2020 fashion seems to be one big mashup of years past, and I mean, who can really blame us? This year is nightmare fuel, to put it nicely, and I for one am here for the return of most of the 2000s trends that have come creeping back into our lives. The 2000s were an easier time, you know? Where your biggest stress was which CD you were going to purchase from FYE (My Chemical Romance for me, always) or if the cute
salesperson model in front of Abercrombie was going to notice you. Like I said, easier times.
So let me take you down memory lane, 2020 reboot style, with the best and worst 2000s trends to return this year.
I’m just going to start here with velour, because it feels really relevant to current times, and I am absolutely on board with this comeback. Obviously, we’re in a time where comfy clothes have never been more relevant, and it feels like the perfect opportunity for velour tracksuits to be a thing again. If you haven’t been on social media in the past few weeks, Kim Kardashian’s SKIMS dropped a collaboration with the president of velour sets, none other than Paris Hilton. That’s hot. I’m going to be honest, I bought a set myself after telling everyone around me how I couldn’t wait for the affordable Target knock-off to launch. I simply had no self control, and I am not even sure why. Let us pray that $80 sweatpants are in fact worth it.
Juicy Couture’s Limited-Edition 25th Anniversary Collection in partnership with New York City Alliance
On the topic of overpriced velour sets, we also have the comeback of the absolute OG velour sweatsuit brand, Juicy Couture. Personally, I am not ready to see “JUICY” slapped across the behind of my peers, but like, I’m still glad the brand is back and thriving. The brand is actually now celebrating its 25th year, to make you feel super f*cking old, and announced a bunch of new collabs, so it’s going to feel like middle school all over again with everyone you know sporting a Juicy tracksuit. That being said, Juicy obviously has a place in the best comebacks category, because I dare not disrespect a brand that influenced a generation of fabulous middle schoolers.
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At this point, there’s not much to say about tie-dye, except that it was the biggest trend of 2020. It was like a summer camp in every person on the planet’s living room, tie-dying anything we could get our hands on. Eventually we all gave up and brands like BrownDyedGirl (who I found from Hannah B. Who even am I anymore?) came to our rescue bringing tie-dye sets to our doorsteps without the hassle of actually hand-dying pieces. I’m putting this in the best category for a few reasons. It hits all the Cs: cute, comfortable, cozy, casual, classic. If I’m being real, I’m not sure how long this trend will actually last, but for 2020 it has served its purpose.
Everyone who was someone rocked color-tinted sunglasses in the 2000s, and when they came back to life I was all in. Now, disclaimer, I literally look like Mrs. Potato Head in ALL sunglasses, but that simply did not stop me from hopping on the bandwagon. The pastel colors hit different and make me feel like a pop star. I shamelessly bought a pair from Vogue Eyewear (taking Watermelon Sugar to new levels here). I hope to see this trend live on for a few years, but if not, I’m glad it had its comeback moment.
I mean… come on. These things are so convenient. When I was younger I freakin’ LOVED press-on nails and my mom thought I was pure trash. Now we’ve upgraded from the CVS claws to brands that actually are custom printed to fit your nail, and I really think this is the hack that we all need. I personally have been using ManiMe as my go-to, but there are multiple brands with similar concepts that are doing it right. This is great for my people who are feeling lazy, and also great for those not comfortable and ready to go back to a nail salon.
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In 2020, glasses chains DID make a comeback, and it was a chic one at that. Early 2000s glasses chains were strictly for grandmothers who lost their reading glasses if they weren’t literally tied around their neck, but 2020 glasses chains were a cute accessory just because. It also influenced a much bigger and more important trend, the mask chain. The first time I saw a mask chain was on Lara Eurdolian’s Instagram (@prettyconnected), and then I blinked and everyone had one. They’re convenient for the same reason a glasses chain would be, but also spruce up your mask in the most needed way. If you told me in January that this would be the best accessory of 2020 I’d laugh, but here we are… and that’s on pandemic fashion.
2000s vest fashion consisted of diamond checkered sweater vests that could only be rocked by Avril Lavigne. If said vests returned in the same style, this would be at the top of my “worst” list, but now they’ve come back in a cute and fun way, and I’m obsessed. The oversized sweater vest and button-up shirt dress combo is currently the vibe I’m enjoying, and if there wasn’t a pandemic, you bet I’d be seeking fall activities weekly to rock this look. Instead, I’ll be ordering this outfit and asking my mom to snap a pic of me in the yard, because that’s 2020 in a nutshell.
Flavored Lip Balm
If you didn’t have EVERY flavored Lip Smacker balm, were you even alive in the 2000s? I don’t even recall if these actually hydrated your lips or just made them more chapped, but I do know that the sweeter the smell, the happier I was. While I would not opt for an actual Lip Smacker in 2020, I have noticed the rise of candy flavored lip products returning. My personal favorite is the Laneige Lip Mask, because it makes my lips feel super hydrated for long periods of time and the flavors are real good. Sweet Candy, Gummy Bear, and Vanilla are my top three, but really they’re all delicious. As someone whose lips are literally always chapped (no amount of water can save me, I’ve tried), this is a trend I am here for today and every day.
