ABC/John Fleenor; Giphy (1); graceannparks, realitysteve/Twitter; lexniko/Instagram
I know you all think the devil works hard and Kris Jenner works harder, but I can now definitively say that Reality Steve works the hardest. Because this man has just spoiled what Chris Harrison has described as the unspoil-able Bachelor season. *Slow clap for Reality Steve*. That’s right, this week the Godfather of reality TV spoilers finally got the confirmation he needed to reveal which Kappa Kappa Gamma social chair our precious Pachi is going to choose! See, 2020 isn’t so bad, after all!
Now, I don’t think it really needs to be said again because I’ve used the word spoiler an absurd amount of times so far, but to those of you not really paying attention because you’re recovering from the seven vodka sodas you drank last night when you went out for “just one drink,” the rest of this article WILL TELL YOU how The Bachelor ends. So if you don’t want to know, get the f*ck out. I don’t need any death threats in the comments, I already get enough of those from my family group chat. We’re not like Madison’s family, we don’t pass a plate around to compliment each other, we pass it around to smash on each other’s heads. So, with that, let’s take a look at how this all ends for our Bachelor.
Somewhere in the world right now, Peter is tormenting Madison with yet another salsa dance while he makes her beans and rice from a can and calls it “moro,” correcting her pronunciation each time. Here’s how it goes down: Madison leaves the show before the final rose ceremony. Peter then cancels that rose ceremony and doesn’t pick anyone. He goes home, pursues Madi, and eventually she gets over the fact that his dick was recently inside the girl featured prominently on her laundry detergent, and takes him back. They are currently dating but not engaged. Why do I get the feeling that since they’re not on The Bachelor anymore, those airplane hangar dinners have turned into dates at the Auntie Anne’s in Newark Airport’s Terminal A? I’m right, right?
Reality Steve also thinks that Peter is going to propose to Madi on After the Final Rose, which is how Chris Harrison is getting away with saying “Even Peter doesn’t know how it ends!” Which makes sense, because if Peter doesn’t know who he’s with right now I think that golf cart injury caused a much larger problem than just a gaping head wound that not even TV makeup could keep from looking like a vagina on his forehead.
chris harrison: not even peter knows how this season ends…
me: #thebachelor pic.twitter.com/Kua8bodZju— riley!! (@frenchfryley) March 3, 2020
Now, there was a bit of excitement after Reality Steve posted his final spoiler because apparently what happens in this finale is more heavily guarded than a cruise ship filled with coronavirus. In the aftermath of his spoiler, he tweeted this:
Just gonna put this out there. Since my post this morning, I’ve been on my phone non stop. Plenty of things being said. The whole thing is a mess. Being told so many different things now. Original sources sticking by what they said. New sources saying that’s not it. It’s madness!
— RealitySteve (@RealitySteve) March 5, 2020
So, what does that mean, Steve?!?! I’ve got a deadline and I can only pretend to be looking for GIFs for my real job for so long before my boss starts to catch on. Nothing I work on in corporate America requires a short video of Kristen Wiig miming a blow job! So I’m going to give you a very professional line I obviously learned from People magazine: as of press time (lol), Reality Steve has not changed his spoiler so we’re going with it. Madison is the winner. Sorry, I mean Madison is the lucky recent college graduate who gets to spend the rest of her life with the black stain on Delta’s reputation.
Unfortunately, this means that the theories I wrote about earlier this season have been proven false. Shall we revisit a few of them for a little fun?
No One Is Pregnant
This theory was recently revived by the fact that Kelley wasn’t at the Women Tell All taping. Kelley stans claim that’s because she got pregnant with Peter’s child during their hotel encounter in August. How romantic! But let’s not pretend like Peter isn’t one to prematurely ejaculate in a bathroom stall during their first sexual encounter, okay? Reality Steve says Kelley is not pregnant, and I’m inclined to agree. If she was, she would be seven months along right now! ABC would never be able to resist a Beyoncé-style reveal at the WTA; she would have definitely been invited. Plus, if any girl on this show was trying to get pregnant to trap our lead, don’t you think it would be someone who is, say, a “content creator”, rather than a lawyer? Exactly.
