It’s summer. You wake up in the morning and smoke weed immediately check your weather app to see it’s going to be a very casual 95 degrees. Dope. You put on your shortest lil booty shorts and your cutest tank and head off to work – the office manager can deal with your violations of the dress code later. On your way in you snag the iciest ice coffee, snap a few selfies in the amazing natural light of summer, and wonder if your walk from the train to the office constitutes tanning. Then, disaster strikes. As soon as you step foot into your office building, you suddenly feel like you’ve gone from desert Sahara to Arctic tundra, and you have literally nothing to keep you warm except to heat off your laptop. You run upstairs to your office and immediately dig through your stash of coats, scarves, hats, and mittens. In a matter of seconds, you’ve gone from summer chic to full Eskimo, and you’ll remain that way for the next 6 hours. When it’s time for lunch, you’ll have to take off your many, many layers just to make the trek to your favorite salad bar, and be ready to see your breath again as soon as you step back into the office. Why is every office building like this? Who keeps turning the AC to frozen? Is that permafrost on your desk?
We DK. But if you’re familiar with this feeling, we do know that you’re going to love our latest video. Check it out below:
Being an adult is shitty year-round, but it especially blows in the summer when you have to figure out how to dress for work when it’s really hot out. For some reason, every office in the world is fucking freezing, as if air conditioning was invented yesterday and everyone’s fascinated with it. Your options are either to arrive to work with pit stains because you’re dressed for the arctic but it’s 105 degrees outside or to chill with your nipples showing all day because you didn’t dress for the AC. You’re pretty much screwed no matter how you dress, but these tips should help a little. I’m also not even going to try to sell that any better…betches love to complain so being a little bit uncomfortable with the temperature is sometimes kind of fun.
1. Wear Linen Pants
Wearing linen in the summer to stay cool when you have to cover up is like, the oldest trick in the book. It’s probably why linen even exists in the first place. The trick with wearing linen is to look for it in trendy silhouettes, or else you’ll end up looking like Barbara Streisand in Meet the Fockers or a recently divorced woman who decided to take a year off and do the whole Eat, Pray Love thing. These linen joggers from the Gap are actually super versatile and go with pretty much any kind of shoe you can imagine. (I have a black pair that I’ve already worn like a million times and I usually hate being an outfit repeater.) Plus, they’re available in tall and petite lengths.
GAP cotton-linen utility joggers
2. Switch Denim For Chambray
If you work in an office with a dress code that allows you to wear jeans, try picking up a pair of these chambray pants by Seafolly instead. It’s basically the same look, but chambray is much more lightweight than denim. If you work in an office that forbids jeans, slip a Xanax into your boss’s coffee and tell her to chill the fuck out.
Seafolly chambray beach pant
3. Throw A Sweater Over Your Dress
Every stupid “how to transition your wardrobe” guide that comes out every season of every year tells you to wear a sweater with a dress, so like, I’m sorry about this. It’s pretty much the shittiest advice ever because 90% of the time, you’re going to end up looking like Taylor Swift. To make this look acceptable, ditch the floral sundress and go for something cool that you can wear to happy hour after, like this slip dress from Topshop. Don’t try to get cutesy with the shoes, either. Like, T. Swift would def wear Keds or some shit, so…don’t. Also, make sure to lint roll the cat hair off your sweater first.
P.S. If you’re like a “fashion risk taker” and/or have a secret Tumblr page filled with photos of Kate Moss and Winona Ryder in the 90s, wear the sweater under the slip dress.
Topshop asymmetric hem slip dress
4. Dress Like A Frat Boy
LOL, jk, I’d rather die. You could not pay me to wear Vineyard Vines. However, if you work in an office where you have to wear a suit, listen to the advice I already gave you and wear linen. Obv, most of the linen suiting in this world is fugly and will make you look like your idea of fun is blacking out while playing lawn games with freshman girls. Zara usually has some decent clothes for profesh betches, like this linen blazer, so maybe you check them out.
Zara linen blazer
Or you can try Sears.
5. Wear Cotton
Cotton is another really breathable material, so anything that’s totally made from it should help save you from being known as the sweaty girl at work. (Every office has one and if you think yours doesn’t…it’s you.) You’ve probably seen those ads on TV that are as annoying as a triple text, but The Fabric of Our Lives is actually pretty helpful because it pulls cotton products from all different kinds of stores into one searchable spot. However, even if it’s a fast way to shop a bunch of brands at once, the database probably isn’t updated super frequently, so occasionally, the listed products are sold out. Such a pain in the ass.
But yeah, apparently this Sanctuary bomber is cotton, so you can use it to layer when some asshole cranks up the AC. Also, shoutout to bomber jackets for still being relevant after Forever 21 almost killed them off.
Sanctuary pilot bomber
6. Wear A Longline Cardigan
Longline cardigans are probably the summeriest cardigans in the game, so this metallic version from Nasty Gal is a good layering tool to have. It’s kind of the same idea as the “beach sweater” you convinced your mom you’d need from Abercrombie in middle school, except now you have an actual purpose for it.
Nastygal Something Extra metallic longline cardigan