I am so pro-tattoos, guys. I even have one. It’s a teeny design from a literary reference. You know what it’s not? A relationship-related tattoo. Because, unlike many of our favorite celebs, I am not a f*cking moron. For some reason in the world of Hollywood, it’s considered super cool and romantic to get your partner’s name or some kind of matching tat with your current lover. Considering I’ve had milk in my fridge longer than most celebrity relationships, this is a very, very dumb idea. And once their confronted with the realities of their mistake, or the drugs wear off, celebs have no choice but to try to cover up their poor choices. Here are the worst celebrity couples tattoos to remind you to think before you ink.
Pete Davidson & Ariana Grande
The reigning king and queen of tattoo f*ckups, and the source of a lot of drama recently, Ariana and Pete’s short-term relationship resulted in so many tattoos to cover up. Pete had Ariana’s bunny ear mask behind his ear, Ariana has “always” on her ribs in Pete’s handwriting. They have matching tattoos of: hearts, the word “reborn”, “H2GKMO” which apparently means “honest to God, knock me out”, clouds, Pete’s dad’s badge number, the phrase “mille tendresse”, and each other’s name/initials on their ring fingers. Like, how did they even have time for that many couples tattoos? Did they just schedule a recurring weekly appointment? With the end of their engagement, the tattoo cover-ups have started. But joke’s on them, because it seems that they now have new matching tattoos of black hearts—one to cover Pete’s bunny mask and one that covers Pete’s name on Ariana’s finger. Pete also has a teeny A next to his black heart. I guess so he can remember who gave it to him? How poetic.
— Get Asian News (@GetAsianNews) November 23, 2018
Pete is on this list ~again~ because this is not the only time he’s had to cover up an awful relationship tattoo. Literally, earlier this year, he covered up some real scary tattoos of his ex Cazzie David, as well as some questionable quotes. You’d think he would have learned.
ALSO, Ariana Grande recently covered up *another* tattoo related to Pete. She had previously gotten his dad’s badge number on her foot, but it’s since been covered up with the name “Myron”, which is the name of Mac Miller’s dog. So I guess she’s not that grateful for her ex after all… too soon? You’re right, probably too soon.
Adrienne Bailon & Rob Kardashian
Who even remembers a world where Cheetah Girl Adrienne Bailon dated total trash like Rob Kardashian? What’s even weirder is the fact that I don’t think he was even trash back then. He was fit, alert, in school at USC, and I think he wanted to go to law school? Who would have thought he’d become the sad sack he is now, with a baby mama like Blac Chyna, and his mom running his sock line? Anyway. Rob’s life took a turn for the pathetic after he cheated on Adrienne, who got her ass TF out. Unforunately, said ass was still branded with Rob’s name. It’s unknown whether Bailon put something else over the probs pretty bad scar left from her tattoo removal, but let’s just hope it’s not another relationship tattoo.
Rob, meanwhile, covered up his Adrienne tattoo on his rib cage with a Rita Ora design that Kim K herself referred to as, “a life-sized Barbie doll that has now turned into a Cabbage Patch” with Rob’s weight gain. Not nice, Kim. We don’t know what it looks like now, but I’m going to say probs not amazing.
Before Angelina was the mother of a litter, she was a wild child who wore vials of other people’s blood as fashion and got celebrity couples tattoos. The “Billy Bob” on her arm is for Billy Bob Thornton, which she eventually got removed and replaced with her kid’s birthplace coordinates. She was Billy Bob’s fifth marriage, so I kinda think she should have seen this coming. At least the cover-up is about her kids and not Brad. You’re stuck with your kids forever.
Charlie Sheen & Denise Richards
Charlie and Denise had a tumultuous relationship, but that didn’t stop them from getting each other’s names tattooed on their limbs. Charlie got his covered up by the anthem of his mental breakdown, “Winning”, and Denise got a v strange little fairy on hers.
— spothifi.com (@onemusic_tv) October 28, 2015
It’s easy to forget that Johnny Depp and Winona Rider were a thing in the 90s/early 2000s, but it’s probably because most of you weren’t even f*cking born yet. Johnny got “Winona Forever” tatted on him after only five months of dating. The couple lasted three years before finally calling it quits and Johnny lasered off part of his tattoo. It now reads “Wino Forever”. I would be mad at it, but it’s a lifestyle. More specifically, my lifestyle.
Images: johnnydeppofficial, angelinajolieofficial / Instagram; onemusic_tv, getasiannews / Twitter; klassicalmuzik / Youtube
The Kardashians are known for chewing up and spitting out men as often as you do with those SugarBearHaircare vitamins the sisters swear by. Those men often fail at life afterwards, to the point where they have their very own curse. I mean, Reggie Bush was so traumatized by the Kardashians that he married Kim’s doppelganger. But the Kardashian Kurse is never really talked about when it comes to their platonic inner circle. Here are some of their former #squad members who they no longer talk to.
