This week we can safely return to telling Logan’s posse to fuck off, considering that everyone has already assumed their dipshit postures before Logan’s even six feet under (on the note of that other legendary HBO show: if you’re reading this, HBO, please deeply reconsider this MAX thing… you’re everyone’s favorite brand and this is the brand equivalent of curtain bangs). Anyway, Succession. Right now the character alignments are the executives vs. the kids, with Tom searching for a Loro Piana driving shoe to shine. The Sandys are laughing, Karolina is drafting, and the episode ends with not one, but two, Roys leading Royco. But just for the interim, of course! Until the next power play, let us know if you think Kendall’s name was underlined or crossed out. And be sure to listen to our bonus recap episodes of @betches out every Monday this season. — Sami & Aleen, Chief Succession Officers, ATNBetches
KENDALL
(+1) Kendall is number 1 boy again. We noticed that the first three episodes opened with camera shots of Logan, and this one opened on Kendall (wearing a blanket reminiscent of his post-birthday party depression in season 3). Then after the title sequence, the first shot was Kendall getting out of his car and walking into and through Logan’s apartment, which is how they opened the first two episodes with Logan as the subject.
(+3) That piece of paper with his name on it (whether underlined or crossed out) from maybe four years ago literally revived Kendall’s entire soul. He hasn’t felt this good since he smoked horse.
(-1) For walking around the memorial with a fucking hard-on about a piece of paper that he scribbled his fucking name on.
(+1) Because he has the best grief guy.
(0) Kendall may be momentarily revived by a very old document, but he was asked a few times how he was doing and if he was sure he wanted to get back into Waystar right now. Those moments with Stewy and Frank were heartening (we were heartened by them) but his comment, “I’m two track, I’m dead but alive” doesn’t inspire much confidence for his ultimate fate, dramaturgically-speaking. Zero points because dead/alive cancel each other out.
(+1) “He was an old bastard and he loved you.” – A confirmation of Logan’s love, especially after he’s dead, is major because now he can’t fuck it up anymore.
(-1) “I heard he saw your Pierce business plan and choked laughing” – While we’re all riding Kendall’s number 1 boy high, we need to remember that he isn’t really that good at business (whether global global to hyper local)
(+1) He ultimately gets Stewy (and by proxy, the smiling Sandy Furness) to back him as new leadership by asking to do the solid for an old pal the day after his dad died. He comes at him with… LOVE?!
(+1) “Let’s not give it to those fucking Keystone fucks because we didn’t talk.” – Yes, use that midnight therapy session and make your siblings talk to you. “Can you stop ignoring me for fuck’s sake!” You have to be a killer, son.
(+3) Kendall’s move of going behind Roman’s back to Hugo and directing him to push negative stories about Logan in order to burnish his and Roman’s reputations and credibility. “Action that but soft, no prints.” Kendall did already tell us that he doesn’t forgive Logan, so it probably wasn’t that hard a choice, though he rationalizes it by saying that this is what Logan would’ve wanted for the sake of Waystar. Not not true.
(+1) Then he secures Hugo’s silence on the strategy by alluding to the strap-on, which we all know is code for Hugo’s little stock trade problem. Maybe after his time as interim CEO Tom Wambsgans will pay him for subtlety tutoring.
TOTAL: 10
ROMAN
(-1) The denial is strong with this one. Freight train’s a comin’. (+1) Canceled out by his innovation of pre-grieving.
(+1) “Hey, O-skar, I was just rounding up my chimpanzee friends cause they wanna say hi too,” he says of his siblings.
(+7) Roman is never afraid to bring up the many elephants in the room.
On the paper with Ken’s name as CEO: “Sure, Ken, I get it but you’ve tried to put him in jail like 12 times since then.”
On the idea of three CEOs: “Three’s a bit wonky… I mean two is fucking, and three is like a weird orgy for hippies.” – This business dynamic? We don’t know her.
When Tom tries to pull the humble servant bullshit: “Tommy Wommy tight rope Tommy, riding that subtle cycle across Niagara Falls Tommy. Tip toe Tommy. Lip balm Tom Wom, lubin’ up his lips to kiss my butt.”
To Greg, who’s also here to kiss ass and flex his grandpa’s board seat: “You need to get a new mommy.”
On Marcia saying she was intimately in touch with Logan: “I could do a phone sex bit if you want, I just thought you wouldn’t be in the mood.”
To the olds: “Well if you’re uncomfortable, Frank, you can fuck off. This is a lovely gang of pals having a chat, okay?”
On when he saw his dad laugh: “Only if a hobo was on fire.”
When Shiv says Mencken shouldn’t come over because he wasn’t a friend: “Not like all dad’s real friends from his men’s group and choir… what’s-his-face and ‘get that fucker away from me.’”
When Hugo and Karolina euphemistically suggest shitting on Logan in the press: “So it’s Operation Shit On Dad… you really think people are gonna buy that Logan Roy was a puppet?”
(+3) He’s also the only one with empathy apparently. Fuck, is Roman… the best?