#WinterIsComing and as someone who is ALWAYS cold, this is the type of sweater that never left my closet. That being said, I am well aware that a furry fluffy sweater hasn’t always remained on trend, but this year, they’re back. I picture a young Mary-Kate and/or Ashley rocking this with some pigtails, and that is the energy I am trying to bring back this winter. This sweater in particular is from Tobi (calling all my sorority girls), but it’s safe to assume you can find this staple at any store.
Honorable Mention goes to G-Shock. I NEVER saw this comeback coming, but given the fact that these watches fashionable now must be acknowledged. What’s next, Etnies?
Visible G String
I don’t think I have to go too deep into an explanation as to why this trend is falling under my worst comebacks. The first time this trend existed, I was seven years old, so I didn’t really understand it. Now, I am 27 years old and still don’t really understand it. The wedgie-but-make-it-fashion look is not for me, and while it might be done tastefully by Hailey Bieber and Kim Kardashian, it most certainly does not suit the average human.
I’m kind of torn on this one, so don’t hate me for putting it in the worst comeback category. That being said, I need to be a little realistic here. Butterfly clips were cute AF when we were young, but they were never practical. They never actually held my hair back (granted I have frizzy, curly hair that pre-heat iron days could literally not be tamed) but even worse, the fancy ones would get tangled and lost in my lion’s mane and hurt. Now, seeing adults wear them in 2020, I am just wondering… why? Is it for the looks? Is it to test your detangling skills? Again, I see this trend fizzling out quickly, but if you can rock it and make them look as chic as above—all the power to you.
Low Rise Jeans
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Not much to say here. I thought low rise jeans were dead and gone, and I was happy about that. Low rise jeans flatter no one, and I thought we all accepted that we just don’t need our jeans to expose our pubic bones? I’m just not here for it. So yeah, let’s keep these bad boys in the past, please and thank you.
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So let me start this bit by saying I myself currently am rocking a money piece, and a thick one at that. But, I am well aware that this trend will be over in no time, and I’ll look back and wonder wtf I was thinking. I have physical reactions to how strongly I dislike chunky highlights, so I assume my views will be similar in a few months. I do think they are cute and fun at the moment (when done correctly), but the upkeep sucks, and when the roots start creeping in it goes from funky to disaster real quick. Let’s mark this under “worst comebacks that I am currently enjoying but can still acknowledge are the worst.”
And there you have it sk8er bois and girls. 2020 has been a fun blast from the past (even the roaring 20s are making an appearance!!!) but the trends remain sharper than ever.
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Images: Jun Sato/ WireImage; Provided by Tobi; GIPHY; SKIMS, Juicy Couture, BrownDyedGirl, DoYouLoveThe2000s, ManiMe.Co, PrettyConnected, TheFrankieShop, Laneige, G Shock, NewBalanceLifestyle, Bella Hadid, Brittany Xavier / Instagram
Congrats team, we’ve officially (almost) completed a full decade… WOW. Hard to think about the fact that I started this decade as a naive high school junior with jet black hair, an unreasonably orange tan, and a wardrobe complete with Ed Hardy graphic tees. Oh, how far I’ve come! I can speak for us all when I say that we have all have changed significantly over the past ten years, as we should. And, just as we have all changed, fashion too has evolved (for better and for worse). Like, who back in 2010 could have predicted that in 2019 we’d all be wearing baggy sweats with crop tops and dad sneakers because Kim Kardashian West (a future lawyer) made it cool to do so? Trends are a weird thing and, of course, we’ve seen some terrible ones over this past decade. So now let’s all try to contain our cringe sweats as we dive into the worst fashion trends from each year of this decade, and try to forget that we voluntarily chose to participate in these hideous trends.
Chico’s Pull-On Jeggings
What better way to kick off the worst trends of the decade than with jeggings! Oh, jeggings the true star of infomercials, weekend-deal-buster department store ads, and closet staple of all of the trashiest girls from your high school. No matter how hard anyone tried to “elevate” the jegging, it just simply couldn’t be done. At the end of the day, it was always still a legging-jean hybrid, two things that we should never have tried to mix. And thus, forever a great fashion tragedy.
2011: Toning Sneakers
Skechers Shape-ups 2.0
Toning sneakers… anyone, anyone? I mean, it’s kind of a brilliant concept in theory, but they were just so terrible to look at that it was impossible for anyone to get on board with this trend who wasn’t a suburban mom. Not to mention, there’s no evidence they even work. So
our moms we would be walking around with gigantic orthopedic shoes for nothing. Wait, you know what? I’m just realizing something…were these clunky toning sneakers foreshadowing of the chunky dad sneaker to come???
2012: Statement Necklaces
FSMILING Antique Gold Bib Statement Necklace
If Queen Stassi gave us anything, it was her hard endorsement of the statement necklace trend. Oh, along with, “It’s my f*cking birthday!” and “I’m not sure what I’ve done to you, but I’ll take a Pinot Grigio.” Okay, she’s given us A LOT this decade. Unfortunately, even with all that she has given us, she is still guilty of being a strong supporter of this terrible trend. I don’t know who told us we should be walking around with the entire Cave of Wonders from Aladdin strapped to our necks, but they should be burned at the stake for that crime against humanity.
