The winter months are finally behind us, and we are entering into the most beautiful season of the year. Wedding season! There’s almost always an open bar, shrimp cocktail, and the potential you’ll make out with your step-cousin. What’s not to love? In fact, I’m currently looking forward to my brother’s wedding, where, with the help of my unlimited Bar Method membership, I plan on outshining everyone and calling it “Cait’s Big Day.” See! These things are fun!
But I hate to break it to you: no matter how awesome your sorority sister Deborah’s all-inclusive Cabo nuptials were, they were a mere dumpster fire compared to the opulent events that celebrities throw for their weddings . I guess when you made a billion dollars on a sex tape, why not get married in a castle for the publicity to celebrate the third time you found your true love? It doesn’t make a mockery of the sanctity of marriage at all! This year, the main event we’re all waiting for this year is the marriage of the King and Queen of Extra, J.Lo and A-Rod, where I’m sure as a party trick they’ll have Instagram models lighting stacks of hundreds on fire, and serve champagne spiked with liquid gold. But since we don’t know exactly when that’s coming, I’ve decided to take a look back at the most expensive celebrity weddings of all time. Proceed with caution, because these numbers have been known to cause extreme jealousy and even rage blackouts.
1. Nick Jonas and Priyanka Chopra
You can’t mention extravagant weddings and leave out our most recent gluttonous celebrants, The Hottest Jonas Brother ™ and his Bollywood star bride, Priyanka Chopra. Nick and Priyanka had not one, not two, but THREE wedding ceremonies, all in the hopes of luring Duchess Meghan to just one, but apparently she was busy making Kate Middleton cry or whatever. Kidding! I mean, not kidding about the three weddings, I would never joke about something like that. I’m kidding about them trying to trap Meghan Markle into coming, I’m sure they know she already dropped them faster than ABC dropped Quantico.
One of the weddings (don’t ask me which one, I’m already exhausted from this story and I have numerous disgustingly ostentatious weddings to go), took place at the Umaid Bahwan Palace, a royal palace-turned-hotel in India, which costs $60,000 a night. They also put on a fireworks display and wore custom Ralph Lauren designed outfits. I know you’re wondering, “Did poor Nick Jonas have to spend all his Camp Rock money on this wedding?” and the answer is a resounding NO! Thankfully, our lovely couple got practically the whole thing covered by sponsorships including Tiffany & Co, Longchamp, and Elit Vodka. I hope you all are able to get sponsors for you own weddings, because is it even true love if you aren’t getting paid for it?
2. Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries
TBH I totally forgot Kris Humphries existed until last week, when he decided it was important to let the world know he is the proud owner of a Five Guys franchise. Congrats! This revelation really just made me hungry, but it also got him into this story, so I guess he can call it a win?
In case you also forgot about Kris, let me refresh your memory. His wedding to Kim reportedly cost $10 million, $20K of which was spent on the cake that they all enjoyed, and then they immediately went to their plastic surgeon and had the fat the cake left on their waistline injected into their asses. I’m just speculating, but we all know it’s plausible. This wedding is especially fun because it involves math! If you spent $10 million on a wedding that last 72 days, how much did that cost you per day? Probably more than Kris’s Five Guys franchise will ever take in, that’s for sure. (It’s actually $138,888.88 per day, if you’re seriously curious).
3. Kim Kardashian and Kanye West
After Kris Humphries, Kim decided she needed a more famous husband fell in love with longtime friend Kanye West. So, in typical girl-with-no-shame fashion, she decided to throw yet another obscenely expensive wedding.
Kim and Kanye got married in Italy at the Forte di Belvedere, which cost over $300,000 to rent. There was a performance from Andrea Bocelli, and her gown was Givenchy Haute Couture. Okay, now listen hard, because this is the only nice thing I’m ever going to say about Kim Kardashian: I kind of liked her dress. Now excuse me while I go burst into flames. Anyway, the lovely couple was married amongst their friends and family, except for Rob, who deemed himself too fat to attend. If only we could all use that excuse Rob, IF ONLY. When all was said and done, the event cost around $2.8 million, according to E! Online. That sounds atrocious, but TBH the cost per day is WAY less than her wedding to Kris Humphries, so it was practically a bargain.
