Time To Go Deep (And Block Your Ex): Weekly Horoscopes April 26-30

A full moon in Scorpio? Get ready for drama. Scorpio is known for its intensity, its need for intimacy, and its love of everything mysterious and unsaid. So get ready for all of that. With Scorpio taking the lunar wheel, you can expect all the shit you’ve been hiding under the surface to come bubbling up in some form or another. Your mission? Deal with that sh*t. Before it deals with you.

Aries

Lower the gates! This week, Scorpio’s desire for intimacy might just give you the push you need to lower those walls. It’s time to let people in. Not saying you have to post your business for the world to see, but have you considered confiding in a friend about… literally anything? Could be worth a shot!

Taurus

Time to let go of that one past relationship you still haven’t let go of, even though it’s like, way overdue. You know exactly the one I’m talking about. Light a candle. Burn your former flame’s name and throw the ashes out to sea. Wait… no… that actually sounds even more obsessive. Maybe just delete their number?

Gemini

Is it time to inject some realism into your dreamy Gemini life? It looks like it. This week, it’s time to give yourself a dose of Scorpio’s signature brutal honesty. What are you even doing right now? What path do you want to take? Stop f*cking around and make a choice. Scorpio says so.

Cancer

When water meets water, the creativity flows. And that’s exactly what’s happening with this month’s Scorpio full moon. The sudden surge in creative energy means you’re definitely going to want a notebook nearby to write down all of your incredible ideas. This sh*t is genius-level.

Leo

This full moon it’s time to ask yourself—what are you holding onto that you can let go? Scorpio is great at getting to the root of problems and seeing what lies beneath, making now the perfect time to examine (and dispose of) negative attachments. Or just keep them and stay attached forever! Your call!

Virgo

Thanks to Scorpio, your filter is fully on the fritz this week. Oops! Try to find an excuse to keep your camera off during your boss’s latest boring-ass non-sequitur now, because there is no hiding your true emotions this week. It’s not your fault. Your eyes just roll like that sometimes.

Libra

A Scorpio full moon is the perfect time to make like Eminem and clear out your closet. Literally. Scorpio gets you more in touch with your true feelings, meaning you’ll have an easier time determining what truly “sparks joy,” and what can safely head off to your latest Goodwill donation. Hint: anything you haven’t worn since *before* the quarantine can definitely go.

Scorpio

A full moon in your sign? It’s transformation time! You know that “new you” you’ve been working on? Now is the perfect time to shed cocoon and emerge as a beautiful, vaccinated butterfly. And yes, that does mean this is a great week to treat yourself to a haircut or COVID-safe facial. Say the moon told you to do it.

Sagittarius

Listen to your intuition this week, Sagittarius, because it’s at an all-time high. If the vibes are off, it’s time to GTFO. This week’s full moon has you particularly in touch with your own intelligence, so if you’re telling yourself something, it’s probably true. Unless you’re drunk and think it’s a good time to cut your own bangs. Then I’d say hold off.

Capricorn

Welcome to the new world, Capricorn! This week is all about getting into your community for you, Capricorn, whether it be swinging by a local farmer’s market, checking in on your favorite coffee shop, or just actually engaging with your overly chatty neighbor. It wasn’t so long ago that literally all of those activities were forbidden by the CDC.

Aquarius

The full moon is giving you the confidence you need to flex in the workplace, Aquarius, so don’t be afraid to unmute. Now is the perfect time to utilize personal and professional connections to get ahead in your career, as you just so happen to be extra personable and charming these days. Good for you!

Pisces

Share the wealth, Pisces! This week, you may feel compelled to share knowledge you’ve acquired recently with others, whether it be showing your dad how to reset the router over FaceTime (for the millionth time), or making a shareable social media graphic about a topic that’s important to you. It’s time to share your genius with the world!

Images: Julian Myles / Unsplash; Giphy (12)

Oh Sh*t, It’s Scorpio Season: Weekly Horoscopes October 26-30

Spooky season is coming to an end, but a far more terrifying season is about to begin. It’s time to connect to your inner Scorpio, bitches! This is a time for deep introspection, growth, and rebirth. Sound intense? Yeah, sure, but you don’t become a butterfly without being locked in some dark-ass cocoon for a little while. Which is kind of what we’ve all been doing for the past seven months, if you think about it…

Aries

 

Time to be awed by the power of you. This Scorpio season is all about kicking ass, taking names, and then forgetting those names because you’re so goddamn impressed with yourself. This will be a time of *major* shifts—in your career, your personal life, and how you see the world. And once the transformation is complete, you may not even recognize who you were just one month ago.

