Well, ladies… it’s here. Bachelorette season is officially upon us. And, I don’t know about you but the “pin the dick on the dude” theme is really getting old. Listen, I’m all for helping your girl sow her wild oats one last weekend before the wedding, but let’s put a pause on the penises, ok? Let’s be a little more mature and do a grown up theme… Like dressing as if we were in 3rd grade again. (Everyone loves a 90’s theme.)
But if you’re going sans-penis, what are we decorating with? That’s where we come in. Because let’s be honest…you’ve got a lot of sh*t on your plate already. Whether it’s deciding who gets which room in the Airbnb or forcing different friend groups to get along, one thing you shouldn’t have to worry about are the details of decor. Which is exactly why I planned it all for you. You’re welcome in advance.
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LAST DISCO
Let’s be real, not a single one of you was even alive during the disco era. But honestly, who cares? If it means that the only type of balls that will be at the party are disco, I’m in. And, one thing I can pretty much guarantee is that none of you will be Stayin’ Alive with the hangover you’re sure to have on day two.
Disco Ball Headband And Veil
Every bride wants to be the center of attention, so this headband will ensure she shines brighter than anyone else.
Shop it: xo, Fetti Disco Ball Headband + Veil, $9.99, Amazon
Last Disco Foil Balloons
Is it even a themed party if you don’t have balloons that literally spell out the theme?
Shop it: xo, Fetti Last Disco Foil Balloons, $11.99, Amazon
Disco Ball Foil Curtain
More is more when it comes to disco decor.
Shop it: xo, Fetti Disco Ball Foil Curtain, $15.99, Amazon
Stayin’ Alive Hangover Kit
I think this is self explanatory—help the group come back to life after a long night out.
Shop it: Stayin Alive Hangover Kit, $2.65, Etsy
Y2K
A bachelorette party already feels like one giant sleepover, so why not just embrace it? Just go to your parents house, dig through your childhood closet, and I’m sure you’ll find A) a Juicy tracksuit, B) PINK sweatpants, C) your collection of hit clips or, D) all of the above. All that’s missing is some blow-up furniture and a few feather boas.
Y2K Icons Party Banner
If Paris Hilton was pictured wearing and/or using it in 2005, it belongs on this banner and at your bach.
Shop it: Y2K Icons Party Banner, $3.69, Etsy
Bride Bucket Hat
Shade the bride from the sun while bringing back the best trend of the early ’00s.
Shop it: Bride Bucket Hat, $34, Shop Betches
Checkered Drink Pouches
It’s giving Limited Too graphic t-shirts and I’m absolutely here for it.
Shop it: xo, Fetti Checkered Drink Pouches, $9.99, Amazon
Iridescent Fringe Foil Curtain
So insta may not have existed back then, but this photo backdrop would’ve looked just as good on a disposable camera as it will on your phone.
Shop it: xo, Fetti Decorations Iridescent Fringe Foil Curtain, $12.99, Amazon
NO THEME
Okay, hear me out. What if you went to a bach and the theme was simply…. Bachelorette Party? Let the bride be a bridezilla and wear white for 4 solid days straight, drink water that she desperately needs at the end of the night from one of those bride straws, and mourn celebrate her last few months/weeks of being unwed. Can’t go wrong with a classic.
Pearl White Hair Bow
It’ll match every single one of the 30 white outfits she brought on the 3 day trip.
Shop it: xo, Fetti Pearl White Hair Bow, $12.99, Amazon
Bride To Be Sash
It’s not a classic bach without a sash.
Shop it: xo, Fetti Rhinestone Bride To Be Sash, $8.99, Amazon
Bride And Diamond Ring Straw Set
How will you know who’s the bride and who’s not if you don’t have specific straws that say it??
Shop it: xo, Fetti Pink Bride + Diamond Ring Straw Set, $14.99, Amazon
Bride Balloon
I don’t need to spell it out for you, but she’s getting f*cking married and wants everyone to know.
Shop it: xo, Fetti white Jumbo Bride Balloons, $19.99, Amazon
Rose Gold Foil Curtain
You’re going to need some color so the Bride Balloons don’t blend in with the stark white walls of the Airbnb.
Shop it: KatchOn Rose Gold Fringe Curtain Backdrop, $10.97, Amazon
LAST RODEO
If you’re not scream-singing Shania Twain at the top of your lungs by the end of the night, did you really even go to a western-themed bachelor party? Give the girls what they want! And by that I mean a reason to wear the cowboy boots they bought last year that are sitting in the back of their closet…
Bride Cowgirl Hat
Every bride wants a hat with a veil ever since the ’98 version of The Parent Trap. IYKYK.
Shop it: xo, Fetti Bride Cowgirl Hat, $29.99, Amazon
Let’s Go Girls Glitter Banner
Man, I feel like a woman.
Shop it: xo, Fetti Let’s Go Girls Glitter Banner in Silver, $10.99, Amazon
Cowgirl Boot Shot Glasses
The phrase “boot and rally,” has truly taken on a new meaning at bachelorette parties.
Shop it: Cowgirl Boot Shot Glasses, $2.99, Etsy
Cow Print Balloons
These are just so f*cking cute, I can’t.
Shop it: Cow Print Balloons, $6.99, Amazon
RIP TO YOUR SINGLE LIFE
I may or may not have binged one too many true-crime podcasts before writing this but if I could re-do my own bachelorette, you better believe this would have been the theme. Dressing in all black makes packing so simple. And TBH the vibe is giving Kourt & Travis Barker and I’m here for it.
RIP Single Life Glitter Banner
The whole group will literally be dead when they see this.
Shop it: xo, Fetti RIP Single Life Glitter Banner, $10.99, Amazon
Silver Fringe Backdrop
This metallic curtain is probably the closest you’ll get to the pearly gates on any bachelorette.
Shop it: KatchOn Silver Fringe Backdrop, $10.97, Amazon
Black Balloon Arch Kit
Decor to perfectly match the entire bridal party’s wardrobe.
Shop it: NISOCY Black Latex Balloon Arch Kit, $10.99, Amazon
Mrs White Rhinestone And Satin Gloves
Any reason to wear formal gloves feels like a good one.
