Whether you hate the wedding-industrial complex, are a bride planning a wedding and want to feel better about your own demands, or just need something to read, we’re doing a new series where we share the craziest, most out-of-touch wedding story we found on the internet that week. Submit your own crazy wedding stories to [email protected] with the subject line Crazy Wedding Story, and we just might feature yours. And make sure to follow @BetchesBrides on Instagram and subscribe to our podcast, Betches Brides.
On Saturday night, I was hustled, scammed, bamboozled, and hoodwinked into having dinner with three of my recently married friends. Annnnnnd kill me. Anyway, even though I was both a guest and a bridesmaid at all three of these girls’ weddings, they spent the first hour of dinner showing me pictures as if I didn’t spend my rent money on being a part of their nuptials. The main takeaway? Wedding Instagrams are to newlyweds what “take me back” vacation photos are to single people. So naturally, the bride and groom want their wedding to be as Insta-worthy as humanly possible. Understandable.
Unless you’re Adriana La Cerva getting married in Tony Soprano’s house, the bride usually gets to drive when it comes to every little detail of her wedding. But sometimes, brides attempt to take that too far. This leads me the most amazing thing I’ve ever read on the internet, the Reddit Am I The Asshole (AITA) subreddit titled “AITA for asking my bridesmaid to temporarily change her vibrant hair colour for my colour schemed wedding?” Ok, I’ll give her a point for being British, but will definitely crown her the asshole here because it’s 2020 and friends shouldn’t ever ask friends to change their appearance for a wedding.
But I know what you’re thinking: maybe this girl has like, bright blue hair, which I could kiiiinda understand the bride wanting to change even though the demand is unreasonable. And you’d be wrong. Even I didn’t see this twist coming.
The bride starts off strong:
“The ongoing issue is that my wedding has a blue and green peacock theme” (why) “and guests have been asked to follow this colour scheme with their clothes. Hair wasn’t originally included at all in the colour scheme, but my cousin Ella has natural bright ginger hair.
I would never ask someone to permanently change their hair for my wedding, I know that would be bonkers so I suggested some temporary hair dye, but Ella argued that she has been growing her hair for six years and doesn’t want to risk the colour not washing out. I thought this was ridiculous because it literally says washes out in like 14 washes. But Ella says because her hair is completely natural colour it might take strongly to her hair.”
First of all, wtf is a blue and green peacock theme? Why peacocks? Will there be peacocks at the wedding? Where does one procure peacocks? I need more info on the peacock situation. Condolences to Ella, though, on her lack of a soul, but as my beautiful redhead girlfriend
complains about all the time tells me, once a ginger dyes her hair, it’s really hard to get her natural color back. Anyone who’s friends with a red-headed person knows this because it’s literally all they talk about, so the fact that the bride is asking her bridesmaid/cousin who’s never taken a foil to the head to dye her hair for the sake of fitting in with the weird af wedding theme is pretty rude. Honestly, Ella shouldn’t have to explain why she doesn’t want to f*ck up her hair with drugstore chemicals, but here we are. Also, 14 washes? Unless you wash your hair every damn day, that could take weeks to get out, and the bride is acting like it’s easy-peasy.
“So I gave up on that avenue and suggested a wig, it is one day, one single day, and there are some amazing wigs these days. I had a look on Instagram and you wouldn’t even be able to tell. But she said she would feel self-conscious and weird wearing a wig and that because her hair is butt length that it might sit weird on her head. So she won’t dye it, and won’t cover it up. I really don’t want to come across as a bridezilla but butt-length flaming red hair will destroy the wedding photos, and ruin the colour scheme completely.”
I once went to a birthday dinner that was wig-themed, so I got a Kylie Jenner-looking number and truly hated it. It was so uncomfortable and stupid-looking that I couldn’t keep that thing on for more than a few minutes at a time, and my hair is only shoulder length! I can’t even imagine trying to get a wig on a head of hair that’s basically grazing the floor at this point. Tbh, I feel like the bizarre color scheme and wild peacocks will ruin the photos more than your bridesmaid’s very normal hair. Also, it’s not like she just recently dyed her hair magenta and it’s all anyone can see. Like, we’re talking about her natural hair color here. No one is going to be like, “She seriously came to this wedding with the hair color she was born with?”