The most recent of the Kardashian inner circle to bite the dust, Joyce Bonelli was the famous fam’s makeup artist. While the Kardashians are known for baring it all to the point where we know their nipples better than our own, we’ve yet to see them with a wrinkle or zit, so we’re guessing she was as integral to the Kardashian brand as Kylie’s lip injections. But unfortunately, much like Kylie’s lip injections, she surprisingly got the boot. Word is that Joyce tried to weasel her way into some business deal without including the Kardashians, and that’s when they had a falling out. Joyce denies that she got fired and is all, “Who doesn’t get into a tiff with their friends from time to time?” Okay, Joyce. A tiff between girlfriends happens when Katie pretends like she’s taking a picture of you when really she’s taking a video. A blowout between girlfriends is when Katie posts said video to Instagram and you’re rocking a burrito bloat. Swindling your business partners and besties out of money is fucked up. She’s still doing makeup for celebs like Ariana Grande and Chrissy Teigen though, so clearly she’s still got a great career going.
Remember when Rob was actually hot? Because we barely do. And remember Adrienne Bailon exists? Because we barely remember that either. Anyway, years ago, Adrienne dated Rob and was part of the Kardashians’ inner circle. She was actually on their show quite a bit and the family all seemed to really take a liking to her. To be honest, if she wasn’t on that show, we would really only know her as that chick from Cheetah Girls and 3LW. Anyway, she dumped Rob once he cheated on her (again, bear in mind, this is back when girls would want to have sex with him), but she still remained buddies with the sisters. She even went to Khloé and Lamar’s wedding. Since then, she has said that being affiliated with Kardashians hurt her career. LOL, sure Jan, that’s what hurt your career. Khloé subtweeted her, of course, but since then they’ve reconciled. Adrienne isn’t back in the inner circle, but Khloé follows her on Instagram. As for Adrienne’s career, she’s won a (Daytime) EMMY, which means while she’s still in the Kardashian graveyard, she does still have a pulse. Oh! And Kim tweeted about being on the Cheetah Girls tour yesterday.
Meow (Part 1) https://t.co/jjC9qqlbIm via @YouTube There’s 3 parts! You have to watch
— Kim Kardashian West (@KimKardashian) July 24, 2018
Courtenay was besties with the Kardashian sisters since before they were famous. We’re not talking reality show famous or Paris Hilton’s assistant famous. We’re not even talking O.J. Simpson trial famous. This chick was ride or die since these girls were basically fetuses. And Courtenay was even a little famous at one point too because she was in a love triangle with Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson. Courtenay was at one point a socialite and a regular in the tabloids. But now we don’t have an idea of what the f*ck she does except for being a trust fund baby, so we’re assuming she wrote that anonymous Refinery29 article that reeks of undiagnosed affluenza. But anyway, she’s on the outs with the Kardashians since they no longer follow each other on Instagram. No word as to why they stopped talking, but we’re guessing the Kardashians just forgot she existed like the rest of us did.
Damn, the Kardashian girls really love hanging out with other girls whose names are intentionally spelled wrong. Do they like to bond over getting pissed when other people spell their names the correct way or something? Anyway, you may remember Brittny from the E! reality show Gastineau Girls. And if you don’t, we don’t blame you because it wasn’t that thrilling of a show. Like, even Sunset Tan was more captivating than that garbage and they would give 12-year-old girls the same tans they gave Lindsay Lohan to patronize their stage moms. I watched every episode of Gastineau Girls, and even I can’t tell you a single memorable moment from that show. And that’s probably why Brittny faded into oblivion and isn’t doing much these days. She really only ever made headlines for being part of the Kardashian girl gang, but the only one she is kind of still rubbing shoulders with is Kourtney, who she was on Filthy Rich Cattle Drive with before either of them was a household name. She did mimic Kylie and get over-the-top lip injections though, if that counts as a Kardashian Konnect. But can someone please tell her that Kylie isn’t even into that look anymore?
The Jenner Brothers
#TBT to when the Kardashians were step-siblings with the Jenner brothers. Remember when they tried to integrate the brothers onto KUWTK? It just turned into Brody throwing b*tch fits all the time because he still has major beef with Kris since he feels like she boxed the Jenner siblings out of the family. And that’s totally understandable. It was kind of weird seeing Brody get all emotional since he used to play the emotionless f*ckboy on The Hills who really could not give less of a f*ck if girls were fighting over him or that Spencer was totally going off the deep end. He also threw a temper tantrum when he couldn’t bring a date to Kim and Kanye’s wedding, and ultimately refused to attend. Brandon is married to Leah and has a baby with her, Ivy. They have a cloyingly folksy and adorable marriage where I’m sure they drink green juice out of mason jars and go to farmer’s markets. Brody recently got married to Kaitlynn and is a DJ, and for the sake of his apparently fragile ego, we’ll pretend like that’s a legit career.