He Does Not End Up With a Producer
The producers of The Bachelor are all bound by a blood oath and a coven of 100 witches to never turn against ABC, never f*ck a lead, and to receive 35k a year as payment for ruining contestants’ lives (and then devise a segment on how bad bullying is). So this was never going to happen. My condolences to all of you poor, innocent souls that bought this one. I hope you’ll be more cynical next time.
Hannah Brown Does Not Come Back
Much to our Bachelor recapper’s dismay, Hannah Brown will not be returning to steal Peter’s heart. She thought about it, but then she saw the pus oozing out of his stitches and immediately demanded that the historic windmill in which they banged (four times!) be destroyed and found a doctor to perform the Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind procedure on her. She is now living in bliss with no memory of Peter, off to dance her ass off on tour with a more lucrative ABC show.
And there is your final Bachelor spoiler of the season! I’m looking forward to being chained to my couch for four hours next week to watch something play out exactly as I know it will! I’ll see you all there. Bring me wine!
Images: Francisco Roman / ABC; shesallbach, kelleyflanagan, 747flyr, enews/instagram; realitysteve, frenchfryley/Twitter
If you’ve been paying even an ounce of attention to this season of The Bachelor, you’ll know that Peter has narrowed it down to the final three contestants, and things are looking BLEAK. We have Victoria F, who has a rap sheet longer than my longest relationship and can’t have an adult conversation without gaslighting Peter, Madison, who’s probably going to skip the fantasy suite to go to church, and Hannah Ann, who definitely already has her eye on her next lucrative modeling gig. If you watch this show because you want to see true love, then this season has been a clear disappointment. But now, there’s a pervasive rumor that involves Peter finding love after all, and I’m 100% here for it.
If you’re the kind of person who happily reads spoilers, then you’ll know that this season has been dubbed ~the unspoilable season~. Chris Harrison has said that they figured out a way to make this season unspoilable, and so far, even Reality Steve hasn’t been able to figure it out. But the big rumor these days is that Peter actually ends up with Julie LaPlaca, one of the Bachelor producers. Dun dun DUN.
This rumor has been circulating for a couple weeks now, and it started mostly as unverified Reddit tea, but now it’s picked up steam and it’s not going anywhere. There’s evidence going all the way back to New Year’s Eve (we’ll get to that in a second), but just yesterday, Peter was spotted at a winery in LA with LaPlaca and his mom. Page Six got ahold of the video, and now my faith is restored in humanity. They’re drinking wine and dancing, clearly having a good time together. Honestly, you love to see it.
Now, considering that Peter literally brought Madison to his parents’ vow renewal on their first date, the fact that Julie met his mom doesn’t mean much, but it still seems suspicious AF. But wait! Yesterday wasn’t even the first time Julie LaPlaca has met his mom! Close your eyes, and come back in time with me to New Year’s Eve, 2020. Actually, don’t close your eyes, because you’re reading an article, but you get the idea.
On January 2nd, Peter’s dad (whose Insta handle @747flyr is my favorite thing) posted a photo of his family at lunch on New Year’s Eve in New York. We’ve got the whole gang—mom, dad, brother, AND JULIE. That’s right, the Bachelor producer in question went to a NYE lunch with Peter and his family before the show even started airing! She’s even tagged in the photo! God bless Peter’s dad for not signing the same NDA that Peter did, and for not deleting the photo when the rumors started going around.