Shop it: xo, Fetti Bachelorette Mrs Opera Gloves, $9.99, Amazon
Feature Image Credit: Koolshooters on Pexels
Planning sucks, and bachelorette parties are a ton of work. So we’re taking all the guesswork out of planning a bachelorette party by breaking down top bachelorette destinations. Our guides will tell you where to stay, eat, party, how to get around, and give you a sample itinerary that you can follow. You’re welcome.
? “Concrete jungle where (bachelorette) dreams are made of…” ?
Manhattan is an obvious choice for a weekend of debauchery and making poor decisions life-long memories with your best friends. Not only is it one of the easiest cities to get to—and get around in—but it has everything, and we mean everyyyyyything going for it. World-class shopping (or questionable thrifted finds), 5-star hotels and spas (plus a gazillion Airbnbs that may or may not be legal), more restaurants, bars, and clubs than you could ever stumble into, and a boss bitch attitude that suits a bride-to-be and her crew planning on taking over the town.
Regardless of your personality, or goals for the trip, there’s a neighborhood that can satisfy the greatest of expectations—and get you drunk at the same time. Go all Blair Waldorf and Serena van der Woodsen on the Upper East Side, embrace your inner hipster in the East Village and Alphabet City, and act like you’re better than everyone else in the Meatpacking District. Or go everywhere and do it all, quasi inebriated. That’s the beauty of the Big Apple! Here’s how to bach it up once you’re there.
How To Get There
The great news about choosing Manhattan as your bach HQ is that it’s easy as hell to get to. If you live in New England or the Tri-State area (NY, NJ, CT) you can drive, train, or bus into the city (not that we suggest the latter, though…it is your bachelorette, after all). And if you live anywhere else in the country, or world, you can fly directly into one of three airports: JFK, LaGuardia, or Newark. There are about a million flights that go in and out of NYC every day, at all hours, and on all airlines, so booking your travel will be the easiest part of your trip. That means more time for researching bars, obvi. It’s also pretty cheap to get to Manhattan and flight deals can be found on sites like Orbitz, Kayak, and Expedia, starting at $50-60 one way, depending where you’re flying from. If you book far enough in advance, you’re only looking at a couple hundred dollars for a roundtrip ticket. That’s less than what you’ll spend on hotels, food, and drinks, and think of everything you can spend that extra cash on like strippers! quality bonding experiences with your mains.
How To Get Around
We’re pretty sure this city was plotted out with tipsy girls in mind, it’s that easy to navigate. If you have a Type A personality in the group, have her schedule your nights, because arranging dinner, drinks, and after-party spots in the same neighborhood means you can just walk (or try balancing three sheets to the wind in heels) from one venue to the next, without having to go too far. When you need to get back to basecamp, because someone’s on the verge of passing out, Ubers, Lyfts, and cabs are your best friend. They’re everywhere you need them to be, reasonably cheap, and some even come with saintly drivers who honor wasted song requests mumbled from the back seat.
Where To Stay
Pro Tip: Use HotelTonight to book. The top-rated hotel app offers steep discounts on rooms up to 100 days out, as well as suite upgrades and HT Perks (their rewards program).
The James New York, SoHo: This boutique hotel landmark is on the corner of Thompson and Grand and pretty much slays when it comes to checking off every hotel box in Manhattan. The best staff ever? Check. Posh rooms and corner suites for pregaming, glamming, and sleeping in style? Check. A rooftop oasis with a pool and bar? Check. (Jimmy at the James is the jam, as is Gitano Jungle Room downstairs) and it’s in SoHo. You don’t do NYC without doing SoHo.
Lotte New York Palace: If you’ve never watched Gossip Girl, we don’t know you, but if you have, you’ll immediately recognize this one as the courtyard where Blair, Serena, and co. used to REIGN. The Palace is the city’s largest luxury hotel (with a whooping 909 rooms and suites) and perfect for bachelorette groups traveling to New York City. They offer room blocks and extended stay rates, but you’ll want to book in The Towers as they’re recently renovated and more royally appropriate for this kind of event. They even have a Gossip Girl Getaway package available and for that, we’re eternally grateful.
BTW, engagement ring designer extraordinaire Martin Katz designed The Jewel Suite, and there’s a Champagne Suite with an expansive rooftop terrace and custom waterfall spa, so you’re probs going to want to book one of those…just sayin’.
INNSIDE New York NoMad: If you want to be closer to downtown, but can’t swing (or deal with) hotels in the Meatpacking district, set up bachelorette HQ in Chelsea. INNSIDE by Melià New York NoMad is ideally positioned (on West 27th Street) and features all the things girls gone wild love: reasonable rates starting at $150 a night, selfie-friendly backdrops, and places to rest, work out, and play. The spacious (for New York) accommodations and cozy beds are key for when you’re ready to catch zzzzs, but in-room essentials like Nespresso machines, plush robes, and rain showers will really save your life after a night of not sleeping, when Pedialyte and eye patches just won’t cut it. When you do finally emerge from your quarters to see the light of day, go straight to INNSIDE’s new signature restaurant, The Wilson. The new neighborhood mainstay is known for seafood dishes, al fresco dining, and top-notch cocktails, plus a menu just for dogs, in case your pooch is part of your wedding party.
Le Méridien New York: What used to be the Viceroy New York has recently been rebranded as Le Méridien New York, and after a cute little refresh it’s better than ever, with a penthouse suite that’s begging for a group of girls to move in for the weekend. What you can expect upon arrival: a baller presidential bathroom (plus two smaller ones for guests who don’t deserve to invade the queen’s throne), living room, dining room, kitchen, multiple bars, and two bedrooms. We would argue another reason to stay is because it’s luxe, yet more affordable than some of its downtown counterparts. It’s also within walking distance of Central Park, the Theater District, and Columbus Circle, and it has a roof for Insta opps galore.
Where To Eat
NYC is equal parts brunch culture and then dinner-into-nightlife culture. Listen, we take our “restaurant capital of the world” moniker seriously, okurrrrrr? Basically, you’re going to be wasted all day, since day drinking turns into night drinking and then after-hours drinking. The good news is, we’re going to hook ya up with plenty of spots to carbo-load so you don’t faint midway through the marathon.
