Hello, and welcome back to your new favorite reality show, WTF Is Going On With Pete Davidson and Ariana Grande? Last week, I updated you on all the major happenings with this summer’s most fascinating couple, and I really thought that would hold us over for a few weeks. I mean, how can two people possibly do so many important things? Well, Pete Davidson just went and proved me completely wrong, so here we are. After spending the last two months running a glorified Ariana Grande fan page, Pete deleted every single one of his Instagram posts on Monday. It’s all gone.
I gotta say, I’m probably more surprised than I should be. Pete Davidson’s Instagram is the equivalent of a star that burns really bright for 10 minutes, then is done. No one cared until he was with Ariana, and now here we are. But why? There are several potential sides to this story, so let’s examine them.
After deleting all his posts, people understandably had a lot of questions, so Pete posted one last story to clarify the reasons behind his decision. Here’s a screenshot of that story, which is your classic Notes app screenshot, accompanied by lots of peace signs and every single color of heart emoji:
Hmm, much to consider. This whole thing reads like something Pete would say in real life, so at least I believe that he actually wrote it. I can’t help but roll my eyes at the parts about his real life being “f*cking lit,” but I do like the part about referring to himself as “your neighborhood goon.” I’m gonna start using that. And honestly, I understand the part about Instagram not making him feel good. I have approximately two people in my life that I would consider haters, and it’s already a lot for me to handle. Pete has very publicly struggled with depression and addiction, so he should definitely do what’s best for his mental health.
Going with Pete’s explanation, it would seem like the last straw for him was something Ariana posted on Sunday. It was a cute tribute to her late grandfather, who passed away four years ago. Normal stuff, and if you’ve followed Ari for a long time, you know that her family is super important to her. People got heated when Pete commented “cutie” on the photo, and I gotta be honest, that’s a weird thing to say. Pete said that he was calling Ari’s grandpa a cutie, but that is not normal language people use to describe an 80-year-old man who died four years ago. It’s language people use to describe their fiancée when they don’t realize they’re being annoying AF.
Whatever Pete actually meant, #CutieGate was too much for him to handle, and now his Instagram is more empty than my brain after watching seven consecutive episodes of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills yesterday. But is there more to the story than Pete being tired of the trolls?
Obviously, Ariana Grande and Pete Davidson have been very public with their relationship up until this point. A lot of celebrities these days are ultra secretive about new relationships, but they’ve practically been begging for attention on Instagram since day one. We all love knowing everything that’s going on with these two, but maybe everyone doesn’t feel the same way. WTF do I mean by that? Yesterday, blind gossip site Crazy Days and Nights posted an item that seems to be about Ariana Grande, saying that a certain singer’s PR agency is asking her to choose between her agency and her S.O., based on some information that they don’t want to go public. Neither Ariana nor Pete’s team has confirmed the rumor, but wouldn’t this add an interesting layer to this story??
More than likely, Pete truly just needs a break from the social media onslaught, but this couple has put us through too much craziness this summer not to wonder what’s going on. Ariana still has an upcoming album to promote, so her Instagram page probably isn’t going anywhere. Unless she pulls a Taylor Swift. Ugh, please no. Ariana has now turned off her comments, which is a major downer, but will she keep posting pictures of her and Pete? You better believe I’ll be watching with a magnifying glass, because I truly cannot get enough.
Images: @petedavidson / Instagram; @arianagrande / Instagram
Is it just me, or is it getting harder and harder to keep up with new celebrity couples? While some couples are all over Instagram with each other, others play it so low-key that you have to dig through tabloids and paparazzi photos to even know if they’re still hanging out. There have been some interesting new celebrity couples recently, but I’m not convinced that all of them will last until the end of this sentence. Who’s bound to get engaged, and who’s just fucking around? These are my predictions about some of the most interesting new celebrity couples. I don’t have a crystal ball or anything, so lmk in the comments if you think any of my guesses are wrong. I can’t promise to care, though.