On that same trip to New York, Julie posted a photo of herself in Times Square. Cute! She looks happy, which is way more than I could say of myself if you made me spend New Year’s Eve in Times f*cking Square. But you see that man over her shoulder, on the left? The dedicated detectives of the internet figured out that, yeah, that’s Pilot Pete. They were clearly together for the whole day on New Year’s Eve, and we all know what’s supposed to happen at midnight. Adding another layer to the whole theory, Hannah Brown also commented “I approve” on this photo. Maybe it doesn’t mean anything, but MAYBE IT DOES.
If they are together, Peter and Julie have kept things pretty low-key since New Year’s, which makes sense, considering he’s currently starring in a show dedicated to him finding love, and Julie isn’t even one of the options. I’m sure that his social media activity in the past couple months has been heavily controlled by ABC, but I don’t think they’ll be upset if these rumors are true. Imagine the ratings! Imagine the tabloid coverage! Imagine the articles that I myself will write! Because this is crazy! Like, there were 30 deeply thirsty women there all laying their lives influencer careers on the line to try and get Peter’s attention, and he went with the producer! In terms of drama, this is the chance for the show to truly peak.
And Chris Harrison, one of my favorite messy bitches who lives for drama, hasn’t done much to quiet the rumors. This week, he was stopped at LAX by the paparazzi, and asked about the Peter/Julie rumor. After saying that Julie is a great person and producer, he responded to the drama by saying, “Far be from me to get in the middle of a good rumor.” Yeah, okay Chris. Obviously, he’s not going to spoil his own show, but he’s not denying it either.
He fueled the conversation even more on Tuesday, when he posted a photo of himself with Peter and Julie that was taken during filming. Obviously, we know that Julie was around during filming, so the photo itself isn’t shocking, but Chris knows exactly what he’s doing here.
At this point, I’m hoping the rumor is true, because Peter seems like a nice guy, and there’s a zero percent chance he’s getting married to any of these other women. Sorry, but it’s true. Luckily, we only have to wait a few more weeks to see it all play out on the show, because I’m really losing my patience with all these people. In the mean time, Peter, you should probably avoid public places with Julie, because everyone is watching!
Images: Shutterstock; Page Six; 747flyr, julielaplaca, chrisbharrison / Instagram
On last night’s episode of The Bachelor, it really seemed like it was Victoria F’s time to go. Her hometown date with Peter didn’t go great, and ended with her basically gaslighting him into apologizing for something that was definitely her fault. But as we’ve seen time and time again this season, Peter did what the producers wanted the unexpected, and kept Victoria F after all. He must REALLY want to go to the windmill with her, because there is absolutely no way he thinks he’s getting engaged to this woman. (He can’t think that, right?) But I digress, because I’m not here to talk about what’s actually happening on the show. That’s because, also on Monday, Victoria F’s old mugshot surfaced, and with it, a treasure trove of legal history that I feel like we need to talk about.
The Bachelor legal news this weekend kicked off on Sunday, when Bachelor alum and two-time Paradise contestant Jubilee Sharpe was charged with a DUI in West Palm Beach. Jubilee’s arrest, while a major yikes moment, was pretty low-level Bachelor news. I mean, we’re in the midst of one of the messiest seasons ever, so a past contestant’s random DUI arrest doesn’t feel that relevant. But then, the Bachelor gods blessed us, and uncovered the one mugshot that I really wanted to see: Victoria F.
On Monday afternoon, Page Six reported that, back in 2017, Victoria F was arrested for driving while intoxicated in Virginia Beach. That’s a DWI, in case you’re not good with abbreviations. After the arrest, Victoria was initially sentenced to a year in prison, but that ended up getting suspended. Too bad, because she totally could’ve been the new star of Love After Lockup. Instead, she spent two years on probation, and had a restricted license that only let her drive to work, school, and alcohol safety classes. Maybe we’ll hear the full story on The Women Tell All, but Victoria will probably just say that the Virginia Judiciary website is spreading lies about her.
