This year has been nothing short of Earth-shattering, and with good reason. The transits we experienced this year—most notably, Saturn (structure), Pluto (transformation) and Jupiter (expansion) consistently causing contention in Capricorn—were meant to shake us to our very core. Some might say this is uncomfortable. Others might say this is insane. And still, others might say, “give me a f*cking break already.” All of those people are me and my Gemini personalities.
But here’s some good news (cue John Krasinski direct-to-camera look). We’re moving into the Age of Aquarius! Saturn and Jupiter, huge ruling planets for us here on Earth, enter into Aquarius within days of each other this month—making way for their Great Conjunction on the winter solstice, Dec 21st. This massive energy will shift us into the concepts of innovation, connectivity, and welfare for the global community.
TL;DR: 2021 will be nothing short of revolutionary. Read on to see which area of your life will be destined for growth. Make sure to check both your Sun and your Rising signs* for the utmost accuracy.
*Your Sun sign is your fundamental identity. It points to your general personality, approach to life, interests, and how you shine.
*Your Rising sign (or Ascendant) represents how you show up and the direction in which you move through the world. This sign was on the horizon at the time of your birth and therefore sets up your entire chart (which is why accurate birth time is important). It’s arguably a more predictive way to determine what you’ll encounter and how you’ll meet it.
Aries
Your freedom will come from having absolutely zero limitations on how you’re connecting with the world. This could look like having a much larger purpose to influence great change. I sincerely doubt you’ve been waiting to get in the game, but this year will give you agency to take it global. This could look like getting involved through a non-profit or taking up more space on social media to advocate for something you’re passionate about. We’re all waiting to see what you’re going to start (no pressure).
Taurus
If 2020 taught you anything, it’s that you can navigate insecurity. You’ve also learned that life is a two-way street, meaning you don’t have to do everything yourself. Recognize where you’ve gotten through de-stabilizing times with a little help from your friends. Next year gives you a great opportunity to take calculated risks to advance your career. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. We’re all rooting for you.
Gemini
Exploration and communication of the themes that have come to light in the last year will be your goal in 2021. What ultimate truths have you learned? How can you integrate these into your life philosophy? How can you help others understand? The way you communicate these will be uniquely yours, Gemini. Our advice is to make these truths snackable and lighthearted, even if the subject matter is anything but. It’s show and tell time!
Cancer
You’ve certainly had time to be intimate with yourself in 2020. How many sex toys did you buy? Be honest. But in true Cancerian fashion, you likely were more concerned with finding intimacy in a partnership. This year will encourage you to focus on yourself in order to experience true breakthroughs. And no, I’m not just talking about orgasms, but I’m not not talking about orgasms.
Leo
You’ll experience serious potential for love and partnership next year, Leo. If you’re single, make sure you’re intentionally manifesting your “perfect” partner. And simply saying “I’m manifesting a partner” will not cut it. Visualize the feeling of being with someone, take note, and then ask the universe for some help on the delivery. If you’re in a committed relationship, you’ll experience power-couple vibes. Hello, Bey and Jay.
Virgo
Personal revolution is happening for Virgos in the house of your rulership (6th house) which means you’re receiving double-down energy. This would be the year to feel completely supported in focusing on your health and routines, getting your edge through the use of technology. Oh, and domestic matters will be your bitch, too. So hey, if you’ve been thinking about buying a Peloton, this is your sign. (No, they didn’t pay me to say that.)
Libra
F*ck the establishment, Libra! 2021 has you feeling all sorts of brave, playful and yes, maybe a little rebellious. Will this shock the people around you, since you of all people like to color inside the lines? Sure. Does that really matter? Not in the least. Give yourself permission to take the spotlight, or at least the ring light, and do what makes you happy.
Scorpio
Mastering family life and maternal instincts will be on your radar next year, Scorpio. This could look like establishing the house rules for everyone in your domain or simply establishing how you’d like your own chosen family to run. Remember that the very nature of family means it’s more of a democracy than a dictatorship, so try your best to be firm, yet accommodating on the issues you could care less about, like where you put the TV. You can’t make every hill the one you’re willing to die on.
Sagittarius
You normally travel the world for inspiration, but this year you’ll be called to learn from your immediate environment, your neighborhood, or simply your closest friends and family. Your new approach will have a well-spring of creative ideas percolating for you all year, and you’ll want to talk to your newfound teachers about them. Take that airplane out of your Instagram bio once and for all, and make an impact in your neighborhood instead, Sagittarius.
Capricorn
Listen closely, because this one is def going to be music to your ears, Capricorn. Next year holds major earning potential for you. (I can literally hear a collective YES!) All the work you’ve put into your craft will certainly pay off next year, so enjoy watching the stacks rise. That said, try bringing something back into the fold that you scrapped this year for lack of time or expertise. You’ll have more resources to revive it this year.
Aquarius
It’s your time, Aquarius. You’re THE most equipped for this new age we’re entering, so don’t be surprised if you feel the intrinsic need to step out and lead this revolution. Everyone is catching up to your line of thinking, but we do actually need you to be constantly innovating and moving the needle forward. Your gut will rarely be wrong—just go with it and don’t second-guess it.
