If there’s any television character whose wardrobe can totally stand the rest of time, it’s Rachel Green from Friends. I mean, that’s probably because she’s played by Jennifer Aniston, who is totally the most perfect human in the history of mankind (aside from Beyoncé, don’t kill me, Amen). Betches all over the world have been trying to emulate Jen’s style since 1994, and that’s probably never going to change. Here are five of Rachel’s iconic outfits you can totally steal in 2018.
1. Not-So Slutty School Girl
This Rach look is the perfect inspo for when you desperately need to switch up your winter wardrobe. Pair a simple, thin turtleneck with a plaid skirt, which should be really easy because plaid skirts are totally having a moment right now. ASOS has like, a million variations of plaid skirts, so it’s up to you how 90s-inspired you want to get with this look. If you want to stick with something classic, try something pleated. If you’d rather wear something that screams 2018, try a wrap skirt. And of course, if you’re looking for something risqué but not too obviously thirst-trappy for your next Tinder pic, go for a skirt that screams “I’m def not wearing underwear with this.”
2. 90s Flamenca Girl Emoji
If you’re trying to pull off a red mini dress with a straight neckline and spaghetti straps, make sure to look for one that’s definitely fitted, but not like, a skin tight bodycon dress. We’re going for Rachel Green here, not a pre-sex tape Kim Kardashian. Oh, and here’s a gold choker that’s as close to Rachel’s as you’re going to get without a time machine and her dad’s credit card.
Vintage Levi’s are one of the most foolproof ways to channel your inner Rachel Green. However, vintage Levi’s are usually at least twice the price of regular Levi’s, and three times as likely to have been worn by someone who did some questionable shit in the 90s. Plus, these new Levi’s are made with stretchy material, so you can actually sit down and eat Chipotle in them. I know, I know. I’m solving all of the world’s most pressing issues here. You’re so welcome. Pair with a plain top and a matching scrunchie if you want to look cute enough to pull Joey Tribbiani.
4. 90s Farmer Chic
Overalls are so 90s. In the same way that high school kids are going to wear neon off-the-shoulder tops to 80s day during spirit week for the rest of eternity, people are going to be rocking overalls to 90s themed events. From personal experience, I can tell you that a pair of slightly loose (not baggy or skin tight) overall shorts probably do not exist. I’ve tried on like, a million pairs, and after looking ridiculous in every single one, I’ve come to the conclusion that buying a pair of traditional overalls and cutting them yourself is the best move. That’s probably what Rachel (aka the Friends wardrobe intern) did, anyway. For this look, Rachel chose to throw on some sort of button down shirt-jacket hybrid that could only be pulled off by a TV character played by Jennifer Aniston. I wouldn’t advise buying one of these because it’s actually pretty fugly. Just like, raid your dad’s closet next time you go home, or something.
Item to buy: Cheap Monday 90s Style Overall
5. Central Perk Barista
When Friends hit Netflix a few years ago and people started bingeing it from start to finish instead of having to wait for weekly episodes like fucking cavemen, someone noticed that Rachel is actually wearing a uniform in the early seasons of the show when she’s working at Central Perk. The uniform is a denim top with black bottoms, which is super easy to recreate. Just pair an oversized denim shirt with a white lace bralette and a classic black skirt.
When in doubt, just remember that Rachel’s style is classic and pretty basic. Stick to brands that were big in the 90s, like Calvin Klein, Tommy Hilfiger, and Ralph Lauren, or brands that basically live to rip off those styles, like Brandy Melville and Urban Outfitters.
So I know this response piece is about 13 years too late (God, we are old), but the internet wasn’t really big then and I’ve just finished watching Friends the second time through and I just have a lot of feelings. I know I’m about to lose a significant number of friendships and Betches may lose half its followers, but I’ll be damned if I let my better judgment stop me. I know Rachel and Ross is like, one of the most iconic TV romances of the 90s—possibly of all time—and it probably inspired your future wedding Pinterest board, but I don’t care. Rachel should not have gotten off that plane on the finale of Friends, and I’m not afraid to say it.
Rachel was offered her dream job working for Louis Vuitton in Paris, an opportunity that probably comes once in a lifetime. Now, maybe this is just because I’m dead inside, but there is no man on this Earth—except possibly Future—that I would give up my dream job for. And actually, Future definitely makes enough money to fly back and forth from Paris regularly, so I will amend my previous statement to say that NO man is worth giving up my dream job. As bae himself would say, chase a check, never chase a bitch. And we all know that Ross is Rachel’s bitch, so no, the statement applies as written.
And the same should apply for Rachel. Rachel, despite being spoiled and a daddy’s girl, admittedly hustled her way from shitty coffee shop employee to assistant at Fortunata Fashions to personal shopper at Bloomingdale’s to buyer and personal shopper at Bloomingdale’s to executive at Ralph Lauren. She went through a lot of shit, from serving coffee to her old-ass boss to dealing with Joanna’s crazy, insecure ass (may she rest in peace). She may have been kind of whiny and annoying, and was a bougie-ass ho, but she definitely earned that killer job at LV. And she should not have given up everything she worked so hard for to go back to a job she hated, a job where she’d advanced as far as she could, a job that ALREADY FIRED HER ONCE and didn’t even want to take her back. And all that for some nerdy paleontologist who thinks sushi gives you mind control powers (I wish).
Like, Ross is cool and all, but he’s not “fuck up your life” cool. Plus, what does that say about how much he supposedly loves Rachel if he’s not even willing to meet her in Paris? I mean, he’s been working his dream job for all 10 seasons, how about some compromise?