2013: Wedge Sneakers
Cambridge Lace-Up Fashion Sneaker Wedge
Wedge sneakers… yikes. If there is an overarching theme of bad 2000s fashion, it’s that we thought we could mix things that never should go together. There’s a reason you have sneakers for the gym and wedges for the club, so I don’t know who initially thought “let’s take my most comfortable, least fashionable shoes and make them hideous and harder to walk in!” But that person needs to be put to justice. I’m going to go ahead and admit here that I MAY have had a pair of these…or two. But it didn’t matter because I was always too self-conscious to wear them. For all the trends I’ve embraced, this is one that I just never thought I could actually pull off. And like, fair, because really, no one could.
2014: Printed Leggings
Idingding Galaxy Star Printed High Waist Leggings
I honestly don’t know what’s worse, cheap-looking jeggings or tacky printed leggings. And somehow, we managed to combine both into one very unflattering and NSFW trend! If you are wearing paper-thin printed leggings for anything other than lounging around your house or a Halloween costume, please take a long, hard look in the mirror.
2015: Flower Crowns
Flower Crown Floral Headpiece
If you didn’t wear a flower crown then you’re either a liar or you need to get out more. Everyone who is anyone has worn a flower crown at some point in time and, as cringe as that is, it’s the sad truth. Throwback to 2015 when flower crowns were the fashion icon of the festival trend. Every basic bitch who only listens to Top 40 hits was being #wanderlust and going to any music festival she could get her dad to buy her tickets to. And that was all fine and good, but then flower crowns made their way into weddings, and we officially had a fiasco on our hands, where any bitch who’d stepped outside one time thought she was a boho princess. This is why we can’t have nice things.
Forever 21 Cross Pendant Choker
Not going to lie, I definitely gave this trend my approval along with my hard-earned dollars for legit a piece of string with a charm hanging off of it. And, if I’m still being honest, this is a trend I do still kind of like. However, it’s the worst trend of 2016 because EVERY GIRL across this great nation was wearing a choker. It became so basic that seeing a girl in a choker was as much a guarantee as seeing a girl in her Adidas three stripes.
2017: Furry Sandals
Fluffy Sandals Faux Fur
Okay, again, this was actually a trend I do support, but only in theory. This is because I, like most regular everyday civilians, have no f*cking idea how or when to wear these shoes. I have several pairs of these because I think they’re adorable, but the question still remains: WHEN THE F*CK DO I WEAR THEM!?! They’re sandals, but they have fur, so if I wear them in the summer then my feet will inevitably sweat and make the fur all gross and matted. And, if I wear them in the winter then I’ll be on the same level as those white guys who wear shorts year-round, and I’ll have to sacrifice a few toes to frostbite. And then what’s left? Spring or fall maybe? But with what? And in what context? Even if these may be cute, they still make zero sense.
2018: Tiny Sunglasses
Slocyclub Vintage Small Sunglasses
Now, I know this is a trend that most of you probably hate and will fully get behind me crowning this the “worst trend of 2018.” Of course, as a self-proclaimed fashionista I admit that I do think this trend looks cool. Like, when I see Bella or Kendall wearing tiny sunglasses, it looks so chic. But therein lies the problem: You and I are not Bella or Kendall, and so there is no real-world occasion that these are useful. You’re wearing sunglasses that neither protect your eyes, nor the area around your eyes to help prevent wrinkles. This trend is legit just to look cool and, as much as I love to look cool, I still need my trends to, at the minimum, be somewhat practical. Not to mention, our kids are going to roast us so hard for this.
2019 – Micro Mini Bags
Pretty Little Thing Natural Snake Micro Mini Bag
Like I just stated, impractical trends are not my thing. I can’t justify spending money on sh*t that isn’t going to benefit my daily life. Unlike the sunglasses trend that, although impractical I still think looks cool, I don’t think the micro mini bag trend even looks cool, unless you’re Lizzo. And I just don’t see the point of a bag that can’t even fit my phone in it. What am I meant to put in here? A tube of Chapstick and one credit card? I’m good. Call me when Olsen-level oversized hobo bags come back in style, thanks.
So as we now approach the start of this totally new decade, I can’t help but think about how in 10 years from now I’ll again be looking back and cringing at all the terrible trends I actively participated in. Not to mention the fact that, unfortunately for us all, thanks to social media we will all have our fashion tragedies yet to come officially recorded for all eternity. And they say social media is bad for your mental health…
Images: Beauty Style / Shutterstock.com; Chicos; Skechers; Amazon (6); Forever 21; Pretty Little Thing
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Everyone can agree that Gossip Girl is a show iconic for its fashion. From Serena’s sensual menswear looks to Blair’s classic plaid pieces and extravagant bows, each character has their own distinct personal style. Even lowly Joe—I mean, Dan Humphrey—has a very defined struggling-writer-hipster-wannabe-from-Brooklyn style of his own. However, even the greatest scripted show on television, with all its flawless fashion looks, couldn’t get it right every time. With rumors of a potential Gossip Girl reboot picking up steam (fingers crossed), let’s take a look back at some of the show’s greatest fashion crimes. Here are some of the worst Gossip Girl looks of all time.
Let’s start with Queen B. It’s easy to immediately declare that she can do no wrong; she was a princess, after all. Oh, but she can. She veryyyy much can. I mean, she did have a stint with Lonely Boy, can’t forgive her for that. But Blair has made some questionable fashion choices FOR SURE. I mean, personally I’m not here for her preppy blouses or childish bows, but it’s part of her look, so I’ll accept it. But what I won’t accept is this monstrosity. Okay Queen B, everyone knows you run the school. You got a lot of “yes” people. That being said, no one’s going to have the balls to tell you how horrific those banana yellow heels are, or yell at you for wearing mauve tights with open-toed shoes. The green coat isn’t good, and neither is a yellow shirt underneath it with gold accessories, but those shoes first and foremost are an abomination.
