Over the weekend, whether you were too afraid to rejoin society after lockdown or you were forced back into lockdown because people went HAM and your city saw a resurgence of Covid cases, chances are you might’ve come across the new Baby-Sitters Club series on Netflix Family. Though the series was originally intended for a children’s audience, millennials and xennials on my Twitter and IG feeds have also found themselves binging the show. This wholesome content is exactly the nostalgia we’ve all been longing for in a difficult year, and if you haven’t watched it yet, do yourself a favor and head to Netflix.
So what better way to continue that comforting break from reality than to celebrate the iconic series and its characters by asking yourself the simple question of “What does your favorite Baby-Sitters Club character say about you?” None.
Did somebody order a control freak? Kristys (Kristies?) are currently stewing over the fact that their 2020 planner has barely seen any action and spend their days in quarantine crafting the perfect itinerary for working from home. You’re not the best with change, but that’s mostly because things don’t sit well with you if you’re not able to run the show and be in complete control. That being said, you are a natural leader and you do your best to lead with love. Your friends are your people and you always show up for them. Like the Mom of the group, you’re reliable and when people need something done you’re the one they have on speed dial.
Claudias are the fiercest, most artistic of the bunch. Never afraid to speak your mind, people naturally flock to your confident attitude and effortless style. You will definitely be voted mostly likely to have a future as an #influencer with a roster of Pinterest-worthy DIYs and sustainable capsule collections. Family means everything to you, though it can be frustrating when your family isn’t as open to your free spirit as your friends and fans. You’re a considerate friend who always has a purse full of snacks, encourages others to explore their creativity, and your attention to detail in your art and for the people you care about never goes unnoticed.
Ahhh boy-crazy Stacey. On the outside, you give off the vibes of a Real Housewife in the making, when deep down you’re still just trying to figure yourself out (admittedly, most of the Housewives are too). While you worry a ton about what others may think, you try your best to not let your insecurities get the best of you. In reality, all you’re trying to do is find genuine connections in this world, and that goes for friends, romance, and family. You sometimes struggle with living up to your parents’ ridiculous expectations, but you know that at the end of the day they’ve got your back. So keep reminding yourself of that and surrounding yourself with friends and boos who do too.
Mary Annes are either a future therapist’s dream or have a successful future as a therapist. Never one to rock the boat, you’re always listening and taking in everyone else’s energy. By nature you’re a people pleaser, though one should never mistake your kindness for weakness. You’re still learning to find your voice and develop independence from who you think you should be for everyone else and who you actually want to be. And while you’re still evolving your personality and style, you never discount the value of a solid pair of overalls and you can always be counted on to be there for your friends with an ear to listen and a shoulder to cry on.
A spiritual goddess, Dawns are optimistic and always look at the glass as half-full—even when the cards they’ve been dealt haven’t always been the best hand. You might have been forced to grow up quickly and play the role of caregiver or authority in your family. And instead of feeling sorry for yourself, you lean into those skills and excel with purpose. Whether it’s educating yourself and taking your efforts beyond performative allyship or leading a guided meditation to calm everyone’s nerves, you are not only happy to be a part of the group but truly want everyone to see just how wonderful and badass they can be in their own right too.
An honorable mention for Kristy’s soon-to-be step-sister Karen because let’s face it, it’s been a tough year for Karens. Whether we admit it or not, every single friend group has a Karen. Karens can be dramatic and have a tendency to overreact when really all they are is starved for attention. They genuinely believe they mean well, though it often comes out in problematic and extreme ways, like idk, running away at camp or fearmongering over conspiracy theories. And while Karens still admittedly have room to grow and mature, one thing is for sure—if they like you they’ll defend you to the extreme and you’ll always get that impossible restaurant reservation even if you’re just walking in.
Images: Jesse Austin (5), Kailey Schwerman/Netflix; Giphy
In these times of horrifying politics and environmental disasters, there’s never been a bigger need for some good, old-fashioned nostalgia. One of my favorite childhood movies to revisit is The Parent Trap, the 1998 masterpiece starring my two favorite actresses, Lindsay Lohan and British Lindsay Lohan. Actually, my current favorite actress is vaguely Middle Eastern Lindsay Lohan, but she was sadly not cast in The Parent Trap. The movie had its 20th anniversary back in July, further proving that we are all old AF. But today, October 11, is the twins’ birthday, so I’m feeling extra nostalgic. What happened after the events of the movie? Where did Annie and Hallie go? This is going to be fun.
According to this Entertainment Weekly story, the twins turned 30 back in 2015, which means today is their 33rd birthday. That’s funny, considering actual Lindsay Lohan is only 32, but looks 50. Time works in mysterious ways.