When he stepped in to help Kerry when she was humiliated: “Take her out the back, Billy, that’s always nice to hear… that wasn’t necessary, Marcia, was it?”
On messaging negative stories about Logan when his body is still at Frank E. Campbell’s: “Yeah thanks, Karolina. You too, Fuckface, but maybe don’t bring us this disgusting shit ever again, thanks anyway.”
TOTAL: 11
TIP TOE TOMMY
(-2) Desperation was oozing from Tom’s every pore. “What are the CEO vibes?” He refers to the siblings, which includes his wife, as “screw-ups and dipshits” to the executive team faster than he can eat a fish taco, only to go back and grovel to each of those dipshits later in the episode. He’s sick with grief but “were the opportunity to raise, all I would say is if there’s a ring, my hat’s in, respectfully.”
(-3) One point for each time he said all he wants is a chance to “serve.” It’s such a clear pattern for Tom that every time he’s in a weak position he pulls the whole “I am but a humble servant m’lord” shtick.
(-4) For every time he was rebuffed by the executives, then by Kendall, then Roman, and finally by Shiv, whose moment of mourning he attempted to use to un-fuck himself. “Let me show you some kindness.” Oh shut the fuck up, Tom, even Greek Island Karl has nicer things to say about your wife than you do (“constitutionally unfit at the present time”). It was really interesting to hear Tom retell the start of his and Shiv’s relationship but the referencing of the first time they fucked as the “first time they knew each other” was a fittingly gross finale to the Wambsgans Fake Wake Apology Tour. Then again, he proposed to his wife in a hospital hours after her dad had a stroke so we might have a secret family tragedy fetish on our hands. Retroactive (-1) because we weren’t recapping at the time.
(+3) He nailed the decoding game from the right-wing guy’s speech, which clearly mirrored the kids’ commentary about the obituaries and was absolutely overflowing with tea. “Who died fishing his iPhone from a clogged toilet… they say Karl blocked it. He lives on Wonder Bread and steak frites he hadn’t had a shit for 20 years…. Who wasn’t wearing his compression socks so he could look hot for Kerry.”
TOTAL: -7
GREG?
(-1) He’s following in Tom’s shoes a little too closely with his tactless ass-kissing, emphasis on the tactless. “It’s just great that the family can all support each other and stay strong through this, my guys, my lovely guys…I’m sad and just thinking about how things will shake down, and I talked to Ewan.”
(-2) For this hilarious exchange that underscores how Logan is able to fuck with everyone from the grave and exactly how delusional Greg is.
Frank: You’re an addendum of miscellaneous matters, in pencil, with a question mark.
Greg: Nevertheless.
Kendall: Dad may have said he wanted me to take over.
Greg: So then maybe the natural conclusion may be I’d be his number 2.
Karl: Hahaha nice try, kid.
Roman: I think he was trying to remember your name.
Gerri: It’s a doodle, we just wanted you to be aware!
Note: that was the best delivered “nevertheless” in history.
(+1) “Long live the king! Long live the king! And the other king.”
TOTAL: -2
SHIV
(-3) Will she ever learn to shut the fuck up during a high stakes business transaction? When trying to get Matsson to talk to them: “Does he not wanna just say hi, is he still buying the company?” “We’re just huddling on leadership, we’re a pretty fluid group.” And no, they can’t come to Sweden: “Sorry, our dad just died, and we have the election coming up.”
(+1) Underlined or… crossed out?
(-1) Because it sure as fuck doesn’t say Shiv.
(-4) For her “I wanna be CEO” tantrum.
“I did the strategic review.” – that was daddy make-work and even Rhea Jarrell said it was bad.
“I think it needs to be me too.”
“… and what about me??”
“I need to be across everything” – YOU DON’T ACTUALLY WANT TO BE ACROSS ANYTHING.
(+2) “Dad sounds amazing, have you met dad?” The whole obituary reading was epic. We’ll record it here in case you want to reference it in the event you need to apply it to a certain right-wing media mogul who happens to have a trial starting in Delaware today.
“A complicated man” = threw phones at staff
“Sharp reader of the national mood” = a bit racist
“He was very much a man of his era” = again, racist, also relaxed about sexual assault
“Business genius” = never paid a penny in US taxes
“Well connected” = generally accepted euphemism for a pedophile, though unlikely in Logan’s case given they mentioned twice last night that Logan has no interaction with his grandkids.
(+1) At least she has some recognition that it was hers and Kendall’s fault that Logan was on the plane and that they may have effectively killed him, thereby screwing herself over. “My dad died and my mom is a fucking disaster.. and my husband.. and Kerry and Marcia.. and I was the only one who fucking wanted him here [true] and he’s gone, so yeah.”
(+1) To the smiley Sandy Furness while she’s storming out in a tantrum because she isn’t going to get to be the third CEO. “Yeah hahaha shut the fuck up, stop laughing it’s not a comedy night… Stop smiling!!”
(+1) Shiv can have a congratulatory point because she’s expecting and mothers in this country deserve more.
