2020, amirite? That’s it, that’s the article.
I’m kidding! But seriously, have all years just gotten progressively worse, or does it only feel this way because of the 24-hour news cycle and advent of social media making it impossible to escape or stop talking about the bad news? Or is this the inevitable byproduct of capitalism, racism, environmental injustice, and fascism going unchecked and reaching a boiling point? Too deep for this article? Too deep for this article. If you thought the “Trump is going to tweet us into WWIII” phase of 2020 felt like forever ago, allow me to send you off the deep end by taking it a step further and reminiscing on huge cultural events that seem like they happened in another lifetime, but in fact, only took place in 2019. Get ready to go off a proverbial cliff.
Jordyn Woods Went On Red Table Talk
I remember it like it was both yesterday and 17 years ago: we were all in the office (a physical office, can you imagine?), gathered around the flat-screen TV, watching Jordyn Woods go on Red Table Talk with Jada Pinkett Smith to discuss her alleged tryst with Tristan Thompson. It was the kiss heard ’round the world: Jordyn, BFF of Kylie Jenner, smooching the baby daddy and ex of Kylie’s sister? It was a wild time. The memes. The jokes. The memes again. I miss it more than I miss some of my actual friends whom I haven’t seen in months.
Colton Jumped The Fence
Back when Colton Underwood was merely boring and not f*cking scary, we all waited with bated breath for the night he would finally vault himself over a fence in order to chase down the love of his life, Cassie Randolph. In retrospect, perhaps that should have been a sign this man did not exactly have a healthy attachment style. Anyway! Back in March 2019, The Bachelor viewers finally saw that long-awaited fence jump that Chris Harrison had been teasing out all season. Can’t believe we were actually looking forward to this at one point in our lives. But if I could somehow fence jump myself out of this universe, I definitely would.
Area 51 Raid
What I wouldn’t give for aliens to come to abduct me right now and take me away from this hellscape, tbh. This time last year, thousands of people RSVP’d to a Facebook event expressing their intent to storm Area 51. Nobody really did, because the event was made as a joke—although a few people did show up. What happened to them? Has anyone followed up or were they just wiped away from existence by the government? Anyway, looking back on it, I think we should have just gone for it and raided Area 51. Honestly, it’s not too late! Whatever could happen surely can’t make things any worse, right?
Justin & Hailey’s Wedding
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It feels like these two have been married for decades, what with their constant Instagram PDA and general parent-like wardrobe aesthetic, but you would be wrong in thinking this marriage has been on the books for that long. That’s right, friends, Justin Bieber and Hailey Baldwin only actually had their wedding in September 2019 (though they did have a courthouse wedding exactly one year before that, in 2018). When time is a complete social construct, it’s easy to forget that I have cans of black beans in my pantry that are older than this marriage.
College Admissions Scandal
Ah yes, remember a time when rich people would actually be punished for their crimes? It was not actually so long ago, merely the faraway time of 2019, when Lori Loughlin, Felicity Huffman, et. al. got busted for participating in an elaborate (and if you ask me, stupid) scheme to get their kids admitted to colleges under false pretenses. The charges were made public in March of 2019 and the sting was called Operation Varsity Blues. We got so much from this, including Olivia Jade’s fake rowing pictures, Lori Loughlin’s every attempt to justify her very much illegal actions, Felicity Huffman’s joke of a jail sentence, and probably the inevitable Netflix and Hulu documentaries. Do you think Olivia Jade will play herself in the fictionalized adaptation for HBO?
Bradley & Gaga’s Oscars Performance
Okay, to be fair, A Star Is Born was big in 2018 technically, since The Oscars take place in February. But still, who else can barely remember a time when you could have 100 people in a room, regardless of whether or not 99 of those people believe in you? I shudder at the thought now. As does the time Bradley Cooper and Lady Gaga basically had sex on stage with their eyes while performing the breakout hit from the movie they starred in together. It feels like 5 years ago, but it was really more like one and a half.
Series Finale of ‘Game of Thrones’
Yeah, the series finale of Game of Thrones completely sucked, but you know what’s even worse? The series finale of American democracy. I really wish the biggest thing we had to complain about was investing years in a TV show that completely sh*t the bed on its ending. Even though Game of Thrones only ended in May 2019, I for one have enjoyed this extremely blissful period in which I stopped having to pretend like I cared at all. Honestly, I wish it had ended sooner.
Miley Cyrus & Liam Hemsworth’s Divorce
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…And Miley’s subsequent Hot Girl Summer journey. We have yet to see anything like the utter messiness of Miley and Liam getting divorced after basically pulling a decade-long “will-they-won’t-they” on the general public, and then Miley gallivanting around Italy with Kaitlynn Carter, who had just divorced from her ex, Brody Jenner. It was a media circus that we were all living for. Ugh, those were fun times.
The U.S. Women’s Soccer Team Won The World Cup
Jesus f*cking Christ, look at how much can change in a year. In July 2019, the U.S. Women’s Soccer team won the 2019 FIFA World Cup, and we were all “girl power!” and “goals!” and “Megan Rapinoe is bae “. Now, we’re all “Make The Handmaid’s Tale fictional again” and “please don’t confirm a Supreme Court Justice who basically walked straight out of Gilead” and “should I get an IUD?”
