Judging by the five consecutive Instagram posts I just scrolled through of people’s feet surrounded by leaves, it’s fucking fall. While I’m just as excited as the rest of you PSL-toting, apple orchard-visiting, autumn-loving betches, we’ve got to discuss boots. I know that the second the weather dips below 75 degrees we all go effing ham and start wearing sweaters, leggings, and boots like it’s our jobs. However, there are some boots that are unacceptable to wear this year, and you need to know about them before you do anything drastic.
1. Booties With A Creepy Peep-Toe
Sure, there are definitely tons of peep-toe boots that aren’t creepy, but for the most part, you run a serious risk of having creepy looking toes when you wear them. The risk is twice as bad when they’re poorly cut ankle booties. Why would you ever want to cut your leg off in an unflattering place and then have your toes sprawling out, clinging on for dear life? Like, just stop.
2. Childish Rain Boots
No, those floral printed rain boots aren’t ironically cute with everything, because they don’t match anything. That’s not how that works. Unless you’re headed to a music festival and tripping out for three days straight, it’s time to get some grown-up rain gear.
3. Studded Combat Boots
How great was it when Steve Madden combat boots were the answer to all of life’s issues? Need something to wear with your jeans? Combat boots. Can’t find footwear for a dress? Combat boots. I’m not saying you should stop wearing combat boots altogether, but they’ve been popular for a while, so it’s probably time to refresh the outdated styles that have somehow survived the past few years of your shitshow lifestyle.
4. Anything With Salt-Stained Suede
I get it. We’ve all purchased a random pair of faux suede boots because we didn’t want to buckle up and throw down $800 for a pair of Stuart Weitzmans. Faux suede boots never last as long as you think they will, so it’s probably time to throw them out if they’re covered in salt stains, or like, vodka cran gunk.
5. Poorly Structured Over-The-Knee Boots
Last year everyone was like, obsessed with over-the-knee boots. This year, it’s time to lay down some ground rules. If they’re flopping all over the place or slouching or not staying up properly, it’s time get rid of them and find a pair that actually fits.