4. George and Amal Clooney
When the ultimate bachelor announced his engagement, the world was stunned. Everyone thought that George would grow old with his motorcycle and Max, his potbellied pig. But he gave it all up to eventually run for office marry a gorgeous British human rights attorney. Fine, if you had to settle, George, I guess she’ll do.
The pair got married in Venice, with their A-list guests arriving by boat and looking every bit the movie stars they are. Everyone stayed in Cipriani hotel suites that cost a reported $3 million, and George looked dapper in his Giorgio Armani tux, while Amal wore a custom Oscar de la Renta gown, which she showed off on the cover of People magazine. The whole event cost over $4.5 million, and that doesn’t even include all the Casamigos Tequila that I’m sure George provided at no cost.
5. Prince William and Kate Middleton
Finally, we get to the royalty! The parents of the most badass member of the monarchy, Prince George, got married on April 29, 2011. Their wedding is unique because most things didn’t actually cost money. The castle for the reception? Oh no biggie, they own it. The tiara? A loaner from the Queen’s personal collection. Kate’s makeup? Oh, the future Queen consort will do it herself, thanks. So why the f*ck did this wedding cost a reported $34 million? SECURITY. That’s right! A whopping $32 million was spent to keep this event secure. And I guess it was worth it? All members of the royal family (as well as Pippa’s iconic backside) survived the event and have lived on to bless the world with their beautiful offspring, mediocre fashion, and petty family fights.
So there you have it, all the
sh*t celebrities waste money on for marriages that probably won’t last most expensive celebrity weddings. I wish there had been more circus performances and puppies serving appetizers to report on, but if that happened, no one is telling me. Fingers crossed J.Lo will do it!
Images: Giphy (2); priyankachopra, kimkardashian, about_clooneys, katemiddletonphotos/Instagram
You might have heard there was a wedding this weekend! The world’s favorite royal and most obvious example that what happens in Vegas does not actually stay in Vegas, Prince Harry, married Deal or No Deal briefcase girl Meghan Markle. Congratulations! I’m sure they will be very happy together for the next 18 months. In all seriousness, the royal wedding was gorgeous and the dress was underwhelming, but that’s not why I was watching. I’m here for the hats and the fascinators. Didn’t I just sound so British there? Being a Jersey girl myself, I’ve not had the opportunity to wear a balls-out-bonkers hat to a wedding. They frown upon that in my home state, but you can bring all the cleavage you want. We’re a complicated people.
I had high hopes for this wedding, since all the celebrities that befriended Meghan when they found out she was dating Prince Harry were invited to attend *cough* Oprah *cough*. Also, we all remember how Harry’s cousin Princess Beatrice loves to upstage the bride.
Another protocol for ladies attending the wedding this weekend: Royal protocol says that women must wear hats/fascinators to all official occasions. This custom dates back to the ‘50s, when aristocratic women rarely showed their hair in public. Pictured here is Princess Beatrice at Will & Kate’s wedding…. yup, lots of feedback received on her hat post wedding! ???????? ——————————— #Royalprotocol #theroyals #meghanandharry #harryandmeghan #meganmarkle #royalwedding #theroyalwedding #fascinator #fascinators #ladieshats #customs #royalcustoms #weddingguests #weddingguestetiquette #PrincessBeatrice #PrincessBeatricehat ???? ???? ❤️ ????
So imagine my disappointed surprise when I saw that only a select few celebs really brought it. I can only imagine they heard the bride’s dress was going to be boring af and decided to follow Suits suit? Let’s take a look at some of the standout pieces.
Since we’re talking about the royals, it’s only appropriate to begin with America’s Queen, Her Royal Highness Oprah Winfrey. As my work friend just commented, Oprah looked a little cray-cray. Her hat designer managed to create a bespoke piece that included feathers that reach all the way to Chicago from Windsor Castle. It’s a modern engineering marvel. I pity the fool who had to sit behind her.