1. Hailey Baldwin & Justin Bieber
Once-upon-a-time fuckbuddies Hailey and Justin have recently reignited their relationship, and it seems to be going well. After they were spotted making out all over NYC, they’ve been seen hanging out more, including going to church together in LA. That’s a favorite date activity for Justin, but does it mean that he’s serious about Hailey? I have to say, the fact that they’re currently rocking the exact same haircut is both cute and disgusting. I think they’re having fun for the summer, but Justin will get distracted by the time Labor Day rolls around.
2. Ariana Grande & Pete Davidson
I’ve already spent way too much mental energy on Pete and Ariana’s absurd relationship, so I won’t rehash all the details here. Despite the questionable timeline of their relationship and engagement, I actually think they could be the real deal. Assuming they don’t fuck things up by getting married too soon, I could see them being together for a long time. Like, years. But also maybe they could cool it with the Instagram posts, just a little?
3. Dakota Johnson & Chris Martin
Dakota and Chris have been dating since last fall, so they’re the least new couple on this list, but we also know very little about them. I respect that they want to keep things private, but I’d also like more details please. Sources say they’ve been getting serious and that Dakota has recently been spending a lot of time at Chris’ place in Malibu. Dakota seems like kind of a wet blanket, but considering that Chris spent years with Gwyneth Paltrow, Dakota probably seems like Snooki in comparison. I see this relationship lasting for another six months to a year, but I doubt this will end in a wedding.
4. Anwar Hadid & Sonia Ben Ammar
We already discussed how the youngest Hadid was seen hanging out with this French-Tunisian model just days after making out with Kendall Jenner. Are they dating? Is this the beginning of a relationship? I have no idea, but I’m predicting one of two things: either Anwar has already blocked Sonia’s number and moved on to someone new, or they will be together for a long time. Actually no, I’m definitely going with the first one. He’s too young and too pretty to settle down, and he just got out of a serious relationship. Anwar is definitely DTF with any hot model right now.
5. Kendall Jenner & Ben Simmons
It’s been nearly a month since Kendall Jenner was first seen hanging out with NBA Rookie of the Year Ben Simmons, and a lot has happened. Mainly, things were complicated when Kendall was seen making out with Anwar Hadid earlier this month. This all feels so incestuous, but I’m also turned on? Since her night out with Anwar, Kendall has been seen with Ben multiple times, signaling that they’re at least a little serious. They even went grocery shopping together, which is such an adult choice of activities. Idk if Kendall is in the mood for anything major, but it’s the off-season for Ben, so it makes sense for them to have fun. Who knows, Maybe Kendall is destined to become a basketball wife?
6. Nick Jonas & Priyanka Chopra
This is truly one of the most random celebrity couples in recent memory, but they’re looking more and more real. After attending the Met Gala “as friends,” Nick and Priyanka quickly evolved into an It Couple, and now there are even rumors that they’re going to get engaged soon. I still feel strongly that Nick Jonas is meant to end up with me, so I can’t say I’m a fan, but Priyanka is an amazing catch. I can also see Nick getting along well with someone older, so maybe this couple is really going to last. I’m calling it now, they’re going to have beautiful babies together.
Images: moonlight_jdrew, petedavidson, dakotajohnson, modelsstylee, benxkendall, ericpriyanka / Instagram
Okay fam, it’s been like two weeks and I’m still not over Ariana Grande’s whirlwind relationship with Pete Davidson. Call me old fashioned, but I think all couples should date for at least one full menstrual cycle before getting engaged. Pete and Ariana obviously disagree, and that’s okay I guess. Sure, they’ll look dumb if they break up three months from now, but getting engaged isn’t actually as big of a deal as people make it seem. The engagement is one thing, but there’s another issue that I find far more questionable: Pete Davidson’s rapidly growing collection of Ariana Grande-related tattoos.
