As a newbie to the reunion episode game, the past two weeks of Vanderpump Rules have been thrilling for me. Andy Cohen is out here asking questions that therapists usually wait six months to get into, and the cast, as usual, is holding very little back. This past week, for example, we finally heard Lala open up a bit about her “man.” Specifically, she listed the many, many things he buys her, a list I then aggressively relayed to my less-than-thrilled boyfriend. I know, I’m almost as petty as Scheana. (She also mentioned that her man watches VPR with superfan Martin Scorsese, but meh. At most, Randall was once like “look at this show that my girlfriend’s on” and Scorsese was like “that’s nice.”) Anyway, somewhere between the footage of Lala getting out of her BMW i8 and all her recent Instagrams decked out in designer gear at Cannes, I suddenly got a lot more curious about who exactly Lala’s man is. These aren’t just established middle-aged man gifts—this is serious money. So, who TF is this guy, and what exactly is he buying Lala? Let’s dive in.
Who Is Lala’s Man?
Lala’s man is named Randall Emmett, and he’s a producer of some pretty legit films. His most recent big movie was Scorsese’s Silence, which lends some credence to the whole Scorsese watching VPR lie theory. He’s also currently debuting a film at Cannes called Gotti, which I was convinced until about three minutes ago starred 50 Cent. (It doesn’t, and the score is composed by Pitbull, which is…disappointing.) Nonetheless, Randall is at Cannes, works with big actors and directors alike, and is undisputedly legit. (If you don’t believe me, scan through Randall’s Instagram. It’s basically the picture version of his IMDb.) In other words, he absolutely has the Hollywood power and money to take Lala’s life to another level.
On a personal level, he was previously married to Ambyr Childers, who is 17 years younger than him. (For reference, Lala is 19 years younger. I’m not loving the pattern.) I’m not going to discuss the state of his marriage when he met Lala, but you’re welcome to read about it here. Lala stated on Monday that he was legally separated when they met, FWIW, which our independently conducted research seems to support. He has two children, also heavily featured on his Instagram. He also regularly posts motivational “Torpedo Tuesday” videos, in which he screams at his followers to GET UP GET OUT THERE AND MAKE THAT MONEY. All of which really make me wonder who would win in a screaming match between James and Randall.
What Is Lala’s Man Buying Her?
Let’s start with the list Lala rattled off on Monday night. She mentioned purses, jewelry, cars, rent, and rides on his private jet. For the cars: he pays for the lease, she pays for insurance. For rent, he pays up to an agreed-upon cap, which Lala said she is “well over.” I can’t imagine how big and nice of a place she has if it’s well over what I’m sure is a generous cap, but it definitely made a sad contrast with the footage they showed of James sleeping on the floor of a slightly too-interested middle-aged dude. Bleak. And for the record, a BMW i8 starts at $147,500, so excuse me while I cry into my coffee for a minute.
Now let’s talk about the other stuff. Since beginning her relationship with Randall, Lala has landed a starring role in a movie (produced by Randall), produced the hit song “Boy,” and launched the makeup line #Give Them Lala Beauty. While she insists that her music and beauty pursuits are exclusively funded with her own money, the movie is literally her boyfriend’s movie, so we can add that onto Randall’s tab with a small degree of confidence. BRB, gonna go ask my boyfriend why he hasn’t given me a lucrative job yet. “Give a man a fish… teach a man to fish…” and all that, ya know?
So, how are we supposed to feel about all this? Well, if you’re like me, lightly devastated. For one, Lala is three years older than me but looks like she’s three years younger. And the amount of money I’ve described in this article alone seems like more than I’ll earn in my lifetime. On the other hand, Lala reportedly was already getting her breasts done when she was 20, so she’s been hustling and betting on her appearance to get her places for a long-ass time. And I have to show some admiration for Lauryn Kent from Salt Lake City getting to where she is now. You can find their relationship cute or disgusting, I don’t really care, but you can’t deny that you’d enjoy certain aspects of her life.