Thank you @stellamccartney ! Realized Friday morning the beige dress I was planning to wear to Royal ceremony would photograph too “white” for a wedding.Her team did this overnite. Hat is vintage @philiptreacy been in my closet since 2005 with new feathers. OMG was this an extraordinary day! #Harry&Meghan #RoyalWedding #Lovedeveryminute
If you read my Bella Thorne article, you know I think Serena is the GOAT. She can do no wrong in my eyes, and she is certainly the GOAT in the hat department of this wedding. I can only imagine her fascinator was modeled in the image of a flame because Serena shoots straight fire on the court and in this outfit. How many more compliments do we think I need to give her for her to call me?
Amal Clooney is British, so I figured she would know better than others how to toe the line of totally insane but also respectful. And we all know she loves a fugly outfit (that Met Gala dress, amiright?). But instead, she dressed like classic school girl character Madeline.
It’s been widely reported that the Quantico actress is one of Meghan’s closest friends. So naturally when she got the invitation to the royal wedding, she went right to her stylist and said “Gimme one that looks like a spaceship, only purple.” And they did just that. After the wedding it conveniently transported her back to her home planet of crazy.
I’d be remiss to write this article and not mention that Spencer Hastings was there! Her hat was perfectly lovely and normal and frankly I expected more from a woman that agreed to play her own identical twin on TV just because the writers ran out of ideas. I can only hope that Troian spent the whole wedding using her SPOT-ON Alex Drake British accent.
Weddings are a joyous occasion. But today was just off the charts amazing. Congratulations Meghan and Harry. I am so grateful I got to witness your love today. There are many happy years to come. Also. Thank you so much @annabelleharron & @temperleylondon for making me feel so beautiful on such a momentous occasion. And last but definitely not least… thank you @halfadams for being your devastatingly handsome self and letting me come along for the ride.
Clearly the celebrities did not bring their A-game to this wedding. Fingers crossed the reception outfits were better and that in 20 years I’ll be writing about the Oprah-Prince George power couple wedding.
Images: Getty Images; @2_greek_chicks, @oprah, @serenawilliams, @people, @priyankachopra, @sleepinthegardn / Instagram
While you were focused on Beyoncé’s twins (who are they? when are they? how can I meet them?), you may have forgotten that there are like, other rich and famous twins being born to the world. George and Amal Clooney welcomed their own Carter twins pregame bundles of joy today, a boy and a girl named Alexander and Ella. Congrats to George and Amal, not only for successfully bringing two lives into this horrible nightmare world, but also for naming them two very reasonable things. I guess this is what happens when one of you is an actor, and the other is an internationally famous human rights lawyer. Sure, one person in the relationship might be inclined to name their children Solo Cup and Dixie, but the other half of the equation is there to say, “There are starving twins in Africa and we’re naming our babies something normal.”
According to a statement released by the couple ealrier today, “This morning Amal and George welcomed Ella and Alexander Clooney into their lives. Ella, Alexander and Amal are all healthy, happy and doing fine. George is sedated and should recover in a few days.”
Ugh. Could this couple get any cuter. Not only do you have two normally named children, but you also have time to throw a funny joke into the mix? My only qualm here is that I’m a little surprised that Amal went for the straight Clooney, rather than doing a hyphenated last name, but then again she did just give an eight-month-pregnant-with-twins speech at the UN like three weeks ago so I’m not gonna come out here and say Amal Clooney is doing feminism wrong. Speaking of feminism, I will now fill the traditional “when will she get her baby body back” portion of this article with gifs of Ruth Bader Ginsberg. You’re welcome.
Wow. That was empowering. Congrats to George and Amal (but mostly to George, who is pretty obviously getting more than what he’s giving in this arrangement) on the birth of their healthy happy twins! Let them enjoy the spotlight for now and then use the birth of the Carter twins as an opportunity to teach them a valuable lesson about knowing your own worth and taking an L when necessary.