Welcome to the 2020 Golden Globes! While us normos are actively avoiding any human interaction after three weeks of non-stop partying and soul-crushing fights with our family members, Hollywood is getting together for yet another rager. Well, technically it’s an award show, but what would you call a night filled with 1,500 bottles of champagne, rambling monologues, awkward run-ins with exes, that all ends with a trip to a fast food joint? That’s what I thought.
This year, the Golden Globes were hosted by Ricky Gervais, marking the fifth time he’s held the honor, and his first time hosting since 2016. Now, I’m a fan of Ricky because at his best he is scathing, and at his worst he makes everyone so uncomfortable you can actually physically feel the hatred emanating off of them, and that’s a reaction I’m very used to. What can I say, you like what you know. But I can understand if he’s not your cup of tea. Well, I can’t, but one of my New Year’s resolutions was to be more understanding and it’s only January 6th, so I’m being magnanimous. You’re welcome. Anyway, this year he was better than I could have even imagined. Ricky immediately came for the people who hired him, called everyone in the room dumb perverts, and made a “Jeffrey Epstein didn’t kill himself” joke. If that wasn’t 90% of you after three cocktails at your office holiday party, then you’re lying.
Ricky Gervais 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥 pic.twitter.com/z4LxMWj9ev
— Jack McGuire (@JackMacCFB) January 6, 2020
Ricky started the show off super strong, and it only got more preachy bonkers from there. So instead of a full recap, which none of us have time for unless you were fired after said office holiday party, I’ve broken the show into highs and lows. Let’s get to it!
HIGHS
☆ I know I already talked about the monologue, but bear with me while I just say that Ricky throwing out the line, “It’s the last time, who cares” after every insult he slung at the HFPA is a level of who gives a sh*t that we should all aspire to. (Also, special shout-out to Ricky for calling out Leo DiCaprio’s refusal to date age-appropriate women.)
☆ In toasting the three nominations for Knives Out, Ricky Gervais took an easy shot at Cats, everyone’s least favorite movie of the year: “See what happens when you don’t dress people up as cats?” Boom. Roasted. Honestly, that’s gonna be my philosophy whenever I accomplish anything from now on.
☆ Ramy Youssef admitting during his acceptance speech for “Best Performance by an Actor – Comedy or Musical,” that no one knows who he is. Fine, I’m mostly including this because he’s from Jersey, HOW DO YOU ALL SEE THROUGH ME? Hooray, New Jersey! We will take over the world like we’ve been secretly plotting! Soon everyone will be referring to their hometown by their exit on the parkway mwahahaahahahhahah!
☆ Celebrities raising awareness for the bush fires in Australia. I legit think that’s the only reason they gave Russell Crowe an award, because no one I know even saw The Loudest Voice. If they wanted to watch Roger Ailes prey on women they just waited to see Charlize Theron in Megyn Kelly cosplay in Bombshell. But really, those fires are BAD. Please help if you can!
☆ Bill Hader and Rachel Bilson showing up on the red carpet together for the first time. If you’re not watching Barry, you’re missing out on one of the best dark comedies on TV, plus you’ve yet to realize that Bill Hader is stealthily hot. And Summer Roberts deserves her happy ending. I stan.
☆ Just like at the Emmys, Fleabag won the Best Comedy Series, and Phoebe Waller-Bridge won Best Actress for her performance. These were some of the least surprising wins of the night, but sometimes the best show wins for a reason. Now that Fleabag is over, I can’t wait to see what Phoebe does next, because the world is truly her oyster. When will the world be my oyster?
☆ Succession wins! Succession won best drama and Brian Cox aka Logan Roy aka possibly the most mentally abusive father in America won Best Actor. Damn, that show is good. I actually screamed at the end of the second season when something insane happens that I won’t mention here, because I don’t want to get lit up in the comments over spoiling something that ended months ago. So I won’t spoil it, but WATCH IT ALREADY. And we were BLESSED that Brian Cox won because it allowed us the absolute best moment of the night, a Jason Momoa in a tank top sighting. It’s like someone knew we needed to start 2020 out that way.
My sexual orientation is Jason Momoa in a tank top at the Golden Globes pic.twitter.com/h0wwCl47Oa
— Sam Stryker (@sbstryker) January 6, 2020
☆ Kate McKinnon presenting the Carol Burnett award to Ellen. It was heartfelt, inspiring, and also funny. However, I was confused when Ellen said that people tell her that her show inspires them to go out every day and help people, and that’s what TV should do. The TV I watch inspires me to go out there and mercilessly mock Florida. Am I watching the wrong things?
