There are a lot of random workout trends and weird body goals that go in and out of style, but in 2017 everyone wants a good butt, no questions asked. I mean, ever since it became acceptable to go out in leggings and to wear bikinis that are made with less material than your red string bracelet from Birthright, the butt has really taken its place as one of the most important body parts. With summer coming up, the clock is fucking ticking, so get off your ass and get it toned and perky in time. Do each of these seven moves for 45 seconds each, then repeat the circuit another 2-3 times total for a kickass workout, pun intended (and the only acceptable occasion to use the word “kickass”).
1. Goblet Squats
Goblet squats sound scary, but they’re just regular squats that you’ll do while holding a kettlebell for added weight. We’re not hating on bodyweight squats, but you’ll see results so much faster while holding a heavy weight, so why do 500 normal squats when you can get a perkier butt by doing like 20 weighted ones? Exactly. Stand holding a kettlebell at your chest (15-40 pounds) with the horns facing downward. With your weight in your heels, squat down until your hamstrings are on your calves and remember to keep your chest and head up to avoid hurting your back. Pause for a second at the bottom, then come back up while squeezing your butt to activate your thot powers muscles.
2. Split Squats
Split squats are different than conventional squats because they focus on your right and left sides individually, so you can hit every part of the muscle. This move actually looks more like a lunge, but they really target the bottom of your glutes, so you’ll feel them tomorrow morning. Stand with your right foot forward and your left foot behind you, with both knees bent. Dip downward, bending your legs into a 90-degree angle, trying to get your back knee to touch the ground. Then, come back up by driving through your heel. Alternate reps on each side, and remember to keep the front knee in line with your front foot. Add a weight in your hands if you’ve got it down.
3. Kettlebell Swings
Kettlebell swings are one of those exercises that can be done SO wrong if no one explains what the fuck you’re supposed to be doing. First of all, this is a LOWER BODY movement, so if you feel yourself using your arms too much, you’re doing it wrong. You’re supposed to feel it in your butt. The idea is to grab a heavy kettlebell (25-50 pounds), and place it on the ground in front of you. Hinge your hips and lift the bell up, hiking it in between your legs so that it’s basically touching your butt. Then, swing the bell forward with your hips, making sure it stays above your knees on the way up and swings to chest-height. Then keep swinging in that same motion from between your thighs to your chest. If you find it easy to swing it that high up, get a heavier kettlebell. Your ponytail should be a hot mess by the end of the 45 seconds.
4. Single Leg Raises
Single leg raises might actually be the single best exercise to make your butt perk up like, three inches. Make sure you take your time on these, because it’s not a fucking race. Start by laying on your back with both feet on the ground and your legs bent. Raise your hips up to the sky, like you’re in a bridge position in fourth grade gymnastics, and then point one leg up while keeping the other bent. Dip your butt up and down for 10 reps, then hold at the top for 10 seconds before you switch sides. Remember to squeeze your butt to really use your muscle. If you’re not feeling the burn and you feel like you’re just humping the sky, you’re not doing it right, and it’s pretty embarrassing and everyone is judging you.
5. Sumo Jump Squats
Tired of the word squat yet? Spoiler alert: too fucking bad. They work. These squats are amazing because they target your inner thigh area while getting your heart rate up, so you’re toning your butt and burning calories at the same time. Start in a regular squat position, but with your feet turned outwards, like an awkward ballerina. Then, squat down, and when you come up, add in a hop, keeping your feet turned outwards. Keep jumping as much as you can without stopping. You should feel the burn on your inner thighs pretty fast.
6. Donkey Kicks
These might sound like a weird sex move, but they’re actually an amazing toning move that targets the muscles in your thighs and butt, so stop being so skeptical and start kicking. Start on your hands and knees with one leg straight out behind you with your knee at a ninety-degree angle. Press your leg straight up, and alternate sides. Once you do regular reps on each side a few times, pulse the leg upwards for 10-20 seconds. If your shoulders get tired from being on your hands, switch to your forearms and/or do some fucking arm workouts and stop being such a weakling.
7. Star Jumps
The star jump is a cardio move, which means you’ll be ending this workout by jumping and sweating. Don’t cry yet. The idea is to get your heart rate up while working your butt and your inner thighs at the same time. Start in a narrow squat with your feet together and hands in front of you. Then, explode up into a high star-shaped jump, separating your legs and arms in the air and then bringing them back together as you land in that same narrow squat. Make sure to actually separate your legs while your jumping, or else you’re defeating the purpose of the move. Good luck walking up the stairs tomorrow.