Speaking of the Virginia Judiciary website, it turns out Victoria F has a pretty extensive history when it comes to driving-related mess-ups. While her DWI is the most serious thing on her record, there are no less than 13 charges that come up when you search for her! THIRTEEN. I got one speeding ticket when I was in college, and I thought my life was over, so it’s really remarkable that our sweet, psycho Victoria F has racked up a rap sheet like this.
Of the charges listed, seven are for speeding, which like, damn. I know everyone speeds when they drive (except my dad, and it’s super annoying), but you would think after the first four or five speeding tickets, you’d take a hint and just take your foot off the gas a little bit. The VA Judiciary site conveniently gives us all the info, including the speed she was driving vs. the speed limit, and this is now officially my favorite website.
Aside from speeding, Victoria has also been pulled over for not wearing her seatbelt, failing to yield when entering the highway, and illegal possession of alcohol when she was like, 19. Silly Victoria, everyone knows when the cops break up the party you’re supposed to hide in the bushes. What is this, amateur hour?
Two of the more interesting charges are for “OPERATE/PERMT OP UNLIC MTR VEH,” which through some intense Googling, I’ve learned means operating or permitting operation of an unlicensed motor vehicle. This means that she was either driving an unregistered car, or she owned an unregistered car that she let someone else drive. Yes, I’m basically Judge Judy now, thanks for asking. These two incidents were also nearly three months apart, so was she really driving with expired license plates that whole time? I looked at the Virginia DMV website (the only time I’ve ever willingly thought about the DMV) and it only costs like $40 to register your car. There is really no excuse.
So we now know that Victoria F is not only incredibly shady on the show, but she is also a bad driver. How could Peter love a woman with such a blatant disregard for traffic laws? I mean, I don’t think he does love her, but that hasn’t stopped him from sending home less chaotic women like Kelley and Kelsey in favor of Victoria’s craziness. Whatever, this season is trash.
One more tidbit that I just thought was fun—Victoria’s most recent hearing was last October for one of her speeding charges, and the date of the hearing was… convenient. From Reality Steve’s real-time spoilers, we know that Victoria’s hometown date was filmed in Virginia Beach on October 28th, just days after Victoria had to appear in court. That’s sooooo sweet of the Bachelor producers to work their travel schedule around Victoria F’s court dates! Funny, I bet when Peter was like “what have you been up to at home?”, I doubt Victoria mentioned that she went to court for literally the hundredth time.
Personally, I feel that this legal history is just another compelling reason why Victoria F should absolutely be the next Bachelorette. They always want the most dramatic season ever, and I have no doubt that Victoria would deliver. Just cast a bunch of dudes whose marriages she’s (allegedly) broken up, along with Chase Rice, of course. Whoever is willing to get in the car with her after seeing her driving record—they’re automatically the winner! Chris Harrison, don’t let me down!
Images: ABC; Virginia Judiciary
This article contains major spoilers for the upcoming season of The Bachelor.
For us Bachelor fans, this is a rough time of year. We’re deep in the off-season between Paradise and The Bachelor, which means that Monday nights feel empty, and we have to pretend to be excited about things like Lauren Bushnell marrying some country singer. Which like, congratulations to them, but I need some DRAMA.
In the past few weeks, we’ve had to make due with stories about Rachel and Colton feuding, Amanda Stanton possibly stealing a Chanel bag, and Pilot Pete breaking his face while filming. All of these stories have been entertaining, sure, but now we finally have some truly wild sh*t to talk about. On Monday, Reality Steve dropped a huge bomb about one of the contestants on the upcoming season of The Bachelor, and we absolutely need to talk about it.
Filming for Peter’s season has been in progress since last month, and it’s now been narrowed down to the final four women. For all of you seasoned Bachelor fans, you know what that means: hometowns. Reality Steve has all the info about who the four finalists are, and the filming schedule and locations for the dates, but today I’m just going to focus on one of them. Her name is Victoria Fuller, and she sounds like a god damn nightmare.