Look, I know we don’t always love our bridesmaid dresses, but I legit hate this. I mean, we all know Lily has always been not so low-key jealous of Serena. So really, it’s no shock that she would put her in her place with this terrible bridesmaid dress. I get the impression that she picked out this dress thinking it would be ugly af, but then saw Serena in it and was like, “Oh, f*ck! She still somehow looks good. Well, I’m not going to let her outshine me on my very special 5,000th wedding day! Okay, I’ll make her add these weird-ass black accessories to make her look real clownish.” Mission accomplished.
I don’t know whose self-centered oblivious attitude annoys me more: Serena or Lil J. Like, I get it, Jenny. It DOES suck that you live in Brooklyn with Lonely Boy as a brother and Rufus, a wannabe rockstar with Peter Pan syndrome, as a father. Def not ideal. But your bratty and entitled behavior is beyond what you have earned for your unfortunate family. And this outfit is unforgivable. It’s the definition of Lil J constantly trying too hard. Like, you’re a pretty girl with an eye for fashion, and sweetie, you’re going to make it out of Brooklyn! Just chill. You don’t need two oversize T-shirts layered on top of each other, plus fishnets, plus the largest bag I’ve ever seen. You’re supposed to take off one thing before you leave the house, and Jenny could’ve take off four.
Oh, wait. You know how I just said I didn’t know who annoyed me more, Serena or Jenny? My b, forget that because Vanessa hands down takes the cake with the title of most annoying on Gossip Girl. It’s a shame because she’s stunning, yet is the definition of pesky. Between her self-righteous attitude and tacky discount store wardrobe, she is the absolute worst. For example, combo of a horrible statement necklace and baggy jeans stuffed into Converse with cartoons on them. It gives me all the cringe sweats. It looks like something you get on the JCPenney clearance rack in the curated “teen” section. It’s just doing too much, just like martyr Vanessa always does.
I think almost any girl who’s watched Gossip Girl can admit that there is just something so inexplicably hot about Chuck Bass. Maybe it’s the self-confidence, the money, the power? Idk, but no matter how objectively hot Nate is, it’s Chuck’s true BDE that makes every girl wet. Explicit, but true. However, what doesn’t do it for me? Chuck’s double argyle with shorts and bow tie look. AND the socks are high socks. Just why? This is a look you’d see on a WASP-y dad at a golf course. I’m going to scream.
Like I said, I’m praying that this isn’t just a rumor and that we really are getting a Gossip Girl reboot. I mean, considering no one can seem to come up with any original ideas anymore for scripted TV, I’m down for an attempted reboot. If you’ve been watching Riverdale this season then you know The CW is really reaching right now. Let’s just hope that they do it right, and not some corny knockoff version that makes us forget why we loved it in the first place.
Images: Getty (5)
Happy birthday to our favorite child stars-turned-unhappy-fashionistas, Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen! Its hard to imagine a time without Mary-Kate and Ashley’s iconic twinitude (mostly because they are four years older than me), which is why, in honor of their birthday(s), we are ranking the Mary-Kate and Ashley movies from “made for TV movie heaven” to “omg I can’t believe I let this take up space on the DVR for so long.”
First, some parameters. While researching this vital piece, I realized that Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen are two of the most prolific filmmakers of the modern era. They have been in literally dozens of movies, many of which came out in the same year. I would ask myself how two young children did all this shit, but their stardom corresponds exactly with the rise in childhood Adderall prescriptions, so you do the math there. It would be impossible for me to rank all of their films, mainly because I haven’t seen them all. No human has. Not even Mary-Kate and Ashley. For this ranking, we’re excluding the entire Mary-Kate and Ashley detective series—that would require its own ranking, which I’ll get to once I’m done re-watching them all instead of fulfilling any of my adult responsibilities. We’re also excluding their 2003 film The Challenge, in which Mary-Kate and Ashley go to Mexico to be on a reality TV quiz show, because I haven’t seen it and frankly did not know it existed. You live and you learn.
1. ‘Passport to Paris’ (1999)
What beautiful soul do we have to thank for Passport to Paris? All of the MK & A traveling romance flicks date back to this one, and it is the best. I mean, what 90s girl can forget where she was the moment she first saw Michele and Jean pull up on their vespas to whisk the twins off on a Parisian adventure? Passport to Paris is iconic (Note: I *will* use the word “iconic” 100 times throughout this article) for many reasons, mainly because it kicks off the “Mary-Kate and Ashley go abroad to get boyfriends” series, which is arguably their best series of movies in their entire career. Honestly, I await the day when Passport to Paris is finally added to the Criterion Collection, alongside lesser films like 12 Angry Men and Boyhood.
The Plot: 13-year-old twins Melany and Allyson go to Paris for spring break. That is literally the plot.
The Boys: What to say about Michele and Jean that has not already been said? Did I know boys could be named Michele in France? No. Was I about it? Of course. Jean and Michele collectively have one personality trait: they are the proud owners of a vespa. Also being French. Honestly, at 13, that’s all you need to fall in love.