As a final note, I do wish that Lala would stop personally victimizing me saying the only reason other girls can’t ride on private jets, etc. is because they’re not hot enough. Lala herself admits she’s gotten injections and plastic surgery to enhance her appearance, so what are the rest of us supposed to do if we get paid hostess’ salaries and we don’t have rich boyfriends covering our rent? It feels like when you have to have 5 years’ job experience to get an entry-level position. Lala took a very specific route to get what she wanted, and she has a right to feel pride in it. But I imagine she put in a lot of effort for many years to get to this place, and that’s something I’d really like to hear more about in step-by-step detail. You know, for a friend.
Images: Instagram (2); Giphy (1)
Earlier this week, Lala Kent went public with Randall Emmett, her rumored formerly married boyfriend, by posting their first-ever selfie on Instagram. I would say “aww cute” when any couple becomes Instagram official, except for when one person in a relationship is a hot hostess, and the other is a toad encased in human skin. Since Lala began dating Randall while he was still legally married, she’s been called many things, like a home-wrecking whore (courtesy of Katie Maloney). But Lala insisted on this week’s episode that she is no such thing. So did Lala actually break up Randall’s marriage? I have been called upon
by myself to investigate, and my findings are interesting, if I do say so myself.
According to E! News, while Randall Emmett and Ambyr Childers’ divorce was finalized on December 22, 2017, the couple were separated in 2015 and again in 2016. Vanderpump Rules season 5 aired on November 7, 2016. According to Scheana on our Betch Slapped podcast, Vanderpump Rules films over the summer—meaning that, in the summer of 2016, Randall and his wife could very much have been separated. Does that make it okay? Ehhh, I’m not going to play ethics police given the way I rang in the New Year/lead my life in general, but it’s dubious. Not to mention, how many times has a married guy lied to his mistress and said “We’re separated, it’s over, I’m going to leave my wife”? But is Lala the reason this marriage ended? Given that Lala was on Vanderpump Rules in 2015 and there was no mention of this married guy, and Emmett and Childers were already separated then anyway, it doesn’t look so cut-and-dry.
2017… You were tough. You were amazing. You made me cry. You made me smile. & sometimes you really sucked. But look where You brought me- Just as a human being. The growth I feel is like nothing else. I want everyone to remember to shake things off. Go with your heart, go with your gut. Trust your mind. People can say things. People can write things… but no one in the entire world knows your truth. Only you do. Never forget that. I took on 2017 like a fucking champion. I fully intend to do the same in all years to come. I hope you do the same. Happy New Year, my beauties⚡️
Furthermore, I stalked Ambyr Childers’ Instagram, and what I found was extremely interesting. And yes, I am pretty disgusted with myself for stalking an innocent woman’s Instagram account just because she is loosely associated with a castmember on a second-tier reality show I watch, but then again, her Instagram was public and extremely easy to find, so who’s the real victim here? So I looked at all 182 of this woman’s posts (I know, you don’t have to tell me), and you know what I didn’t find? A single picture of or with Randall. Now, I know that she could have done an Instagram purge, and/or some couples don’t feel the need to post their SO on social media (I am told), but still. It’s odd.
And you know what else I found? A picture of Ambyr with some other dude who is decidedly not Randall. From the looks of it (aka the caption), she’s spending the year in Paris with this guy. And like, that wouldn’t mean anything, except for the comment that says “beautiful couple!”. And there’s another picture of them from a week ago with comments like, “You guys are the cutest!!!” and “great way to end the last chapter and start anew!” YEAH. So I’d say it looks like both Randall and Ambyr have moved on, although only one of them moved on to an age-appropriate SO. Four for you, Ambyr. You go, Ambyr.
So did Lala break up this marriage? Is she a home-wrecking whore? Should we stop judging hers and other people’s relationships from the outside? These answers and more, next time on “probably not but that’s not going to stop me.”