Last week, Meghan Markle and Prince Harry announced the name of their firstborn son: Archie Harrison Mountbatten-Windsor. As someone with a pretentious name that is a mouthful as well, I wish that baby all the luck in the world as he gets tormented for the next 90 years of his life, but at least that builds character. Of course, Kim and Kanye not only one-upped Meghan and Harry by having their baby five seconds later, but they will also be sure to give him an over-the-top name that will put little Archiekins to shame. Here’s a rundown of our name predictions for Kim and Kanye’s fourth baby, which are probably really far off knowing Kimye, because they aren’t predictable people in any sense of the word.
At this rate, Kim and Kanye are gonna name their fourth kid Deus or some shit
— Betches (@betchesluvthis) May 10, 2019
Kanye’s latest fixation is his Sunday Service, and thank God, because we all needed him to get the f*ck off Twitter and stop pontificating about Trump being a phenomenon. Kim and her family are pretty religious as well. Kourtney posts bible verses on social media all the time, and they’re actually more palatable when you read them in her monotone, judgmental voice that probably made a lot of girls cry when she was in high school.
Anyway, my money would primarily be on a name that’s religious. They already nicknamed their third kid Chi, which low-key is a name that means God. So it’s been done before, but in a low-key way. Once again, this is absolutely to one-up Meghan and Harry’s kid because it’s just like, “Oh, you’re royal? You know what’s more epic? God.” I’m thinking the name “Jesus” is too obvious. So I think they’re going to go with a name that means God in a different language.
A Tribute To Kanye
It’s up for debate whether or not this would fall under the category of “religious” because on one hand, Kanye has a God complex, and on the other hand, society perceives that as him just being a douche. Kanye means “next in line for chieftaincy,” “honor,” and “once/one time” in various African languages. I think for the first option that I’m too lazy to attempt because I don’t wanna spell cheiftaincy again, Prince could easily be on the table. That also one-ups Prince Harry. As for honor, I don’t think they’re literally going to name their kid “Honor.” It’s not that they would hate that name. It’s just that Jessica Alba’s kid already has it, and I don’t think the Kardashian-West’s want to be associated with someone who sells Target cleaning products and starred in a Dane Cook movie. Kim wants to forget that she had a horrific clothing line at Macy’s and I don’t think she likes talking about the one movie she’s ever starred in. I can’t find any names that mean “once.” So, out of all these names, Prince is a contender.
A Variation Of Robert
Kim has said before that she wanted to give her fourth child the name Robert since it’s a family name, but knows it wouldn’t fit in with the rest of the family because it’s so normal that it would make him the weird one. “Robert” means “bright fame,” which is so on brand for that family. “Fame” is just out there, but it’s so out there that it doesn’t hit the ears in the right way for a name, so that wouldn’t work. I’m thinking something like Prestige. I really think they would have the audacity to name their kid Prestige and I think people would buy into it because they already bought into Reign, Dream, and Saint.
A Really Tone-Deaf Name
What’s been harder & more painful is being hurt by someone so close to me. Someone whom I love & treat like a little sister. But Jordyn is not to be blamed for the breakup of my family. This was Tristan’s fault.
— Khloé (@khloekardashian) March 2, 2019
After Tristan got caught cheating on Khloé for the first time, they named their baby True. Ironic, right? I think Tristan doesn’t really have a grasp on the concept of honesty, and given that Khloé stayed with him for so long, she didn’t have a grasp on the truth either. So, it would be pretty on brand for the already tone-deaf Kanye and the sometimes tone-deaf Kim to give their kid a tone-deaf name. IDK, probably something that means “humility,” “modesty,” or “#NoFilter.”
A Geography-Centric Name
Two out of the four West kids already already have names that pertain to geography. However, both of them are girls, so maybe that’s a pattern that’s only reserved for them. Just maybe. Kanye recorded his latest album in Uganda, so maybe he’ll name his kid after a city there. Or just straight-up name him Uganda. They could go with Kim’s birthplace since they already have Chicago, but Kim’s from Calabasas, and I feel like Calabasas is more of a girl’s name. Then again, giving a boy a girl’s name or vice-versa is as annoying as giving your kid an intentionally misspelled name, and Kim and Kanye are way past that, so maybe they’d go for it. Cali for short? God, I hate that.
Anyway, congratulations to Kim and Kanye for becoming parents again, and congratulations to Kris Jenner for becoming a grandmomager again! Best of luck with trying to raise this kid without North acting out because she’s jealous someone else is getting attention.
Images: Shutterstock;; khloekardashian, betchesluvthis / Twitter