Im at a loss, I can’t cut her from the wedding because my mom would murder me, but I can’t have freaking Merida ruining the photos, AITA for asking this of her for just one single day?
First of all, Merida was a brave soldier who saved her mother, there’s no need to bring her into this. Also, is anyone else seeing the hilarious irony here? Just the English major? Cool. So the bride is saying that her cousin should just dye her hair because it’s one day of her life, but this horrible dye job will not only live forever in the photos, it will also likely ruin her natural color and take at least two weeks to rinse out. Like??? Anyway, to answer the bride’s question, yes, honey, you are the asshole.
Before I end, there’s an update!
EDIT: Ella has dropped out of the wedding because we couldn’t reach a compromise so it doesn’t matter anymore. I now have to deal with my mom and aunt chewing me out over it all.
Honestly, good for you, Ella. F*ck your cousin. I’d drop out of the wedding too, and I probably wouldn’t even attend.
Look, the only time it’s okay to demand someone change her appearance is on makeover day for America’s Next Top Model. Other than that, we non-Tyras need to just let our friends and cousins and whoever look how they want to look. If red-heads are so offensive to you and your stupid photos, maybe don’t ask them to be in your bridal party. Then find a therapist to find out who hurt you.
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Your wedding day is pretty much all about you (and like, a little about the person you’re marrying). However, there are a lot of factors that’ll determine the day you end up having. The biggest one, for most people, is your guests. People have to travel. People have to eat and drink. And people need to be told when, where, and what outfit to show off. In fact, pretty much all of your wedding day planning decisions are going to land somewhere in the middle of what you want and what makes sense for your guests.
Our psycho bride today appeared on Reddit and is not adhering to these unspoken rules. Not only is she not adhering, but her idea of a dream wedding is f*cking insane.
Setting The Scene
This absolutely f*cking bonkers story was discovered in, where else, the Am I The Asshole subreddit. It’s really just the gift that keeps on giving. This thread is a real doozy. Let me be the first (well, not the first—there are quite a few commenters who share my feelings) to say yes, these people are 100% assholes. Let’s explore why:
“Every year on our anniversary, my fiance and I wake up early to go to the beach and watch the sunrise together. It’s a very special tradition, as we have both overcome a number of personal challenges during our time together, and the symbolism of watching a new day begin is deeply meaningful for us.”
Aww, that’s v nice fam. Good for you, jazz snaps all around.
“We decided we wanted to incorporate this into our wedding. Our plan is to have our ceremony on the beach and have everyone walk over to a beachfront restaurant for breakfast, bloody Marys and mimosas (we’ve already talked to the restaurant owner about this, who loves the idea and said he’d be happy to open early for us). After that, everyone is free for the remainder of the day. Our friends and family are mostly local and should all be able to travel to the beach in under an hour, except for some extended family flying in from Canada, but that’s unavoidable.”
LOL WUT. Wait, like, are you honestly, HONESTLY expecting me, your beloved mother/aunty/future MIL/bridesmaid to wake the f*ck up WHILE IT’S DARK OUTSIDE and on a F*CKING WEEKEND to watch you guys get married at the ACTUAL asscrack of dawn? And then to partake in the worst kind of wedding of all—a breakfast wedding?! I must be misinterpreting this, right?
The Nitty Gritty
“Based on our geographic location and the date of the wedding next summer, we’ve scheduled the ceremony start time for 5:30 a.m., when there should be plenty of light but the sun itself won’t be quite visible yet.”
NOPE. It’s a hard nope from me, dawg. So, if the ceremony is starting at 5:30am, that means the bride and her posse are going to have to be awake for hair and makeup at what time? 2:30? That doesn’t sound fun. That doesn’t sound like a super fetch time. In fact, that sounds like f*cking torture. And don’t tell me you and the girls can just pull an all-nighter. As someone who has had to do the wedding day thing exactly once, I will tell you that a good night’s sleep is absolutely imperative to having a non-terrible day.
Also, if, like the Reddit post said, the majority of guests live an hour away, that means they need to prepare to arrive around 5-5:15am, forcing them to leave their homes around 4am, which makes wake-up time around 2:30-3am, depending how long it takes these people to get ready and chug some coffee before they drive bleary-eyed in the dark. This sounds unsafe and downright rude.
