Is Premarital Pregnancy Trendy?

When I was a teenager and started hooking up with my first “totally wrong for me” boyfriend, the thing I was most afraid of was getting pregnant. I never messed around without condoms, and even then, I’d make him pull out every time just to be extra careful. It wasn’t due to the fact that my parents said they’d disown me if I got knocked up—I’m pretty sure we only had one awkward conversation about it in the car, and I’ve mostly blocked out the memory due to the sheer humiliation of it all. No, it was the way they talked about relatives who accidentally got pregnant or how my mom looked disappointed yet resigned when I asked to go on birth control at 17.

Even as I got older, went to college, and started getting my sh*t together, the implication was there: don’t get pregnant before you’re married. The reason, of course, was that my life would be over. Destroyed. I’d be a ~ruined woman.~ So, I used condoms, pulled out, and went on birth control that destroyed my libido and made me not want to have sex in the first place, all in an effort to avoid the dreaded pregnancy out of wedlock.

I put a lot of work into not getting pregnant, but now, as a married, professional (lol) woman in my late twenties who spends an ungodly amount of time scrolling through Instagram, I’m starting to wonder if that was the right choice. As my biological clock starts to tick, it makes sense why some women would decide to get pregnant despite not being married. Unless you’ve somehow managed to avoid all media for the past couple of years, there’s a good chance you’ve been privy to celeb pregnancy announcements. Kylie Jenner, Khloé Kardashian, Mindy Kaling, Emma Roberts, and Gigi Hadid are just a handful of the mommas out there who had a baby (or babies, in Mindy’s case) sans spouse. Granted, they are superstars who have money and the ability to hire people to help them. But it’s not just people who can make bank from one #SponCon who are bucking the “first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby with the baby carriage” norm. It’s regular people as well.

Despite the outdated taboo, a few friends of mine got pregnant and had babies before getting married, and at first, I didn’t think much of it. But then, I saw more and more women my age posting stunning bump pictures without a partner (or at least, without a ring) and dressing their babies up and casually chatting about shared custody or their happy unmarried family unit. When I saw my 10th announcement within a few months, I pulled a Carrie and couldn’t help but wonder: Is getting pregnant sans marriage… trendy?

As someone who went the “socially accepted/expected” path (college, marriage, house, maybe babies in the future), I can’t speak to the hows and whys of the influx of single moms, but it’s definitely not just an Instagram coincidence. Before the 1960s, premarital pregnancy was pretty f*cking rare, according to 2017 data from the United States Congress Joint Economic Committee. Back then, about 5.3% of births were to single ladies. Since then, however, births to unmarried women started climbing. In 2008, 40% of births were to unwed moms, and today only about 9% of those are followed up with a good old fashion shotgun wedding, as opposed to 43% back in the early ’60s.

So, the big question is: Why are millennials choosing to have children outside of marriage?

Basically? We don’t view marriage the same way our parents and grandparents did. “Previous generations viewed marriage as the first step of adulthood. Many millennials, however, look at marriage as one of the last milestones you get to after you are financially stable,” relationship therapist and coach Jaime Bronstein explains to Betches. “Since many millennials aren’t gaining that financial security at the peak of their child-bearing years, they feel like they should just have a baby regardless of their relationship status while they can.”

Baily, a 27-year-old mom of a 1-year-old, agrees. “In my grandma’s generation, you just did not get divorced. It was against the church. In my mom’s generation, everyone’s divorced,” she explains. “This generation isn’t bothering. I never grew up wanting to get married. I was never that girl. I don’t look at wedding dresses or rings online. I just wanted to be a mom one day.

Despite not being married (although she is in a serious relationship with her baby’s father), Baily’s decision to get pregnant wasn’t totally accidental. “I’d be lying if I said alcohol wasn’t involved,” she admits, “But I had very knowingly canceled my birth control subscription to eventually try. It just happened a lot faster than I thought.” Since she’s with a man eight years her senior who, she says, “was on an ‘I wanna be a dad kick,'” having a baby just made sense. 

Sarah, a 29-year-old regional sales manager, is currently 33 weeks along in her pregnancy and in a serious, committed relationship with her baby’s father. The mom-to-be agrees with Baily, saying, “I think as a society we are becoming less traditional as a whole. Part of the shift from tradition is making the decision to have a baby regardless of marital status.”

When it comes to her relationship, Sarah says, “My pregnancy has only strengthened our relationship. It’s been such a joy to watch him settle into fatherhood.” She adds, “It’s funny how things that once felt so major (like a wedding) seem so insignificant once you’re expecting a child together.”

For Adriane, a flight attendant with a 3-year-old son, it was the legal freedom that came with being unwed—as well as the chance to see how her S.O. handled the changes—that made her feel like it was the right decision. “You get to find out how your partner deals with stress and big life changes. Like a trial period,” she laughs.

“You can always cancel if you don’t like it,” Samantha, an unmarried mom of two, agrees. “You see everything about a person before you decide to spend your whole life with someone. I think that cuts down on your chance of divorce. If things don’t work out, it’s a lot easier to break up than to divorce, and that will be easier on your kids.”

And while the moms I talked to (all of whom have some level of post-secondary education) are in agreement that they made the right choice in having their children, being unmarried can add a level of uncertainty.

It’s easier to leave when you aren’t married, and that has been a worry of mine at times,” says mom of two, Jenn. “A new baby is tough. Especially postpartum when my hormones are crazy, and I’m a mess crying all the time… There is a lot of gross stuff that goes on during pregnancy and after you have the baby which your partner is going to see. It definitely made me nervous that maybe he wouldn’t find me attractive or sexy again after seeing my body change so much and seeing me in such a vulnerable position.”

Luckily for Jenn, her partner is proving to be as doting—if not more so—than the husbands of her friends, which is something Baily noticed as well. “Men can be very irritating, and I’m a big ‘I’ll just do it myself’-er. I luckily still have a lot of support,” she explains. “My boyfriend is great, and he’s such a great dad too. But I see my single friends managing just fine without a man.”

Baily and Samantha both feel the societal shift will continue to grow as women see close single friends and “everyday women” rear children without a spouse. Add in the fact that single influential celebrities are also having babies and the whole trend gains speed. 

“Celebrities have a large influence on the minds of impressionable individuals. Naturally, you compare yourself to those in the public eye and wonder if their reality can be your reality,” explains relationship expert Spicy Mari. As the female empowerment movement continues to push forward (about damn time, amiright?), there’s a good chance unwed pregnancy will continue to become more popular.