Pisces
Bless my Pisces, always ready to be everywhere and nowhere at the same time. Next year will have you fully embracing who you are, the magical mystery tour that is life. Walk into the unknown the same way most of us walk into Target: willfully blissful and leaving with so much more than we intended to. (Also, not sponsored.)
Images: Kwangmoozaa / Shutterstock; Giphy (12)
Let’s just say it: this year was interesting. And it’s not over yet, folks! The end of the year 2020 has several major astrological events in store that could make things even crazier than they’ve already been, which is really saying something. This is a time where we may all be feeling an intense urge to get out of the house, which might be a struggle due to **gestures broadly at everything**, but keeping close with your quarantine pod (whatever that means to you) is a must. In December, we’ll experience what astrologers call the “Great Jupiter-Saturn Conjunction” following the December solar eclipse. This could lead to “massive change on a global and personal level.” Awesome. We definitely haven’t had enough of that this year.
Aries
Good news, Aries! By the end of the year your ruling planet, Mars, will stop f*cking around in retrograde and get back into forward motion. If you’ve been struggling to advance professionally, you may see those roadblocks start to fade away (or low-key realize you’ve been causing them yourself). Keep your eyes on the prize and you might just be able to make the year 2020 work for you. And they said it couldn’t be done.
Between Jupiter and Saturn’s cosmic hookup and Uranus hanging out in Taurus, be prepared for any repressed anger, hidden feelings, or things left unsaid to come exploding to the surface. You always knew you’d eventually tell your roommate you f*cking hate the way she breathes.
Taurus
The healing journey that has been 2020 is almost over, but don’t let all the good work you’ve done on yourself go to waste. If Mars’ retrograding ass has brought up some difficult emotions, now is the perfect time to sort those out with a mental health professional, spiritual adviser, or friend who is just like, a really good listener. By working these feelings out now, you could put yourself on the path to letting them go forever, like the diamond earring Kim Kardashian lost in the sea.
Around the time of the of the eclipse, massive events in your surroundings will make you take a good look at yourself. Did you make the most of this year? What, if anything, did the global pandemic, sh*t show election, and general chaos teach you? The answer is probably something a little more big-picture than “higher alcohol tolerance,” though that is quite impressive.
Gemini
Get ready, Gemini, because a lunar eclipse and full moon in your sign at the end of November is about to shake sh*t up in basically every aspect of your life. At least you have warning. You may find the urge to make a radical change, and I’m not just talking about getting curtain bangs. In some part of your life, you will be losing the cocoon and and stepping into the world as a gorgeous butterfly. Oh, and you might wanna go ahead and delete the cocoon’s number. Just in case.
With all this change, don’t be surprised if you don’t reach a mini breaking point before the holidays as clashes between who you were and who you are are brought to the forefront. But hey, we all get to ruin at least one Christmas in our lives, right?
Cancer
Mars in retrograde has had you a little bit disconnected from your power, but with that ending on November 14th, it’s no more Mrs. Nice Bitch. You are reclaiming your time, your space, and your sweatshirt (which isn’t actually yours, but whatever). This passionate about-face will not be confined to just your public life, your *ahem* private life will be getting a little spicy too. Congrats to your partner and/or the member of your quarantine pod least likely to make it weird.
Here’s something everyone wants to hear: You might receive a financial windfall when Jupiter enters Aquarius on Saturday, December 19th. I would normally tell you to not spend it all in one place, but this year has been such trash that honestly, you should do whatever the hell you want with it. Might I suggest expensive foreign skin care products?
Leo
Now is the time for deepening and strengthening relationships, particularly the ones that made it through your whole “Mars is in retrograde” phase earlier this summer. (You know what I’m talking about. And if you don’t, they do.) Allow yourself to be wrong, to collaborate, and to cede space to a partner and you’ll be rewarded. Generosity will pay off big time during the Saturn-Jupiter conjunction, which is NBD because your sign is one of the most generous there is. Have you considered a getaway to a private island with your closest inner circle just to pretend everything is normal for a brief period in time?
This is a year of historical transformation, not just externally (we all know how things have changed there), but internally. Don’t be surprised if the end of the year sees you cutting ties or shedding aspects of life that don’t serve you. Your dog’s Instagram account can probably take a back seat.
Virgo
Money troubles? You’re not alone. (No literally, we’re in a recession.) Luckily, the wheel of fortune will turn back in your favor toward the end of the year. Until then it’ll be important to save a little extra, and stay home more. Luckily that pandemic kind of has that second part covered.
On the bright side, a romantic relationship will start feeling comfortable just in time for cozy (and cuffing) season. Ride out the rest of the year with Hallmark movies, cozy sweaters, crackling fireplaces, and waiting out the ‘rona.
Libra
This year could see you catching feelings hard, either for someone you already are in a relationship with, but you forgot you liked so much, or a totally new (recently COVID tested) stranger who slides into your DMs to sweep you off your feet. Either way, you could find yourself cuffed up in time for the next lockdown—I mean, the holidays.
During Jupiter’s big mashup with Saturn, you might find yourself with a bout of good luck! Jealous. You’re waking up on the right side of the bed, your skin is moisturized, your manicure looks great, you are honestly crushing it. Too bad nobody will get to see it because we’ll all be trapped inside again—I mean, celebrating with our families.