Pete Davidson has lots of tattoos, so honestly when he gets a new one it’s barely even noticeable. But it’s not even been two months since he and Ariana started dating (the timeline is iffy but I’ll assume they weren’t cheating with each other), and Pete has no less than four tattoos inspired by her. That’s not nothing. I’ll be completely honest, I don’t have any tattoos. I don’t have any problem with them, and I think they can be really great. But like, that shit is permanent. I learned from Khloé on KUWTK how painful tattoo removal is, so this ink is probably staying on his body forever, or at least a while. In other news, even Pete’s tattoo artist said that he told Pete to “just stop with the girlfriend tats,” so he has at least one source of good advice in his life. I’m no expert, but if your tattoo artist is the sane person in the situation, something has probably gone wrong.
Now that I’ve vented some of those feelings, let’s contextualize some of Pete’s most recent tattoos, and try to fit them into this fucked up relationship timeline.
The Cloud – May 17ish
Our tat timeline begins with a real fucking bang. Buckle up, because it appears that Ariana and Pete got matching cloud tattoos LESS THAN TEN DAYS after they allegedly started dating. I am not okay. The tiny tattoos are on their fingers, and we first saw Pete’s in this Instagram post from May 17. He didn’t announce his breakup with Cazzie David until May 16th (my mind is melting), but he was seen with Ariana for the first time on May 12th. Should I call the police? Ariana’s cloud tattoo made its debut on the Billboard Music Awards on May 20th, a mere 10 days after she announced her split with Mac Miller. What is the rush, people???
AG – June 3ish
This one is pretty straightforward. Pete is in love with Ariana, so he decided to get her initials tattooed on his thumb. Normally, it would seem absolutely wild that Pete got this tattoo less than a month after he and Cazzie David broke up, but he and Ariana had already had matching tattoos for at least two weeks at this point. Who even knows with these two? He also had a tattoo of Cazzie, which he’s now covered up with a giant pine tree. I think that was for the best, since the Cazzie tattoo looks like it was drawn by a third grader. Also, I think my personal rule is that if you need tattoos for more than one relationship in your life, you’ve done something wrong. Pete Davidson is getting tattoos like the world is going to run out of tattoo ink tomorrow.
The Playboy Bunny – June 3ish
At the same time Pete got the AG tattoo, he also got one of Ari’s signature symbols tatted behind his ear. I have less of a problem with this one, because at least it’s like, a visual thing and not just literally someone’s initials. Even though it’s 100% dedicated to Ariana, there’s like, some level of creativity involved. If/when they break up, Pete can just add a body and have a tattoo of some cool bunny-superhero on his neck. I’m basically a tattoo artist, can you tell?
H2GKMO – June 20ish
And now, we arrive at the stupidest piece of this puzzle, “H2GKMO.” If this sounds like nothing to you, it’s because Ariana literally just made it up. It stands for “honest to god, knock me out,” which is something she apparently says all the time on Twitter and it can basically mean anything. Great, I hate it. Ariana and Pete got matching H2GKMO tattoos sometime around June 2oth, after giving their relationship some time to mature (lol). This one seems like kind of an inside joke, because that’s what you do when you get engaged after three weeks of dating. Honest to god, knock me out, because I’m definitely going to be alone forever. Did I use that correctly? No? Who cares.
In the amount of time it takes me to accept that I’ve been ghosted by a guy I barely knew, Pete Davidson has gotten four different Ariana Grande tattoos. There’s also a fifth one that just says “reborn,” but it’s unclear if that’s about Ari, or just the feeling I feel after eating a really good meal. I feel like Pete Davidson loves Ariana Grande the same amount that I love Mexican food. H2GKMO, that’s all I really have to say about it.