As women become more financially stable, they feel as though they don’t need to be married to gain the financial benefits they once needed that came along with marriage,” adds Bronstein.

Ultimately, every relationship is different. For some, a legally binding commitment will make them feel ready to have a child. While 60% of pregnancies still happen post-wedding, a growing amount of people just don’t need that sort of declaration. Whether you’re married or not, things like judgment from older generations and sticky logistics should the relationship not work out are factors to consider, but will probably come either way.

Anne*, a recently divorced mom of a 1-year-old, advises anyone thinking about getting pregnant, “to ask themselves: ‘Can I co-parent with this person if we don’t work out?’ and ‘Am I willing to see less of my child if we do end up co-parenting?'” She adds, “Obviously, that can happen if you get married. But married couples are more likely to work things out than couples who don’t have that commitment.” 

Ultimately, deciding you want to get pregnant in 2021 isn’t necessarily contingent upon being married, so you have to decide what’s best for you and your child. “Think about your personal pros and cons. Think about the meaning and purpose behind both,” advises Bronstein. “Everyone needs to do what is best for them.” There’s no wrong answer here, as long as you’re emotionally, physically, and financially ready to care for a child.

“A commitment is a commitment, and a baby is a HUGE commitment. Nothing says ‘you’re mine forever’ like literally creating a life together,” says Baily. “Don’t let government papers, a wedding dress, or bitchy bridesmaids dictate how old your kids will be when you’re 40 on a cruise ship drinking margs, and they’re all off to college already.” We’ll cheers our mocktails to that. 

*Name has been changed.

Images: Camylla Battani / Unsplash; Giphy (5)

7 Of Our Favorite Prenatal Vitamins

Whether you’re trying to get pregnant, are pregnant or postpartum, prenatal vitamins are chock-full of all the amazing sh*t your body needs to take care of a tiny baby. Like all vitamins and supplements, though, not all prenatals are created equal. Having the recommended amount of vitamin D, DHA, and folate can make the difference between a vitamin being okay versus really f*cking great. Regardless of which prenatal vitamin you choose, taking any supplement should be first discussed with your OB/GYN—as should trying to get pregnant in general.

According to Web MD, you’ll want to look for prenatal vitamins with the following:

To help you wade through this wide world of not-Flintstones gummies, we’ve rounded up the best of the best when it comes to poppable prenatal vitamins.

Ritual Essential Prenatal

Ritual’s prenatal vitamins are a bit of a standout because they don’t contain calcium, but that isn’t necessarily a bad thing here. Calcium and iron can compete to be absorbed by your body, according to Women’s Health magazine, so Ritual contains the iron you need for baby (and baby-makin’) and allows you to get calcium from foods you’re eating. Plus, chugging a glass of milk is probably easier for most of us than chewing a steak, so it’s a win-win, honestly. Ritual also contains 1,000 mcg of folate and 300 mg of DHA.

MegaFood Baby & Me 2

Crunchy hipsters, this is the prenatal vitamin for you. All of the vitamins, minerals, and supplements in MegaFood are paired with organic foods to ensure maximum absorption. In addition to having all (and for some, more than) the recommended values of vitamins and minerals (including 600 mcg of folate), MegaFood also contains mood-stabilizing choline, which, as someone who’s been pregnant can attest, is f*cking necessary. Like Ritual, MegaFood also leaves the calcium out, so be sure to supplement if you choose this vitamin. These prenatals call for two pills per day, which can help with your morning sickness since you’re spacing out the dose.

New Chapter Perfect Prenatal Vitamins

Struggling with nausea? This is the prenatal for you. New Chapter is formulated with organic ginger, which helps A LOT when it comes to feeling super sh*tty in the morning while pregnant, but it also helps that New Chapter spaces out your dosage to three pills each day, so you aren’t slamming your body with iron and nutrients at 7am and risking feeling dizzy. New Chapter also contains 100% of the folic acid and iron you’ll need each day. One thing to be aware of, though, according to Business Insider, is that “the source of this vitamin’s folate could be misleading. Folate is generally the naturally occurring form of vitamin B9, while folic acid is often synthetic. Rarely, some women can be sensitive to the synthetic form, and if that’s you, New Chapter might not be your pick.”

Nature Made Prenatal + DHA

These were my personal go-to before, during, and after pregnancy. This has double the recommended amount of folic acid (800 mcg)  and also has DHA, which is a super important supplement for a fetus’s brain and eye development. My kid’s eyes and brain seem tip-top atm, so I assume taking this sh*t worked. You can also get 150 soft gels on Amazon Prime for a little over $20, so this is a great option for the thrifty shoppers out there.

Vitafusion PreNatal Gummie Multivitamins

If you’re not into swallowing a giant pill in the morning, or, like, any time, get you some gummies. The Vitafusion PreNatal Gummies taste great, have all the necessary nutrients (600 mcg of folate), and are easy on your stomach. An important note for these, though, is that they don’t contain iron. Why? Because iron can be the main trigger for nausea, especially when you’re pregnant. So, if you go with these tasty vitamins, make sure you’re getting an iron supplement, too.

Rainbow Light Prenatal One Multivitamins

With a name like that, how could you NOT want these prenatal vitamins? It sounds like a Care Bear’s sponsored supplement. If you’re too young for that reference, get out. Anyway, the Rainbow prenatals are fabulous because they don’t contain any of the eight major allergens (soy, peanuts, fish etc.) and they have probiotics. Why does that matter? Because pregnancy, for many of us, means constipation, weird skin, nausea, and other uncool side effects, so having something with skin, mood, and tummy boosters along with the necessary supplements for you and baby is ideal. These contain 600 mcg of folate plus 32 mg of a probiotic blend.

One A Day Women’s Prenatal 1 Multivitamin

One A Day is a pretty well-known and trusted brand of vitamins, and their prenatals are a great option. In addition to having more than the recommended amount of folic acid (800 mcg), One A Day also has their supplements verified by an independent lab. If that seems weird, it shouldn’t. Vitamins and supplements aren’t regulated by the FDA, so a lot of times the claims you see on anything marked “supplement” can be iffy (looking at you, generic brand diet pills).
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Images: Amazon (6), Ritual, Ömürden Cengiz/Unsplash
All The Current Celeb Pregnancies You Need To Know About

Am I the only one who feels like every single celebrity is having a baby this year? In the last month alone, Katy Perry, Lea Michele, Hilaria Baldwin, Teyana Taylor, and Katherine Schwarzenegger have all given birth. Just in the last month!! But the 2020 baby train isn’t slowing down anytime soon. In the past several months, there have been many celebrity pregnancy announcements, from A-listers to reality stars, and it’s honestly too much to keep up with. But we can at least try, right? From the ones you’re sick of hearing about, to the ones you’re not sure if you ever heard about in the first place, here are all the celeb pregnancies you need to know about.