Scorpio
You’ve been bumping up against the same issues over and over again this year, but astrological forces are in place for you to make a huge breakthrough. You just have to chill out, man. Think about it by *not* thinking about it. Tune in, drop out, etc. What I’m trying to say is, the solution will most likely present itself in a completely unexpected way, so the best thing to do is stay open-minded and save the brain space you were using up worrying about it to take up a new hobby or something. I hear knitting is nice?
Jupiter and Saturn’s “Great Conjunction” right around the holidays could bring you closer to a family member or help to resolve an old conflict. Actually *solving* family disputes over Thanksgiving dinner? 2020 truly is the strangest year of all.
Sagittarius
Take a look around you, Sagittarius. You might notice that you’ve been luckier this year than you think. After a year like this one, you’re over false modesty or self-deprecating humor, so don’t be surprised if you find yourself frequently wowed by the power of you. Next step: go full Spiderman and use your great power to take on a new great responsibility. (Like a puppy, or Invisalign!)
Any nostalgia you managed to drum up for 2020 will be completely over by the time of Jupiter and Saturn’s mashup, and you’re entering 2021 more clear-headed and focused than ever before. Spend the holidays getting grounded because once 2021 comes around, your life is about to pop off, vaccine be damned!
Capricorn
You’re not bossy, you’re the boss… except you actually are being kind of bossy. Mars’s end-of-year retrograde has put you in a bit of a mood, but you still have plenty of time to send everyone a thoughtfully worded text before any real bridges are burned. Just do it fast. And preferably not over Insta DM.
When Jupiter enters Aquarius on December 19th, you could have “financial blessings” coming your way, which is astro-speak for “cha-ching!” Whether this be an unexpected gift, a bonus at work, or another one of those checks from the government (please be this), definitely use some of that money to invest in your future. Like how Forrest Gump bought stock in Apple.
Aquarius
Not to freak you out, but the end of the year is *huge* for you Aquarius, so buckle up. Jupiter enters your sign on Saturday, December 19th and from the moment forward your life basically becomes Emily in Paris, without Paris or being able to leave the house. Random offers, invitations, business deals (not pyramid schemes), and general opportunities will start to come your way as work you’ve done in the past finally comes to fruition.
Then Jupiter conjuncts with Saturn on December 21st, signifying massive changes on a global level. Big picture thinkers will be needed, and luckily your sign will be right there to answer the call.
Pisces
We’re not gonna sugarcoat it, Pisces: this may not be the best time for you financially (beware people on Insta who want you to “collab” with them), but you’re still going to send 2020 off with a bang. And by that I mean you’re getting banged. The stars are aligned for a very sexy winter, and since everything else is looking dicey, you might wanna just focus on that instead.
The bad business fortunes will take a turn mid-December, at which point you may find yourself wanting to reevaluate your current “work from bed” situation since not a lot of work has been being accomplished. The end of 2021 brings big changes for everyone, so start reconnecting with the people most important to you now so you’ve got them on speed dial when aliens attack or whatever else the next year may bring.
Images: Giphy (12)
Who says steamy romance is just for the summer? This week, with Venus in fiery Leo and Mars linking up with its celestial partner in Aries, you can expect things to get hot. And don’t think it’s just limited to romance: this powerful trine has the ability to ignite just about every aspect of your life. Just so long as you don’t let all the attention go to your head.
Aries
You’ve never been afraid to speak your mind, Aries, so no need to start now. With Venus and Mars working together, now is the time for you to let someone special know how you really feel. That way you can finally get to the fun part of the relationship (aka them coming over and logging you in on all their parents’ fancy TV channels).
Taurus
Coupled-up bulls might feel the urge to change up the routine this week. Sure, you and your beloved have been spending every waking moment together, but how much of that is real quality time? Plan something nice to do together that’s not walking to the same little park you’ve been walking to every single day.
Gemini
Time to get your flirt on, Gemini! This week Venus and Mars are coming together to tell you to go for it. Send that risky text. Slide into that person’s DMs. And post your thirst traps with abandon. You can always delete the evidence at a later time.
Cancer
This week will bring some major clarity, in a good way, to one of your relationships. If things have seemed murky and you can’t quite remember what it is you like about this person, by the end of the week you should remember exactly what it is. (And yes, it’s okay if the answer is abs.)
Leo
With Venus in your sign and Mars in fellow fire sign Aries, you’re going to be what we in the biz call “a little extra” this week. You’re ordering Postmates with abandon. You’re wearing your most glam looks (even with nowhere to go), and you are absolutely going off in the group chat. Sorry to anyone who can’t handle it.
Virgo
The creative energy is flowing thanks to Venus and Mars this week, so what are you gonna do about it? If you’ve been feeling stuck in an aspect of your life, don’t be surprised if you find a burst of inspiration this week. You’ll be living your Carrie Bradshaw dreams in no time.
Libra
An old flame might try to pop back into your life this week, Libra. Mars in retrograde means that someone from your past could decide to attempt a repeat appearance, should you let them. Will you give in to temptation? Maybe. Will you text every detail to the group chat as it happens? Absolutely.