Bagatelle: Smack dab in the heart of the Meatpacking District, Bagatelle is a “New York Institution,” and a given for bachelorette shenanigans. Open for brunch and dinner, it deserves a place on your itinerary. After devouring platters of avocado tartine and poached eggs, or truffled gnocchi and smoked salmon pizzas, there are magnums of champagne and rosé to drink, along with Rich and Famous cocktails, and overflowing bowls of booze that come with 20 straws. Then the party really gets started once the sparklers come out and everyone tries to dance on said tables without falling off. Issa French-Mediterranean-live-your-best-life kinda vibe, and we’re here for it.
Añejo: For boozy brunch on a budget, look no further than Añejo in Hell’s Kitchen or Tribeca. There’s no better place to go bottomless! In terms of drinks and food, we mean—it’s too early for the other stuff. Seriously though, they have the deal of the century with two hours of unlimited Mexican-inspired libations and small plates for $47 a person. Cure your pounding hangover with scrambled egg tacos and chorizo hash or carne asada con huevos with grilled skirt steak and yuca tots, then blackout cheers to the bride with six different kinds of margaritas and Bloody Marias, which sub vodka for tequila. Salud!
Baccarat Hotel: If you don’t wake up in time for brunch, go for fancy AF Afternoon Tea in the Grand Salon at Baccarat. There are tiered masterpieces of crustless sandwiches, tiny cheesy gougères, to-die-for mini quiches, and enough petit fours and scones with clotted cream to make Marie Antoinette roll over in her grave with envy. Arguably the best part of this extra affair will be sipping champagne from cut-crystal tumblers that cost more than your life. That, and ‘gramming it up with the girls in the mirrored jewel box setting. Just try not to break anything.
P.S. The Baccarat’s cushy suites (complete with lacquered red mini bars and Hermès throws) also make a viable candidate for alternate lodging, if you and your crew are next-level bougie.
STK: This steakhouse-meets-hot-spot lounge is where it’s at for sexy GNO dinners. Friday and Saturday get lit (thanks to DJ-spun tunes) and with two locations in Midtown and Downtown (Downtown has a rooftop BTW), you can party wherever’s convenient. Crazy good martinis, surf and turf, and all the apps in between are par for the ordering course (get the lobster mac, tuna tartare tacos, and truffle fries, duh) and if any members of your squad are single, even better. STK is always crawling with hotties you can sweet talk into buying you more drinks, since your tab is bound to be on the pricey side. Whatever, YOLO.
Catch Roof: Celebs, influencers, and social climbers love Catch, and so do we. It’s sushi goals in an upscale venue that’s always packed and high up on NYC bachelorette guides. As an OG Meatpacking haunt, it’s a must. You’re also likely to bump into famous people here (the Kardashian-Jenners, Chrissy Teigen and John Legend, and the Biebs have all been), but don’t be that girl who gets kicked out by security trying to take pics with them, alright?? Nosh on over-the-top rolls al fresco, then after the party it’s the after-party when the restaurant transitions into a lounge with bottle service after 10pm.
Santina: Nestled under The High Line, Santina is helmed by the Major Food Group dream team (of Carbone, Dirty French, Sadelle’s, and The Lobster Club fame) and it’s coastal, casual, and chic. AKA necessary for lunch. You’ll feel like you’re in Positano sipping spritzers, even if there are sirens blaring while you do so. It’s also one of the few entirely gluten-free Italian restaurants in the city. Must-try specialties include: squash carpaccio, capellini blue crab, and caprese grilled cheese.
Where To Party
There’s definitely no shortage of places to get f*cked up in the city, but it’s very easy to go down a Google rabbit hole trying to decide which velvet rope blocked door to hit first. So we thought we’d make it easy on you with this vetted list. Oldies but goodies like TAO Downtown, Avenue, Marquee, Up&Down, and 1 Oak are always name dropped, but they often come with long-ass lines, crazy covers, and annoying door guys and can be impossible to get into—unless you’ve got a hookup. Then again, a group of girls on a bachelorette party is basically a free hookup card and promoters are usually creeping around outside ready and willing to get you in. In any case, here are our tried-and-true faves:
PHD: With two outposts in the city—PHD Penthouse at Dream Downtown and PHD Terrace at Dream Midtown—you have double the opportunities to live up your last single days. Both venues have a few things in common: prime outdoor space and killer skyline views, big name DJs, and party people dancing and drinking until the lights come on, so you can’t really go wrong at either. If you want to be Downtown, PHD Lounge is also in the same building as Bodega Negra, Dream Beach, and Electric Room, which is a trendy basement bar in the hotel that goes from dusk to dawn, to dusk again. Our kind of place.
The Box: Things get weird at The Box. Weird as in, I once saw a guy do some pretty questionable stuff to a slice of pizza on stage, but that’s precisely the reason to go. It’s also fun AF when you’re with a big group and feeling rowdyyyy, as you do on a bachelorette. It’s all about the theatrics here, so most people go late for the kinky burlesque show portion of the evening, although they do have a full bar and dining menu so you could technically make this a one-stop-shop for the night. Just do yourself a solid and book a table in advance. You don’t want to deal with any door hassles because you’re queens and shouldn’t have to, k?
Le Bain: Cat Marnell famously once wrote: “I couldn’t spend another summer meeting deadlines behind a computer at night when I could be on the rooftop of Le Bain looking for shooting stars and smoking angel dust with my friends,” and when you step inside, you get it. The penthouse discothèque and rooftop bar (with a pool in the middle of the dance floor #NBD) is where epic times are had—that you probably won’t remember the next day. It’s also important to note Le Bain is in The Standard hotel in Meatpacking, so you could hit The Standard Beirgarten—an NYC staple for steins, pretzels (which you need to soak up the alcohol), Ping-Pong, and hottie banker boys.
The Fleur Room: Moxy Chelsea has everything you could ever want or need in one hotel (restaurants, bars, bunkbed-style rooms if you want a true sleepover moment with your baes), but the #1 reason to visit is for The Fleur Room. This new(ish) lounge is 35 stories up and swankkkky. Think: dimly lit, major chandeliers, 360° vantages of Manhattan (thanks to all-glass walls) and floral touches everywhere. They are in the Flower District, after all, and love a theme.