Ashlee Simpson Ross

 

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We are pregnant and we are so excited to share it with everyone. Baby #3 ♥ Thank you @clearblue #clearbluepartner #clearblueconfirmed During this unprecedented time, we know pregnant women may be under greater stress which is why we are supporting @marchofdimes Mom and Baby #COVID19 Intervention and Support Fund. Check out their Instagram page to see how they are helping moms and babies get the care they need now and in the future.

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Ashlee Simpson, who is now married to Diana Ross’s son Evan (tbt to Pete Wentz), announced her third pregnancy back at the end of April. You’ll notice that Ashlee’s announcement is part of a trend throughout this list: announcing your baby in partnership with a pregnancy test brand. We thought this was wild last year when Malika Haqq did it, but it turns out she was just ahead of the curve. In a nice twist, Ashlee and Clear Blue also partnered to support COVID relief through the March of Dimes, so this is one case of pregnancy test spon that I can really get behind. Ashlee’s fam is actually super adorable, so stalk her Instagram if you need some cute kids in your life.

Jade Roper Tolbert

 

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HERE WE GROW AGAIN!!! It feels so good to be able to finally talk about this pregnancy! If you noticed I haven’t been on social media much the past couple of months, it’s because I was dealing with terrible nausea and fatigue, on top of taking care of two kiddos during a pandemic. Although this time has its uncertainties, we are so thankful and excited for this baby. I truly believe babies being born during this time are here for a special reason, to be light workers. We are beyond happy to love another baby, to give Emmy and Brooks another sibling and to have our children be so close! #partyof5 #babynumber3

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It’s baby number three for Bachelor In Paradise alums Jade and Tanner! After kicking off this year by winning, and then losing, a million dollars in fantasy football due to ~cheating~, things have taken a positive turn for the Tolberts, with their latest pregnancy announcement coming in May. Jade posted this week that she’s at 29 weeks, so we can expect another fall baby. Whether you closely follow these two or not, they seem to be one of the least messy couples to ever come out of Paradise, so I say cheers to that.

Stassi Schroeder

 

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We’re having a baby girl 💕

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It was a tumultuous start to the summer for Vanderpump Rules OG Stassi Schroeder, who announced her pregnancy just days after being fired from VPR along with three other cast members for past racist behavior. For those who watched the show, the baby news seemed to come out of nowhere, and the timing of the announcement seemed… strategic. But regardless, Stassi’s pregnancy is definitely real, and she updated her followers later in June that the baby is a girl. As for Stassi’s next career move now that Pump Rules is off the table, we still don’t know, but next week, she’ll sit down with Tamron Hall for her first interview since her firing.

Nicki Minaj

 

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#Preggers 💛

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Fans were skeptical last fall when Nicki Minaj announced she was retiring to have a family, but it turns out that was half true. She’s released music since then, and even scored her first two number-one songs, but she is, in fact, starting a family with husband Kenneth Petty. She announced her pregnancy with a typically over-the-top photoshoot in July, complete with yellow and blue wigs, bedazzled bikinis, and heels that I don’t believe anyone could possibly walk in. She hasn’t shared much about her pregnancy since then, but she’s been featured on new songs from A$AP Ferg and Ty Dolla $ign, so she still doesn’t seem too committed to the whole
“retirement” thing.

Morgan Stewart

 

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She may not be great at math but at least we know she’ll be well dressed 🥰

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It’s been a whirlwind summer for Morgan Stewart, who got engaged to Jordan McGraw (Dr. Phil’s son) in July, and announced her pregnancy in August. Honestly, she’s making the most of her time during this pandemic, which begs the question, should I be engaged and having a baby right now? Much to consider. Last summer, people (me) were heartbroken when Morgan announced she and her Rich Kids of Beverly Hills co-star Brendan Fitzpatrick were divorcing, but now she looks happier than ever, so good for her.

Khadijah Haqq McCray

 

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I’m pregnant!!! I couldn’t wait to share that my family is growing and we will soon welcome a new baby in our home. I decided to use @ClearBlue because this has always been the most important result in my life. I love how their digital pregnancy test builds excitement by showing a countdown feature, assuring your answer is coming… And for me it displayed PREGNANT! No time for guessing, I need accuracy. Thank you #ClearBlue for delivering this amazing news to myself, my family and friends! #ClearblueConfirmed #ClearbluePartner

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This summer, Khadijah followed in her twin sister’s footsteps, and announced her pregnancy with a Clear Blue ad—it runs in the family! For Khadijah, this is her third child with husband Bobby McCray, a former NFL player whom she married in 2010. Khadijah flies under the Kardashian radar, but low-key it seems like she has the healthiest relationship of anyone in their circle.

Chrissy Teigen

 

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important

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Chrissy Teigen and John Legend already have two of the cutest kids in Hollywood, and they recently announced that they have a third baby on the way. Chrissy did a classic bump reveal in John’s most recent music video, and later officially confirmed the news on social media. Naturally, Chrissy has been having fun with pregnancy content on social media, like when she posted this tabloid headline about herself. We love a queen with a Google Alert set for her name. This week, she shared that her doctor put her on bed rest for two weeks, so hopefully everything is okay, but she said she’s taking this time to learn how to sew costumes for her kids—can’t wait to see how that turns out.

Emma Roberts

 

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Me…and my two favorite guys 💙💙

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Last spring, Emma Roberts began dating Garrett Hedlund shortly after ending her seven-year relationship with Evan Peters, and a little over a year later, she announced that she and Hedlund are expecting their first child. She shared that the baby is a boy with a cheeky Instagram caption, commenting that Garrett and her baby are “my two favorite guys.” To anyone thinking about doing an elaborate gender reveal that may start a wildfire—this is enough.