Scorpio
Cut your partner some slack this week, Scorpio, as Mars may have you itching for a fight. Yes, the way they texted “k” instead of “k!” was objectively rude, but as a wise woman once said, “Kim, there are people who are dying.” Spare yourself the drama.
Sagittarius
Time to put your money where your mouth is when it comes to your relationships, Sagittarius. Have you been being the best partner/friend/child/sibling/coworker you can be? Chances are, there’s someone in your life you’ve been slacking on. Pay them a little extra attention this week before you end up the next entry in their burn book.
Capricorn
This week you may be feeling the urge to get closer to someone in your life, with Venus and Mars pushing you toward close-knit domestic feelings. Just make sure you don’t try to manufacture the closeness with someone who doesn’t deserve to see you at your wifey-est. That’s for VIPs only.
Aquarius
This week has you looking on the bright side of life, Aquarius, no matter what the news and/or your sh*tty ex throws your way. You’re feeling good, and nobody can bring you down. In fact, you’re actually feeling *good* about the future of things. And they said in 2020 it couldn’t be done…
Pisces
A truth you’ve been trying to outrun will finally catch up with you this week, Pisces. Don’t let yourself compromise your core values just to avoid an awkward situation. Momentary awkwardness is better than actually agreeing to do another virtual escape room with your college dorm mates.
Images: Giphy (12)
Libra season is upon us, and for once that actually means good news. Fun, flirty Libra is here to let loose after Virgo got your sh*t together, and now it’s time to balance things out and have a little fun. Now is a perfect time to experiment with your look (who will see it anyway?), send some risky sexts, and open yourself up to new things. Who knew you could actually feel *good* in 2020?
Aries
Libra season is gonna be huge for you, Aries. Your natural gifts will bring easy rewards, but the challenge will be turning off your competitive nature for a sec to enjoy it. Yeah, it can be lonely at the top, but it doesn’t have to be if you remember all the people who helped along the way. Like the friends who answered your texts when you had an existential crisis at 2am. Every night. For three weeks.
Taurus
Are you spending hours trying to solve all the world’s problems? Same girl, same. This week, give your mind a break from constantly turning and let yourself do something truly dumb, like a crappy reality tv marathon, or texting an ex to see “how they’re holding up.” That should occupy you for a few hours. Or days…
Gemini
As Eliza said to Hamilton, take a break, Gemini. You’ve been exhausting yourself trying to keep up but like…what’s even the point? This week, give yourself some time to truly kick it. I’m talking face masks, bubble baths, and leaving your phone on do not disturb. The group chat can wait until tomorrow (unless you remember a funny meme you forgot to send, which does count as an emergency).
Cancer
Cancer mad!!! This week, you might find yourself angry at those closest to you for reasons that range from “legitimate grievance” to “they won’t stop existing near me.” Breathe. Use some of Libra’s diplomatic energy to talk yourself down before you end up blowing up your quarantine pod over an ill-timed “kk” in the group chat. It’s not worth it (though we all know that sh*t is passive aggressive).
Leo
Libra brings a softness to everything, including you Leo. Let yourself be vulnerable this week. If this were 2003, I’d tell you to set some song lyrics as your away message and blast Something Corporate until your mom asks you what’s wrong, but the year is 2020, and so i’ll just tell you to talk to your friends about your feelings instead. It’s less dramatic, but it works.
Virgo
Handing your season over to Libra might feel difficult (how will things ever get done?!?), but use this as an opportunity to bring more balance to your life. If you’ve been racing to get sh*t done for weeks, that means it’s time to slow it down. Not every second of the day needs to be scheduled, thought through, and planned.
Libra
Welcome to your season, and it couldn’t have come soon enough. Your sign is all about justice and in case you haven’t noticed… we’re in need of it. Use the energy you get from having the Sun in your sign to make a difference. Register voters, volunteer in the election, or find some other way to give back to your community. At the very least, it’ll take your mind off the end of the world for a sec.
Scorpio
You may be feeling a bit out of control lately, so it’s time to pull it back. Resist the urge to dive headfirst into some new thing and focus on the things you already have going on. Like that pile of clothes that has been growing in the corner of your room since April. It’s starting to develop a mind of its own.
Sagittarius
The chaos of the world has been weighing on you lately. This week it’s important for you to find a way to unwind. And that probably begins with turning off the news for a couple of hours. The Betches Sup Newsletter will catch you up with whatever you missed in the morning.
Capricorn
Open your mind, Capricorn! Libra season is the perfect time for you to let some new ideas bounce around in that brain of yours. Hard to believe, but you don’t actually know everything. Open yourself up to the possibility of learning something from others (and then they’ll probably be a lot nicer when you realize your way was better all along).
Aquarius
Your sign loves to look at the big picture, but unfortunately the big picture is literally on fire right now. Use Libra season as a chance to focus on small wins. You can’t stop climate change, end racism, and bring Ruth Bader Ginsburg back before November, but you can make your voting plan or volunteer to be a poll worker. Baby steps.
Pisces
Your job this week, Pisces: do nothing. Yep that’s right. The stars want you to put a pause on basically everything and just observe for a little while. Sometimes your split-second decision making can lead to less-than-desirable outcomes. Like the time you went home with that DJ in college.
