Well, this was a twist I didn’t see coming. We’ve all been living for the college admissions scandal dubbed Operation Varsity Blues (somebody at the FBI has a sense of humor), where it was discovered that Felicity Huffman and Lori Loughlin, among others, had bribed their children’s way into universities. Despite Lori Loughlin and Mossimo Giannuli being indicted in federal court, probably the person feeling the most heat after this scandal is their daughter, Olivia Jade, who has been kicked out of USC and lost sponsorship deals in the process. But things might be looking up for the influencer, because today Harvard University announced that it will be giving her an honorary degree.
Since the news of the scandal broke, it’s been a rough time for Olivia (or, as rough as a time can be for a pretty rich white girl). She lost her deal with Sephora, and her patent for her own beauty line was rejected because of “vague language” and poor punctuation. Sad! But, strangely enough, Harvard is citing this as one of the exact reasons they sought her out. Harvard University spokesperson Chadworth Kensington III said, “As an institution that prides itself on not seeing color or socioeconomic status, a prospective student who can’t spell is the exact type of diversity we’re looking for.”
Some people might be confused or even angry about Harvard’s decision to give Olivia Jade an honorary degree. After all, she will be joining the likes of Steven Spielberg, James Earl Jones, and George H.W. Bush—and for what? A failed Sephora collaboration? A Youtube channel whose videos probably (I haven’t watched) open with “Hey guyssss”? Is this really what society is coming to in 2019?
But Harvard insists Olivia is the perfect person to receive this honor. “As you know, Harvard has a longstanding tradition of celebrating dropouts,” says Kensington III. And one of the main pluses of getting an honorary degree is that you don’t actually have to go to class, or step foot on campus at all, meaning it’s the perfect setup for Olivia.
In recent days, reports have been swirling that Olivia Jade is furious with her parents over their actions on her behalf, but now she is looking to rebrand herself as “The Hotter Elle Woods.” In a statement released via Snapchat Discover, Olivia expressed her gratitude for the honor in between ads for her new line of fake eyelashes: “It’s just like, just like so cool that I get to go to Harvard without actually having to go to Harvard. What, like it’s hard?”
It’s not clear how much Olivia Jade’s parents paid for this honorary degree. Some reports are saying that they paid up to $750,000 and bought a building, but Olivia Jade insists she earned this honor based on her own merit after submitting a few of her Youtube videos for consideration. She will either be attending Harvard’s commencement on May 30, 2019, or she’ll send an unpaid intern to collect her degree in her place and it will be live-streamed so Olivia’s parents can watch from prison. Sources say they are “so proud” that their daughter will become the dumbest person to receive a degree from Harvard.
We all spend many hours each day lusting over Ed Sheeran, who’s indisputably the most desirable man on Earth. Not only is he an amazing musician, but he’s also extremely sensitive, kind, charming, sensitive, thoughtful…and did we mention he’s extremely sensitive? It’s so sweet. Unlike the much cooler and stereotypically attractive men in your life, someone like Ed would treat you like his most prized possession and never, ever let you down (or give you up). Clearly Ed Sheeran is the ultimate bae, and at the risk of giving you a heart attack from the amount of cuteness here, we’re going to share our top reasons why.
1. He’s an international superstar, but still constantly talks about how he wasn’t cool in high schoo, which shows us he’s totally over it.
2. He’s very mentally stable, as exhibited by this enormous tiger tattoo on his chest.
3. He’s been good friends with Taylor Swift for years, another sign of his sanity and impeccable taste.
4. Those who know him say he’s a really nice person—like, obsessively so. Just ask this kitten.
5. And if you started dating him, he’d constantly smother you with sweetness by only speaking in his beautiful song lyrics.
…Even after it got old really fast and you were no longer able to have actual conversations.
6. He’d wake up at the crack of dawn every morning to serenade you with his guitar.
7. Sometimes you’d wake up in the middle of the night and feel his intense eye contact already on you.
8. Actually, he might be standing outside your window right now.
9. He’s a hopeless romantic, as in he’ll never give up hope in trying to date you even after you issue a restraining order.
10. He’ll chase you forever until you can’t escape because he’s Ed Sheeran: the most adorable, perfect person ever and the ultimate bae!