Bindi Irwin

 

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Reflecting on when we found out that we are going to be parents. ❤️ Discovering that I was going to become a mother will forever be a moment where time stood still. I took a test and ran into the kitchen where Chandler was making us tea. He didn’t hear me come in so I speechlessly watched him pouring the water into my most loved hedgehog mug. This news would change the course of our future in the best way. I started crying tears of pure joy and told my sweetheart husband that my test was positive. We were beaming while our adorable puppy Piggy sat on our feet wondering what was going on. It reminded me of just how perceptive animals are. We sat together with tea talking about the future and how we were going to share such wonderful, life changing news with the people that we love. In that short span of time the gorgeous baby I’m carrying became the most important part of our lives. It is such a blessing knowing that this tiny person has chosen us as parents. Our baby Wildlife Warrior is going to be so very loved by our families and entire Australia Zoo team. I can’t wait to find out what this amazing new soul loves in life, and experience the world all over again through their eyes.

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In case you want to feel old today, Bindi Irwin—yes, the late Crocodile Hunter’s daughter—is now married, and expecting her first child. She’s dedicated her life to carrying on her late father’s legacy, including marrying her husband Chandler in a very intimate ceremony at Australia Zoo at the beginning of the pandemic. Chandler and Bindi both work at the zoo, and their baby will no doubt be wrangling snakes before it can form full sentences.

Lala Kent

It was only a matter of time before the Vanderpump Rules cast started popping out kids, and Lala Kent was the second former SURver of the summer to make a pregnancy announcement. She’s currently engaged to Randall Emmett (who already has two adorable kids), and with their wedding postponed until 2021 due t0 the pandemic, what better time to start a family? They announced the news on their podcast on Lala’s 30th birthday, and this week Randall posted an ultrasound—revealing that Lala is 10 weeks along—on his Instagram story. Cheers to these two, because they’ve certainly come a long way since the days of Lala only referring to Randall enigmatically as “my man”.

Ashley Darby

 

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There’s no hiding this big belly anymore! We are elated to share our news with you! To say we are thankful is an absolute understatement ♥️ #RHOP

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We’ve seen Ashley Darby go through a lot on The Real Housewives of Potomac, and on the current season, she’s struggling with postpartum depression after giving birth to her first baby, Dean. But she’s come a long way since then, and this week, she shared that she and her husband Michael are expecting a second child in early 2021. Looks like her storyline for season six is all set—hopefully she can mostly steer clear of drama with the other ladies and enjoy a smooth pregnancy.

Mandy Moore

 

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Baby Boy Goldsmith coming early 2021 💙

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On September 24th, Mandy Moore announced via Instagram that she and husband Taylor Goldsmith are expecting a baby boy together in early 2021. Mandy and Taylor got married back in 2018, and they’ll both be first-time parents. Considering that we’ve known Mandy Moore for basically forever, it’ll be exciting to see her on the journey of becoming a mom.

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Images: Kathy Hutchins / Shutterstock.com; gigihadid, ashleesimpsonross, jadelizroper, stassischroeder, nickiminaj, kelis, morganstewart, foreverkhadijah, chrissyteigen, emmaroberts, bindisueirwin, randallemmettfilms, ashleyboalchdarby / Instagram

8 Things I Wish Someone Had Told Me About Having A Baby

Having a kid is weird. Suddenly, your world shifts from how many bottomless mimosas you can drink or how many hours you can scroll Instagram for, to when the last time you showered was, how many diapers are left, and if you’re up for putting on mascara today.

I never, ever thought I’d need a bunch of help or advice once I had a kid. I figured that if idiots could do it, so could I. That’s half true, and it took me a bit of time to lean in and accept help and advice. In an effort to impart a few things I’ve painfully learned these first two months of being a mom, here’s a list of things I wish I’d known before I brought home baby.

1. No Baby Sleeps “Through” The Night

You best go ahead and dispel any myths about a baby sleeping more than six hours at a time. Now go ahead and cut that six hours in half. Now cry if you need to. The reality is that for the first few weeks, your baby will need to eat every two to four hours, sleeping altogether for 14-17 hours per day, but not at one time, according to Sleep.org. That means you’ll be running on very little sleep. It also means that having a partner or someone to help and complain to/with is really important. The biggest thing to remember is that it’s temporary and yes, someday you will sleep for 10+ hours at a clip again. But that time probs isn’t until your kid is in, like, third grade. Lean in, mom.

2. Breastfeeding And Pumping Will Run Your Life

Should you decide to breastfeed and know little to nothing about it/made that choice based on the fact that it’s natural and free, buckle the f*ck up. As someone who went in with the mentality of “how hard could this be?”, prepare yourself for the mindf*ck that is breastfeeding and pumping. Your child may latch beautifully and you may be able to feed with little to no effort. But if you experience searing pain in your nips like I did (and yes, baby was latched correctly), you may only be able to let him or her feed directly from you as often as you can stand it, pumping the other times.

Every time I feed my son from the bottle, it takes about 30 minutes. Every time I pump, it takes about 20 minutes. So, unless I pump at the same time I feed him (which is possible but a little difficult), you’re looking at about an hour of this feeding routine. You may think, “well, I’ll just pump once or twice a day.” Wrong, bitch. Once your milk comes in, you’ll need to either feed or pump every two to four hours or risk a clogged duct or, much worse, mastitis. Clogged ducts feel like knots you’d get in your back, except they’re in your boobs and hurt like a motherf*cker. Mastitis is what happens when you don’t pump, get a clogged duct, and that sh*t gets infected. So, even if your mom or nanny or husband take the baby for the night to feed him from the bottle so you can sleep, you will STILL need to wake up on a schedule to drain the titties.

3. Formula Is OK; Breastmilk Is OK

Do yourself a favor and educate yourself about both formula and breastmilk. There is no shame—NO SHAME—in whichever you choose and, having talked to doctors and NICU personnel about both, you can rest assured that as long as your heart is in the right place, however you choose to feed your child is OK. Don’t feel pressured or shamed into one way or the other. I was a formula baby. I’ve had friends who couldn’t get a kid to latch. I’ve seen people exclusively pump. I’ve seen women go 50/50 formula and breastmilk. Talk to your doctor (lactation consultants are not doctors, by the way) and discuss all of the options.

4. You’ll Cry, A Lot

crying

Having a baby means your emotions are going to be a perfect storm. Picture it like this: It’d be like if you’re PMSing, your favorite jeans don’t fit, your mom won’t answer your texts, and the ASPCA commercial with the sad puppies just came on. Given, about 80% of new moms get “baby blues” which are basically just horrible mood swings, according to WebMD. Baby blues mean you’ll cry, plus you’ll feel exhausted, unable to eat or even comb your hair because of your stress, and just generally really overwhelmed. Those feelings usually subside by around the time baby is two weeks old.