Images: Giphy (12)
Cuffing season is always a stressful time of year when it comes to dating, but this year, it has a whole new vibe. Normally, we’d be looking for someone to snuggle up and binge-watch Netflix with, get us a holiday gift, and ultimately buy us dinner next Valentine’s Day. But the dating game has different rules in 2020, and whoever you cuff this year might end up never leaving your apartment. Literally. So we have to choose wisely.
To handle the added uncertainty that is 2020, we’re pulling out the big guns of prediction: Astrology AND Tarot. Both are impactful for predicting energy patterns, and they’re even more powerful when used together. For this year’s cuffing season horoscopes, we’re including Astro-Tarot archetypes, and to get the full picture, you’ll want to check your sun, moon, and Venus signs. It sounds like a lot of work, but it’s worth it. Your sun sign is your basic identity—how most friends (and more importantly, people you’re newly dating) would describe you. The moon sign gives insight into how you’re feeling on a moment-to-moment basis, and how you show up in a committed relationship. And last but not least, your Venus sign represents how you fall in love, show love, and what you’re generally attracted to. So if you’re trying to make plans for cuffing season and ignoring your Venus sign, that’s a big f*cking mistake. Check all your signs, and let’s get into it.
Virgo
Venus moves into your sign early October, meaning you’ll be looking for something serious—f*ckboys need not apply. A strong but silent Water sign (King of Cups) will be in your orbit, and you should let yourself take on their emo vibes. If you’re in a relationship, hold that space for your partner’s feelings. As frustrating as it is for all the attention to be on someone else, it will pay off in the long run.
Libra
The sun is in your sign for most of October, giving you the boost you’ll need to attack this whole ~dating in a pandemic~ thing. An otherwise elusive Scorpio may catch your eye (Death), giving you the most sexual cuffing season of your goddamn life. Go off sis! If you find yourself feeling attached, embrace it. Put on your favorite sex playlist and clear your schedule—get ready to be reborn.
Scorpio
The sun enters your sign at the end of October, so give yourself time to make a wise selection. Emotional depth will certainly be needed for the cold winter months, so don’t text your ex you will want to couple up with a caring Water sign like yourself (Queen of Cups). To avoid drowning in a sea of emotions, though (as water signs tend to do), try to find a partner with a more balanced chart (i.e. including earth, fire, or air elements). If you’re worried about asking too many questions, the good news is that your ideal match is probably already on Co-Star. If things go well, you’ll likely see the softer side of your partner pretty quickly.
Sagittarius
Your ruler of Jupiter will trine Venus mid-October. Translation: you’ll be feeling yourself. That means it’ll be the perfect time to showcase your natural charm and lock down a cuffing season relationship. The problem is, you’re f*cking magnetic (Wheel of Fortune) right now, and things might spin out of control. You might find yourself drinking too much, eating too much, and ultimately spending too much. It’ll be a lot of fun, but you might want to rein it in (or don’t). It’s 2020, who cares?
Capricorn
You’re pretty comfortable alone, which is why it will be surprising to most when you you are overcome with passion this cuffing season (Queen of Wands). With this type of magnetism going on, you could easily be attracted to someone who’s not your usual type, so keep an open mind. Start off with a zoom date and prepare to be swept off your feet (or, probably more accurately, desk). If you’re already in a relationship, your partner will enjoy your spontaneous romantic side.
Aquarius
Venus in practical Virgo has you thinking: if it’s not perfect, I’m not interested. And you know what? That’s okay. Wait for Venus to move into harmonious Libra at the end of October, and the desirable matches will start flooding in. If currently cuffed, your partner may notice a more practical, self-actualizing streak in you (The Hermit). This would be an ideal time to talk about the non-sexy stuff (finances, chores, etc.) It’s not fun, but you can’t avoid it forever.
Pisces
You want a partner you can dream with—someone who won’t make you feel weird for sleeping with socks on (or whatever your quirk may be). Life is a romantic comedy in your head, and it’s time to find someone with a matching energy (The Fool). You know you can be a lot, so try to work in a little bit of the aspirational talk to see who responds well and who rolls their eyes. Keep in mind, just because he’s hot doesn’t mean he’s right for you. If you’re coupled up, you may take a leap of faith with your partner.
Aries
Cuffing season has never really been your thing, but this year you’ve realized that making your house a home has more advantages than you realized (Queen of Pentacles). If you’re already coupled up, you’ll be feeling more domestic than ever, but if you’re single, don’t stress. Your ruling planet will be in retrograde the first half of this season, so you’ll feel more comfortable taking a passive approach to dating. If it happens, it happens. For the first time in like, ever, this season is refreshing for you, so just enjoy the ride.
Taurus
Uranus is still in your sign, where it squares the sun in Scorpio on the last day of October. What does that mean? Big changes. I know any change bigger than subbing oat milk instead of almond is uncomfortable for you, but you’ll be meeting someone to help you through this period of flux. Be on the lookout for someone independent and strong, who has the potential to be a ride or die, bringing deep, passionate, and stable love. If attached, you and your partner may talk about buying assets together, like a house or a car, to go the distance (The Chariot). Look at you being an adult!