☆ Brad Pitt’s face. Whoever is keeping Brad looking this refreshed is doing a fantastic job. It looks natural even though I know it’s not, and he could get it over Leo ANY. DAY. Fight me.
☆ While introducing Jojo Rabbit, Sacha Baron Cohen joked that Mark Zuckerberg is a “naive, misguided child who spreads Nazi propaganda.” LMAO. Where is the lie? Why do I feel like Sacha wrote that one himself? This definitely made some people in the room uncomfortable, but none of the other presenters had material that good.
Sacha Baron Cohen just roasted Mark Zuckerberg. #GoldenGlobes pic.twitter.com/lc4m9WiTgc
— Lights, Camera, Pod (@LightsCameraPod) January 6, 2020
☆ Tom Hanks. Man, has that guy been in a lot of great movies. And THE EMOTION. Over his family. And he has a kid who is a white rapper and goes by the name Chet Haze! And he still loves them! For that alone he deserves an award.
☆ The cameraman who was smart enough to cutaway to Jennifer Aniston during Brad Pitt’s acceptance speech. I know some of you might be over this love triangle, but I didn’t invent it, and the media has made me invested in it for over half my life, so thank you, sir, for rewarding all the time and dedication I have put into this relationship. Now, if only her reaction had been more scandalous. We’ll have to work on that for next year, Jen.
☆ Also, Brad Pitt for acknowledging what we all know to be true, Leo COULD HAVE FIT ON THE DOOR and that Kate Winslet is a cold-blooded murderer. I also liked what he said about being kind to someone tomorrow. And I will, tomorrow! Today I have to write this recap.
☆ Awkwafina won Best Actress for her heartbreaking performance in The Farewell, and her acceptance speech was as funny as you’d expect. When she said “I told you I’d get a job, dad,” I really felt that. Way to stick it to dads everywhere that begged us to just be accountants.
☆ So I was about to put Joaquin Phoenix’s win on the “lows” list because I find him exhausting, pompous, and a little crazy behind the eyes, but then he called out everyone in the room for being hypocrites and I shrieked. Stop preaching about climate change and then hopping on your private jets, assholes! I loved it. Good luck at the after parties, Joaquin. Leo is not going to be happy.
Joaquin Phoenix did seem quite drunk BUT telling a room full of famous people to stop taking private jets to Palm Springs….you DO love to see it #GoldenGlobes
— Tyler McCall (@eiffeltyler) January 6, 2020
☆ Michelle Williams won for her performance in Fosse/Verdon, and she used her speech as an opportunity to speak out on the importance of women’s rights, especially when it comes to abortion. She’s known for keeping her personal life very private, so to hear her speak so passionately was truly a special moment.
LOWS
☆ WHERE WAS LITTLE WOMEN?!! This movie was beautiful. I laughed, I cried, I remembered how much this story meant to someone like me, who fancies herself a writer. And the HFPA couldn’t give a sh*t about this movie. Couldn’t fathom how it would be important. Barely nominated it. It makes me believe everything Ricky Gervais said about them. Oscars, your move. Are you going to make me call you sexist trash bags, too?
☆ WTF was J.Lo wearing? Girl, we already know you’re a gift, you didn’t have to dress like the Christmas wrapping paper my mom bought at Paper Source on January 1st for 60% off.
☆ Laura Dern’s acceptance speech. I mean, she was funny, and charming, and she looked gorgeous, but the whole thing was hijacked by Gwyneth Paltrow’s ass. Come on, cameraman. We know she looked hot, but this is about Laura! Maybe film the winner’s acceptance speech from the front next time, and Google pictures of Gwyneth’s body at home later on your free time. This is your job, cameraman!
☆ Pairing Amy Poehler and Taylor Swift as presenters was BRILLIANT, because as you will remember, one of the years that Tina and Amy hosted the show they made a joke about Taylor Swift dating younger guys, and she responded later saying “there’s a special place in hell for women who don’t support other women.” Which is something I still laugh about to this day because it was such an overreaction. But this presentation was a missed opportunity. They didn’t even address it! I couldn’t even tell you what they presented, that was how boring it was. The fact that they didn’t take advantage of this pairing just made it pointless. I know you had something to say Amy, YOU SHOULD HAVE.
☆ Jason Momoa put his jacket back on to present.
