Thank you, Leo New Moon! This week we’re all getting a mega-dose of glam Leo energy, leading to a 100% chance of feeling the f*ck out of yourself. If the pandemic has had you feeling bloated/dusty/acne-prone, this is the week to bust out of that mentality. Sure, you may still be bloated, dusty, and acne-prone, but like Summer Roberts once said, it’s all about confidence, Cohen. Confidence.
Aries
That fire that’s always raging within you is getting even bigger this week, as the Leo New Moon pushes you to be bigger and better. That means more creativity, more risk-taking, and less f*cks to give. We’re genuinely scared for anyone foolish enough to try and stop you.
Taurus
Is there anything a Taurus loves more than getting their house in order? (Besides an enormous bowl of comfort food.) This week is all about domestic bliss, aka making your space as comfortable as it possibly can be. Don’t be afraid to rearrange your layout or Marie Kondo the f*ck out of your desk. Oh, and if you end up spending the entire week Zillow-scrolling and imagining yourself as a Selling Sunset broker, that’s fine too.
Gemini
Well hello Miss Popular! This week the world is literally obsessed with you. People are hanging on your every word, liking your every tweet, and commenting on your every ‘gram. It’s honestly exhausting, but such is the life of a celebrity. Just don’t forget the little people, k?
Cancer
New moon, new you! This week is all about opening yourself up to exciting new possibilities, even if they’re not quite what you’d envisioned for yourself. Newsflash: literally nothing is what anyone envisioned for themselves right now, so why not take a risk? While still following CDC guidelines, of course.
Leo
Leo…welcome to your moon! This week is all about celebrating yourself. Indulge in your favorite foods, post a sexy selfie, set aside time for your favorite workout (or give yourself the day off). It’s all about reminding yourself that you f*cking rule, even as the world is going to sh*t. That’s a pretty big accomplishment.
Virgo
What makes a Virgo tick? You’re about to find out. The Leo new moon has you diving deep into your own mind, and you may find yourself plagued by life’s most pressing questions. What is the meaning of life? What happens when you die? And most importantly…if I get an amazing tan in quarantine and no one is around to see it, did I really get a tan?
Libra
Team Libra, assemble! This week you are craving your crew as the Leo new moon puts you in the mood for some collaborative vibes. So strap that mask on your face, grab the biggest round towel you can find, and plan an outdoor hang with the ride-or-dies. You know, the ones who haven’t been posting pics of themselves at a party every other weekend. (**Cough** Kaylee **Cough**)
Scorpio
The Leo new moon has you seeing all the possibilities for your life, Scorpio. So what path do you want to take? Give credence to your daydreams and fantasies this week as they could be showing you your true life’s purpose (or that you’re just really horny and or hungry).
Sagittarius
Lay off the pressure, Sagittarius. You love to learn, but you also hate to be a beginner. This week, let yourself do something that—say it with me now—you’re not naturally good at. Pick up that dusty guitar, clean off those oil paints, or even *gasp* stretch your body. You’ll become an expert in no time (and then you can pretend it was always this way.)
Capricorn
Keep an eye out for an intriguing offer that could set you on a whole new life path. It may come in an unexpected way, or from an unexpected source, but it could be exactly the thing you need to get out of this pandemic rut. Oh, and pro tip: it’ll probably be something that kind of scares you.
Aquarius
Feeling distracted? Blame the new moon. Sorry to your boss, but this week your social and romantic lives are taking center stage, and your ability to concentrate on work is basically non-existent. Might as well go ahead and reschedule those Zoom meetings now…
Pisces
Yoga mat collecting dust in the corner of your room? Not anymore! The Leo new moon has you in the mood to sign up for a Zoom fitness class and then actually attend said class. Shocking, I know. Take advantage of this newfound desire for a healthy lifestyle and see if this whole “endorphins make you happy” thing actually holds up.
Venus is forming its third and final square of the year with Neptune this week, giving us idealistic, optimistic vibes. For once, quarantine doesn’t feel so bad. Maybe you could even get used to this life! Maybe you can thrive in it! Or at least, maybe you won’t feel completely f*cking hopeless every second of the day, which, in 2020, is something.
Aries
Your rosé-colored goggles are firmly planted on this week. On the bright side, you’re seeing the bright side (for once)! One the other hand, don’t be fooled or let yourself start ignoring obvious red flags. I guess what we’re saying is: don’t catch feelings for the wrong person.
Taurus
Q: Has your generosity been taken advantage of lately? A: Yes. You love to show people you care by providing material assistance (i.e. sending a little Venmo to a depressed friend “for wine”), but remember you need to take care of yourself, too. And yes, it is okay to decline to donate to your roommate’s tequila fund even if she is calling it “mutual aid.”’
Gemini
It’s manifestation time, Gemini! Chances are your goals, or even entire life plan, has changed recently. Out with the old and in with the new! Take some time this week to dream up a new vision for your future, then write it down. And we won’t judge you if spend a little time on WitchTok looking up manifestation spells, either.
Cancer
How are your boundaries these days, Cancer? Actually, don’t answer that. At the risk of sounding like a selfish millennial, you’ve been giving and sacrificing too much for others these days. This week is all about reestablishing boundaries and recommitting to yourself. Newsflash: you are living through a pandemic too!
Leo
Who are your ride or dies? That is the question you’ll be answering this week, Leo. This week, something will come to the surface that will set apart the real ones from the fakers. As stressful as that may be, be thankful. Some people have to go through entire seasons on a reality show just to figure that out.
Virgo
This week, you’re taking a second look at someone or something you wrote off because, let’s face it, any decisions we’ve made in 2020 are more guidelines than actual rules. Open yourself up to new possibilities, even if that means revisiting an old possibility you let go at the time. (Betches Media is not responsible for any exes contacted as a result of this post.)
Libra
Promises, promises! This week, a promise you made in less pandemic-ey times may come back to bite you. Be honest about what you’re capable of, and try to find a middle ground. There usually is one. Unless they want you to join them for a 6am fitness class you agreed to when you were blackout, in which case that is a hard no.
Scorpio
Love or lust? Or a little bit of both? You’ll be dealing with this classic human dilemma all week, Scorpio, so be prepared to answer the hard questions. Mainly, do you like him, or is he just the only other single person in your quarantine pod?
Sagittarius
You’re dealing with your own love vs lust dilemma this week, Sagittarius, but with a twist. Someone from your past might slide into your DMs asking to “break quarantine,” if ya know what I mean. Be thoughtful, not just about your health, but also about your heart. Nobody wants to end up risking it all for just an average hookup situation.
Capricorn
You’ve got a case of The Mondays that are lasting all week, Capricorn. Leave it to you to be the one sign that’s grumpy during “idealism week.” There’s only one thing to do: make like Garfield and drown yourself in lasagna. Though maybe like, one of those eggplant ones to cut down on the carbs.
Aquarius
The stars are aligned for you to make some risky decisions this week, Aquarius. No judgemnt. Your rebellious sign is looking to cause a little trouble, just make sure you don’t make trouble for yourself. You don’t want to end up one of those people whose last words were “YOLO.”
Pisces
You might be feeling a little off balance this week, Pisces, and its not just the midday margs (though like, those aren’t helping…) Take time to center yourself with some deep, cleansing breaths whenever you get overwhelmed. And if that doesn’t work, just say f*ck it and add another shot to those margs.
Images: Giphy (12)