Gemini
Witty banter is the quickest way to your heart. A vibrant Air sign (Knight of Swords) will catch your fancy this season. Who better to make it through your Netflix list with? You’ll have some amazing conversations about a wide range of topics, but remember, you’re not creating a podcast with this person… this is supposed to be romance. Find an Air sign with some stability and emotional depth too (Water or Earth placements). If you’re partnered, play mind games, like puzzles and sh*t.
Cancer
Even after six months of quarantine, spending time at home is still exciting for you—you love making a home. But this cuffing season will hit different, because you’ve got motherhood on the brain (The Empress). If you’re already partnered up and this is realistic for you, get busy! If not, start thinking about future plans, and make sure you cover the future family convo pretty early in any new relationship. Obviously not on the first date, but you don’t want to waste too much time with someone who still thinks Saturdays are for the boys.
Leo
Alas, Leo season is gone, not to come back for a whole year. While the world has moved on, you need a partner who will still give you the attention you need. Try an eternal optimist, like a Pisces (Knight of Cups). They may or may not be who you would usually go for, but they’ll be able to bring your soul to a new level and help you stay positive about this sh*tty year. If you’re in a relationship, make sure to bring spirituality into your conversations this season, whatever that means to you.
Images: Giphy (12)
Mercury retrograde is officially over and it’s time to go deep with a new moon in Cancer. This watery, emotional energy is affecting everyone differently this week, but there’s one thing we can all count on: unexpectedly crying about an episode of a show you’ve seen one hundred times before. Sometimes the “Dinner Party” episode of The Office just hits different. You’ve been warned.
Aries
This Cancer new moon is shining a lunar light on your home life and finding it shady as f*ck. This week, issues on the home front come to the surface and basically demand to be dealt with. Whether it be a roommate who thinks doing the dishes means lightly splashing them with water or a neighbor who has taken up drumming in quarantine, it’s time to face the issue head-on. It might be awkward in the moment, but you’ll be happier when you’re eating off a clean dish in a quiet bedroom. We promise.
Taurus
Gemini
The new moon in Cancer is electrifying your house of work and finances, meaning that now is the perfect time for a fresh start in your career. I mean, 99.9% of all careers are in complete chaos right now, so why not throw out the script and try something new? Your intuition will serve you well here, so don’t resist the urge to change up your priorities. It’s probably right.
Cancer
The new moon is in your sign, Cancer, which can mean a new mission, if you choose to accept it. Keep an eye out for unusual or out-of-the-box opportunities that may present themselves this week, and definitely don’t tune out the voice in the back of your head pushing you to try new things. Unless it tells you to start a podcast. We’re good on those, actually.
Leo
The new moon in Cancer has you going deep, Leo, making this the perfect time to release some sh*t that is holding you back. Moving on is the name of the game this week, whether it be from a sh*tty job, a sh*tty friend, or a sh*tty ex. Basically, anything sh*tty that is keeping you from doing you has got to go. We’ve got enough to deal with with a global pandemic. No need to have a f*ckboy in the equation too.
Virgo
You usually prefer to fly solo (mostly because people can’t get on your level), but this week the new moon in Cancer has you feeling the collaborative vibes. And sure, “collaboration” has taken on a whole new meaning in 2020, but that doesn’t mean the art of teamwork is dead. This week, don’t shy away from asking for help on a project, or reaching out to someone you’ve always wanted to work with. They could end up being the Gayle to your Oprah (bc let’s face it…you’re obviously Oprah.)
Libra
You’re making money moves this week, Libra, unemployment crisis be damned! This is a great week for making decisions regarding your financial future, and for laying the ground work to your success. Allow your ambition to take the wheel this week and follow where it leads you. It could lay the groundwork to your future life as a billionaire mogul.
Scorpio
Your desire for a 2020 summer vacation will come roaring back this week, Scorpio, whether that is actually possible or not. God damn you, inner travel influencer! If a small local getaway is safely possible, pack a bag and get thee to a socially distant beachfront location. If it’s not (aka you live in any major American city), lean into the staycation lifestyle by taking a day off. Did you know you’re allowed to take a vacation day even if the “vacation” is day drinking margaritas in your living room? If you close your eyes, it’s almost like your trip to Ibiza wasn’t canceled. Almost.
Sagittarius
Summer 2020 has been intense for everyone, but no one so much as Sagittarius. You thrive on the fun-loving, fast-traveling, hot, hot, heat of summer so without that…yeah. You’re struggling. This week, Cancer lights up your eighth house of intimacy, meaning that your great summer adventure might finally present itself in the form of a relationship. Don’t ignore the people who pop into your life this week. They could be just the vacation you were looking for.
Capricorn
Pay attention to your ride or dies this week, Capricorn. With the new moon in your house of relationships, the people who show up for you now are the ones deserving of your time and energy. All the rest is just noise. And if that noise can’t even text back in a timely manner? It’s definitely time to delete and move on.