According to Reality Steve, he’s been hearing things about Victoria since before she was even announced as a contestant: “I can honestly say in all my years doing this, I have never had so many negative stories and as many people contact me about one person than I have this season with Victoria Fuller. It’s been unreal to be honest.” Oh damn, you already know this is gonna be good. Steve goes on to say that the first email he received was on September 7th, over two weeks before filming began. The email alleged that Victoria has a reputation around Virginia Beach for sleeping with married men.
For someone who’s going on a TV show looking for love, that’s obviously a troubling accusation, but Reality Steve insists he took it with a grain of salt at first. But then, he says “the emails kept coming, and coming, and coming, and coming all saying the same thing. Basically that she was bad news, many people in Virginia Beach knew the stories about her, and I should look into it more. Not only that, but if I looked deep enough, I’d probably be able to find a marriage or two that she broke up because of it. So I looked. And I found. And I’m not talking about this happening once, or even twice. The info I was receiving was talking about her having done this three or four times.”
THREE OR FOUR TIMES?? I can barely get three or four guys to respond to my dating app messages, let alone leave their wives to be with me! This is obviously a terrible pattern of behavior, but I’m also a little impressed. That’s probably a f*cked up thing to say, but it’s the truth. Reality Steve continues, saying that the women who Victoria has, um, interfered with aren’t just random strangers, but “were actually women Victoria knew and was friends with.” Apparently she even went to some of their weddings!!! AHHHHH.
Steve is clear that he’s vetted these accusations as thoroughly as possible, and that he’s even personally spoken to some of the women who’ve had their marriages ruined by Victoria.
But there’s an even crazier part of this. At least one of the women claims she was contacted by ABC about going on the show, which means that The Bachelor producers KNOW ALL ABOUT THIS. It’s one thing when someone has a shady past that they don’t know about, but to give Peter a contestant who you know is a serial homewrecker is just insane. Victoria and Peter’s hometown date took place on Monday, and apparently someone showed up who Peter used to date years ago. Steve says she warned Peter about Victoria’s past, but it’s unclear what actually went down.
The woman who was talking to Peter after he and Victoria were done with the concert was Merissa Pence. She dated him briefly years ago, she’s a VB local, and she was there to warn him about Victoria bc she knows all about her past. I will fill you in tmrw on what went down. pic.twitter.com/WNthCf0nZb
— RealitySteve (@RealitySteve) October 29, 2019
We don’t know if Victoria will make it past the final four, but the fact that she’s gotten this far shows that she’s seriously good at playing cool. If she ends up making it further, we might have another Jed Wyatt situation on our hands, but it’s still too soon to know. Whatever happens, I have a feeling that this might be…the most…dramatic…season ever? I know I’ve said it before and been wrong, but you guys, Victoria Fuller sounds like she’s on a whole other level.
Images: ABC (2); realitysteve / Twitter
So uh, I guess these are spoilers for Peter’s season of The Bachelor, but not really. Read at your own risk!
If you weren’t that impressed with the crop of contestants for Peter’s season of The Bachelor, apparently you’re not the only one. They’re currently filming, and the latest update on what’s going down behind the scenes almost made me fall out of my chair. Buckle up, because Hannah Brown is back in town.
Here’s what happened. A few days ago, there was a group date planned for Peter’s season. At the date, Hannah was set to make an appearance, and she was going to trade sex stories with some of the women. Not sure I love the concept, but it makes sense for an appropriately cringey Bachelor group date. I’m sure Hannah was going to talk about the windmill, and we all would have loved it. But at the last minute, the date was canceled, with the official reason that Peter was sick. This has happened before, so it wasn’t really a cause for concern, BUT THEN.
Again, this is a spoiler ahead so don’t continue reading if you don’t want to see spoilers.
Apparently, Hannah and Peter were talking before the date, and that’s when Peter decided to cancel. Then, instead of going home, he and Hannah continued to hang out. Homeboy wasn’t sick at all! All of this info comes from @bachelornationspoilers on Instagram, and while these things can be hard to confirm, people saw Hannah at the date location. Whatever did or didn’t go down with Peter, she was definitely there.