If it goes on for longer, or you have more extreme feelings of despair including being unable to sleep, eat, or focus; being unable to bond with your baby; or feel incredibly alone; you may have postpartum depression. Regardless, know that your emotions running rampant is NORMAL and OK. The best thing you can do is talk to your mom, your friends, your partner, and your doctor.

5. You Will Want Help

I didn’t think I wanted anyone hovering around after I had my son. I wanted it to be just me and my husband, soaking up our baby’s awesomeness. By the time I was ready to head to the hospital, I was so, so glad that my mom had volunteered to stay with us for a few weeks after the baby arrived. Not only did she take care of some basic things like cooking and cleaning, she was also able to gently impart wisdom including, but not limited to: changing diapers 101, why is the baby crying 201, and why am I crying 301.

People will want to visit to help, bring food, and visit the baby. If you’re comfortable, let people come. I can honestly say that having family and friends bring food, wine, hold the baby so I could shower and scroll through Instagram alone for a few hours, and provide conversation that didn’t center around “why does his sh*t smell that way” gave me a much-needed breath of fresh air in the first few weeks of being a mom.

6. Your Body Will Feel Like A War Zone

everything hurts and i'm dying

Whether you go in for a C-section, push that baby out in record time, or sit in agonizing labor for 40 hours, when you come home from the hospital, your body will feel destroyed. Having had a C-section, I can confirm being really f*cking sore, my boobs hurting A LOT from the newness of breastfeeding and pumping, and having a hard time with stairs because of the surgery. The more you mentally prepare for the exhaustion and pain, the better you’ll be. Plus, if it isn’t as bad as you imagined, you’ll be in a better position than if you’re totally blindsided.

7. Your Pets Will Be Jealous

When we brought my son home, my dog was really excited about him. There was heavy sniffing, heavy licking, and a lot of anxious/excited whining. Fast forward a few weeks, and there’s a lot of sulking. Even though we do our best to incorporate him into baby playtime and take walks every day with both baby and doggo, it’s still hard for our fur baby—the only child for five years—to adjust to sharing. Keep that in mind when you bring your kid home, and keep an eye out for lashing out like growling or displays of dominance. There are tons of tips and tricks like bringing home blankets, cutting back a bit on pet time before the baby comes, and just general ways to prepare from places like Web MD. Know that your pet still loves you, he just may sh*t in your shoe out of spite now.

8. Sleep When The Baby Sleeps

nap

This has been the hardest one for me personally to get behind. Because, as we mentioned, your baby will not sleep more than 5 hours at a time until they’re probably at least five months old (you may have a freak 6 hour stretch in there, but it’s EXTREMELY rare), you need to learn to sleep when the baby is asleep. Every time the baby needs to get up or you need to pump, you’re going to lose about an hour. So, if baby is up at 2am, by the time you get your sh*t together, feed them, change them, and get them settled back to sleep, it’s likely going to be close to 3am. Then, you can start the timer on when they’ll be up again and, spoiler alert, it’s probably going to be around 6am.

That being said, if you’re lucky enough to have maternity leave, use it to sleep. Don’t make any grand plans (raises hand slowly) about rewatching Game of Thrones, reading all of the literary classics you ignored in high school, or getting really into fine wine. Sleep and survival are the name of the game for the first few months.

All this being said, there’s going to be a ton of information thrown at you the first few days after your little one arrives. Don’t worry about absorbing it all, doing everything right, or being afraid to make a mistake. Babies are pretty resilient, and so are you. You’re doing amazing, sweetie.

Images: The Honest Company / Unsplash; Giphy (4)

Don’t Make Me Go To Your Gender Reveal Party

Lisa Schwartz is a Los Angeles native, actress, and YouTube sensation whose channel Lisbug has over 2.2 million subscribers. Her book, THIRTY-LIFE CRISIS: Navigating My Thirties, One Drunk Baby Shower at a Time, out now, is a collection of comedic personal essays in which she shares stories and musings about being an ambitious, modern day woman in her thirties.

Dear Stranger On The Internet, 

Before you decide to have a gender reveal party, I ask you to reconsider. Don’t get me wrong—I want the best for you. You have absolutely every right to do whatever your sweet pregnant heart desires; after all, you are brewing a baby and that’s no easy feat.

I have watched my friends struggle to get pregnant and then finally push through the pukes, the poops, and the swollen feet. You should be celebrated, you should be cherished, and you should have pink or blue sh*t shoot out of some extravagant device purchased solely to ensure that your baby’s genital unveiling goes viral. However, I ask that you take a beat to consider the people around you who have dedicated many weekends to you.

The ones who have dug into their bank accounts to get you that bread maker for your wedding that you have yet to unwrap. The friends who held your hair back at your bachelorette weekend because drinking out of penis straws for only one night didn’t seem like enough. Think of those, near and dear, who carried on mind-numbing conversations with your weird aunt at your engagement party, and then again at your bridal shower. The lifetime bestie who kept note of who got you which boob-milking accoutrement at your baby shower, and then played that horrific diaper sniffing game at the second shower your mother-in-law insisted on throwing to impress her friends. Consider your peers who are having trouble reconciling that everyone in their social circle is getting married and having kids. Keep in mind the ones who feel a million steps behind, emotionally challenged by change, and/or struggling to keep their heads above water. Think of those who have been told time and time again—not only by medical professionals, but from family members alike—that they ought to freeze their eggs regardless of the fact that they can’t even complete a dating app profile.

 

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Bardi had her baby! Bink in bio or betches.co/cardi

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And please remind yourself what it felt like when you were single, tasked with attending an event that made looking into a mirror more than just a “is there sh*t in my teeth?” check, but rather a deep dive into a “what the f*ck am I doing with my life?” spiral. I urge you—take a beat, and rethink having this party. 

I am not saying it’s your responsibility to take care of everyone. You certainly have enough on your plate tending to your wellbeing as well as your little bundle of joy. But ignorance is not bliss; it’s actually pure hell for a single 30-something-year-old who just discovered another wrinkle along with a thick black chin hair that miraculously popped up overnight. Won’t you consider throwing us a bone and keep the private-part discovery between you and your loved one? 