Aquarius
Some me time is in order, Aquarius. You’ve been holding down the fort for everyone in your life, but it’s time to give yourself a little TLC. The Cancer new moon is heightening your need for self-care, including but not limited to: long baths, decadent dinners, DIY face masks, and refusing to answer Rachel’s one hundredth text about how the pandemic is ruining her ability to tan and she doesn’t feel like herself when she’s not tan. You deserve the you time, and Rachel will be fine. Pale, but fine.
Pisces
Lights, camera, Pisces! This week the spotlight is all on you as the Cancer new moon chills in your glam fifth house. Sure, this could bring a little bit of an “all dressed up with nowhere to go” feeling, but hey, that’s what Instagram is for. Feel free to show off your glowing skin and good hair days with abandon on the ‘gram. If people really hate it they can mute you (just like you did to them.)
Images: Giphy (12)
What day is it? Will we ever go back to the office? When can I have brunch again? If I kill my husband, would I get away with it? All of these questions seem to linger as we enter week whatever of quarantine.
Thankfully, the planets and stars have heard our bored cries and want us to make the most of the weekend. Sure, we aren’t allowed to leave our homes and the government is ticketing people who do, but that’s no excuse not to have fun, right?! You can still have fun inside.
Aries
You’re gonna feel super ambitious this weekend, Aries, which is hilarious given the current living situation we’re all in. Make the most of it by tackling a DIY project you’ve been putting off. Or, the more adult thing to do: getting started on your taxes. On Sunday you’re going to feel somewhat stir crazy, so head outside for a jog, walk, or slow run around the ‘hood. Just don’t pet any dogs that aren’t yours or get within 6 feet of, well, anything.
Taurus
You’re going to want to let all that pent-up sexuality out this weekend, Taurus. If you’re quarantining with bae, turn up the romance on Friday night with some delicious local restaurant delivery and a good movie followed by some nice, slow, sexy time and continue it into Saturday morning. Sh*t, make some pancakes and hang out in your pajamas all day, too. If you’re single, try and channel that aggression into a sexy solo mission Friday night, then attack a creative project come morning.
Gemini
Friday night will be about you, and Saturday and Sunday will be about everyone else, Gemini. Use Friday night to take a good, hard look at how you’re handling the whole quarantine situation. Are you anxious? Stressed? Take a breath and take care of yourself with a bath, good book, great porn, home-cooked meal—whatever. Saturday and Sunday are all about harmony with the most important folks in your life, so call mom and dad, talk to your besties, and do your best to form actual connections with other people, even if it’s over FaceTime.
Cancer
Time to get selfish, Cancer. Honestly, though, you spend a lot of time taking care of everyone else, and this weekend needs to be about you. So whether you spend Friday night on your couch with your phone off, or Saturday eating half your quarantine snacks, or any part of the weekend crying over your quarantine 15, know that it’s important to make it all about you. And if you want to order a party pack of tacos from Taco Bell, just f*cking do it.
Leo
The Sagittarius moon is making your creative juices flow, so use the weekend to do something fun and artsy fartsy. Break out the watercolors or sketching pencils you haven’t used since 8th grade on Saturday, or express yourself through some culinary sh*t like a cake that requires more than two steps and didn’t come in a box.
Virgo
It’s all about being introspective this weekend, Virgo. It doesn’t mean you have to sit on the couch and think about your feelings through Saturday and Sunday, though. Try reading a book you ignored in high school or writing a stream of consciousness about your time in quarantine. Once you get sick of that, try having a long, hard think about what to have for dinner.
Libra
You’re going to feel the need for all kinds of communication throughout the weekend, Libra. This could be a great time to turn off Screen Time on your phone. It’ll just be embarrassing for you later. If you’re quarantined with your significant other, take the weekend to really, like, talk. Not so much about the ‘rona or our jackass president, but about your thoughts, feelings, and what you miss most about the old, normal world.
Scorpio
Friday’s moon is gonna have you feeling super confident, so make sure to update your dating profile and swipe until your fingers fly off. Get those sweet, sweet video dates, sis. Saturday you’ll want to take a look at your finances, which, in these scary times, definitely demand some attention. It’s not the best time to be ordering more loungewear, just saying.
Sagittarius
You’re going to be at your best all weekend, Sagittarius. Don’t let quarantine dull your sparkly personality. Host a group FaceTime happy hour with your besties on Friday night as an excuse to get trashed. On Saturday, head out on a long walk—like, three miles or more—to get the stank of being locked in an apartment for four days off of you. On Sunday, get a head start on a work project since your head will be in the game. Plus, it won’t hurt for your boss to see you take a little initiative.
Capricorn
You’re going to crave some alone time, Capricorn, and we’re in sort of the perfect situation for it. You’re so #blessed. In keeping with all things solitude, tell your quarantine buddy (if you have one) that you’re not talking to them for at least 24 hours. It’ll be super fun for everyone. Then. sleep in super late Saturday, order takeout and eat it in bed, and just generally lounge around. You live for this sh*t.
Aquarius
If we were allowed out, you’d be all over the social scene this weekend, Aquarius. Since we’re stuck in our current predicament, try a social distancing get-together (like yelling at each other from your fire escapes or driveways) on Friday or Saturday night. On Sunday, try video chatting with someone you don’t normally see, like a cousin that you always text or your DM bestie.