Magic Hour Rooftop & Lounge: As you may or may not be aware, the Moxy Hotel Group is all over NYC. They have numerous locations and cool bars at each. Over at their Time Square location, there’s a year-round carnival going on upstairs on the 18th floor. As the largest indoor/outdoor rooftop in Manhattan, it’s sorta like a garden party playground on steroids. There’s Foreplay for mini golf amongst a bunch of fake animals in naughty poses, state fair-style snacks (such as disco waffle fries with nacho cheese), and wild cocktails dreamt up by magician bartenders most likely after a bender. They’re made for sharing—and getting the bride tanked. Order the Disco Ball for All.
Friday, Day 1
Pro Tip: Download the GetYourGuide app so you can easily book last-minute actives i.e. bar crawls, group-discounted meals, and touristy bachelorette sh*t on the fly. Sex and the City Tour, anyone?
- First stop: your hotel to drop your stuff, check in, and aggressively hint it’s a special occasion at the front desk to score free glasses of bubbly.
- Saturday and Sunday are your biggest day drinking times, so take Friday as an opp to do ANYTHING else. Go vintage shopping in the Lower East Side, mingle with the city’s label whores on 5th Ave and Madison, hit up the new Hudson Yards, get your culture on at MoMA, walk The High Line, and once noon strikes, pause for lunch and maybe a shot or three.
- Grab lunch at Santina.
- Insert a meaningful and important culture moment here—like partaking in NYC’s Drunk History Tour, where you visit New York City’s underground and hidden bars while learning about the city’s Prohibition era.
- Chug as much water as you can and, I cannot stress this enough, NAP.
- If you’re still a bit intoxicated when you wake up and can’t work a blowdryer probably—or shouldn’t be trusted with liquid liner—there’s NYC’s answer to the get-ready dilemma: Glamsquad. They’ll come to your hotel room, do your hair, makeup, nails, etc. and have you moving faster (and looking way better) than if you attempted this feat on your own.
- Head to Dirty French, Carbone, or STK for dinner.
- If on the LES, do The Box, if in Meatpacking, end your night at PHD, Le Bain, Electric Room, and Brass Monkey for last call.
Saturday, Day 2
Pro Tip: Book an detox treatment with The Hangover Club, who will send angel registered nurses to your hotel room to IV you back to a state of normal, just in time for boozy brunch.
- Get up and raid the mini bar—for water and electrolyte-packed bevs.
- Make your way to rager brunch at Bagatelle.
- Head back to the hotel to nap. You’ll never power through otherwise.
- Get up, try to rally, and blast single lady anthems with the bride, then break out the concealer and other makeup must-haves…you need extra coverage.
- Do dinner at Catch and then stay for the after-party or try one of the Moxy spots, Fleur Room, or Magic Hour.
- Try not to lose your room keys or your dignity on your way home.
Sunday, Day 3
Pro Tip: Check your wallet before checking out. 9 times out of 10, our credit cards are still at last bar from last night.
- Do boozy brunch at Hotel Chantelle, Añejo, Black Ant, Poco, or Essex on your way out of town. Your liver isn’t going to shut down…for at least another few hours.
Images: Andre Benz / Unsplash; magichourny, fleurroomny, lebainnyc, theboxnyc, phdrooftopny, majorfoodgroup, catch, eatstk, baccarathotels, anejonyc, bagatellenyc, susieisabella, innsidenewycrk, newyorkpalace, jameshotels / Instagram
Planning sucks, and bachelorette parties are a ton of work. So we’re taking all the guesswork out of planning a bachelorette party by breaking down top bachelorette destinations. Our guides will tell you where to stay, eat, party, how to get around, and give you a sample itinerary that you can follow. You’re welcome.
In light of the super sweet (just kidding) comments in our recent The Top 5 Overdone Bachelorette Party Destinations, we decided to offer a bachelorette guide in a city that is both home to most (don’t @ me if you don’t live here) and cooler than, say, Las f*cking Vegas. Am I building this up too much? Probably. It’s Brooklyn, specifically the Williamsburg area, where all the former Murray Hill bros who are now taking over Brooklyn live. Hurry, before it’s too late! Book your bach weekend in Brooklyn for a good time in a place as full of ironic mustaches as it is under-the-radar bars.
Now, Brooklyn is def on its way to dethrone Manhattan as the borough in which New Yorkers actually want to live, which is saying a lot considering there was once a time that taxis wouldn’t even go to Brooklyn if they were already in Manhattan. Rude. BK is f*cking huge, so there’s a lot of ground to cover, but not to worry, we have a guide for that!
How To Get There
If you live in the Tri-State area, congrats, you’re already there! You can take just about any subway from any borough into most parts of Brooklyn. Since we’re mainly focusing on Williamsburg, Greenpoint, and Bushwick, you’ll be going off the L, G, and M trains, mostly. You may have to walk a little more to get to where you’re going than you would in Manhattan, but that’s what ya do in New York, so deal with it. If you live in another state, there are two airports in New York (LaGuardia and JFK) and one in New Jersey (Newark Liberty—but like, Jersey). Flying into LaGuardia is the best bet because it’s closest to Brooklyn and traffic is literally always the stuff of nightmares. If you don’t want to spend all of your rent money on an Uber from the airport and have a ton of time to kill, take the E train. You’ll be waiting for the train in an oven (the station) and will have to transfer at least once, and it will take anywhere from 2 to 17 hours, but the amount of money you’ll save will (maybe) make it all worth it. Honestly, I’d just take a cab.
Where To Stay
New York is home to killer hotels, so def splurge on nice digs for the weekend. Our Betches-approved recommendation? The Williamsburg Hotel, which is walkable from the Bedford Ave L stop. We f*cking love it, it’s the perfect mix of yuppie and what BK used to be. It’s also right next to, like, everywhere, so you don’t have to spend a lot of money or time getting from place to place. The most amazing thing about this hotel, though, is its rooftop/pool situation. If you live in New York, you know that there is a shortage of pools here, so the fact that there’s one here is huge. And, even better, hotel guests get priority access.
We Stan a New York hotel with a pool. And because it’s right across the street water from Manhattan, Williamsburg happens to have a few different subway lines running through it, so you can at least subway to your destinations and save money (because you’ll be wasted on the way back, so it’s better just to Uber). Also, if being #convenient and #efficient (hi) really excites you, you’ll be happy to know that you can walk to most restaurants and bars in the immediate area. More on this later on, y’all.
How To Get Around
New York is a walking city, so you really don’t have to spend a ton on transportation. Of course, there will be times when you’ll want to Uber (see: 3am), but for the most part, you can walk or take the subway.