Honestly, I’m not thrilled about this development. I like Hannah a lot, but I feel like the Bachelor producers need to chill tf out and just let the new season be its own thing. After sitting through an entire season of Bachelor in Paradise that felt like an inside joke we weren’t in on (they need to film at Stagecoach next year), I was looking forward to The Bachelor getting back to normal. Okay, maybe not like normal normal, but just your average season of The Bachelor where the guy just has the choices presented to him. Is that too much to ask??
But instead, we’re getting another round of The Bachelor with literally no fourth wall, where the events on the show are too intertwined with the real world for anything to actually be believable. Maybe Peter will end up engaged to the girl with the puka shell necklace (yikes), but maybe he’ll just keep DMing Hannah instead. They really should start filming this show on a remote island, with no one allowed in or out until it’s all over. It’s the only way.
Obviously, Peter’s season is far from over, so I’m not saying he’s going to ditch all the women for Hannah, but this behind the scenes info isn’t especially promising. On the other hand, there are also rumors that Hannah is hooking up with her Dancing With The Stars partner Alan Bersten, which I personally would support. Last night, they did a Q&A together on his Instagram story, and they seem to get along super well. Whether this is a DWTS fling, the beginning of something serious, or just two randos who are being forced to spend a lot of time together, I’m into it.
It’s been an exhausting few months in Bachelor Nation. We’ve had Tyler and Gigi, Mike and Demi, Blake and everyone, Amanda and the Chanel bag, Nick and Rachel Bilson (maybe), and it seems like we haven’t seen the end of the drama for this year. Guys, I need a f*cking nap. But Bachelor Nation never sleeps, and apparently neither do I. I’ll be waiting eagerly to see whether Peter finds the love of his life, or if he jumps the fence like Colton did (LOL that the fence jump happened like seven months ago, I feel old). It’s going to be a fun journey.
Images: ABC; bachelornationspoilers, alanbersten / Instagram
We’ve still got a lot of drama to get through on this season of Bachelor in Paradise, but at the same time, the cast is creating plenty of drama outside of the show. This week alone, we’ve seen Demi get into a major Twitter fight with Bachelor alum Tanner Tolbert, and now we have a mystery to solve with Tayshia and John Paul Jones.
At the start of this week’s Paradise, we saw JPJ give his rose to Onyeka, and Tayshia accepted a rose from Blake. After all the drama that went down during week one, it was obvious that Tayshia was done with Blake’s lying ass, but I respect the hustle of still accepting a rose. This is a game of love, but mostly a game of strategy, and Tayshia is playing to win. After taking Blake’s rose, Tayshia jumped ship and started connecting with John Paul Jones, which feels correct. Obviously, we don’t know how their relationship progresses on the show, but I don’t feel like either of them are likely to be engaged within the next few weeks. But are they still hanging out now that Paradise is done filming? After a quick Instagram deep dive, it appears that the answer is yes.
Yesterday, Tayshia posted this picture of herself fishing on a boat at sunset. Great pic, great sunset, 10/10. But the plot thickened when someone in the comments asked if she’s on JPJ’s boat. Wait, what?? Tayshia responded with a cryptic message about how she lives in Newport Beach, and there are lots of boats there too, but she didn’t actually answer the question. Then, Tayshia deleted the post altogether, which is definitely suspicious behavior.
First of all, this photo was not taken in Newport Beach. In the Betchelor podcast Facebook group, numerous California residents were quick to point out that this is not what sunsets in Newport Beach look like. It 100% looks like she is on a lake. I mean, there are trees in the background, and they’re not palm trees!