The Looks: We call this hair the Mary Kate and Ashley classic:
2. ‘Billboard Dad’ (1998)
Billboard Dad is not a part of the foreign boyfriend series, but it is somehow still very good. Like, when you think of Mary-Kate and Ashley films, you think Billboard Dad. Sadly, this movie no longer holds up in the age of dating apps and Hinge profiles. Nowadays, all MK & A would have to do to get their dad a date is set up a dating profile that says he has a stable job and is over 6 feet tall. Then the women would just come to him.
The Plot: If you don’t remember the plot of Billboard Dad, what was your childhood? Billboard Dad (not to be confused with Three Billboards) is about identical twins Emily and Tess, who want their sad widowed dad to get a girlfriend already, so they put up a billboard on Sunset Blvd asking women to date him. (Note: Many Mary-Kate and Ashley movies feature dead/widowed parents. Not sure why.) Why is it not immediately removed by city officials? No idea. Anyway, it works.
The Boys: This pre-dates when Mary-Kate and Ashley were issued a romantic partner for every movie, so the only boys are Ryan, a 12-year-old wannabe badass with a denim jacket and an ear piercing, and Cody, proud owner of a bucket hat. The guys are mostly friends, though, if I recall correctly (which there is a very good chance I do not). That said, now that I am older I see clearly that their father, Max (portrayed by Scandal‘s Tom Amandes) is zaddy.
The Looks: More iconic (there it is again) hair and fashion lewks from MK & A here. TBH the fact that we saw this movie and didn’t know that they were headed into the fashion industry is on us. I mean, look at this:
The sheer number of butterfly clips that appear in this film are enough to send my 10-year-old self into a fit of hysterics that can only be cured by an immediate and extensive trip to Limited Too.
3. ‘It Takes Two’ (1995)
It Takes Two is an outlier in the Mary Kate and Ashley franchises, because we’re actually supposed to believe that their characters are not related, they just look a lot alike. What? Despite this literally unbelievable plot point, It Takes Two manages to be good, mostly because of the presence of Kirstie Alley, who America has literally never deserved.
The Plot: Okay so this one actually requires a lot more explaining than the traditional “twins travel to X country to find boyfriends and make mischief” plotline of 90% of their movies. This movie is basically The Parent Trap except the girls aren’t related and the stakes are way way higher. Rich girl Alyssa (Ashley) meets sad orphan Amanda (Mary-Kate) by chance and become friends because they look alike (literally the basis of every sorority). Turns out Amanda is about to be adopted by a family called the Butkises (pronounced “Butt Kisses”) who are known for “collecting children”. What Amanda really wants is for her dope social worker, Kirstie Alley, to adopt her, but Kirstie isn’t allowed because she is poor and doesn’t have a husband. The two of them then switch places so that Amanda can experience being rich, and Alyssa can experience…going to camp. Anyway, hilarity ensues and at the end the rich dad gets married to the poor social worker and they adopt Amanda and they all live happily ever after.
The Boys: There are no boys in this movie. In fact, the only love interest of any kind in this movie is Steve Guttenberg which is, frankly, unacceptable.
The Looks: Mary-Kate and Ashley are still in their “cute kid” phase here, but the way the costumer chose to show the difference between “rich girl” and “orphan” is…dare I say?…iconic.
4. ‘Winning London’ (2001)
Ah yes, the last good Mary-Kate and Ashley movie. I remember it well. Winning London is probably responsible for so many teen girls joining Model UN thinking it’d be a good way to meet hot foreign guys, only to find out it’s mostly just a bunch of Hermione Grangers and guys with social anxiety. Sigh. What a waste of a semester…
The Plot: Overachiever Chloe and her chill sister Riley travel to London for Model UN, only to find that their usual country (China) is taken, meaning they’re going to have to represent…LONDON ITSELF!?! Can they get their delegation together in time for the big competition and find boyfriends along the way? You fuckin’ know it.
The boys: Winning London, objectively, has some of the cutest boys of all the Mary-Kate and Ashley movies, but also they’re the only ones who look somewhat adult so that could be coloring my recollection. Mary-Kate/Chloe ends up with James Browning, who is British and therefore, attractive. Also his dad is like, a Lord or some shit. Riley/Ashley spends the time where she’s supposed to be studying trying to get her longtime crush Brian to notice her. He eventually does and they kiss in an air duct, after which he says “woah what just happened?” and she says “we just kissed in an air duct.” This scene made a huge impression on me.
The Looks: The fashion and hair choices in Winning London are so wonderfully insane. I can’t believe this is what we all aspired to look like. What are these pants? 2001 was weird.
5. ‘Our Lips Are Sealed’ (2000)
Our Lips Are Sealed takes the “foreign boyfriends” series to Australia. TBH, I’m surprised it took this long to get the twins into a Witness Protection Program plotline. Seems like a pretty obvious fit for them.
The Plot: Maddie and Abby are two gossipy teens who just happen to witness a museum robbery and are sent into the Witness Protection Program. They are so gossipy that they accidentally tell people they’re in the Witness Protection Program everywhere they go, until they are finally banished to the remote and desolate continent of Australia. Poor them. Anyway, there’s a running joke in this one where the bad guy’s name is “Hachew” and whenever he says it someone says “bless you” which is peak Mary-Kate and Ashley humor.
The Boys: I distinctly remember being disappointed by the boys in this movie. Like, this hair is a no from me, even in the early 2000s. I don’t care if they have jet skis. There is no amount of Aussie accent that can fix the fact that these two look like feet. I know that they’re children, but it’s true. The one on the left looks like an old man. Hard pass.