Where To Eat
You literally have to book one of your dinners at Antica Pesa—specifically, your classy dinner when your group has gotten all dressed up. Like most amazing restos, Antica Pesa has two locations: one in Williamsburg and one (the OG) in Trastevere, a neighborhood in Rome. I mean, you know this place is legit if there are only two locations and one of them is in f*cking ITALY. If you’re a pasta fiend (welcome, sister), order the ragú d’antra. (But really, you can’t go wrong with any of the pasta dishes.) On keto or something? That’s fine—they have plenty of protein options, like grilled branzino and hand-cut beef tartare. Food won’t taste the same after this, and it will def be a meal to remember.
Obv, we have to include some killer brunch spots on this list, so I’m starting off strong and throwing out Sauvage. If you have Instagram/know a single human who lives in Greenpoint, you know what Sauvage is. If neither of these things apply to you, allow me to open your eyes to le best seasonal French food. This place is so bougie that this sentence exists on their website: “We are inspired by outsiders and the outdoors; by naturalists and botanists, farmers and wine-producers, and anyone who works to craft their own dreams, hewn from boundless creativity and restless energy.” Alrighty, then. The best thing on the menu is hands down the almond french toast. Everyone who eats it, eats it like Meg Ryan in Katz’s Deli in When Harry Met Sally.
Dceptive name aside, Extra Fancy is f*cking good and has serious ~vibes,~ especially if the weather is good. This Williamsburg locale is def not fancy—like, at all—but it has a huge patio with picnic tables/benches/bar out back and a separate patio for dining. This place kind of feels like if pubs were a thing in the U.S. The burger is fantastic, so if you’re a firm believer in calories not counting when you’re on vacation (which we all should be), order up.
Gemelli is another good dinner or lunch spot (that you’ll have to take the L to, but it’s worth it) that literally just opened, so you can tell everybody you discovered it (we won’t tell). With a green tropical-looking bar (appropriately dubbed “the green room”) and an outdoor patio, you’ll get the perfect Instas of your Mediterranean-inspired fare. Gemelli has enough on the menu that even the pickiest eater in your group will find something to enjoy, whether it’s a meatball sub smothered in cheese (that, dw, you can also get vegetarian), seared provolone served in a cast-iron skillet (think Italian queso), or pesto penne with homemade pesto. Oh, they also have a killer brunch menu.
Other must-dine places include: Sunday in Brooklyn, Shelter Pizza, Xixa, Gran Eléctrica, Seawolf, or (yes) Smorgasburg.
Where To Party
AKA the most important part of the trip. Let’s start on a slightly off-beat note, shall we? House of Yes in Bushwick is a movie any day of the week, but on Thursdays they throw Dirty Thursday nights, which have themes like 90s night, Rihanna night, etc. On the weekends, their themes are a lot more out-there (in a fun way) and intense—as in, if you try to show up not fully decked out to theme, you can’t come in. This place is so f*cking fun and is a strict no-judgment zone, so you can get weird. Also, the bathrooms are incredible. You’ll see what I mean when you go there. Just, if you’re gonna go? Be cool. Don’t be that shrieking bachelorette party.
Schimanski is perf if the bridal party are still not over their rave days. This club/bar/event space has multiple rooms and hosts acts like Space Jesus, Keys N Krates, and Zhu.
Want to do something really out-of-the-box, yet still memorable (and a little bougie)? Go see a show by Company XIV, which puts on burlesque adaptations of classics like Alice In Wonderland and The Nutcracker. Everyone in the company is so hot and talented, and the shows are incredible. Think tons of skin, tons of glitter and rhinestones, and choreography you couldn’t replicate if you took a muscle relaxer.
Last and equally as great is Kinfolk94, which is the happy medium between a bar and a club. Like, you don’t have to dress up super fancy (but you can if you want), but there are awesome DJs who spin killer mixes of current hits and throwback jams. I’m not going to tell you how to spend your money, but if you’re bringing a big group, it’s probably better to coordinate ahead of time with Kinfolk and reserve a table so you can skip the line. The drinks are a tad expensive (as in, like, $12 for a cocktail), but not guess-I’ll-just-be-sober expensive.
Other fun af places to go out are Royal Palms Shuffleboard Club (if you want to cab way out to Gowanus), Freehold, Lot45 (which can be a little hit or miss, so go when they have an event like Drake vs. Kanye night), Baby’s All Right, and Elsewhere.
Thursday, Day 1
- Arrive in BK (even though you were prob only, like 20 mins away at work before this)! Drop your stuff off at the Williamsburg Hotel and get acquainted with your five-star home for the weekend.
- Walk ~15 minutes to Extra Fancy for dinner and sit on the back patio (the dining one, not the bar one). After dinner, either head to the bar part of the patio or back inside the restaurant for a few drinks before venturing to the next spot. You’ll want to be slightly buzzed before arriving, so knock ‘em back… responsibly, of course.
- Uber to House of Yes! Ok, so if you want a full HOY experience, you will have to be ok with wearing something fun to dinner because there will be no time to go back to the hotel and change before making the journey to Bushwick.
- The night will be similar to that episode of Sex and the City where they went to Trade, except HOY isn’t specifically a gay club. They are incredibly LGBTQ-friendly/supportive, though. Again, like I said, don’t be that bachelorette party.
- Get Artichoke Pizza (right next to HOY) after your night so you don’t die tomorrow.
- Goodnight world.
Friday, Day 2
- Late and leisurely brunch at Sauvage to recollect yourself after the latest night of your life.
- Once you are feeling like a slightly more functional member of society, head to The Brooklyn Barge, which is exactly what you think it is: a bar on a floating barge. The drinks are a tad on the absurd side price-wise, so if you want another reason to recover after last night, only get one or two drinks here and spend the rest of your time admiring the view, which is amaze.
- Head back to the hotel to lay by/go in the pool and get a little tan before the night begins in a few hours. Maybe get a facial in the spa while you’re at it. Or just take a nap.
- Get ready for dinner.
- Walk exactly two seconds to Antica Pesa and enjoy an amaze dinner/bottle(s) of wine. This is the place you’ll want to make emotional toasts and have actual conversations because while it’s def a vibe, it’s quiet. Like, your parents would like it.
