One of the worst parts of being an adult—aside from taxes, health insurance, and being expected to treat people with mutual respect (or so I am gently reminded from time to time)—is having to put on pants. It’s not enough that I left the comfort of my own bed, now I’m expected to walk around all day in a jail for my legs? Can I opt out of growing up? The reality is, we’re all just lazy people doing the bare minimum to try to appear as if we actually do things with our lives, other than what’s required to keep food on the table. Well now there’s a fashion line that’s just as lazy as we are. It’s called Athlazy and it’s by Onepiece, the makers of your favorite lounging attire.
Before you ask, this is not athleisure. This is not putting on leggings with mesh cutouts, a workout tank that could easily double as a going-out top, and a full face of makeup to go to Whole Foods. Who has the time for a full-fledged contour just to go grocery shopping
or in general? Nobody. And let’s be honest, nobody is fooled by the fools who run around in Lululemon leggings and a blowout. We know you didn’t just come from the gym! If you did, your blowout wouldn’t still be intact—the rules of haircare are simple and finite. We see you, athleisure extras. And we raise you, one Athlazy.
If athleisure is trying hard to make it look like you work out, athleisure is the opposite. It’s comfy af clothing that screams, “my arm workout today is lifting my Gatorade bottle to my face” (to be fair, those things are heavy). It’s matching sweatpants and sweatshirt sets, joggers and track sweaters, and of course, Onepiece’s signature onepieces. It goes without saying that they’re all super comfy, and they’re all unisex, meaning you can totally
steal borrow your boyfriend’s for your next walk of shame. Check this shit out and try to tell me this isn’t literally your life.
Shit, they’re onto us. There goes my excuse.
Shopping is my cardio. I believe Kayla Itsines said that.
This is totally what I have in mind when some douchebag at the gym asks me “Do you even lift bro?” and I say yes. It’s a very rigorous workout routine. *wonders why my triceps have the firmness of mashed potatoes*
Check out OnePiece’s entire Athlazy collection. It’s perfect for Netflix and Chill, Snapchatting on the mats at the gym, fitness whole pizza in your mouth, and all other activities that make up your degenerate lifestyle. Thank god winter is on its way and we can all stop pretending to give a shit about how we look.