☆ I find it unbelievable that Unbelievable didn’t win anything. As a true crime junkie, I can honestly say that that series was a cut above the rest of the genre, and Kaitlyn, Merritt, and Toni each gave heart-wrenching performances. And seriously, WHO IS WATCHING CHERNOBYL?!
☆ Another year where the best actor in a musical/comedy was from a musical biopic. I love Taron Egerton, but if he was going to win for anything it obviously should have been Kingsman. It takes great talent to play a character named Eggsy without laughing.
☆ The presenters. As I mentioned earlier, they were all kind of nothing-burgers. Was Tom Hanks passing around his cold medicine at the pre-show?
Once Upon a Time in Hollywood winning multiple awards, proving once again that Hollywood loves nothing more than to jerk itself off.
That Pierce Brosnan’s sons, this year’s Golden Globe Ambassadors, were nowhere near as hot as Pierce Brosnan.
The length. Over 3 hours?!?! Did I spend 11 hours binging the entire season of Spinning Out just yesterday? Yes, but what’s your point?
At that’s all folks! Have a good day! As Ricky says, get drunk, take your drugs! Happy New Year!
Images: Jackmacdfb ,sbstryker, lightscamerapod, eiffeltyler/Twitter; enews, betches/Instagram; Giphy
The Golden Globes is the first big show of the awards season so it’s always interesting to see the outfit choices. With both TV, movies, and a lot of champagne, it’s more of a “party” than any of the others (aka they all get crunk.) Anyway, idk if that whole “dgaf” mentality plays into the fashion choices of the attendees, but after last night’s red carpet, I’ve got to believe so. Like, Melissa McCarthy…c’mon! You’re a funny lady, but please tell me this dress was meant as a joke??? I can’t wrap my mind around the thought of you putting on this dress and looking in the mirror and going “Yes, this is the one. This purple, wizard-inspired number is exactly what I want to wear to the Golden Globes.” Well, of course she wasn’t the only one who made a questionable fashion choice last night. So let’s get into all the rest! Here are the best and worst dressed celebs of last night’s Golden Globes red carpet, in no particular order.
Best-Dressed
Lady Gaga
Breath. F*cking. Taking. Everyone with eyeballs can agree that Lady Gaga stole the show last night in this stunning, periwinkle Valentino dress, honoring Judy Garland. It was the perfect combo of drama and class, with its Lady Gaga-level-of-extra insane train and dramatic fabric. Paired with the gorgeous jewels and out-of-this-world shoes, let’s just say a star was definitely born on last night’s red carpet. (Corny, but I had to.) She looked like a modern-day Elsa, and I was completely here for it. My one complaint? The flaccid hotdog bun hair style. Down for the hair color, but hard pass on the sad, rolled-up bun plastered atop her head. Even so, she stole the entire show, so all hail to you Gaga.
Julia Roberts
Gemma Chan
Ever since I saw Crazy Rich Asians, I’ve been obsessed with Gemma Chan. Like, epitome of girl crush. Her role in the movie as a boss b*tch, independent woman, and fashion icon already had me hooked. But now, that in combination with her stunning beauty and flawless off-screen style, I’m genuinely starting to think my heterosexual ways could be changed. This dress/romper situation was EVERYTHING. Like, I know we all thought we were over the infamous Angelina Jolie one-leg look, but after last night, Gemma Chan made us all believers once again. (*Cue “I’m A Believer” by Smash Mouth.*) Perfectly paired with the matching Louboutin shoes, red lip, and the rest of her perfectly polished look, Gemma Chan’s Valentino Couture ~lewk~ was my hands down winner of the night.
Kaley Cuoco
Okay, was anyone else getting major Jen Aniston vibes from Kaley last night??? She had the signature Jennifer Aniston just-got-f*cked-then-had-a-margartita effortless look, and I loved it. Not to mention, her gown had pockets. Like, what a freaking dream. I mean, just think of all the snacks and mini vodka bottles she was able to sneak in!!! Looks like the brilliance of those nerds on The Big Bang Theory rubbed off on her after all!
Regina King
Regina King will always have a special place in my heart as the bad*ss babe who pushed diner-girl-Sam (aka Hilary Duff) to pursue her own fairytale-moment in my fav childhood movie, A Cinderella Story. I couldn’t get enough of Princeton Girl’s secret online love affair with high school heartthrob Austin Ames, played by the one and only Chad Michael Murray. Like, this is an inspiring modern day fairytale! Like, this is also probs why I’m such a hopeless romantic for dating apps now!!! Smh, I’ll have to ask my therapist about this later. Anyways, back to Regina. The color was stunning on her and the dress perfectly showed off her incredible bod. Hard ten.