The Looks: The looks, TBH, are Our Lips Are Sealed‘s saving grace. I mean, the matching color-block dresses paired with the traditional MK&A pin straight spike-bob? I. Con. Ic.
6. ‘To Grandmother’s House We Go’ (1992)
Had to include this movie because it was literally the first really Mary-Kate and Ashley movie but, other than that, it’s a total snooze. I mean, the girls are cute and all, but can their cuteness carry an entire movie? Okay, so the answer to that is yes but, I still prefer them as teens.
The Plot: Twin sisters/naughty children Sarah and Julie overhear their mom talking shit about them and decide to run away to their grandmother’s house for Christmas, and they get a lot farther than two unaccompanied twin toddlers ever should. The mom’s name in this is Rhonda, and she’s a “work-obsessed divorcee” because it is 1992 and every divorced woman is a workaholic shrew named Rhonda who can’t take care of her kids.
The Boys: No boyfriends seeing as the girls are like, five years old in this. Rhonda does have a love interest named Eddie who is a delivery man that “doesn’t like kids” but succumbs to Mary-Kate and Ashley’s overwhelming cuteness and becomes the dad Evil Work Witch Rhonda so selfishly denied them by having a job.
The Looks: This movie predates Mary-Kate and Ashley as fashionistas, so it’s mostly just cute Christmasy kids clothes. Boring.
7. ‘Switching Goals’ (1999)
This movie is about soccer, which is strike one. I also thought that this was the one with Kirstie Alley in it, but it’s not, and that is disappointing. They should have put Kirstie Alley in it. They should put Kirstie Alley in everything.
The Plot: This is the typical tomboy vs. girly-girl dynamic we’ll come to see again and again in Mary-Kate and Ashley films. So sad that in the 90s we didn’t have athleisure yet to teach us that all women can be interested in athletics. Emma (Ashley) is very good at makeup and bad at soccer. Sam is very good at soccer, but bad at boys. The twins will continue to play out this exact dynamic over and over again for years until for some reason they don’t want to do movies anymore and decide to wear black and date old guys instead. Also, this movie is only good if you are into soccer, which I am not, and I am in charge of this ranking, so there you go.
The boys: The boys in this are named “Sam” and “Richie”. They are approximately 10 years old, and I do not feel comfortable commenting on their level of attractiveness.
The looks: They mostly just wear soccer uniforms for this one. Lame.
8. ‘Holiday In The Sun’ (2001)
Despite some pretty stellar casting (Megan Fox and Julian from One Tree Hill) Holiday in the Sun is just like, meh. Dare I say Holiday in the Sun is a poor man’s Our Lips Are Sealed? I do. I do dare.
The Plot: Madison and Alex, initially pissed that they’re not going to Hawaii, are whisked away to an all-inclusive resort in the Bahamas and try to make it work. Sadly, Megan Fox is also at the resort and she is a major bitch. Also they run into two men smuggling stolen artifacts? Honestly, I’m confused.
The Boys: There are actually THREE boys in this one, which is, IMHO, too many boys. Why change up the two boy/two girl formula? Why throw in this third boy? We don’t need Scott and Jordan AND Griffen! That’s madness! Sheer madness! This film is chaos.
The Looks: Mary-Kate and Ashley are brining the chunky highlight realness in this film, but Megan Fox is the true fashion star. She also drops a lot of snarky one-liners and like, when someone asks her “what’s up?” and she says “not my temperature,” which doesn’t really make sense but it still somehow cool. Anyway, a moment of silence for this shirt/choker/lip gloss combo.
9. ‘How The West Was Fun’ (1994)
Please put me down as a “no” for any and all films that take place on a “dude ranch.” This movie also features dead parents and it’s like…why? Why do there always have to be dead parents? Can’t twins have fun with living parents? IDGI.
The Plot: Jessica and Suzy are living in Philly with their dad when they receive a letter from their dead mom’s godmother inviting them to come live on a dude ranch. They go to the dude ranch and meet a horse named Lightning. This movie is literally boring.
The Boys: There are no love interests in this movie, but there is a very questionably racist Native American character named George Tailfeathers and some old douchebag named Bart Gafooly who wants to turn the dude ranch into a theme park. They should have let him, but whatever.
The Looks: Once again, it’s a no from me.
10. ‘New York Minute’ (2004)
Oh god, what to say about New York Minute? This is the beginning of the end for Mary-Kate and Ashley’s film career. You can tell their hearts just aren’t in it anymore. The desire to acquire a black trench coat and a nicotine addiction is overpowering them. You can see it in their cold, dead eyes.
The Plot: You can tell they knew the franchise was dying here because they go back to basics: Mary-Kate and Ashley are an over-achiever and a chill “punk rocker” who never see eye to eye. Their mom is dead. They take an exotic vacation from their hometown of Long Island all the way to New York City, where they are followed by a school truant officer who shockingly believes that the two of them should go to school. Eugene Levy is the most notable character in this movie. There is also a dog named Reinaldo.
The Boys: Okay so there is a love interest in this one, his name is Trey and he is a Senator’s son played by none other than DEAN FORESTER of Gilmore Girls. Sadly, he is not enough to save this doomed flick, even though they basically imply he bangs both the twins.