TOTAL: -2
MARCIA
(-2) Something’s up with Marcia, who’s suddenly shopped out. The kids refer to her as “belle of the ball” and “death becomes her,” and joke that Kerry is inside her trunk. This could just be typical Roy insult-hurling but we already know Marcia is ruthless. The series started with Logan giving her more board power and later we saw how she used Logan’s affair with Rhea to improve her financial situation. In her first conversation with Kendall, she claimed they were regularly in contact, which no one else seems to believe. First she says, “We spoke every morning and afternoon” and then a second later says “We were very close. It was complicated but we spoke intimately every evening.” What was it, Marcia, morning and afternoon or evening?! Because that sure as shit wouldn’t leave him much time to be making promises of marriage to Kerry and emotionally manipulating everyone around him.
(-1) She reveled in humiliating Kerry, even though by all indications, Logan cared much more about Kerry when he passed. “We’re calling her a taxi to the subway so that she can go home to her little apartment.” A punch in the gut for sure, but also nothing that the walls of Logan Roy’s apartment haven’t seen before.
(+3) “No need to be ashamed. We’re family. I would be looking for between 60 and 70 millions.” So like… 63 orrrr? Done.
TOTAL: 0
THE EXECUTIVES
(+1) Hugo screaming about getting fucked with a strap-on the moment Kendall walks into Logan’s apartment, it’s almost like he’s still alive.
(+2) Gerri to Tom during the meeting of senior greybeards: “Oh you’re sick with grief, you may wanna put down that fish taco, you’re getting your melancholy everywhere.” And then for strapping Karl into his golden parachute with this burn: “You are a corporate legend. What you did in the ‘90s with cable… huge.”
(+3) For Karl’s assessment of Tom: “Well I would just say, that if we were to recommend you to the board, the question they might ask – can I frame the question for you? As a friend, just so you’ll be prepared – the negative case would go: you’re a clumsy interloper and no one trusts you, the only guy pulling for you is dead, and now you’re just married to the ex-boss’s daughter, and she doesn’t even like you. And you are fair and squarely fucked.” Tom is speechless for the first time ever. Jesus, Karl.
(+5) The conversation about the piece of paper was legendary rich-person code speaking. “Could it, might it just, go away? I mean, it might get lost. I *hope* it doesn’t. But what if your hand goes a little wobbly and a draft takes it away and it gets flushed down a toilet by mistake? I’m kidding of course…”
(-1) Karl is already spending his severance package. Very Nan Pierce of him, but not exactly model CFO behavior. “If Gerri’s gonna block me, I want out, I want my package. I am halfway in on a Greek island with my brother in law.”
(+1) Because the paper is not germane.
Frank: We were just joking that it could fall in the toilet.
Gerri: Yes, that is a very funny joke.
(+1) I wish I could hold a sheet of paper as elegantly and chicly as Gerri.
(-3) Hugo the opportunist “cannot recollect” whether he spoke to his daughter Juliet (who he doesn’t even talk to) on the day Logan died before she sold a ton of Waystar stock. Why is he even bringing this up to Kendall right now? Go tell Gerri.
(+3) For handling the estate as Logan would’ve wanted.
Roman: He’s got like a shit ton of investment impressionisms, right, like he’s got three Gaugins no one’s seen for tax reasons.
Karl: I think his suggestion was it might be smart tax-wise to leave them in the Geneva vault.
Shiv: Why not just burn them for the insurance money, no?
Karl: That would be the dream, financially speaking.
(+1) Karolina, so fucking deadpan, to Kendall and Roman: “You’re running the company now. Congratulations…”
(-1) Because they clearly want Roman and Kendall to take Option B. “I wouldn’t, but it’s our job to say that we could go to Connor’s mom, verbal and physical abuse, Kerry…”
TOTAL: 12
CONNOR AND WILLA
(+1) Willa’s subtle dig when Marcia says “look at you now”: “Well look at us both, right?” – We’re thirsty for more on Marcia’s past, especially now that she’s reappeared.
(-1) Between Willa’s eye for finery and his real estate savvy, Connor might become the first kid of a billionaire to spend his entire inheritance in under a decade.
(-1) Willa is more than okay with toughing out her honeymoon in Wisconsin, Michigan and Pennsylvania because it’ll give her plenty of time to work her way through furniture catalogs that only give prices upon inquiry.
(+1) “It’s pretty smart not to pay realtors’ fees and it’s such a bitch to get into these big buildings” – A fair point.
(+2) “Can you believe this shit, they’re trying to make him into a neo conservative he wasn’t a neocon, he was a paleo libertarian, he was practically an anarcho-capitalist. They’re trying to body snatch him, the next 48 hours are crucial.” – Even Connor has more respect for his dad’s legacy than Kendall.
TOTAL: 2
So, this week, the FUCK OFF safely belongs in the hands of Tom… even if it’s just for the interim.
If you can’t get enough Succession content from Betches, check out our weekly bonus recaps on the @BETCHES Podcast, which will be out every Monday afternoon of season 4 and can be found on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts.