- Take a quick cab to Théâtre XIV, where they have 10pm shows on Fridays and Saturdays. Or, if you’re too glittered out from House of Yes, head to Lot45 or any of the other aforementioned places before it gets too late to get in. Orrr, if you’re really feeling
friskyenergetic, you can go to the show at Theatre XIV and then walk to Lot45.
Saturday, Day 3
- Wake up and hydrate for Y7 yoga! It’s bikram and kind of feels like you’re doing yoga on the sun, but feeling the
poisonalcohol drain from your body is def worth it. Y7 plays amazing hip-hop music the entire time, so if you want to flow to something that isn’t the breeze rustling leaves, Y7’s got you. - You will be drenched after Y7 and, if you’re like me, will be rocking a concerning shade of pink. Maybe rinse your face off at the studio before walking to Sauvage and if a 20-minute walk is too much for you after sweating out all of the calories you’ve ever ingested, maybe go to Sunday in Brooklyn instead. This is just as charming and delicious and a lot closer to walk to.
- Head back to the hotel to save the public from your stench and spend the afternoon by the pool.
- Dinner at Gemelli, where, if you’ve been saving an Instagrammable outfit (aside from your HOY one), this is the place to pull it out.
- Uber to Kinfolk94, get situated at your table and drink the night away! This isn’t the kind of place you’d like, run into Beyoncé, but it’s def a scene. So if you want a quiet night of cocktails and friends, this isn’t the place for you. It’s a good f*cking time, though.
Sunday, Day 4
- Blessed day! Uber to brunch at Randolph Beer in Williamsburg, which is a slightly industrial restaurant close to the hotel but not near any subways (you could take the bus, but like… no). As its name implies, they have a lot of beer, so if you want a pint to go with your pancakes, we feel you. But they also have amazing cocktails that you can get by the pitcher, so RIP in advance. This place also has graffiti all over the walls, so cheers to all your brunch Boomerangs.
- Head back to the hotel to gather your things and subway/Uber back to your life. Or continue day drinking in Brooklyn if you’re a local! Yolo.
Images: Thought Catalog / Unsplash; companyxiv, houseofyesnyc, gemellibk, sauvage_nyc, anticapesa, wburghotel / Instagram
Here we are once again, ready to be assaulted by 80’s cabana wear and oversize sequins, courtesy of lil miss next door Midwest and her stylist, who is out to get us all. Our regular recapper is on vacation, so you’re stuck with me this week. Cry about it in the comments. Anyway, this week, the financially unstable ABC is whisking us away to scenic, exotic RICHMOND, VIRGINIA. That’s right—Virginia is for lovers, and Virginia is all this show can afford! It’s like Utah, but with less natural wonder and more hate crime. What a place.
We get a great intro piece as Becca frolics through a big L-O-V-E sign, only slightly struggling with the spelling.
Becca meets up with Messy Bitch Chris Harrison, and they giggle on a pink couch about how Becca is already planning her wedding. Sounds healthy!
As Becca has some much-needed girl talk with Chris, the guys are ECSTATIC about Richmond and this boutique hotel they’re checking in to.
“Just like Virginia birthed decades of slavery the nation, I hope it births love with Becca.” – Leo ManBun
Chris reminds us that he’s still a psycho, and picks the most underwhelming fight I’ve seen since 5th grade with Famous Floor Shitter, Lincoln.
CHRIS: You’re body shaming me.
LINCOLN: Nuh-uh, bro
CHRIS: Bro.
LINCOLN: BRO!
CHRIS: Don’t push on me, buddy
LINCOLN: I’m not your buddy, guy
CHRIS: I’m not your guy, friend.
Etc.
Sometime during this riveting conversation, Jason gets the first one-on-one, and yet Chris STILL finds a way to try to make it about himself. He basically says to Jason, “I’m happy for you and I’mma let you finish, but I’m bout to have the best one-on-one date OF ALL TIME!”
It’s about this point that my husband begins insisting that Jason is the poor man’s version of that guy from 10 Things I Hate About You. He proceeds to Google search that shit and damn, he’s right.
Jason was great in 10 Things I hate About You. #TheBachelorette pic.twitter.com/MfZhglUYng
— Jared Freid (@jtrain56) July 3, 2018
Jason’s One-On-One
Jason and Becca’s date consists of wandering around town, sippin’ Champagne on a private trolley so as to survey the Confederate monuments and alley crack deals from a distance. Have the producers ever BEEN to Richmond? The happy couple heads to an old church, which is kinda like what I just did in Bordeaux except this church is only about 100 years old, has little to no historical significance, and is v underwhelming. They then head to a museum dedicated to Edgar Allen Poe, which is essentially a testimony and monument to a man that died of alcoholism and loneliness—the same fate waiting for about 60% of the viewers of this show. I see you, ABC.
Jason: LOL YAY SHE’S DEAD
Outside the Poe museum are a group of the goth kids from high school that no one talked to. This is apparently an “unhappy hour” where everyone looks aggressively bored and shoots death glares at Jason and Becca for daring to laugh and express joy. Whose idea was this?? Was this date planned by April Ludgate?
After dedicating far too many minutes to dead things and weirdos, Becks and Jason head to a hipster bar in the white part of town. The producers—er, Becca—has somehow convinced Jason’s friends to come so she can grill them about any weird sex habits really get to know him better. Then it’s time for dinner at the train station, and I always think it’s funny how they choose a giant venue for these one-on-one dinners and end up only using a small corner of the room and not eating anything.
Jason shares a sob story about his grandma who had Alzheimer’s and, naturally, snags the rose. Becca one-ups his story with one about her dad dying and Jason is all, “thanks for sharing that.” It feels like he just thanked her for participating in show-and-tell at an elementary school and not like, revealing how she watched her dad take his last breath. Becks then makes an eloquent speech and says Jason has “all the best characters I’ve ever met in a man.” I’m gonna leave that there.
As they kiss on the balcony, the camera pans to the street below, full of no less than 10 cop cars. Ah, Richmond. Was it a triple homicide? Crack deal gone wrong? Hate crime? Just another night in this scenic city.
The Group Date
Becca is taking her group of miscreants to the capitol building. George Washington AND Abe Lincoln are there and YOU GUYS, seems like the budget is NOT a total loss this season!