The Looks: I will let this speak for itself:
I would like to end this ranking by saying that one time when I first moved to New York I saw Mary-Kate and Ashley dressed in identical black trench coats sharing the same cigarette on a side street in SoHo. We made eye contact and they gave me a look that said, “If you try to talk to us we’ll fucking kill you,” so I said nothing. The end.
Images Via: Giphy (8), IMDB (4)
Apparently low-rise jeans are making a comeback, which is the least surprising news ever if you really think about it. Every couple of years, the jean style you swore you’d never wear again sneaks back into your closet, kind of like when you hang out with your ex but you’re definitely not together again. We all promised to ditch low-rise jeans and their horrible short zippers when we discovered the slimming capabilities of super high rise denim, but obviously that trend wasn’t going to last forever. I’m not saying you should get rid of your high-waisted jeans, and I’m definitely not saying you should pull out your old boot cut True Religions with bedazzled butt pockets. I’m just trying to prepare you for a painless transition from one denim trend to the next. Here are a few pairs of low-rise jeans that won’t make you look like a Laguna Beach walk-on that never got a more detailed on-screen name credit than “Brody’s friend.”
1. The Legging Step Hem Ankle Skinny Jeans, AG Jeans
These AG jeans are basically as close to a denim legging as you can get without wearing literal Pajama Jeans. These may be low-rise, but they also have a step hem and a distressed wash, so they’re way more 2017 than 2007.
2. MOTO Winter Bleach Lucas Jeans, Topshop
These are kind of like mom jeans, but they’re low-rise, which helps prevent serious mom butt. They also have a slouchy fit but don’t have holes, so you can pull off a relaxed look without every old dude you see in a day asking how much you paid for jeans with holes in them.
3. Boyfriend Low Ripped Jeans, H&M
On the off chance that you do want every old dude you see in a day to ask how much you paid for jeans with holes in them, this is a pretty good pair. Plus, they’re just from H&M, so if you accidentally rip through the knee hole with your foot, it’s not the total end of the world.
4. Harper Low-Rise Super Skinny Jeans, Abercrombie & Fitch
Before you stop reading and close this article out because I just suggested you buy jeans from Abercrombie, hear me out. Do you still drink the cheap vodka you blacked out off of in college? Yes, of course you do. You just don’t take photos of the bottle anymore. This is kind of the same scenario. A&F finally stopped putting their signature pocket stitching on most of their jeans, so you can still wear their super comfortable, actually affordable denim without rocking an infamous Abercrombie butt.
5. Low-Rise Skinny Fit Jean, Tommy Hilfiger
As long as you don’t wear these with like, a pink polo with a popped collar and oversized fake pearls, you should be fine. Gigi Hadid is desperately trying to make Tommy Hilfiger a thing again, so you might as well join in on that movement.
I hate to be that asshole, but June is basically over which means we only have a limited amount of time before the countdown to PSL season begins. Too soon? Well, get over it, because the world is cold and the truth is harsh. The silver lining of heading into a time where everything dies (like my soul) is all of the back-to-school sales. However, I think if I buy one more pair of block heels before detoxifying my life, aka my closet, I might end up on a fucking episode of Hoarders. Or worse, my dad might remove me from the AmEx account. Like, where’s Kim to organize my hard-earned expensive wardrobe when I need her? If you keep telling yourself you’ll do it “tomorrow” (hi), the time is now to move your Uggs and Burberry scarves over and rid yourself of fugly pieces that are like, sooo 2004. Let’s be honest, you’re never going to wear them again if you know what’s good for you, so they’re probably just taking up space anyway. More importantly, you need to make room for whatever the fuck you ordered from Shopbop last night. To make feeling like a peasant less painful, here’s an official list of the shit you needed to toss like, yesterday. Pour a lot of wine, turn on Spotify, and let’s get this over with.
1. Peep-Toe Wedges/Heels/Anything
I literally have never fucking liked these. Any time my own mother tried to wear hers, I’d hide them because I’d never be caught in public associating myself with someone who did. They’re grotesque and probably give you blisters. I don’t care how much money they cost, there were def way cuter shoes to buy so you played yourself on that one. The good thing? There are still way cuter fucking shoes to buy.
2. Dresses You Wore Freshman Year Of College
Bandage and tiered dresses should’ve left the premises a long fucking time ago but if for some unknown reason you decided to simply tuck them away, throw that shit out immediately. Good memories last—because like, pictures—but ugly clothes do not. These are making a comeback as much as Usher is—yeah, not happening. You have plenty of other hotter dresses to make new memories in, whether you actually remember the nights or not.
^ I can almost guarantee you that these bitches got rid of whatever the fuck these are—not outfits, let me tell you—as soon as they were done filming.
Unless they’re waist-cinchers or corset belts, get rid of them. When was the last time you actually wore one with pants? Like, seriously. That’s what I thought. If the Kardashians aren’t wearing it, we aren’t wearing it.
4. Tarnished Jewelry
If you’re still wearing fake bling because you just love it so much and you still get the best compliments on it, there’s this place (well, a couple of them, really) called Forever 21. LOL. Welcome to 2017. I’m positive they still have equally fake things that don’t look like they’ve been sitting in an ocean for years. It’s tacky, gross, and unless it’s some precious gem your great (x10)-grandma passed down to you, just get some new jewels. Tip: Make an investment for real jewelry if you wear it like, everyday.