How’s Everyone Feeling?
“We’ve been getting a LOT of backlash from our families about this, who say this is way too early and we need to move the ceremony to a more ‘normal’ time of day. But my fiance and I don’t feel like we’re asking for anything that unreasonable. AITA?”
OMG, you’ve been getting backlash? Are you f*cking surprised?! You’re asking people to travel in the day before or earlier in order to wake up at 3am, then be totally dead for the rest of the day. Do you honestly expect ANYONE to start drinking at 6am? What am I, in college? I’m an adult! Maybe not a high-functioning adult, but an adult nonetheless!
The options for your guests are either to pull an all-nighter and be completely useless the next day, forcing them to stay overnight in a hotel to sleep it off, or drive home after the drunk wears off around noon and crawl into bed. Like, what planet am I on?
Why not incorporate the sunrise into the end of the reception? Like, have a late ceremony at sunset, which would be symbolic AF, dance and drink all night, then encourage all of your guests to stay up for the sunrise grand finale. Wow, I should be a f*cking wedding planner.
Obviously, this Reddit poster has officially been labeled an asshole and comments have been closed. Here’s to hoping the bride and groom change their mind and do something more normal, unless they plan on giving everyone a LOT of really good drugs to stay awake for 24 hours.
Images: Derek Thomson / Unsplash; Giphy (3)
Another day, another wacky wedding story thanks to the people who post their problems on Reddit for me to read and laugh at while I’m supposed to be working. I don’t know about you, but nothing truly gives me life quite like stupid wedding etiquette questions that seem pretty cut and dry to those of us who have, like, common sense. Today’s wedding story, though, is a little less black-and-white than our usual “Am I a bridezilla for telling my Maid of Honor to terminate her pregnancy so she does not appear pregnant in my wedding photos?” type stories. Let’s just get right into it, with a problem I’m dubbing “Mo’ Titties Mo’ Problems.” You’ll see why in a sec. Here’s the dilemma she posted on the Am I The Asshole subreddit, or r/amitheasshole. It involves a bra, a blue dress, some really stupid questions, and some fun word play. Let’s go.
So, our OP posted this f*cking novel to the AITA subreddit, and has been officially voted an asshole. For the uninitiated, Am I The Asshole (or AITA as it’s lovingly called) is pretty self-explanatory. People write in about various scenarios that have happened to them, and the good people of Reddit decide who was the asshole in that situation. So, strap in and get ready to judge strangers—our favorite pastime!
Here’s the rundown from the OP herself. Please note, all spelling and (atrocious) grammar has been left as-is:
“My boyfriend’s (M27) brother is getting married. I (F22) often don’t wear bras (free the titty). I wear them to work, in a (business) professional setting, but if I’m going out with friends and family I don’t wear them. My boobs aren’t huge enough to where the flop everywhere, but I’m not flat chested either. My boyfriend has informed me that his brother’s fiancé has requested I wear a bra at the wedding, quoting ‘I don’t want no free range titties.’ Their family really looks down on it and thinks I’m a hippie heathen that has abandoned God and is motor-boating Satan.
I respect that 100%, it’s her day. However I’m trying to match my boyfriend’s attire, which is blue. I even dyed my hair to his color as well. The dress (blue) that best fits for the wedding (I have no time or money to buy a new one) is not designed to have a bra. I have a few other dresses, but they’re white (big no). I have a black dress as well but I wore that to their grandma’s funeral (so also no). I have other dresses/gowns but they’re very fancy and I don’t want to out dress the bride.”
First off, this has got to be a troll post, but for my own amusement, I’ll pretend this is real. People do tend to do crazy things, so I guess this story could be true—but just know that I’m proceeding with caution, so don’t @ me in the comments that this post is “obviously fake”. Now that we’ve covered that aspect, there are a couple of things to unpack here—like how the bride is so morally offended by the existence of breasts but has no objections to this girl dying her hair blue to match her boyfriend’s outfit. Seems like a weird hill to die on (or dye on, lol) but ok.