Monica Rose was part of the Kardashian Klique up until relatively recently. She was a stylist for the family, but she got “let go” because the family’s style was going in a different direction. K, well, it’s really not that hard to buy comically large hoops for Khloé. The Kardashians’ style hasn’t really changed all that much since Monica left, so we suspect there’s something deeper going on. Monica still works with big name celebs like Chrissy Teigen and Cara Delevingne, so her career definitely hasn’t faltered since parting ways.
Ciara and Kim used to be best friends. They did pap walks and filmed KUWTK often, but suddenly Ciara just kind of fell off the face of the planet. We all know Ciara had a thriving career at one point because she churned out bangers that were probably the first songs you grinded to. But her career has kinda faltered since — even Rihanna called her out for that! Anyway, Ciara became kind of a Jesus freak and married adult virgin-turned-quarterback Russell Wilson, with whom she has a daughter. She also has a son from her previous relationship with rapper Future. But based off this video, we’re guessing Ciara’s still got it, and she just released a new song that bangs, so maybe she’s on the up-and-up.
Ciara has not LOST IT. pic.twitter.com/5xGzxbrxKG
— honey (@JSTHONEY) July 8, 2018
It’s legendary train wreck Rob Kardashian’s 30th birthday on March 17, and honestly I wasn’t even sure what to do about it. Is there anything to celebrate? Is there more to Rob’s existence than posting revenge porn and retweeting things about baseball? Unclear. So for Rob Kardashian’s birthday, I’m doing what seems most appropriate, and getting to the bottom of a vital question: where did it all go wrong for Rob Kardashian? Get yourself a glass of wine (or a mimosa if you’re reading this before noon), because it’s a fucking saga.
In the last year, Rob Kardashian has obviously been in the news for his dramatic breakup and subsequent feud with Blac Chyna. From the moment we first found out these two were dating, we knew there was about a 2% chance it would turn out well. We weren’t sure how serious they were back in the beginning of 2016, but before we knew it, they were engaged and expecting a kid. Getting pregnant and/or engaged within the first six months of dating is always a sign of stable times to come. Their living nightmare of a relationship played out on the nauseating show Rob & Chyna in the fall of 2016, but they had already broken up by the time the show finished airing.
In the year since, Rob and Chyna have spent most of their time spewing toxic waste at each other on social media, and hopefully also caring for their infant child. Maybe. Rob’s worst moment was last summer, when he posted Chyna’s nudes, along with her phone number and allegations that cheated on him, on Instagram and Twitter. (Wow, was that only last summer? It simultaneously feels like yesterday and six lifetimes ago.) Cheating is obviously not good, but revenge porn is just never okay. This was probably the moment when we knew that Rob had fully lost his mind, but things were going south for him years before he ever met Blac Chyna.
There was a time when Rob was probably the fittest member of the Kardashian family, but now that feels so long ago it might as well be a cave painting. Rob put on a lot of weight starting in 2013, and he became increasingly isolated at the time. He almost never appeared on KUWTK, and he literally skipped Kim and Kanye’s wedding. Did the Kardashians exile Rob because he got fat? Or did he get fat because they exiled him? He says that his disappearance was due to him not feeling good about himself, which I get, but also, like, damn. In 2015, Rob was hospitalized after being diagnosed with diabetes, which is a pretty sure sign you’re not in a good place.
So yeah, Rob wasn’t doing so great from 2013 onward, but what was his life like even before he got fat?
In 2012, Rob seemed like he really wanted his life to be on a positive track. His late father was famous for being a successful attorney, and he had plans to follow in his dad’s footsteps. Rob, a USC alum, tweeted in August that he would be enrolling in USC’s law school that fall, but he was sorely confused. USC responded to the news, saying that Rob hadn’t even applied to the school, and that he definitely wouldn’t be attending anytime soon. Rob’s law career could have been so promising, if only he had, like, applied or something?
Years before the law school debacle, we met Rob as a sweet 20-year-old. He was still in college on the first season of Keeping Up With The Kardashians, and we honestly loved how he would just roll his eyes at literally everything Kim did. Simpler times, truly. At the time, he was dating Cheetah Girl Adrienne Bailon, and they seemed perfect together. Rob was obviously head over heels for Adrienne, but he fucked it up just like everything else in his life. For a long time, there was no concrete answer to why they broke up in 2009, but we got the info years later.
Adrienne confirmed that Rob cheated on her, which is annoyingly predictable. She complained that people always give her shit for not sticking with Rob, even though he’s the one who fucked her over. Meanwhile, his sisters took to social media to defend him, subtweeting Adrienne with the rage of high schoolers who didn’t get invited to the cool prom afterparty. Kim, Khloé, we love you, but your cheating mess of a brother really didn’t need your help on this one.
So where did it all go wrong for Rob Kardashian? Basically, Rob has been a mess since at least 2009, and possibly earlier. He’s had almost a full decade to get help, but it really seems like he’s still just content to be a disaster. There’s no telling when he’ll stop making tragic life decisions, but hopefully he’s done posting revenge porn. Happy birthday Rob, we really hope 2018 is your year!
Images: Giphy (5)