5. Bags That Are Falling Apart
Even though the straps are shredding or there’s just a huge-ass hole for whatever reason, you decided to hold on to it because it’s Chanel. You’re praying for a miracle but it’s not going to happen. The time for your fave bag has come to an end. Even if it can’t be replaced, you will find another you’ll fall in love with, probs sooner rather than later. I know this advice works because it’s similar to what I give my friends after they meet a guy at the bar who doesn’t call back. Basically, just:
6. Low-Rise Jeans
If they sit where your underwear is, then no. Those times are long over. Unlike the denim skirt, this 2000s trend isn’t coming back. Not now, not ever so, they can leave.
There are plenty of things that OG Betch Blair Waldorf would love to complain about in the year 2017. For example, she’d never use Snapchat filters and would probably yell at Dorota for playing around with them. Another thing she’d totally hate is the athleisure trend. Queen B (the other Queen B…) would never be caught dead in a sports bra. However, she’d probably just have to learn to deal with it because athleisure is literally the only way it’s socially acceptable to wear headbands anymore. Unless you’re like, a super bohemian chick, headbands just don’t hold up your wardrobe like they did in 2008. Here are a few workout headbands to keep your hair out of your face during spin class, or just while you’re elbow deep in a Chipotle burrito, wearing clothes designed
for exercise for their stretching capabilities.
1. Nike Women’s Logo Twist Headband
Can you already see yourself wearing this with a messy bun to get an Iced Green Tea Latte at Starbucks next time you’re too hungover to know your own name? I can. You look good. (All things considered.)
2. Lululemon Fly Away Tamer Headband II
You probably already have 100 of these anyway, but Lulu is the real MVP and releases new colors and prints all of the time. This new black-and-white daisy print is so cute. You should probably get two because your roommate will definitely take one.
3. American Eagle AEO Retro Sweatband
This probably does like, literally nothing for you while you’re exercising, but you never do that anyway, so what’s the point? I kind of hate this, but I feel like I vaguely remember Bella Hadid, Hailey Baldwin, or some other random famous chick who can convince me to wear ugly shit rocking one. If you’re the kind of girl who actually looks good in Brandy Melville’s one size fits all shit, you can probably pull something weird like this off.
4. Athleta Colorblock Vital Headband
Athleta made this headband out of a super lightweight fabric that holds down flyaway hairs without like, literally flying away itself. This is awesome, because lightweight headbands help prevent the headband/ponytail headaches that totally ruin lives. Now you only need to pop Advil for your hangover.
5. Adidas Stronger Headband
This headband is kind of like the one friend you have who never blacks out, because it might just be the most functional one on this list. It’s made out of fabric with wicking capabilities to help deal with sweat. If you’re the kind of betch who doesn’t want to let a workout get in the way of your blowout lasting a few days, this should def help do the trick.
I’m obsessed with early 2000s fashion. I basically single-handedly lead the revolution to revive the Juicy Couture tracksuit. (To be fair, that’s an exaggeration. Kylie Jenner and Bloomingdales really helped.) I Google roll-on body glitter on a weekly basis just in case some beauty company has decided to bring back the sacred product Icing used to carry. I type half of my teXtt MeSSaGes to mY gRoUp cHatt like AiM aWaY MeSSaGes~. I’m seriously considering getting a pair of purple-lensed sunglasses with a rhinestone butterfly on them, and I don’t even like butterflies. You get the point. I and my style have not left the early 2000s.
However, even though I’m totally obsessed, I understand that there are serious boundaries in the world of the early aughts. I’m not about to wear my thong out the top of my pants. It’s just not appropriate for my current life, even if Manny Santos roamed the hallways of Degrassi like that. There’s one particular early 2000s trend that I’m prepared to take a serious stand against, and that’s platform flip-flops.
Urban Outfitters just released a pair of $40 Rocket Dog platform flip-flops. I will give them some credit for the fact that they stuck to an OG platform flip-flop brand rather than creating their own junky pair, but I still just can’t get behind these.
First of all, think of the logistics of wearing these things. I’ll put it in 2001 terms for you. Remember how bad it felt to take a flip-flop platform to the ankle if you ever took a weird step? It’s basically the equivalent of taking a razor scooter to the heel. This kind of unpredictability with a platform is just plain irresponsible. (Moment of silence for the fact that I just said not to do something because it’s irresponsible. LOL.)
Secondly, these aren’t even a revival. I’m pretty sure there are still people wearing these in the corners of America where it will look like it’s 2006 for the next 30 years. Did Old Navy or Coach ever stop making tacky platform flip-flops? Probably not.
Additionally, everyone’s feet look stupid in these. You’re always going to look like your toes are clinging on for dear life, because they basically are. Honestly, give me an outfit that you think these would look good with. You can’t.
I get that athleisure, aka dressing like we don’t give a shit about our appearance, is in right now, but flip-flops are a step below even that. Even the most boujee flip-flops look like they could have been purchased on a last-minute whim at a nail salon. Plus, they make annoying noises no matter how you walk in them. Either you drag your feet or have an aggressive flopping noise, and both of those are sounds that really pierce my skull when I’m hungover (which is often).
However, I don’t want this to come across a rant against all platforms, because I’m still totally obsessed with anything with platform that is not a flip-flop. I think we should all just dress like the Spice Girls all of the time.