But let’s talk about the problem at hand. Or, more accurately, the problem at chest. (Okay, you’re right, I’ll stop now.) On the one hand, I have a feeling that if this bride is specifically requesting OP wear a bra, her situation is more noticeable than she makes it seem. However, let’s please give this girl a Pulitzer for the phrase “motor-boating Satan.” I don’t know what exactly it is or why it works, but it speaks to my soul and has sparked joy.
On the other hand, does anybody else find it a little ridiculous that the bride went out of her way to ask one guest to wear a bra? “Free range titties” or no, it’s a weird thing to do. Like, I would think she would be too preoccupied with, ya know, getting married, picking out flowers, avoiding her future mother-in-law, etc. to care about one guest’s body. Also, I struggle to see how this is THAT big of a deal in the grand scheme of things. Maybe, as the groom’s brother’s girlfriend, she’ll be in some pictures, but the OP isn’t a bridesmaid, so it’s not like she’s going to be in every single shot.
The OP then goes on to explain why she reallyyyy just cannot wear a bra, no matter how much she may want to.
“I’ve put on the bra with the dress, but it’s terrible and more offensive. You can see the straps and side of the bra, and a tube is still visible too. Even a cardigan can’t cover it fully. It’s not a provocative dress either, it wraps around the neck and shows some side boob but everything else is covered. No shoulder, hence seeing the straps of the bra. I have a bra with fancy straps and I’m thinking about just going French style (France sees bra straps as an accessory, compared to america’s ‘hey your strap is showing’).
Would I be an a*shole if I just taped my nipples and wore the dress? Or should I wear the most off white dress I own? I honestly don’t mind wearing a bra for the wedding, but the dress I would most like to wear isn’t made for a bra.
While I thought it wasn’t her place to say what I can and can’t wear, it is her WEDDING. Soooo… what do I wear?”
Honey, this is 2019. You have options outside of “wear a bra that will completely be visible” or “expose your free-range titties even though the bride specifically requested you not do that.” The Reddit community seems to think OP is the asshole in this situation, since her ultimatum has become “I’ll wear no bra with this dress I like” or “I’ll wear this white/off-white dress with a bra and piss everyone off even more.”
Also an important question: Has the OP ever heard of chicken cutlets? Strapless bras? Like, there are alternatives here.
The OP has since commented on the post and said she WAS thinking about wearing the sticky boob cutlets, but hadn’t considered them a “bra.” In this case, I think they would count. I feel like the bride is really just asking the OP to get a little support.
Reddit thought the OP was the asshole, with the top comment from u/kaitou1011 saying, “YTA because you’ve created a dichotomy of ‘I wear this dress or something much worse’ and ‘I wear this dress with a visible bra or with no bra at all.'” They continue, “You’ve picked a dress for the wedding, it seems, with the express excuse of going against the one thing they’ve asked you, and it seems pretty deliberate. You’ve got lots of other options, like buying a new dress that doesn’t have this problem (especially considering if there’s sideboob it’s probably not appropriate for a wedding of people who think not wearing a bra makes you a hippie heathen whose abandoned God and is motorboating Satan.). There are also some age-old tricks for hiding bras under revealing dresses, as well as actual products meant for that purpose like strapless bras or that one backless bra thing you can buy online for like five bucks which also gives really great cleavage too. But seriously, just go buy an appropriate dress at freaking WalMart.
I can see this point. It seems like this person wrote this entire post to Reddit just so that strangers could validate her choice, and had no intention to ever acquiesce to the bride’s request. We hate a validation post over on AITA. Reddit is a fickle beast, and the commenters do not always side with the OP.
That said, personally, I think both the OP and the bride are the assholes. The OP for the reasons laid out, and the bride for making this weird body-shaming request in the first place. It would be one thing if the bride asked nicely and acknowledged that this is a strange and low-key rude request, but she went about it pretty poorly, if OP’s account is to be believed. Also, the internet typically rules against brides who try to dictate their bridesmaids’ appearances, and I don’t see why this is any different. If you ask me, the bride is the bigger asshole for making a huge deal about something that probably won’t even matter. Sadly, we’ll never know what ended up happening, because OP has not provided an update.
Do you think the bride was the asshole, or the OP? Do you have any insane wedding stories to share? Let me know in the comments!
Images: Fahad Waseem / Unsplash