Pisces
The planets are pushing you to travel, Pisces. Since that’s not, uh, possible to do at the moment, maybe try going for a short drive around town or outside a bit. On Sunday, check in on your creative life and how you feel about that sh*t these days. Sure, dropping it all feels appealing, but it probably won’t pan out in the long run. Look for side gigs in your spare time, or start an Etsy store or something. You’ve got nothing to lose.
Images: Toa Heftiba / Unsplash; Giphy (12)
Welcome to April, where we don’t wear anything except loungewear, the sun stings our eyes, and drinking during work meetings has become the norm. What a time to be alive. Is there anyone out there honestly NOT feeling a deep, spiraling depression from this corona-quarantine situation? Does this mean we don’t have to get our summer bodies in order? That’d be a silver lining.
Anyway, the planets are not self-isolating and are demanding you make the best of the upcoming quarantine weekend. Shall we?
Aries
You’re itching to get creative this weekend, Aries, which is hilarious considering our current situation. In an effort to not go stir-crazy, get said creativity on by re-mixing an interesting recipe on Friday night for dinner. If you mess up, you can just order some delicious no-contact takeout. Sunday is all about rest and relaxation which, like, you’ve been doing all week. So I guess just do more of that.
Taurus
You may feel some tension on Friday and Saturday, Taurus. We could chalk it up to the planets being dicks, or we could chalk it up to being quarantined and not allowed human contact for weeks. It’s a toss up. Anyway, by Sunday morning you should be feeling a little more Polly Positive, so get some weird chores done around the house (or just make your bed) and you’ll feel somewhat accomplished.
Gemini
The moon in Leo wants you to learn and communicate this weekend, Gemini. Since human interaction is kind of off the table atm, we recommend an online class of your choosing. Learn about knife skills in the kitchen, how to solve murders, or how to cut your hair just like Joe Exotic. Saturday and Sunday are great for getting outside and keeping six feet between you and all other people while enjoying nature.
Cancer
Take a long, hard look at your material possessions, Cancer. It should be a relatively easy task, since you’ve been staring at and will be staring at the items in your home for at least another month. Get out a box on Saturday and collect all the clothes and shoes you’ve stopped wearing, knickknacks you don’t care about, cooking sets you don’t use, etc. and stow them away for when you’re allowed out of the house to donate again. Then reward yourself with wine and vodka.
Leo
You’re feeling cheerful af, Leo, so you may as well spread it around. Call up your parents, FaceTime your besties, and post some cutesy Instas to spread the positivity without spreading the corona. Saturday night is great for coming back to you, snuggling up with a book, and not watching the news.
Virgo
Step away from the craziness, Virgo. Whether you’ve been home quarantined or deemed essential and are in the workforce, take the weekend to breathe and relax. Don’t watch the news. Make a cake for yourself. Do that project you’ve been putting off. Call your mom. On Sunday, take your solitude outdoors and walk a nature trail before heading home and eating tacos or something comforting.
Libra
Connect with your SO this weekend, Libra, even if working from home with them has driven you up a f*cking wall. The moon in Virgo on Saturday makes you want to sleep in, snuggle, and let everyone around you know how much you appreciate them. These days, when the world feels like a movie, it’s important to pay it forward and make sure others feel as loved as you want to.
Scorpio
Work is really starting to piss you off, Scorpio. If you’re stuck working from home, use Friday night to power down your laptop and hide it so you aren’t at all tempted to check work emails this weekend. The best thing to do Saturday is to refuse to dedicate literally any time (or headspace) to work whatsoever. I promise it’ll be there when you get back on Monday. Use your weekend instead to write a sad haiku about isolation or try to binge watch all of Tiger King if you haven’t already.
Sagittarius
The planets want you to try something completely new and weird this weekend, Sagittarius. We recommend hosting a wine chugging contest from your apartment balcony with your neighbors scattered around. It’ll be a great opportunity to get to know people at a safe distance. On Sunday, you can nurse your hangover by supporting a local restaurant via delivery.
Capricorn
Time to look at your finances, Capricorn. It’s a great time to make sure you have a safety net that isn’t mommy and daddy, since you’re like, an adult now. If you’re laid off thanks to #corona, make sure you’re set up with unemployment and taking count of all your money. Don’t buy stupid sh*t on Saturday no matter how great Madewell’s sales seem. If you have joint accounts with an SO, make sure they’re not spending unnecessary dollars on sh*t like Taco Bell, video games, or J.Crew sweaters. We only need loungewear going forward.
Aquarius
Time for some sexy sex, Aquarius. Friday night you should set the mood with some candles, pizza, and your nice loungewear—not the bathrobe with the coffee stains on it. Saturday should be spent in bed with romcoms and little to no clothing while you do all the weird sh*t you’ve always wanted to with your partner. It isn’t so much about feelings this weekend as it is just getting freaky.
Pisces
Be careful about giving out personal info this weekend, Pisces. We know quarantine is a desperate place to be, but be wary of strangers stealing your info or people taking advantage of these scary times. Limit the online shopping for that reason, and use Friday night to catch up on some true crime docs before jumping headfirst into nature on Saturday a la a walk around your neighborhood.
Images: Maxwell Nelson/Unsplash; Giphy (12)
