By now, you may have heard of all the natural remedies for random shit floating around out there. Use coconut oil for your body odor! Use baking soda for your shampoo! Try Listerine to clean literally everything! Because you aren’t a hippie, there really is no need for these peasant remedies, but one has gotten our attention by way of actually fucking working: apple cider vinegar.
We know what you’re thinking, “ew, I don’t want to smell like a salad.” But what if smelling like a salad could help you with your disgusting zits, your split ends, your dog’s ability to fuck up all your shoes … ? Read on for more non-cooking-related uses for apple cider vinegar.
1. Your Skin
It may surprise you to know that a little apple cider vinegar in your facial routine could seriously improve your life. We tried it as a toner and it made a difference after one goddamn day. Because of the lactic and malic acids in the vinegar, your skin will be softer, more exfoliated, and more balanced. Mix about 2 tbsps of vinegar with one cup of water and apply to skin with a clean cotton ball no more than twice per week. But first, test out a small area to make sure it doesn’t make things worse. If you have sensitive skin, we definitely don’t recommend this route.
2. Your Metabolism
Do you have a carb problem? Good news: Apple cider vinegar can help crush your bad habit. The enzymes in your stomach can’t completely digest starch in the presence of acetic acid, which is in apple cider vinegar. When you can’t digest the starch, you can’t add the calories to your waistline. Additionally, the acetic acid can help suppress your appetite and reduce water retention. We don’t have a ton of scientific data for the claims (there have been studies and there HAS been some proof that all these things are true), but don’t expect to drop 20 pounds just by adding vinegar to your diet. At most, it’ll help you keep off an extra pound or two while you continue to diet and exercise.
3. Your Feet
Yes, it will help if you insisted on wearing those heels that totally don’t breathe. The ones where, as soon as you take them off, it smells like a small, furry animal may have died under the floor. Grab a washcloth or paper towel, dip it in diluted apple cider vinegar (generally you want one cup of water for every 2 tbsps apple cider vinegar) and rub those foul beasts down.
4. Your Hair
Have a dandruff problem? That’s gross, but we understand. Apple cider vinegar can help. Mix equal parts apple cider vinegar and water in a spray bottle and spray on your scalp about twice per week. Place a towel on your head and leave for about an hour, then wash your hair normally. If you don’t have dandruff, you can also use 1/3 cup apple cider vinegar mixed with 4 cups of water to rinse your hair of excess product buildup. Just use after shampooing, then rinse.
5. Your Dog’s Chewing Habit
If your dog won’t stop fucking chewing your expensive shoes, it’s time to go the apple cider vinegar route. Grab a spray bottle and mix together two parts apple cider vinegar, one part white vinegar, and half a part of lemon juice. Spray on things Fido finds delicious but like, aren’t meant to be delicious. Hw won’t chew shit after he gets a mouthful of that.
Images: Giphy (2)
For as long as literally anyone can remember, there have been claims that apple cider vinegar, the shit I use in my salad dressing, can help you lose weight. Because I’ve learned that I shouldn’t believe everything I read on the internet—no matter how hilarious or shocking it may seem—I did a deep investigatory dive on this shit. Yah, it’d be great to have this shit on the shelf as a miracle cure, but we all know dreams are made to be smashed. Will apple cider vinegar (ACV) help me lose weight, and if not, will it do other cool things to make me prettier, healthier, and overall a better person? Let’s find out.
THE SKETCHY TRUTH
So, like, according to the internet and my investigatory skills, this shit is a gray area. There was a study where mice given apple cider vinegar (ACV) lost weight because it suppressed body fat accumulation and metabolic disorders. But like, if I was super chubby and drank exclusively vinegar and water, I’m quite certain I’d lose weight, too. There haven’t been many studies on people, so like, depending how closely you think mice and people are related, I’ll let you draw your own conclusions. There WAS a study on people done in 2009 where a bunch of fat Japanese people were split into groups and given either two tablespoons of vinegar, half vinegar and half water, or all water. Over three months, APPARENTLY those who had more vinegar had a lower body weight and lower BMI, but all in all, they only lost like 2-4 pounds, which I can do if I eat a lot of fiber and drink a lot of coffee. So, as far as my investigatory skills are concerned, whether or not there’s clinical proof ACV can help you lose weight is a toss-up. There are, of course, OTHER benefits, though.
THE GOOD SHIT IT CAN DO
Because ACV is literally acetic acid, there are obv some benefits to adding this shit to your diet. First, it can regulate your blood sugar, which is super helpful if, like me, you enjoy cookies as a meal. Secondly, it can help to control your appetite, but so can water when I chug a shitload of it (just saying). Third, it CAN help you lose some weight by boosting metabolism, but it may take a few months to show. The way we see it: It can’t HURT to work it into your diet. And hey—if you don’t want to drink it, incorporate that shit into an Amazon Clay Mask since it’s AMAZING for your skin.