If you’re annoyed by this plea, and proceeding with your celebration anyway, may I at least suggest three things that are bound to lessen the discomfort of those going through a thirty-life-crisis: 

1. Have A Bar

Even if it’s just some kitschy Pinterest-inspired mimosa table that your former sorority sister spent all night making little tags for (oh thank you, Stacey. I almost mistook the orange juice for cranberry juice). A cheap Champagne buzz is better than a sober conversation with people you haven’t seen since high school who are insistent that there is a guy at their CrossFit that would be “perfect for you.” Kill me. Or similarly, make me go to CrossFit. 

2. Don’t Have A Dress Code

Not like you’re going to throw a black-tie event (although I wouldn’t put it past some cummerbund-loving Richie Rich to enforce such a thing). But please, don’t make everyone wear blue or pink according to what gender they think this little thing is going to be. It’s hard enough to find something I feel comfortable wearing without having a complete meltdown that ends with me naked on the closet floor, alongside every item of clothing I own. F*ck you, I’m wearing black. 

And lastly…. 

3. Let Your Friends Off The Hook

In recent years, I have come to realize the power of saying “no.” If I don’t want to do something, I don’t have to. The power of “no” is a strong and empowering thing. The power of obligation and guilt due to years of friendship, however, is stronger. Do your longtime pals a favor and give them an out. If this party is seemingly more appropriate for your family and new “mommy group,” give your old friends the “no pressure” text. Those two words go a long f*cking way. Chances are they’re going to attend, but at least they are coming because they chose to, and not because they had to. 

Or screw my unsolicited advice and do it the way you want. You are an incredibly strong woman who is doing an extraordinary thing here. Have the f*cking gender reveal party of your dreams. Just keep in mind that there may be people in your orbit who are in a less-than-celebratory headspace. Don’t be surprised if there are some eye rolls or no-shows; that’s how this pink and blue cookie crumbles. As long as you stay true to you and your heart, the rest will work itself out. I can’t guarantee your epic reveal is going to be on Ellen, but if you upload it to Facebook, I’m sure my grandma will repost it. She loves that sh*t. 

Whatever you end up doing, here’s to you and a happy, healthy pregnancy. Regardless of what gender your baby is. 

Sincerely, 

A Retired Gender Reveal Partygoer 

Lisa Schwartz is a Los Angeles native, actress, and YouTube sensation whose channel Lisbug has over 2.2 million subscribers. Her book, THIRTY-LIFE CRISIS: Navigating My Thirties, One Drunk Baby Shower at a Time, out now, is a collection of comedic personal essays in which she shares stories and musings about being an ambitious, modern day woman in her thirties.

Images: betches/Instagram; Sirio/Unsplash

10 Pregnancy & Labor Terms You Should Know, Defined

Once you hit your mid-20s, you reach that stage in life where everyone you know is getting engaged. (And if you think that won’t happen to you, just wait.) As elementary school wisdom tells us, first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby in the baby carriage. Now, many of us are at the point when our friends have made the conscious decision to ruin enrich their lives by having a baby. Mazel. Naturally, you’re still friends with these people and want to like, hang out until the baby comes and drastically changes the dynamic, but you may be getting kind of lost with all these new terms your bestie is throwing out about her pregnancy, delivery, and beyond. Because nobody likes looking pregnancy terms up in the dictionary while at brunch, here’s an easy guide of some of the most common terms your pregnant friends may be throwing around. Study it so you don’t have to ask and feel like the stupid friend.

1. C-Section

This might seem like a beginner term, but you never know with the state of the American education system these days. C-section is short for caesarean section, and is when an incision is made in the woman’s abdomen and the baby is removed through said incision. Benefits include not ripping your platinum vagine in half. Cons include being actually literally cut in half, sort of. C-sections are relatively safe and uncomplicated, but they do take longer to recover from than a vaginal birth. So don’t listen to anyone who tries to say this is the easy way out! None of this sh*t is easy.

2. Doula

Doulas are basically like your advocate in the delivery room. Think of a doula as your bff. They can help with non-medical techniques like keeping breathing on track, giving you a massage, or tell you you’re doing amazing, sweetie. The most important thing here, though, is that a doula is not necessarily a medically certified professional. There are exceptions, but according to Healthline, doulas in most states do not require any kind of certification. They can help make the delivery process go smoothly, but typically do not offer medical assistance.

3. Midwife

A midwife is a trained medical professional who may be a registered nurse, has specific medical training for the role, and/or went to midwifery school. According to Healthline, midwives can do a lot of the same things as doctors, including performing gyno exams, providing prenatal care, giving you pain meds, giving you labor-inducing drugs, assist c-sections (see #1), do the entire delivery, monitoring the baby, ordering an epidural, delivering the baby, and more, but laws and regulations governing midwife practices vary by state, according to midwife.org.

4. Preeclampsia

This scary word should ring a bell for those of you that follow the exploits of the Kardashians. I’m not going to f*ck up the medical term here, so let’s look to the Mayo Clinic for the official definition: “Preeclampsia is a pregnancy complication characterized by high blood pressure and signs of damage to another organ system, most often the liver and kidneys. Preeclampsia usually begins after 20 weeks of pregnancy in women whose blood pressure had been normal.”

Kim K dealt with preeclampsia and it’s likely a lot of the reason why she chose to go with a surrogate after her pregnancy with Saint. Preeclampsia seems like your run-of-the-mill high blood pressure, but it’s actually super serious and can result in kidney or liver failure (and even death) for the mother. So yeah, it’s not to be taken lightly.

5. Epidural

Without getting technical, an epidural is a magical drug shot into a woman’s spine during labor BEFORE she starts pushing that makes everything feel suuuuper chill. Which is great, considering the carnage that’s about to ensue (kidding but also not). If you want the real medical definition, an epidural is a “regional anesthesia that blocks pain in a particular region of the body,” according to the American Pregnancy Association. The whole idea of an epidural is to relieve pain, not for you to go 100% numb (although that would be fine with me personally). It blocks nerve impulses below a certain section in your spine, which basically means you can feel the lower half of your body, but not nearly as intensely.

Many women shy away from epidurals because the shot itself (again, into your spine) can come with risks and is, in its essence, a drug. But we’re not here to judge anyone’s choices. Some forego the epidural and go all natural. Personally, I’ll be here waiting for my epidural cocktail. Do you.