It’s time for Beccalection 2018—which is basically just making all the guys stand at podiums on the steps of the capitol and declare how much they love a woman they just met. Really, not diff than regular politics. Thank god their names are on said podiums, because I still can’t keep track.
Suddenly, the governor of fucking Virginia appears. I’m sorry—did he have nothing else to do? How much did ABC pay this man? Again—I’m starting to understand where the budget went this season.
Lincoln starts playing dirty and starts picking at Chris like I’m currently picking at my poison ivy rash (I thought I was immune!). Chris fires back and everything gets real awkward. Pan to the audience of middle-aged white women who all share the same facial expression, which says “Do we clap, or, IDK, WTF DO WE DO? Shit! Help!”
Is Chris really hashing out his fat kid probs in front of His Majesty, The Governor? How dare he! The governor looks v upset and his whole day is prob ruined. I’ve gotta say, though, that the weirdest part about this entire group date is how Becca is asking NONE of the questions in this panel that is literally ABOUT HER. Actually, kind of a metaphor for the current American political system. Carry on.
Oh well, time for a cocktail party at The Haunted Mansion!
For her outfit this evening, Becca goes for a pared-down black jumpsuit and—oh, she sneezed into some glitter sparkles and is now covered in glitter sparkles. Bless you, sweetie.
The arguments continue because Becca tells Chris that Lincoln was talking shit and Chris is all, “OH NO HE DIDN’T” and we’re in fucking middle school. Their conversation breaks down exactly as follows.
Chris: I’m uncomfortable
Becca: I’m uncomfortable
Chris: That makes me uncomfortable
Me: I’m so fucking uncomfortable
Garrett gets angry because he loses out on five minutes with Becca and GARRETT SMASH! tells Lincoln and Chris to grow a pair and STFU. Can anyone tell me what this fight was even about in the first place?
Also sorry, but where TF has Connor been this whole time? I literally just noticed him. Is he new? Also, is Wills consistently high or does he just have crazy facial expressions? Wills has been talking this entire episode like somebody turned his volume knob down to 3. Has anybody else noticed that he is barely audible?? I am not here for it.
Becca goes with her puss gut and gives the rose to Colton. Garrett sad.
Leo ManBun’s One-On-One
Yo, I love Leo. He’s the most down-to-earth one here. Let it be known. Next Bachelor, right there. Leo snags the next one-on-one, probably because Becca wants to talk about his hair care routine. As they fly in a helicopter overlooking plantations and other monuments to slavery, Becca starts feeling sad about how the guys aren’t getting along. She immediately starts in and gushes about this shit to Leo, and, like, this isn’t fair to Leo, Becks.
The shitty date continues in a muddy bog where Becks and Leo dig for oysters. Sidenote: This isn’t SHUCKING OYSTERS. Shucking is when you put a knife in the oyster, try not to stab yourself, and pry it open. The more you know.
Cut to the evening portion of the date, and OH BOY THE SEQUINS ARE BACK! Gosh I missed them. This dress is really great, what with the black netting down the middle. Are they going to Club 54?
Leo tells a sad daddy and baseball story and, while not quite as sad as Jason’s Alzheimer’s story, it still earns him a rose. Is past family trauma a requisite for being on this show? I wonder if that’s a question you have to fill out in their giant questionnaire. Anyway. Leo and Becca head to a concert given by someone I’ve never heard of, and they have to pretend to be excited to see this guy who probably was performing open mic nights at the local bar like, two weeks prior to filming.
After Becca’s endearing mom dancing, we cut to Chris writing what I assume is a suicide note, or at the least a very sad handwritten book. More and more throughout this episode, Chris decides to lean into his Crazy Eddie persona. It is terrifying. Chris seems like the type of guy that would get mad at you because a guy friend liked one of your Instagrams. He needs to go.
Chris shows up at Becca’s hotel, and you can tell she’s laughing to cover up the fact that she is likely pants-shittingly afraid.
Becca opening the door to Chris was eerily reminiscent of this other time she opened the door to a surprise visit from someone she can’t stand #TheBachelerotte pic.twitter.com/zuhCAJIDHF
— Betches (@betchesluvthis) July 3, 2018
BECKS: Oh hi, uh hi! Teehee!
CHRIS: Whatssup
BECKS: What are you doing here, teeheeteehee!
CHRIS: whattssssuppp whats up
BECKS: Come on in, teehee
CHRIS: Whatssssupppppp
After a really spectacular convo, Becca tells Chris they’re not going to find love in this hopeless franchise. Well, Chris, your plan backfired spectacularly. It’s almost like asking for constant reassurance that your fake girlfriend likes you is not an attractive look?? Hm. Color me shocked. THEN, after all that, he tries to insist he doesn’t need Becca to walk him out, which is basically the equivalent of every guy who slides into your DMs and, after telling him you have a boyfriend, is all “fuck you bitch, you’re ugly and I never liked you anyway.” BOY, BYE.
The Rose Ceremony
Once again, Becca cancels the cocktail party because she got drunk alone in her room and picked out another sequin dress. Unsurprisingly, Lincoln gets the boot and so does Connor, who, again, I literally didn’t remember existed until this episode. (But I would still like a moment of silence for him and his glasses, which were the best part of this episode.) Anyone else think it was weird that Connor got an exit interview and Lincoln didn’t? What did Lincoln say? Did it get cut? Release the tapes!
Bye.
IMAGES: ABC (4); Giphy (3); @bacheloretteabc /Instagram (2)
The age-old question of what cheese to pair with our wine rears its head just about every Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday evening. With The Bachelor finale coming up—THANK GOD—we need to prepare ourselves for the cheese and wine fest about to ensue. But like, let’s be classy.
Here are our fav ten cheese and wine pairings that you need to know or else risk looking like a plebian.
1. Zinfandel And Jalapeño Cheddar
Find a spicy cheddar in the poor cheese aisle and grab a Zinfandel. The dry red wine works super well with spicy shit since the wine itself is fruity and kinda spicy thanks to hints of black pepper. Shit, go crazy and grab some of the pre-sliced habanero cheese if you’re feeling wild.
2. Port And Blue Cheese
If you’re an 80-year-old man, you love Port! So, grab one of those old bottles you have lying around the house and pair it with the cheese that smells most like old people—in this case, blue cheese. The rich, sweet Port balances nicely with the bold (to say the least) flavor of blue cheeses like stilton and gorgonzola.