In case you forgot, Annie is the British twin. In the movie, she’s posh AF, and at 12 years old she was already wearing the type of outfits that rich grandmothers wear to attend charity luncheons. Basically, she was living my dream. Fast forward 20 years, and I have a feeling Annie James still has her sh*t together. She lives in London, but has a country house somewhere in England, and also spends, like, a month in the Caribbean every winter. How does she afford all this? Easily, that’s how. She’s now the president and CEO of her mom’s wedding dress company, and yes, she still wears tweed skirt suits to meetings.
Oh, and her husband is very rich. His dad is like, a Lord or some fancy British sh*t like that, and now he has a job in finance that Annie doesn’t actually understand. They have a couple adorable kids (who are mostly raised by nannies), and life is generally pretty great. She doesn’t see her sister that much these days, because, um, I’ll get to that in a second.
Hallie, the American twin, has taken more of an interesting path in life. And by that, I mean that she’s a goddamn disaster. To be honest, Hallie’s life is a little bit like Lindsay Lohan’s, but without the fame. Being that she literally grew up on a vineyard, Hallie developed a taste for wine when she was 14, and she never looked back. She got arrested for drunkenly crashing the vineyard golf cart when she was 19, and then escaped from her court-ordered rehab in the middle of the night. After (barely) graduating from San Diego State with a degree in psychology, she spent most of her 20s getting wasted on various islands in the Mediterranean (mostly Mykonos and Ibiza).
She missed her flight from Ibiza to London for Annie’s wedding, and therefore showed up just in time to get absolutely trashed at the reception. The night ended with Chessy holding Hallie’s hair while she puked, because some bonds can stay strong through anything. Annie, however, wasn’t amused, and she hasn’t spoken to Hallie since. These days, Hallie lives in a small apartment in West Hollywood, where she mainly works on “growing her brand” and “creating content.” She has 320 followers on Instagram.
Maybe by the time they turn 40, these two will have worked it out, but things aren’t looking good right now. Annie and Hallie might not be on speaking terms these days, but The Parent Trap is still perfect and iconic. Clear my schedule for the rest of the day, because I need to rewatch immediately.
Images: Giphy (3)
The late 90s was a weird time. Nobody really had a cell phone. We were all legitimately worried that the world would explode or whatever the fuck when the clock struck midnight on January 1, 2000. Mean Girls didn’t exist yet. Weirdest of all was the music at the time, and none of it was weirder than 1999’s “The Thong Song” by Sisqo. The music video is, unequivocally, the most 1999 thing to ever exist—the quaint idea that guys secretly talk about underwear, the hotdog-as-a-dick visual metaphor, the vaguely Asian iconography, the censoring of the word “breasts,” etc.—and it was all delivered by a strange little man with platinum hair and Air Force Ones doing gymnastics at the beach. And it worked! It was a legitimate, nation-wide phenomenon. Your mom probably hummed it while she folded laundry. I knew every fucking move in that dance break (I was, and remain, almost cripplingly cool).
It’s the kind of thing that doesn’t age well, and isn’t really something you can explain to subsequent generations—it’s you, sitting in the backseat while your dad belts out Billy Joel classics, and saying “ew dad, people actually liked this when you were young?” I don’t hate it even 18 years later, but it’s not a “good” song. It’s a relic best left in its era, only to be dusted off for get togethers with my old-ass friends and 90s/2000s-themed frat parties.
That’s why it’s weird as all hell that, for whatever reason, someone named JCY decided now was the time to “bring back” “The Thong Song,” only with a KEWL NEW VIBE for the MILLENNIULZ:
This, objectively, is a piece of shit. It rips out everything that gave the original what modicum of charm it had (the strings, Sisqo’s vocals) and kept everything that made it stupid (the verses are still identical, Sisqo is old and can’t sing or dance anymore). The women in the video don’t even have good thong butts!
As far as the new track, Buzzfeed (because they are and will forever be the most stupid goddamn destination on the internet) says it “feels VERY 2017,” which almost made me spit out my cold brew. This is terrible EDM, so bad it makes the Chainsmokers sound like fucking Bob Dylan by comparison. On top of that, I can think of, oh, a dozen songs right now that better exemplify today’s sound than this transistor radio recording of wet fart sounds. The only thing that’s “VERY 2017” about it is that, versus the 1999 version, everyone in the video is whiter.
Don’t let people do this shit. We all have things from our childhoods we remember, probably a little more fondly than they merit—and it’s best to keep it that way. I’m gonna go watch those kids dance to “Despacito” for half an hour and pretend this never happened.