Nicole Kidman
I was super on board with Nicole Kidman’s elevated Britney Spears circa “Oops I did it Again” inspired gown. Not to mention, her dress was as tight and unforgiving as Britney’s own iconic latex onesie. And yet, there wasn’t one ounce of pudge ANYWHERE. I mean, to go ahead and just quote Britney herself, this look was truly “sent from above.”
Lili Reinhart
Betty Cooper was straight fire on the red carpet last night. Credit her recent undertaking as the role of Gargoyle Queen or what, but she looked so freaking good. Her dress made a statement, but not in a trying too hard way. Also, it wasn’t super obvious in all the pictures, but the tulle on the bottom half of the dress was actually sheer, making it perfectly low-key provocative. This look was the pure embodiment of innocent Betty Cooper, who also happens to be a Southside serpent, and is in love with bad boy, Jughead Jones. And truly, there was nothing better.
Worst-Dressed
Janelle Monae
WTF is happening??? Like, what am I looking at??? This outfit is so f*cking extra and I simply can’t figure out what look she was even going for here. My final conclusion of the look: Iron Man in Chanel attending a post apocalyptic award show. The gold hat looks like it came from a cheap Aladdin costume, while the neck gear looks like it came straight from the set of Game of Thrones. Not to mention, the tacky gold belt, which looks like one of those free ones that comes attached to an INC jumpsuit from the clearance rack of Macy’s. To really take this look to the grave, it appears that Tina Knowles even had the final touch on the look, and whipped out her sewing kit to throw on some unnecessary gold sequins. Yikes, man.
Melissa McCarthy
Okay Miss Frizzle! Honestly, I had a hard time deciding which was worse – this look, or Janelle Monae’s. Both awful in their own respects. This dress looks like a cheap wizard costume someone’s mom made for the school play. If anyone has ever seen Fantasia, then you know she looks EXACTLY like Mickey Mouse dressed as a wizard. And tbh, I think Mickey wore it better. Sorry, Melissa, you’re still funnier though, Mickey could never.
Lucy Liu
This dress gave me a bad taste of nostalgia that my Sunday scaries simply weren’t prepared for. Remember in grade school when it was supes cool to have glow-in-the-dark stars on your ceiling and a tulle canopy over your bed? Toss in some neon Lisa Frank colors and prints, and there you have it, Lucy Liu’s dress. Maybe my prepubescent self would have liked this, but my judgy 20-something self hated it.
Judy Greer
There’s a right way to do menswear, and there’s a wrong way. This was the wrong way. There’s no way big-time magazine editor, Jenna Rink, would have tolerated Lucy’s conniving half-assed friendship if she had shown up to their all-important magazine party in this monstrosity. Maybe if she had lost the collared shirt and bow tie, I would have liked it. But as is, there’s no way Lucy (aka Tom-Tom) would have even been allowed in the “Six Chicks.” Just saying.
Constance Wu
This dress really threw me for a loop. In its essence, I actually do like the dress. But the nude color on Wu’s porcelain skin was not ideal. Nor was the unnecessary orange velvet bow, which cheapened the whole look. Like, if the undergarment style top half of the dress didn’t already make the look unfinished enough, the bow really had me questioning whether this dress was actually ready to be worn or not. It reminded me of when you panic and realize you don’t have anything to wrap your gift in, so you start taking apart your room to find a pathetic piece of ribbon in attempt to make it look like you tried. I mean, Vera Wang did make a few of the gowns for last night, so she was def a busy lady. Maybe Constance’s happened to be last, and really just wasn’t finished on time? If that was the case, then maybe she should have at least gone with a more glamorous and polished hairstyle to counteract the unfinished dress, but what do I know?
Amber Heard
This look legit just hurt my head. For the life of me, I couldn’t understand where her waist ended and her legs started. It actually reminded me of something from a scene in a movie where they’re giving the main character a makeover, and she tries on a bunch of different looks until she gets to the right one. And this look was obviously one of the examples of a wrong one. In particular, it reminded me of one of the outrageously hideous looks that Lizzie tried on during that fashion show scene in The Lizzie McGuire movie. The confusing proportions of the dress mixed with the Renaissance queen hairstyle was all too much for my poor eyes to bear.