This week in insane cheerleading news, the entire Coastal Carolina cheerleading team was suspended indefinitely on Thursday and scrubbed from the school’s athletics website and all the school is saying about it is that there is a “conduct investigation.” Now you may be thinking, wtf is Coastal Carolina? Is it a party school? Why should I care? Coastal Carolina University is located near Myrtle Beach, and it was ranked the #4 party school in South Carolina by Niche. Their mascot is “Chauncy the Chanticleer,” which is apparently some kind of bird. And you should care because, what the school lacks in parties and mascots that people have heard of, they make up for in anonymous letters alleging that the entire cheerleading squad was engaged in “prostitution, purchasing alcohol for underage team members and paying others to complete their homework assignments.”
Umm…pause. One of these crimes is not like the the other. Getting mad at a college cheerleading squad that buys alcohol for underage members and pays people to do their homework for them would be like getting mad at an NFL player for accidentally setting off the gun he keeps in his sweatpants at a nightclub. What did you expect? But prostitution? That’s certainly…extra. Sure, cheerleading has a long history of trading sexual favors for social capital, but capital-capital? That’s too far. I mean, first of all, isn’t cheerleading like, a huge time commitment? Who has time to be a cheerleader, a student, and a prostitute all in one semester? I guess that’s where the “paying students to do your homework for you” comes into play. Something has to give, and if it’s not going to be the having sex for money, it might as well be the schoolwork. Now, of course, we don’t know for sure if this is true, but if it is, I think it’s safe to say that this is the craziest fucking thing to happen in cheer since the Toros found out they stole all the Clovers’ cheers.
CCU isn’t giving out a ton of info on this situation, given that “prostitute school” isn’t really what any college wants on their Princeton Review page, but here’s what we do know—a prostitute team member who chose to remain anonymous (wonder why) told WMBF News that Horry County police officers met with several team members and eventually released everyone with no charges, telling them that they “did nothing wrong.” Police did, however, look through the girls’ phones, so RIP the police officer who had to look through seven Coastal Carolina cheerleaders’ photostream. There’s no way he’ll ever be the same.
CCU Cheer was set to host a national cheer competition next week, but that shit is obviously no longer happening. The team has also been barred from competing at nationals which, if Bring It On taught us anything, is basically the worst thing that could possibly happen to a cheerleading squad apart from being publicly accused of being a prostitution ring.
As a result, the team has released the following statement:
“At this point in time, we no longer wish to be contacted about the current situation. The false accusations have led to harassment on campus as well as through social media, and are beginning to negatively impact our daily lives as well as our studies. As a team we ask the community to support us through these tough times as we hope the situation will be cleared up shortly.
Love,
The Coastal Carolina Cheerleading Team
# Chantsup”
Bold move to include your team hashtag in the letter you send to the public addressing allegations of prostitution, but hey, whatever makes you feel better. Also, I’m sure you don’t wish to be contacted anymore about the current situation, but that’s not how being in a the middle of a public scandal works. Like, I’m sure Bill Clinton would have liked to “stop being contacted” about Monica Lewinsky, or Lindsay Lohan would like to “stop being contacted” about her life generally, but they should have thought about that before fucking their intern or being a giant mess every second. An entire cheerleading squad being suspended for alleged prostitution is just too good for people to pass up, and given that the school has yet to release any information, saying that the investigation is ongoing, please allow us to wildly speculate based on almost no evidence as to what is going on:
1. They Are Actually A Prostitution Ring That Dabbles In Underage Drinking & Light Homework Fraud.
This is the easiest, juiciest conclusion, so it’s the one that basically everyone is hoping is true, not only because it’s just an insane story, but because of the Lifetime original movie that will inevitably based on it. I can see it now. Lindsay Lohan as the head cheerleader/madame, Shia Labeouf as the scorned boyfriend/anonymous letter writer, Britney Spears stunt cast as the Dean of Students. Nick Viall cameos as the squad’s wealthy client. This shit literally writes itself.
2. Someone Just Made It All Up Because They’re Jealous
As well all know, one cannot help it that one is popular, one can only be sorry that people are so jealous. There is def a large chance that some person who either a) wanted to be a cheerleader and didn’t get on b) watched too many teen movies and now hates cheerleaders or c) got dumped/rejected/friend zoned by one of the cheerleaders got mad and wrote this letter. Cheerleaders and other beautiful people are subjected to this kind of hatred on a daily basis. It’s very sad. If we all work together, maybe we can someday live in a world where cheerleaders are not the victims of such harassment. Call your representatives.
3. They Did Some Of It But They’re Not Prostitutes
I mean, the stuff about underage drinking and homework buying is probably true. They’re college cheerleaders at a university on the beach. The fact that they DGAF about their schoolwork and drink before turning 21 is not news to anyone. Whoever sent the letter probably included two real things to make the prostitution seem more viable, meaning that whoever wrote this letter is a nasty skank bitch. Do not trust her. She is a fugly slut.