Trump Was Impeached
Yeah, that only happened in December 2019. And thank goodness it taught him a much-needed lesson on not overstepping your power, denouncing white supremacists, and gracefully conceding should he lose the general election come November. Oh, wait.
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Images: DFree / Shutterstock.com; Giphy; haileybieber, mileycyrus / Instagram; Ed Herrera / Getty Images
If you’re like me, you probably don’t spend a ton of time thinking about aliens. I don’t have any proof that they’re not real, but the whole idea of UFOs crashing in the desert has always seemed a little unrealistic to me. But just because I don’t care about aliens doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy memes about aliens. Over the past week, a Facebook event promising to raid the top-secret military base at Area 51 has gone totally viral, it’s pretty much the weirdest, funniest thing happening on the internet right now.
The event is scheduled for September 20, but it’s unclear if anyone is actually planning to show up. Over a million people have RSVPed, but the US Air Force has advised people against trying to storm an active military base. I can’t imagine why they would have an issue with this! While the details of the event are a little confusing, the memes have been amazing. Here are some of the best ones.
So my mom said she can take us to area 51 or pick us up, but she's not doing both.
— duo (@duolingous) July 13, 2019
I’m having visceral flashbacks to arguing with my mom over how much she was willing to drive my ass around. My mom would definitely have nothing to do with this nonsense, though.
the aliens at #Area51 waiting for the we outside text pic.twitter.com/3ZVywYKtg7
— Sabrina??? (@idkhonestlyok) July 12, 2019
Okay but this is literally me. I’m cursed with being the fastest friend to get ready, so the amount of times I’ve been waiting for my friends to text me that they’re ready is honestly insane. Glad to know I have something in common with the aliens.
Anyone selling two VIP wristbands for Area 51 weekend 1… lemme know
— jilly hendrix (@jillyhendrix) July 14, 2019
I can already see people booking flights to Nevada and risking their lives just to get a funny Instagram pic. It’s exactly like Coachella, just with armed guards instead of an Ariana Grande concert at the end. Also, there probably aren’t any influencer parties.
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Will still flood the DM’s. Why am I a little turned on? Because all of this may be over by tomorrow, fuck it. #aliens #area51 #alienmeme #alienmemes #relationshipgoals #youup #drunktext #slideinthedms not mine/his #sept20 #dailycontent #memesdaily #sundayscaries #popculture #relatable #haha #dumbhumor #missinglink
YOOOOOO. The biggest hazard of unleashing aliens on the world is that I’m sure their species has plenty of f*ckboys too. The truth is out there or whatever, but so are the “u up?” texts.
At this point my only hope for finding a guy who will text back is to raid Area 51
— notanothertruecrimepod (@NATCpod) July 15, 2019
While there’s a high probability that all alien men are assholes, what if they’re not? Human men are trashy enough that it might be worth it to give aliens a try. It literally can’t get any worse.
Government:*pulls up to my house* Sir do you have an alien if so hand it over
Me and everyone who raided Area 51:#Area51memes #Area51 pic.twitter.com/lDuQeFQ1X7
— キラキラ (@baratingz) July 13, 2019
I’d just like to put it on the record that this is my favorite video of all time. There is never, ever a wrong time for a Real Housewives meme, and I love the idea that we’re all just going to be hiding aliens in our houses. Is this all just an elaborate promotional scheme for the new Men In Black movie? Did you even know there was a new Men In Black movie? I saw it, and it was bad.
My motivation to study Vs. My motivation to get into Area 51 pic.twitter.com/lF7TbFb5RU
— College Student (@FactsOfSchool) July 13, 2019
This is painfully applicable to every single part of my life. If it is important, I do not care enough to get out of bed. If it is a viral meme that started as a sh*tpost on Facebook, I am way too f*cking hype. It’s my biggest flaw.
me after I save an alien but it keeps making jokes about destroying mankind #Area51memes #area51raid #Area51 pic.twitter.com/moPxY6x7RQ
— Joe (@JFlecTV) July 13, 2019
The biggest problem with kidnapping a bunch of aliens (aside from the fact that they’re not real) is that we don’t know what their intentions are. Maybe they look all furry and cute, but we have no idea what they’re capable of. Let me just remind you that I saw the new Men In Black movie, so I know how wrong these things can go.
the guards laughing at us after we enter area 51 and see no aliens #Area51 #area51raid #Area51memes pic.twitter.com/NCYtTDh1QW
— m (@remysthots) July 13, 2019
As funny as these memes are, the real joke is any of us thinking that there are actual aliens being hidden in the middle of nowhere in Nevada. I love The X-Files as much as the next person, but that sh*t is fictional. Please, please don’t risk getting shot down in the desert just because of a troll Facebook event.
Images: Oliver Pacas / Unsplash; duolingous, idkhonestlyok, jillyhendrix, natcpod, baratingz, factsofschool, jflectv, remysthots / Twitter; kweenkwerke / Instagram