Jamie Lee Curtis
Okay, this look was a toughy because there was good and there was bad. Not going to lie, if “GILF” isn’t already in Urban Dictionary then it needs to be added in with this pic of Jamie Lee Curtis from the Golden Globes last night. With her glowing skin and bronzed spray tan, Jamie Lee Curtis looked liked she’s been living her best f*cking life. Unfortunately, the pure white hair with the pure white gown was not the way to go. She looked like a cross between Jack Frost from Santa Clause 3 and a Q-Tip on her way to prom. In summary, Jamie Lee Curtis you look great, but should probs fire your stylist.
The Golden Globes was the perfect storm of fashion high-highs and low-lows. There were plenty of other honorable mentions but tbh, I didn’t even know who half of them were, and therefore, did not feel I had the authority to respectively applaud or criticize their look. Jk, who am I kidding, I’m more than happy to judge them regardless. It just would have honestly taken me another two days to write about legit EVERYONE in attendance. However, I’m totally confident y’all will flood the comment sections with all the ones I left off, so go ahead, and let the trolling begin.
Images: Getty Images (15)
And the award for the most drawn-out, mother-effing awards presentation of the year goes to…The Oscars! Here in New York, the show didn’t end until like 12:30 am and if you decided to cut out early so you could make it to work this morning, you made the mistake of the century.
Warren Beatty and Faye Dunaway were up way past their bedtimes, got mad confused, and told the world that La La Land won best picture instead of Moonlight. As big of a fuckup as the intern who handed them the wrong card made, if the actual winner had been LaLa Land and Moonlight was mistakenly announced, shit would’ve really hit the fan. #Oscarssoconfused. If you don’t know who Warren Beatty and Faye Dunaway are, join the club. But since it’s social suicide to not recognize Hollywood legends, we all had to pretend to be excited by their appearance and forgive them for their senile inability to realize that Emma Stone couldn’t possibly be the name of the best picture winner.
The Opener
OK, back to the beginning of the night. We started out with Justin Timberlake singing that song that your mom loves and will definitely request for her candle at your sister’s bat mitzvah candlelighting. Still, I would watch Justin sing and dance to whale sounds, so this performance is decent. Nice to see him in a tux all “Suit and Tie” style like it’s 2013.
Jimmy Fall… Oh shit, no, Jimmy Kimmel is hosting. How long does Kimmel talk before the speech gets weirdly political and Twitter freaks out? Oh, um, yes, somewhat immediately. I’m glad he popped off the topic pretty quickly in order to rip on Matt Damon and every other person in the room.
Was anyone else surprised at how mild and not-super-political the whole night was? I really wanted someone to roll up in a Fuck Trump T-shirt under their tux or something. Even the speeches were super basic. Like, hey, support the arts, love one another. Praising the Academy, your agent, and your second husband in your Oscars acceptance speech? Groundbreaking. Unless you count Viola Davis’ bomb-ass speech telling all the stories of dead people. Dear God I love that woman.
John Legend
Okay, so John Legend has the voice of an angel and is a great performer and did a v artistic rendition of that boring little La La Land number that everyone pretended to love but is mad underwhelming. But there’s something I need to say and it’s that I’m getting a little fucking sick of this whole John Legend/Chrissy Teigen perfection thing. Like, okay we get it. You get along. You’re affectionate and like each other and both are fucking adorable. You even have an adorable baby. But it’s enough, we need a new routine. You know what I’d like to see? Just ONE Oscars ceremony where instead of being all over each other, John and Chrissy get in a screaming match because John continuously leaves the toilet seat up or Chrissy’s cookbook filled with extremely fried and cheesy foods are starting to give John gas. Now that would be a dose of reality, people.
The Awards
.@violadavis gives #Oscars acceptance speech: Artists “the only profession that celebrate what it means to live a life” pic.twitter.com/6saH17l0di
— ABC News (@ABC) February 27, 2017
Okay, let’s get started with the awards and something we sort of have an interest in: famous people in a supporting role. I need to ask you a real question, though. Did people actually watch this live? I have the DVR power to skip through boring-ass acceptance speeches for movies I didn’t see nor care about, but some of you wasted your precious time watching every fucking second of this Hollywood circle-jerk. Good for you. Wow.
Alicia Vikander won an award last year and is back to present Best Supporting Actor. She looks thin AF and super tan like a Swedish Marissa Cooper with a less depressing fate. Good for Vikander and her messy bun that coincidentally looked like the 3-day unwashed hair look I was sporting while watching her from my couch. Mahershala Ali wins for his role in Moonlight, which I was totally planning on seeing, but I haven’t carved out a day to be depressed yet.