What really should have happened is Ross should have gotten his shit together, applied for some jobs, and joined Rachel in Paris when he had an offer lined up and ready to go. “But what about Ben?” you say. “He couldn’t just leave his son behind in the U.S.” you say. Okay, so, two things: One, where the hell was Ben all last season of Friends? No, seriously. Was that kid still alive? He is only mentioned in the first part of the last episode and his last physical appearance is in season 8 (“The One Where Joey Dates Rachel”, in case you’re interested—and yeah, I looked it up so try me). Ross never even sees this kid. For all we know, he doesn’t even have visitation rights anymore. Dark, I know, but someone’s got to say it.
Two, what about Emma? She’s Ross’s kid too. Why is it okay for him to leave Emma behind but not Ben? Ben has two moms to take care of him—and he’s like, what, 8 or 9 at this point? He’s good. Rachel, meanwhile, is about to be raising a baby all by herself in a foreign country. If anyone could use Ross’s presence and support, isn’t it Emma?
“But what about true love?” you say. “Doesn’t love conquer all?” you say. “Rachel and Ross are ~meant to be~,” you say, somehow inserting tildes into speech. Yes, let’s talk about ~true love~. Rachel and Ross have dated and have this huge history—they were even fucking married, FFS—but how does the moment Rachel realizes she’s still in love with Ross go down? LET’S ROLL THE TAPE.
“I still have feelings for Ross but feelings don’t mean love. I have feelings for Ross. I have continuing feelings of love, but that doesn’t mean that I’m still in love with him. I have sexual feelings but I do love him… *gasp* Oh my god! Why didn’t you tell me?!”
Like, come on you guys. We all know this is bullshit. You can lie to your friends about your feelings, but you can’t lie to yourself. You can be in denial, you can not want to admit it to yourself, but you yourself not even knowing you’re in love with someone is not a thing. It just isn’t. So how ~real~ is this love really? I’ll leave that to you to decide while I go into the Witness Protection Program.
At the end of the day, there are plenty of fish in the sea—Rachel of all people should know this. Rachel is hot. She would have done fine for herself in Paris. But okay, even if she and Ross are “soul mates” (gag), she should NOT have fucked herself over, ghosted on her dream job in a super unprofessional way and totally burned all her bridges with Louis Vuitton (a very dumb move for someone who wants to work in fashion and now has a baby to support), and gotten off that plane for him. She should have flown to Paris, called Ross from some café, face-first in a croissant, and told him to get his ass on the next flight to Charles de Gaulle. Does that make for good TV? Absolutely not. But I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t low-key disappointed when she got off that plane. Phalanges be damned.
Before Edward Cullen assaulted our eyes with his pasty AF skin, there was Buffy the vampire slayer. Real talk though: Edward better count his fucking blessings that Buffy had better things to do with her time, like stop the apocalypse every five fucking minutes, otherwise you know she would have staked his hipster ass the first chance she got. Can you imagine a world without Edward whining to Bella about all the ways in which he didn’t want to
fuck love her? What a world that would be. Sighs. ANYWAYS, apparently it’s been 20 years since Buffy The Vampire Slayer first aired and I suddenly feel the need to start drinking during lunch because Jesus Christ we’re ancient.
If you’ll remember, this was the show that gave us the best one-liners to fire back at our mothers with when they were being like, sooo embarrassing. It also was the root of our desire to wear red leather and platform sneakers. But most importantly, it gave us the only question to ask if you really wanted to know someone: Are you Team Angel or Team Spike? But because I don’t want to
make someone cry get into this with people on social media, I won’t start this debate now. *Cough* Team Angel *Cough*
From her fashion choices to the way she got every hot AF immortal badass to profess their undying love for her, it’s clear that Buffy was a betch. So in honor of the series’ 20th anniversary, here are 10 reasons why Buffy was a true chosen betch.
1. She knew from a very early age that she was low-key better than everyone else around her and she wasn’t afraid to
brag talk about it.
Me when a guy on Tinder asks why I’m being such a bitch by not giving him my number.
2. And like every true betch she let her RBF do all the talking for her:
3. While other girls are getting ghosted by Bumble bros she had not one, but TWO guys willing to risk their literal souls for her love.
I’ll slow clap to that. Like, either of these guys could love me, leave me, and fuck me up emotionally and I would say “thanks for your time.”
4. And on that note, she had the original platinum vagine.
Sorry Corinne, but did your vagina ever cause someone to lose their soul/try and end the world and/or gain a soul/stop the end of the world? No? Then maybe you should think about re-branding those T-shirts…
5. She perfected the I DGAF attitude. Like, even though the apocalypse is coming she cannot even be bothered.
Me when everyone starts freaking out about an impending snowstorm.
6. She’s also, like, V uplifting.
Seriously, she should got into motivational speeches.
7. When her friends stepped out of line (which was always) and tried to pull something stupid shit like save the world or wear mom jeans with clear plastic inserts she’d be there to put them in their fucking place.
Words I whisper to myself every morning.
8. And she was ALWAYS having to save her friends from
getting blackout and taking home strangers vampire attacks.
9. She was full of
judgement insight into the human psyche.
That practically screams “Do not trust her. She’s a fugly slut.”
10. She died like, five times on the show and that still didn’t stop her from being the hottest cast member. And knowing it.
Tbh my only complaint is that she didn’t appreciate the true gift that was Anya.
Her appreciation for vengeance and sarcasm gives me the will to live. How can you not love this girl??
In conclusion, Buffy was one of the betchiest girls of the ’90s hands down. Now, if you need me, I’ll just be drinking like it’s 1997 again.