6. Postpartum

Postpartum refers to the time after birth. You’ve probably heard it in relation to postpartum depression, which is the depression that can descend upon some new moms after their baby makes his or her appearance. With more than three million cases of PPD in the United States per year, it is super common. While Mayo Clinic says many moms experience what’s called “post-baby blues” which can last up to two weeks, postpartum depression symptoms can develop within the first few weeks after giving birth, but can start as early as pregnancy and as late as a year after birth. If left untreated, it can lasts for months (or longer), so speak to your doctor if you’re concerned you’ve been exhibiting symptoms like depressed mood, severe mood swings, overwhelming fatigue or loss of energy, difficulty bonding with your baby, hopelessness, and more—check out a full list of PPD symptoms here.

7. Pitocin

Pitocin is a synthetic version of oxytocin, a hormone that helps your uterus know wtf it’s doing when labor time comes. Pitocin helps bring on (induce, another vocab word we’ll get to) active labor if it hasn’t started naturally. A lot of women shy away from pitocin and inducing labor because they feel that the risks outweigh the benefits. According to the Mayo Clinic, a collection of learned doctors (see: not bloggers), there can be issues of too many contractions too quickly, which can, in turn, lower the baby’s heart rate. There’s also a risk of more painful contractions, which sounds like it sucks. All in all, Pitocin gets an incredibly bad wrap, but, really, it’s just the synthetic form of something your body needs to go into labor anyway. Ask your doctor or midwife about it if you’re considering it, and stay off the internet if you’re concerned.

8. Ripening Cervix

Ughhh. So this is kind of the grossest one, so please bear with me. Basically, this just means that your cervix is soft and ready to go in terms of getting the baby out. Why the health world insists on using the word “ripening” is beyond me.

9. Dilated/Dilation

You’ll see on shows and movies with labor scenes some doctor or nurse saying “she’s only five centimeters dilated.” If you feel stupid not knowing what that means, it’s okay. There are no stupid questions here. Dilating just means that your cervix is slowly opening and expanding to help get that baby out. Doctors want to see you at 10 centimeters dilated before you start pushing. Yay.

10. Inducing Labor

Inducing means to make someone go into labor if her body isn’t doing it already, which might be necessary if the mother is more than two weeks late from her due date, she has gestational diabetes (diabetes that develops while you’re pregnant), or there are other medical conditions that require her to get that baby out, stat. Induction can be through administering drugs like Pitocin, through a doctor literally breaking your water (help), or manually ripening your cervix…Remind me why we put our bodies through this again?

Images: Tim Bish, Unsplash; Giphy (3)

4 Ways Your Body Can Change After Giving Birth That We Don’t Talk About Enough

“Oh, he definitely could have fit through that tiny vagina, he’s so small.” Words I feel like I have strangely heard before. However, this time it’s coming from the most low-key hilarious doctors a girl could have as they rip my son out of my bleeding stomach during my planned C-section. Drugged up and awaiting my baby’s arrival, I’ve listened to the two of them talk about sushi, beer, my tidy, hairless lady parts, and the Mets—all entertaining, but not as wonderful as the sound of my son’s first cries. There’s nothing in the world like it. I know he’s going to be worth every bit of the hell my body is going to experience in the days, weeks, months, and years to come, and he is.

As pregnant women, we tend to think the relief from an alien invasion of our body is over the second that baby is out of us. It’s the end of running home from the grocery store to puke in the driveway, sneaking hotdogs and Italian combo grinders on the DL, and praying every time you get on the scale that this is the last pound you’re going to gain.

Suddenly, all that is over and you can drink a Bud heavy and have sex like you just got out of prison without worrying you are going to injure the baby, and yasss you can see and touch your toes. Time to start modeling. We think our body is our own again. Think again. It may be our own, but it will never be the same.

There are so many changes in store post-delivering a baby that women don’t talk about or realize until it happens to them and they’re on WebMD and an internet chat at 4am where fake doctors respond to desperate mothers’ questions 9 months later with the reassuring answer “Sounds like you should contact your doctor”. No sh*t.

That’s clearly not going to help you, so here are a few things to expect post-giving birth that you don’t need to call your doctor about or check a stagnant postpartum forum for.

1. Boob Issues

You’re going to have boob issues; just know that. People always talk about the joys and pains of nursing and their nipple problems, especially when you don’t want or need to hear those details. But they rarely talk about the pain of not nursing right out the gate.

The second I got pregnant I knew I wasn’t going to nurse because I was fantasizing about having a glass of wine as soon as the baby crowned. And I also knew I was too selfish to be bothered with pumping anything aside from my fist while watching Jersey Shore with that wine that I waited nine months for.

While I totally advocate for and support breastfeeding, it was never in my motherhood plans. However, if someone had told me that the pain of my breast milk coming in and not being released would be the only reason for me to take the Percocet prescribed to me—that I refused to take even for my C-section pain—I would have probably nursed everyone in the neighborhood’s kids along with mine.

It was some of the worst pain I have ever felt in my life. For about 10 days, there was no relief in sight. My doctor suggested that I induce a day’s worth of diarrhea by drinking magnesium citrate, which would dehydrate me and dry up my milk. While dropping a quick five pounds in a day sounded tempting, instead, I suffered the pain, iced my chest, wrapped them up in tape, drugged myself, and waited it out. Lesson learned: the pain from not nursing is your body’s primitive way of saying get your sh*t together, this kid needs your milk.

2. Blood And Discharge

Blood, blood and more blood. Oh, the good old lochia—the vaginal discharge after giving birth—containing blood, mucus, and uterine tissue, aka, the delivery of the second twin you didn’t know was sharing your uterus with your newborn. I seriously could have named and christened mine and got more money and gifts. What my body passed in the weeks after my baby was traumatizing.

My desire and hope to feel sexy again was shattered not only by this, but also by the adult diaper that I needed to wear for 4 weeks postpartum. However, the silver lining I found in that nonstop hemorrhaging was that the king sized pads I came home from the hospital with came in handy down the road when my period became a regular massacre every month post-baby (and still is 9 years later). And when I ran out of them, I hit up my sister after her baby’s birth. It was like finding gold in her bathroom closet. These elephant pads also are useful for long car trips and situations where you might not be able to pee for a long time, can’t hold it, or might pee your pants if you cough—which yes, are post-baby consolation prizes as well.

3. Your Body Parts Will Grow

No one tells you that when your body parts grow during pregnancy, there’s a good chance that some of them never go back to pre-baby size. Thankfully, I can’t speak about this in relation to the havoc wreaked on vaginas during childbirth, but I am pretty sure stitching mine back together isn’t on my bucket list with the other things involving my vagina.