3. Pinot Noir And Goat Cheese
Yeah, you could be basic and throw some triple crème brie out with your Pinot Noir, but better yet, pair it with a goat cheese like chèvre. The creamy factor works to bring out the flavor of the wine, and you’ll feel fancy nomming on this combo.
4. Pinot Grigio And Feta
Did you make a Greek salad and buy too much feta? Never fear—pair that shit with some Pinot Grigio and treat yo’self. The fruit background in the wine works with the salty yet mild taste of the feta. Look at you, bein’ culinary.
5. Merlot And Monterey Jack
Are you too poor to buy cheese from the nice section of the store? That’s okay. Grab a box of the finest Merlot and pair it with your favorite poor people cheese, monterey jack. Because the cheese is on the less-intense-flavor side (see: bland), it pairs well with an easy drinking Merlot. Now you too, can enjoy a fine wine and cheese night, regardless of how in debt you are!
6. Malbec And Aged Cheddar
So, as opposed to the shitty cheddar you can buy in block form near the tubs of cream cheese and sugar-yogurt, head to the fancy cheese section and pick up an aged English or farmhouse cheddar to nom with your Malbec. The smooooooooth jazz sounds flavor of the wine cuts through that super hostile aggressive attitude put forth by the cheddar. We can relate.
7. Prosecco And Parmesan
If you’re craving bubbles but are too poor for Champagne, grab some Prosecco and pair it with a rind (or a bowl of shredded) parmesan. The bubbly happiness cuts some of the supernsalty taste of the parmesan, so you’ll be able to eat and drink without feeling like your mouth is a salty desert. Unlike your DM’s.
8. Chardonnay And Mild Cheddar
If you’re a middle-aged soccer mom, you have at least six bottles of Chardonnay in the house at any given time. Pair it with the mild cheddar you use in your kids’ sandwiches, because you didn’t get a chance to go to the store for fancy shit this week. It’s okay, you can still have “me time” with these meager (but delicious) rations.
9. Cabernet Sauvignon And Aged Gouda
According to VinePair, this pair works because the gouda is super, extra nutty and the Cab Sav is a pretty bold, full-bodied wine. Now, given, you could also use this salty, nutty cheese with a sweet wine—but since we aren’t in fucking high school, let’s try to drink like adults.
10. Reisling And Mozzarella
If you dig on sweet wines like Reisling, Gewürztraminer, Moscato, and Chenin Blanc, grab a fresh, soft cheese like ricotta, mozzarella, or burrata. According to Serious Eats, the sweet and soft combo works because, like, why wouldn’t it? You don’t have some big bold wine showing up your delicate mozzarella—and you wouldn’t make that fucking rookie mistake anyway. Plus, tannins will fuck your flavors up, so stay away if you’re looking to sit, alone, with a tub of ricotta and a bottle of Moscato. Cute.
After Corinne’s revelation that “no one can make cheese pasta like Raquelle/Raquel,” and the subsequent release of her much anticipated cheese pasta recipe here, we decided we needed to revamp it.
I mean, I’m sure shredded cheddar and cooked white pasta taste, um, great, but we have fancy palates meant for Champagne, oysters, and vodka.
Because we love you and want you to have a fancy and non-nutritious dinner during The Bachelor tonight, here’s our fancy version of Raquel’s famous cheese pasta.
Ingredients
- ½ lb. pasta of your choice – we used farfalle
- 4 tbsp. unsalted butter
- 1 egg yolk
- ¾ cup evaporated milk
- Salt and pepper to taste
- 5 oz. white cheddar cheese (we used a farmhouse cheddar because we’re fancy), shredded
- 5 oz. gruyere cheese, shredded (if you can’t find a block of gruyere, use Swiss)
Cook your fucking pasta which, like, we shouldn’t have to give you a play-by-play on how to do unless apparently you’re Corinne. Drain that shit and set the pasta aside. Grab the same pot you just cooked the pasta in and melt the butter over medium heat.
In a separate bowl, whisk together the egg yolk, evaporated milk, salt, and pepper. Reduce the heat under your pot to low and pour in the milk and egg mixture. Stir that shit, then add in all of your cheese—stirring continuously until the mixture is smooth.
Add in your drained pasta and stir. Spoon into a bowl and top with extra black pepper if you like.
This goes great with subpar TV shows and a nice full-bodied red.
We’re just a few episodes into Nick Viall’s cringeworthy journey as The Bachelor and we’ve already got a feeling that this season is going to be different from the others. So different, in fact, that we’ve come up with some extremely bold predictions about how it will end—all of which would be firsts for the show. Sorry in advance for any potential spoilers.
1. Nick Viall Places As First Runner-Up
This may seem impossible based on the rules as we know them, but Nick was born to be a loser on this show and losers always find a way to not come in first. Our bet is that his final two girls start dating each other and then Nick promptly bursts into flames.
2. Chris Hansen From To Catch A Predator Shows Up
Most of what we know about Nick up to this point is that he’s emotionally unstable, lonely, and enjoys slut-shaming girls that don’t want to date him. It’s not beyond the realm of possibility that he’s engaged in some legit shady online activities, and how great would it be for rival network NBC to shut this whole production down? Primetime TV at its finest.
3. Nick Goes Into Cardiac Arrest
If Nick does develop “feelings” for one of the contestants who reciprocates them even in the slightest, it’s going to be way too much for his body to handle. Think of how invested—to a stalkerish level—he’s been in girls who openly consider him to be their back burner bro. If Nick develops an actual relationship it could be life-threatening, so we hope his potential wives are as insincere as they appear to be.
4. The Girls Start An Uprising And Demand That Luke From JoJo’s Season Be Brought In As The New Bachelor
It’s no secret that Luke was perfectly typecast as the potential next Bachelor during JoJo’s season, and the contestants on Nick’s season know that. Luke is surely waiting in the wings for his next moment in the spotlight, so if the girls were to revolt even for a few hours, they would probably get their way.
5. A Detox Tea Company Decides To Buy The Airtime For Advertising
This season’s crop of girls “hoping to find their husbands” is barely believable and we all know what they’re really competing for is corporate sponsors for their Instagram pages. Maybe this time the show will cut out the whole fake competition thing and film the cast sipping tea in a platonic circle while encouraging us to start our free trials.