How hilarious is it that Suicide Squad won an Oscar at all, even if it was for Best Makeup or whatever. Sorry, Kylie LipKit, I guess this is just not your year in the makeup category. No, but really, I thought Suicide Squad would only ever claim the title of “Least Shitty Will Smith Movie In The Past 6 Years.” Not that it’s a great movie, just all of his other movies have been THAT bad.
Fuck, they brought out Chris Evans for the Sound Editing and Sound Mixing categories. It’s like the producers of the Oscars knew these categories were throw-aways and the time where everyone gets up to pee so they brought out Evans to keep our eyes on screen for a minute. Clever.
Also, Vince Vaughn looks actually better than he’s ever looked before. Like, he’s seriously giving some Jon Hamm vibes and the world could use more Hamm vibes. What is he on stage for right now? IDFK. Oh right, some war movie that Mel Gibson directed that your boyfriend will think seriously about viewing but never actually see. Speaking of Mel…
Every time I see Mel Gibson at an awards ceremony I feel like he snuck in. #Oscars
— Betches (@betchesluvthis) February 27, 2017
Let’s talk about the award for Best Animaed SHORT Film. Like, seriously who the fuck has seen any of these things? How do they possibly make any money? Where do they even show them? At first I was like, they’re probably sold as education tools for children to schools or museums and shit, but then you notice that one of the titles is Pear Cider and Cigarettes and realize that is definitely not the case.
How amaze does Hailee Steinfield look. Seriously though. She looks glowing and magnificent and also age appropriate. What is she, like, 18? Damn girl.
http://www.betches.com/oscars-2017-best-worst-beauty-looksThe Best & Worst Beauty Looks From The Oscars
She’s presenting in the Animated categories. At this point, you’re just rooting for shit you’ve seen because then you can feel superior when someone brings it up at work. Thank God Zootopia won, amiright? Now at least you’ve seen one of these damn films. Zootopia is bomb though.
Dakota Johnson looks like she’s wearing something your grandmother would want to get buried in. Jamie Dornan looks like he’s sick of spending time with Dakota Johnson. They’re presenting awards for Production Design. And La La Land finally claims an award after being nominated a million times. Production Design? You better step it up from here on out, La La Land.
Real talk, I’m actually really intrigued by the bit with the tour bus people. This might actually be the best part of the Oscars as a whole. Real people losing their shit in front of a million celebrities is so entertaining. What’s even better is real people ignoring certain celebrities. At the same time though, Jimmy Kimmel, this is the Oscars and not your personal late night show. Don’t have people in oversized Gap sweatshirts force Denzel Washington to pretend he doesn’t hate being touched. Have some respect.
Did you ever think Ben Affleck and Matt Damon could look so damn old? Boys, you have millions of dollars and Just for Men Gel is probably six bucks at CVS. Buy some and quit reminding all of us that we, too, are getting old as shit. Also, shave your fucking beard Casey, you’re an Academy Award winning actor now and people might stop referring to you as Ben’s little bro. Stop sporting facial hair that looks like you just finished a three day acid trip at Burning Man.
Side note, I miss Leo. Is it really the Oscars without DiCaprio? No. I care significantly less about this without him in the audience. OMMMMMGGGGGeeeee. Just like that, my wish is granted. I think I just peed a little. Leo is everything. He makes it all worth it. Thank you, Leo.
Emma Stone wins for Best Actress, which I think came as a surprise to exactly no one. She’s been cleaning up at awards shows all season. Her speech was vanilla, which is appropriate because she looks exactly like a vanilla soft-serve frozen yogurt with a cherry on top served in a waffle cone in that dress. I really wish she would have had the La La Land costume people dress her because she was way more interesting in that movie than she is getting an award for that movie.
Let’s not forget Emma’s original greatest role in Superbad. #Oscars pic.twitter.com/HZknaLK6VD
— Betches (@betchesluvthis) February 27, 2017
Drumroll on best picture…. LA LA LAND. BECAUSE OF COURSE IT DID. Why is Ryan Gosling acting so fucking weird. Like, his movie just won best movie of the year and he’s standing off to the side of the stage like a goth kid in a class production of Seven Brides for Seven Brothers.
Wait. NO.
What in the Steve Harvey.
Moonlight really won the Best Picture?! What a world. OK, that moment actually made it worth watching this whole damn thing.
Wow. I’m super glad I got to see that happen live too because I did that thing where I skipped through so much of the recording I caught up to live TV. God works in mysterious ways. Until next year, y’all.