Hopefully, your stomach will be something that does eventually go back to size, but that doesn’t mean your swollen feet will. My petite size 5’s went up to a 5.5/6, which I don’t really mind because now I can find shoes at Marshall’s, an impossible feat for anyone under a size 7. However, if you’re already a size 9 and are moving on up to a 10, blame the baby. I was lucky to now not only love my son for everything he is, but because he gave me a good shoe size, and more importantly, an ass that celebrities pay for.

During my pregnancy, I was concerned that I started to grow out back rather than the front, which happens for some due to all the sitting on your ass on the couch eating ice cream watching Bravo, but I learned post-delivery that this doesn’t have to be a bad thing. I took that gain and added some squats, then bam, there was the butt that luckily became trendy the year my son was born thanks to the Kardashians.

4. Your Hair May Not

While some body parts may get bigger and possibly better, like your boobs and your butt, expect that some do not. One of these is your hair.  You may have to say goodbye to the long luscious locks that prenatals gave you as your hormones go haywire. You’ll start collecting your old friends out of the shower drain, talking to them, and analyzing them as you decide to play the game of lining up only washing your hair when you have actual plans and which days of the week you could compromise losing 85 more strands for a good blowout.

All in all, remember that hormones don’t just affect your hair, they run your life. So most importantly, be aware of that and that everything you are experiencing post-baby is a result of what your body just endured sharing it with your little monster ball of sunshine for nine months. God made women responsible for giving birth because he knows we can handle it and don’t call out over a head cold like men.

So when your C-section scar has a stomach of its own (in addition to your stomach’s stomach), and your hemorrhoids prevent you from doing the really good type of sex, look at your baby and remember that they’re worth all of it. The best you can do is drink the bottle of wine that it takes to go to sleep some nights and cherish every moment with them because they grow so fast and chances are you would do it all over again just to share this crazy life with them.

Images: Ignacio Campo / Unsplash; Giphy (4)

4 Times Jessica Simpson Was Hilariously TMI About Her Pregnancy

I don’t know about you, but approximately every single one of my friends is pregnant right now. In fact, I just attended a baby shower over the weekend where, mercifully, the mother-to-be did not make us eat melted candy bars out of a diaper. I have not always been so lucky. I’m very happy for all of my friends who are having babies, but at the same time I am horrified about what their bodies are doing, where their organs are shifting, and having graphic nightmares about the birthing process. Anxiety is so fun! After my friends have their children, I come to the baby meeting armed with a list of questions that they almost always refuse to answer in extensive detail. And that’s why I’m thankful for Jessica Simpson.

Jessica Simpson just gave birth to her third child, a baby girl named Birdie, on March 19th. Congratulations, Johnson family! And, in the 346 months that Jessica was pregnant, she blessed us with all sorts of information about her pregnancy journey. Some might call it an overshare, but I most definitely am interested in hearing about the flatulence that comes with having a human in your uterus. I need this kind of truth in my life! Otherwise I’d just keep on believing the stork dropped these kids off. So, in honor of Jess’s new baby and her commitment to brutal honesty, I’m going to list for you a few times when she blessed us with maybe too much information about her pregnancy.

When She Shared Pictures Of Her Bump

Most pregnant ladies cover up their bump in public. They use big caftans, large sweaters, resting bitch face, a forcefield, etc. to keep people from touching their stomach. It leaves me wondering, what is under there? It could be a pillow for all I know, right Beyoncé? Thankfully, Jessica has swooped in to answer all my questions, and allowed me to feast my eyes on what is indeed, a large bump.

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Jess-tation

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Great pun, Jess.

Sure, now I never want to stretch my body to what seems like one million miles past its limits in order to bring a child into this world, but I appreciate the information. And I applaud her for getting out of bed and into a bikini. I think at that point I’d just be using the bump as a tray table to hold my pizza, and the bikini as a slingshot to fling at my husband.

When She Told Us About Her Toilet Issues

Apparently there are things that happen during pregnancy that we non-pregnant ladies never even think about. Sure, I knew you were eating for two (jealous) and puking a lot, but I didn’t think everyday household items would be in peril. I was wrong. Towards the end of her pregnancy with Birdie, Jessica gave us the warning we never knew we needed.

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Warning…Don’t lean back on the toilet when pregnant ??‍♀️

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She leaned back on the toilet and broke it! I didn’t know that could happen, can she sue the company for dying of embarrassment? I guess it kind of makes sense though, you’re dealing with a lot of weight you’re not used to, like a brand-new superhero that does not know their own strength. I’m sure Spider-Man broke a few toilets himself after he was first bitten (Marvel, plz confirm). Whatever, it’s fine. I think we can all agree that the toilet lid is superfluous anyways.

When She Said A Wiener Made Her Nauseous

Jessica Simpson didn’t just learn the art of the overshare with this third pregnancy. Oh no, she’s been doing it for years. Back when she was pregnant with future heartthrob Ace, she planned on keeping the gender a secret. But she accidentally revealed it on Jimmy Kimmel in the most Jessica way, by saying, “The crazy thing is, I didn’t know a wiener could make me nauseous!

If we’re getting technical, isn’t it a wiener that made her nauseous all three times? That’s where the sperm comes from, Jessica! I’m not sure I needed to know this much about her pregnancy, but at least Ace will be able to pinpoint the moment where his problems began when his therapist asks.

When She Basically Told Us How She Got Pregnant With Ace So Quickly

And to end this article, I thought we’d start at the beginning, learning how babies are made. In an interview after Jessica gave birth to Maxwell, her first child, she said that she’s been following all the rules, except one. Her doctor advised her to abstain from sex, but Jessica famously did not, justifying her decision as follows: “I think I have the sexiest man in the world. So that’s the rule I break.” Some rules are made for breaking. I eat ice cream for dinner sometimes, no one in my office ever shows up at 9am, and I truly appreciate when the pitcher intentionally nails the batter with a fastball. But, maybe you should listen to your doctor when they tell you not to do stuff? Not judging! Just suggesting!

Not surprisingly, shortly after this interview, and when Maxwell was seven months old, Jessica became pregnant with her second child. And I guess we know it’s because she couldn’t keep her hands off that man candy in her house. She must not have listened to the part about protection, either. You crazy kids!

And those are just a few of the glimpses into pregnancy that Jessica Simpson has given us over the years! I truly hope she goes for number four, but if she doesn’t, please rest assured I’ll be happy to provide TMI if I ever get pregnant.

Images: jessicasimpson/Instagram (2); Giphy (2)