Images: @petedavidson / Instagram (2); @jonmesatattoos / Instagram; @londonreese / Instagram; @peteandariana / Instagram
Guys, do we have another Britney and K-Fed situation on our hands? As much as I love Ariana Grande, I’m seriously starting to wonder if she’s okay. On Monday, news broke that Ariana Grande and Pete Davidson are engaged after less than a month of dating. That’s like, Khloé and Lamar levels of fast, and we all know how great that ended up. Group texts around the world went off as the shocking news spread, and everyone basically had the same reaction: um, what the fuck?
Since debuting their relationship publicly just a couple weeks ago, Pete and Ariana have been very high-key about each other. They’ve both been all over Instagram with grainy pics and videos of each other (okay, why do famous people love videos that look like they were taken on a ’90s camcorder?), and now it seems like they’re really going for it. Good for them, I guess? Nope, I tried, and I just can’t feel good about this. Pete’s Ariana tattoos freak me the fuck out, and I can’t help but feel like this is bound to go horribly wrong. My therapist told me I need to stop taking getting involved in other people’s problems, but today is not the fucking day.
What makes the fact that (reportedly) Ariana Grande and Pete Davidson are engaged even crazier is that they were both just in serious relationships A LITTLE MORE THAN A MONTH AGO. Ariana recently split with her longtime boyfriend Mac Miller, a white rapper we only sort of like because he has a song called “Fuck Donald Trump.” Pete, meanwhile, recently dumped Cazzie David (not Cassie, thank you very much, autocorrect), who is most famous for being Larry David’s daughter. They were like a young comedy It Couple, and a lot of people suddenly seem very concerned about whether she’ll be okay. If this deliciously shady Instagram post is any indication, I think she’ll be fine.
So like, what the fuck is going on with Ariana Grande and Pete Davidson? Are they okay? Are they headed for public mental breakdowns that we won’t be able to look away from? This engagement is fucking frying my mind, you guys. They haven’t technically confirmed the engagement yet, but there are signs on social media that it’s very likely the real deal. First of all, yesterday was Ariana’s mom’s birthday, so we got some lovely social media tributes. Most importantly, Ariana’s brother Frankie—who you might know because he’s the literal definition of extra—posted a photo where it looks like Ariana is wearing an engagement ring. Idk how much being on SNL pays, but clearly it’s enough for a nice rock.
Thank God Instagram lets you zoom now, because I’ve never been so invested in a photo of a Polaroid of a mother and her two children. But wait, there’s more. Along with the highly suspect jewelry, Ariana loves posting cryptic messages on Twitter between lots of tweets that are just like ” i love u guys sm ily,” and she was in rare form after the engagement news broke. Obviously her psycho fans were tweeting her about it, and her response to one of them definitely implies that she’s getting married to Pete. Wow.
“HE’S BEEN BRIEFED.” ARI NOOOOOOO. Seriously, is this a publicity stunt? Is this a real-life fucking publicity stunt? Ariana Grande has done some weird things in the past, but she’s never done anything quite this questionable. Just a year ago, she was busy being a warrior goddess after there was a bombing at her concert, and now she’s gonna marry some guy she’s been dating for less time than I’ve hoarded cups in my room?? Sweetie, there’s so much more out there in the world!
Another interesting question is whether they could have been secretly seeing each other while they were in relationships with other people, because that’s maybe the only scenario in which I could fathom getting engaged to someone you’ve been officially dating for LESS THAN A MONTH. Personally, I think this is unlikely, but I guess you never know. Ariana and Pete definitely would have known each other from when she went on SNL, but it would be pretty bold to have a secret romance while you’re both publicly dating other famous people. To me, this just seems like a textbook obnoxious whirlwind romance, which either means they’ll be broken up by Christmas, or they’re gonna be married for 50 years. It can really only go one of those two ways.
I won’t pretend to know what’s going to happen with these two crazy kids, but I can tell you that my blood pressure has never been higher.
Images: @arianagrande / Instagram; @cazziedavid / Instagram; @frankiejgrande / Instagram; @ArianaGrande / Twitter