Well, it’s officially August which means we’re headed into the dog days of summer—a time when we cram as much day drinking and rooftop bar hopping as possible into the next 4 weeks. Once September hits, we become recluses that live our best lives on the couch and Instagram eat everything that comes in pumpkin. We’ll immediately put away the sandals and bring out our over-the-knee boots, and fold away our shorts in hopes that last year’s skinny jeans still fit even though we drank our weight in alcohol and didn’t go to a gym once this summer. The good part is that a season’s beginning = new trends aka more shopping, so you’ll handle change the only way you know how: retail therapy, obviously. Whether you’re prepping for weekly blackouts at frat parties or planning to be productive (for once) at work, shop these transitional accessories to take your mind from summertime sadness to Uggs, pumpkin spice, and everything BWG (basic white girl, DUH).
Expensive white gold hoops were summer’s thing this year (it was so sad) but now that summer is almost over, that shit is (thankfully) being put to a halt. Fall will be about big bold earrings that take up the entire side of your face so opt for a dainty long pair that takes away the attention from your double chin facial imperfections and can be worn down or dressed up to impress.
Burberry and scarves are two things a betch will never leave her house without next season. Since it’ll be too warm for cashmere, find a lightweight silk scarf to dress up your blazer with. This one features color block triangles with neutral tones and the bright pop of red we’ll be seeing 24/7 soon. If choking yourself wearing scarves isn’t your thing, use it as a headband because boho chic isn’t over yet, or tie it on your bag, I guess. A for effort!!!
Since colder temps hit the east coast like a fucking brick wall, you probs won’t be that try-hard who’s still wearing plunging bodysuits come September. Unless you’re trying to call into work sick already, that is. Chokers were fun and all but similar to how much basic bitches love “Closer”, it’s overplayed and I’m sick of seeing them. Swap out shorter styles for long pendant-like necklaces that will go perf with any fall dress or plain button up shirt.
You can still collect stackable rings and look super trendy by wearing multiples, but go for a style that’s both semi-elegant and edgy. I like this one because when I’m dealing with one of my bouts of homicidal urges, I can just look at the pointy edges and contemplate the many ways I could inflict bodily harm on my enemies using just the ring on my finger. Just me?
Fall is the best excuse for a new bag to hold all your shit and hide the flask you may need to get you through the day. This large neutral tote has enough room for your laptop, meaningless papers, and everything else you carry with you at all times, but without sideswiping everyone you walk by. It’ll go with any outfit and put you in the all-work-no-play mood you wish you could maintain for more than like, two consecutive minutes.
You won’t have to hide your v cute pedicure immediately with booties that easily transition your look from summer to autumn vibes. I’m honestly obsessed with these because they’re both block heel and open toe like my fave summer heels I ruined stumbling around every weekend. You can never have too many booties, IDC what anyone says. I need them in every color, so this pair is perfect for pairing with the T-shirt dress you’re not ready to give up or dark jeans come darker nights.
Now that it’s my favorite time of the year, it’s socially acceptable to wear the one accessory that has saved me from many unwanted social interactions and near-death hangovers: sunglasses. Even though you throw shade all year round, doing it in style makes it feel that much better. Judging and talking shit are two things we all obviously enjoy, so hiding behind some lenses just allows you to get away with doing it in public. Whether you’re brunching and trying to piece together WTF happened the night before or hiding the fact that you may be tipsy at 3pm on a Wednesday, sunglasses fool everyone into thinking you still have your shit together—even if it’s only because you’re decent enough to hide last night’s makeup.
So you can judge as you please in style and make everyone feel like a fucking peasant—here are the trendiest sunnies that say “no pictures, please”.
1. Dior Reflected 52mm Brow Bar Sunglasses
Yeah, okay, we get it. You have like, every single pair of Ray-Ban aviators. This is me asking you (well, more like telling you) to consider retiring those and instead, opt for a brow bar style. If the aviator and the brow bar were sisters, the brow bar would be considered the cooler, prettier one. This frame comes in rose gold, too, so if you just can’t resist letting your basic-ness shine through, let it out, honey.
2. Chloé Myrte 61mm Sunglasses
#TBT to the Laguna Beach and The Hills days where all LC wore were obnoxiously oversized sunglasses to hide her eye rolls every time Heidi breathed. Find a pair, preferably dark in color, that you can hide your glare behind when someone even breathes in your direction.
3. Quay Private Eyes Aviator Sunglasses
If you’re someone who likes to add a pop of color to any polished outfit, then you’ll want to find sunglasses like these for a bold statement. Blue is actually v trendy at the moment and it also happens to be like, the most soothing color to the eye or something. Bring some ~good vibes~ anywhere you go, whether it’s to the beach or Mediterranean sea. Or, fake it enough so that no one sees how bitchy you actually can be.
4. Oliver Peoples Eyewear 30th Anniversary Rockmore Sunglasses
If you want to be mistaken for Gigi Hadid or someone just as skinny famous, get yourself a pair of yellow-colored sunglasses. According to my reputable fashion consultants, yellow is the new black this summer, so get these while you can.
5. Karen Walker Disco Circus Sunglasses
I guess round sunglasses are no longer seen as retro, but are now considered modern in this day and age. Find a pair that’s blacker than your soul (if that’s possible) so no one can see how many dirty looks you’re dishing out. I give you permission to yell, “Shaarrooonn!!” if it means demanding somebody’s attention. If it worked for Ozzy Osbourne, I don’t see why it won’t work for you.
6. For Love & Lemons Cat Eye Sunnies
You are a young, hot, up-and-coming celebrity (famous for doing nothing whatsoever, aka the best kind of famous), who doesn’t need a man. At least that’s how you’ll feel and what you’ll make everyone believe with some solid cat eye sunglasses.
7. Michael Kors Square Sunglasses In Tortoise
Square frames immediately tell everyone that you are a person not to be fucked with because you can easily ruin their life. Whether that’s actually true or not, feel free to take on that persona. Maybe the more you wear them, the more you’ll believe it. Both workplace- and recreation-friendly, square sunglasses are the perfect chic touch to any look.