4. This Is A ‘Sugar And Spice’ Situation
Much like the 2001 teen cheerleading film Sugar and Spice, we could be dealing with an entire squad of cheerleaders that has turned to a life of crime in order to help support the newly pregnant head cheerleader after being disowned. It’s just instead of robbing banks, the CCU girls opted for prostitution. This is currently my fav theory. Only question I have left is do they wear the Betty masks while prostituting themselves, and is James Marsden involved? Guess we’ll just have to wait and see.
We’re not sure why, but brands always seem to come out with their coolest leggings toward the end of winter. It’s like, we just spent the past four months cuddled up with in bed watching This is Us while eating enough sushi for a large family. Is this really the time to come out with the hottest, most form-fitting leggings you can think of? Sweatpants are all that fits me right now.
Either way, we rounded up our favorite leggings out right now, so you can avoid putting on skinny jeans and stock up on the pants that Kendall Jenner made acceptable to wear in public. Here are the ones you need:
Lululemon Body Con Tight
All betches know that Lululemon was our OG $100 pair of leggings, so we can’t make a leggings roundup without the pant that started it all. Lululemon leggings are basically as timeless as an engagement ring, and their new styles somehow keep getting better. We’ll always love their classic Wunder Under leggings, but these Body Con Tights are so cute and just edgy enough with the mesh cutouts on the sides. We’re obsessed.
Alo Yoga High-Waist Verse Legging
White leggings are pretty much reserved for betches who are so skinny that they’re not even expecting to get their periods in the next six to eight months. These ones are high waisted and have a sick print at the bottom, so they’re pretty much the best things ever. Plus, they’re actually made of breathable material that keeps you cool and dry during a workout, so you can actually put these things to use when you feel like moving. In other words, no crotch sweat marks. Hallelujah.
Onzie High Rise Bondage Legging
Basic girls tend to stay away from grey leggings, but not many people know how amazing they make your ass look. The cutouts on these leggings are amazing, and we’re obsessed with the color. The pastel grey is subtle enough to match with more than one colored top, but is light enough to accentuate your ass, even when you’ve neglected your squats since last summer.
Teeki Jimi Hotpant
These leggings look like they’re too dope to actually sweat in, but they’re surprisingly made with a ton of support to move with you while you work out. Don’t let the trendy cutouts fool you. These leggings are elastic-free so they’re super comfortable on your waist, and they’re made with four way stretch to expand with your muscles while you move. Plus, they’re slutty looking enough for you to wear on a night out when you’re feeling fat or lazy or both.
James Jeans Twiggy Ultra Flex White Legging Jeans
These jeggings look like your best white jeans, and they’re super comfortable too. I mean, any pants that say the words “ultra flex” in their name have to be pretty sick. Every LA betch is freaking out over James Jeans right now, and we get the hype. It’s prob too soon to wear white right now, but drop a few pounds by July Fourth and you’ll kill it in these.
Terez Black Moto Performance Leggings
Terez is the brand that SoulCycle instructors and their overexcited 6am riders wear while jamming out to Sia in a dark room while channeling all their good vibes. That sounds like the last type of person you’d aspire to look like, but hear us out. The pants are usually too colorful for us, but we happen to love these ones. They’re awesome for working out and if you pair them with a black sports bra and black Nikes, you’ll look like the super intimidating betch at the gym who takes her workout extremely seriously. AKA no fuckboys trying to pick you up at the gym. AKA success.
Sweaty Betty Power Leggings
These leggings are called “power leggings” for a reason, and they’re ready to be put to work. Not only is the colorblock pattern so hot right now, but they’re also insanely versatile. The sweat-wicking fabric is stretchy and supportive, and the high waist is super flattering. They’ve also got a little zip pocket in the back, so you can work out and go meet your dealer right after without changing pants.
Karen Millen Faux-Leather Leggings
Faux-leather can be a risky move if they look too over-the-top and trashy, but these leggings are chic AF. These pants are perfect for when you’re not feeling jeans but still need to get dressed up. Plus, the concept of a pair of leggings that you can also wear on a night out is basically the best invention since sliced bread—whatever that is.
ASOS Rivington High Waisted Denim Jegging in Georgia Vintage Lightwash with Rips and Printed Knee
We’ve always been fans of the Rivington jegging from Asos, and this new seasonal edition of the jegging is so on trend for spring. The combo of the ripped knees and light wash color is perfect when you’re sick of black jeggings and aren’t ready to pull out the white jeans yet. Your mom will give you shit for buying pants that are already ripped, but it’s worth it. These are 45% cotton, so you can be somewhat comfy in jeans that look like they’re tighter than saran wrap.