Taurus

Mind = blown. This Scorpio season, prepare your mind for some major breakthroughs. Places where you’ve been feeling stuck will suddenly open up, all you needed was a little change in perspective. Lean into all the weird sh*t you do that makes you you. Turns out they’re actually your superpower.

Gemini

With a whole bunch of work in your rearview mirror, Scorpio season is all about a long and restful pause for you, Gemini. Now is the time to reflect on all the work you’ve done and challenge yourself to—gasp—be still. Sometimes your wheels can be turning, but you’re not actually getting anywhere. Use this introspective time to rest, relax, and do all the self care sh*t you were making fun of on Twitter like, two weeks ago.

Cancer

What did you learn on your summer vacation, Cancer? With the Sun in Scorpio, now is the perfect time to really dig in to what you’ve learned in the absolutely insane year that was 2020. Are you more powerful than you thought? More capable? Chances are you’ve surprised yourself over and over again this year. Take stock of that and and don’t forget to fill your Sephora cart as a reward for all your hard work.

Leo

We usually don’t need to tell a Leo to appreciate themselves, but how deep does that appreciation really go? Now is the time to take stock of what *truly* sets you apart, beyond your adorable fall wardrobe, or your knack for meme-making. Chances are you’ve been getting caught up in the superficial (aka Instagram) and not taking enough time to appreciate the real sh*t that actually makes you special. You know, like the fact that you can answer a friend’s “help me I’m anxiety spiraling” text in five seconds flat, and never judge someone when they nip slip on story.

Virgo

Scorpio season is shining a light on your daily routines and asking you to either double-down, rethink, or revise. If you’ve found a schedule that works for you, great! Stick to it and don’t let anyone tell you you’re doing it the “wrong” way (there literally is no wrong way). But if you’re waking up at 6am every morning just to sit around and be sad that you’re waking up at 6am every morning? Maybe set the alarm for 7 and cut yourself a little slack. (Okay, who are we kidding… 8:45.)

Libra

Your sign is known for wanting to smooth over conflict as soon as it arises, but this month it’s time to take a step back. There is such thing as coming on too strong, and sometimes the best way to deal with a testy situation is to give it a little room to breathe. You can be as calm and collected as you want and have as many stats as you want, but at a certain point you just have to accept that nothing is gonna convince Aunt Karen that wearing a mask doesn’t cause you to “breathe the COVID back in.” Block her number and give yourself some peace.

Scorpio

Hello Scorpio! Welcome to your season, bitch! Finally, the rest of the world is ready to take a walk on the wild side and you are leading the parade. This month is all about not holding back and finally unearthing all the dark, shady shit you keep buried the other 11 months out of the year. Now is your time to speak your truth, let your freak flag fly, and finally tell your sort-of ex what you really think of him. If you don’t end the month blocked by at least one person, you did it wrong.

Sagittarius

“Ch-ch-ch-changes” – You all month. This month you’re going to be receiving some serious wisdom that could change everything about how you see the world. Keep an open mind, and resist the urge to shut down ideas that challenge your status quo. Wisdom can come from anywhere—except one of those QAnon Facebook groups. Those people are psycho.

Capricorn

Yes, spooky season is coming to a close, but that doesn’t mean you need to disconnect from your coven. This month is all about spending time with your crew, and really figuring out who is part of your inner circle. You know, the ones who would meet you in the woulds at midnight and cast a spell to invoke the power of Manon so you all achieve your wildest dreams (sometimes with dire consequences.) You know, normal friendship stuff.

Aquarius

You know that sh*t from your past that you keep meaning to work through in therapy? Now is the time. This month is all about confronting demons and moving past them. The inherited trauma stops here. The bullshit lies you’ve been telling yourself since middle school stop here. You’re not Josie Grossy anymore, bitch! You’re a goddamn journalist!

Pisces

Your mission this month: resist the urge to compare. The only person you’re running a race against is yourself, and—say it with me now!—Instagram is not real life. Goals get a little off track this year? Uh yeah… you and everybody else. Cut yourself some slack, celebrate what you actually have accomplished, and maybe take notifications off your phone for a little while.