Unless you were like, living your own life this week, you should know that Arie Luyendyk Jr. officially established himself as the most abominable Bachelor of all time. Hand over that crown, Juan Pablo. Arie brought cameras with him to dump America’s newly minted sweetheart and then wouldn’t leave her alone when she told him to GTFO of her sight, continuing to prove his inability to express the bare minimum of human decency. After dumping Becca, Arie drove right to Lauren B’s house where she emerged perfectly preserved from her Barbie doll box without a hair out of place to greet her dream guy.
Needless to say, people were pissed. All of America, if you believe my favorite shady bitch Chris Harrison. They felt for Becca, who
signed up for this was so cruelly dumped on national TV. Something had to be done. Arie doesn’t deserve to be happy. Arie has to pay.
So fans decided to show Becca some support. Vulture reports that someone paid for 17 anti-Arie billboards blasting the shit out of him—12 in Minnesota, 4 in LA, and one in Times Square. This is making me slightly tempted into going to Times Square, but also I really don’t feel like being groped by Elmo today. I’ll just stick to being groped by the businessmen in Midtown, thanks. Sorry Becks.
In an effort to save you all from Elmo’s grabby hands, here’s what some of the billboards look like:
Following @KateAurthur‘s scoop about the anti-@ariejr billboards, I contacted Outfront Media — which owns the billboards — and got a little more info: There are 12 in Minnesota, four in LA, and one is going up in Times Square tonight. The company won’t disclose the cost. pic.twitter.com/2o1kxbTV6k
— Amy Kaufman (@AmyKinLA) March 6, 2018
FYI this tweet is from Amy Kaufman, author of the new book Bachelor Nation, which you can enter to win a copy of here. Not all heroes wear capes, folks.
I’m completely behind this public flogging of Arie, but it does make me wonder who is watching The Bachelor? Because I just watched Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri and once I was able to wipe away my tears and see through the puffy slits I used to call eyes, I realized damn, billboards are expensive. And that was in MISSOURI, where I’m pretty sure you can put a down payment on a house with a pack of gum. So again, I ask you, who is watching The Bachelor? Jeff Bezos, was this you? Bill Gates, are you very invested in the love life of a tall brunette from the midwest? Frances McDormand, are you campaigning for a sequel? There is no other explanation for these anti-Arie billboards.
But guys, it is 2018. Could we not have just bought the domain name ArieSucks.com to achieve the same effect? If there are any rich readers out there want to fund that, hit me up. I’m happy to write the content.