HOW YOU SHOULD USE THIS SHIT
So, moral of the story: Yes, it may help you lose a few pounds by revving your metabolism, but it def isn’t going to be utilized by Dr. Now on My 600-lb Life. Since this shit is so strong, you should not drink it straight EVER. That means taking that shot of ACV can actually cause more damage (in the way of ulcers and sores on your mouth) than good. If you want to mix it into your diet, add that shit to a smoothie, use it as salad dressing, or mix 1 TEASPOON with a FULL glass of water.
If you’re anything like me, you spend most of your time on the internet browsing the ASOS sale section and reading about shit like what Bella Hadid does in the morning. People love finding out what healthy habits successful people swear by, and for those of us who aren’t exactly “morning people,” it’s hard to relate. Like, waking up at 6am for hot yoga sounds like a terrible dare, not something I’d willingly set an alarm for. Regardless, I decided to try five morning routine trends healthy celebs love. People who swear by these habits include Jennifer Aniston, Jessica Alba, Kourtney Kardashian, Julianne Hough, and Gwyneth Paltrow—the literal beacon of health. If these women can preach about their amazing morning routine hacks, I thought I’d give them a try. Here’s how they all went down.
1. The Apple Cider Vinegar Shot
Until recently I thought apple cider vinegar was just an ingredient for baking cookies or something. But then again, I don’t bake or know anything about baking-related ingredients, so maybe that was just me. Anyway, it turns out people drink a shot of apple cider vinegar in the morning, and it’s supposed to help with killing bad bacteria in our bodies and make us less hungry throughout the day. Some people mix it with water and some people take it straight, but after trying both ways I can guarantee it’s just as gross in either capacity. I took a swig of the APV (that’s what the celebs call it) before my breakfast in the morning, and I honestly didn’t notice much of a difference throughout the day. Like, maybe I was less of a ravenous animal at around 3pm when the caffeine/ sugar crash usually kicks in, but that could be just a placebo effect. Either way, I don’t think this is doing much for everyone.
2. The Glass Of Lemon Water
The glass of room-temperature lemon water is nothing new or trendy, but every successful woman in the world does this, so I thought I’d finally get on board. Considering I usually wake up and consume a dangerous amount of coffee before 9am, it was kinda nice to drink my lemon water first and pace myself. I drank 16 ounces of lukewarm water with lemon slices before I had my coffee, and I really think this made a difference in my day. People say the water and lemon combo is supposed to kickstart your digestion and keep you hydrated throughout the day, and I can confirm that I felt a lot better on the days I had my lemon water. I felt like my digestion was on track and I was super hydrated, and I got less tired once the coffee started wearing off. Once again, this could be a placebo effect, but I totally felt like a wellness blogger in the moment so that alone was worth it. Ugh, love my healthy lifestyle.
3. The Early Morning Workout
The only thing worse than the girl who describes herself as an “early bird” is the one who voluntarily sets an alarm to start sweating before the sun is up. The early morning workout is a painful and tragic morning routine, but literally every single successful person does it, so I couldn’t pass on this one. Like, even Mark Cuban gets up early to work out six days a week. I literally thought his job was just sitting on a leather chair while listening to people trying to get his investment. Anyway, getting up early to work out is difficult and requires a lot of strategy. You have to lay out your clothes the night before, brush your teeth in 10 seconds, and basically pretend the snooze button doesn’t exist. Honestly, it feels good to know you got your workout over with before work, but it’s so painful to get there so IDK how many days a week most people can realistically do this without going insane.
4. The Probiotic
A lot of celebrities have been preaching about taking a probiotic every morning, so I had to look into this magical pill and see what’s so special about it. I’ve never really been into diet pills or sketchy vitamins, but apparently probiotics are the real deal and our bodies actually need them. After doing some research, I found out that our bodies are filled with microbiome, and by taking probiotics, which are essentially “good bacteria” for our gut, we can balance our microbiome while improving our digestion and balancing our blood sugar. The probiotic definitely takes a few days to kick in, but once it does, you’ll definitely notice a difference. By taking one pill in the morning before you eat, you’ll feel less bloated and gross during the day, and you’ll probably feel like your stomach is flatter, too. I’m not a doctor or a scientist, but like, it can’t hurt—right?
5. The Mindful Meditation
Ever since morning meditation became the new Diet Coke with two Adderalls, everybody claims they love their moments of mindfulness in the morning. Like, these people literally take the limited time they have in the morning to sit in silence, or even worse, set their “intentions” for the day. While it was hard for me to take this habit seriously, I thought I’d give it a try. I downloaded a popular meditation app and followed a morning meditation that lasted like, 10 minutes, and it didn’t do much for me. It was hard to sit still and focus on my breath, but then again, I may have gotten more out of it if I went in with a better attitude. I mean, maybe I’m just not the “mindful” type of person like all these LA-based celebrities with two hours to kill in the morning. I live in New York City and have to be on an overcrowded train before Jennifer Lawrence even opens her eyes in the morning, so excuse me if I don’t feel like meditating at the crack of dawn. Can I live?