Aside from the location being questionable, there’s also the fact that the boat just like, is John Paul Jones’ boat. Here is a photo that JPJ recently posted of himself on said boat:
I mean, what else do I even need to say? Look at the cupholders. Look at the seat cushions. Look at the railings. It’s the same f*cking boat. Tayshia and John Paul Jones can play dumb all they want (and they’re probably contractually obligated not to say anything), but we’re all seeing right through it. I have a feeling that someone from production reached out to Tayshia and was like “Hey, you need to take this down, we can all tell you’re on JPJ’s boat.” I don’t blame her for feeling herself on the boat, but she seriously underestimated the sleuthing powers of Betchelor Nation.
So obviously Tayshia and John Paul Jones are still on good terms after Paradise, but I guess the main question is whether they’re in a real relationship, or whether Tayshia is pulling a Blake and buying a plane ticket “just to kiss.” I honestly don’t know if I have the capacity to get invested in any Paradise couple, except maybe Demi and her girlfriend. In general, I’m just here for the drama.
Images: ABC thebetchelor, johnpauljonesjohnpauljones / Instagram
If you couldn’t guess from the headline of this article, today we’re going to be discussing spoilers for this season of The Bachelorette! So uh, if you’re one of the 10 people who doesn’t know about the ending of this season yet, feel free to stop reading now.
*moment of silence so hopefully I don’t get yelled at in the comments for spoilers*
Okay, we back. So at this point, it’s not really even a spoiler to say that Jed had a girlfriend when he went on The Bachelorette. I feel like I practically know the woman at this point, and there’s no doubt that Jed is a lying piece of sh*t who only wants to promote his equally sh*tty music. The thing that is still a spoiler is that Jed ends up winning this season, outlasting douchelord Luke and man of my dreams, Tyler.
Diving further into the spoilers, last week Reality Steve broke the news that Hannah ended her engagement with Jed after finding out about the girlfriend stuff, and now their relationship is apparently 100% over. I’m happy for her, and I’m also happy that the breakup was reportedly filmed and will be shown on After The Final Rose. Thank God for Mike Fleiss being a messy bitch who lives for drama.
While all of this drama with Jed is interesting, it’s not truly surprising, because literally all men are trash. What actually surprises me is how widely this season’s spoilers have spread. Last night, I was casually scrolling down Twitter when I happened upon this tweet from Cosmo:
Okay Cosmo, feeling reckless?? If you’ll notice, up at the top of this article, I put a nice little warning that I was going to talk about spoilers for the rest of The Bachelorette. It took me 10 seconds to write! I’ve never cared that much about spoilers, but there are some people who would be seriously disappointed to see this from a mainstream account like Cosmo.
This specific tweet might have been a faux pas, but it’s representative of a larger trend that’s happening with The Bachelorette this year. While spoilers for this show have always been pretty easily accessible, usually you have to go looking for them at least a little bit. Everyone knows that you shouldn’t follow Reality Steve if you don’t want spoilers, but usually major entertainment accounts aren’t just spoiling the show right on their feed. At least, not without warning people first.
Is this just a natural progression of everyone living their lives on social media? Or has the ongoing saga of Hannah B and Jed unlocked something specific in Bachelor nation? I have a feeling that it’s a bit of both. Obviously, it can be tough to avoid spoilers for any show on social media. I didn’t even watch Game of Thrones, but I still knew exactly what happened in each episode from spending two minutes on Twitter.
But also, people have really been loving Hannah as the Bachelorette this season, and to hear that Jed so thoroughly f*cked her over is just…ugh. Usually I don’t really care about these people, but I think everyone really just wants the best for Hannah B. I’m glad that she’s kicked Jed to the curb, because she definitely deserves better.
Even if we already pretty much know exactly what’s going to happen, I’m fascinated to watch the end of this season play out, especially with the drama that’s going to happen on After The Final Rose. It’s going to be a wild ride, and obviously we’ll keep you updated with any new spoilers. That is, if you don’t see them on Twitter first.
Images: ABC, cosmopolitan / Twitter
