Something just doesn’t feel right about telling our characters to fuck off after experiencing the death of a much-loved(?) parent. But, on the other hand, you know that Logan Roy would never worry about bad timing when he doles out his fucks off. So we’ll be proceeding with the scoring as usual, with the exception of Logan, who… well… you know, maybe he can breathe without a heart? He seems to have been doing it for the past several decades. Sorry, we shouldn’t speak ill of the fictional dead. (Though trust us, he’d do it to you. Remember when he sent his regards to Ilona’s cancer?)
CONNOR / WILLA:
(-1) This wedding is part Iowa county fair, part Titanic. And it was clear the vibe was going to sink as soon as Willa’s mom noted that there was no food. That’s how you know there are no Jews involved.
(+1) “We’re going to start boarding. We’ll be starting with the red invites: friends and family.”
– Gotta love color-coded invites so you can separate your constituents from your actual guests.
(+1) Willa’s mom is all about financial security, which definitely provides some insight into why she’s rooting for this loveless marriage. “It’s like you’re a princess in a film… He’ll look after you.”
(+1) And the following exchange proved she can practically smell the cash entering her life:
Connor to Willa’s mom: I heard a few of [the young guests] whining about the rich.
Mom: Well, they don’t mind the taste of your champagne.
Connor: Mr. Scrooge just happened to be a huge wealth creator. They don’t mention that in books.
Mom: No they do not! Very convenient.
(-1) Connor thinks Logan is coming. “Spoke with Kerry. He’s hoping.” Oof.
(-1) Everything about the fucking cake nightmare: “The cake, it’s inadequate. I’m saying we can have it as display, but I don’t want it served. I don’t want to see the internal… qualities, yes?”
(-1) “It’s a loony cake.”
🙁 This conversation, which is just too depressing to score:
Connor hearing Logan might be dead: Well is he?
Kendall: Well, uh, everyone says he is. We don’t know, they’re doing heart compressions.
Connor: Oh man, he never even liked me.
(+1) Kendall hugging him.
(+2) This whole exchange about whether to move forward with the wedding, which felt refreshingly honest and like the energetic opposite of conversations between Shiv and Tom at their wedding:
Connor: Everyone will assume it’s you backing out. Or could something good come out of something bad?
Willa: It feels like you kinda wanna do it.
Connor: I’m scared if we don’t that you’ll walk away, I’m always scared you’re gonna walk away. I’m so much older than you Willa. You’re young and full of life. My father’s dead and I feel old. And I’m sorry that I stole you away from the world. Are you just with me for money Willa, basically?
Willa: Well, there is something about money and safety here, but I’m happy. I’m not gonna walk. Not today, anyway! *chuckle chuckle*
(+2) They get married – with almost no one watching. The shot of the empty ship was brutal, but it feels right for Connor, given how isolated he is as a person. Good thing his superpower is he doesn’t need anyone.
TOTAL: 4
ROMAN:
(+1) To Tom, who called to make sure he fired Gerri before she even walked the plank onto the county fair Titanic: “Jesus Christ, I just got off the phone with him. I’ll let you know. Back off, you inflatable dicky dick.”
(-1) To Gerri: “You make me go weird as you know and fully intend.”
(+1) “You can go legal if you like, but we are gonna stuff your mouth with so much fucking gold.” Firing her should lead to negative points, but we’re all for Gerri finally getting some R&R and a pot of gold.
(+0) He gained backbone points for his voicemail to Logan, but loses them when you consider these were his likely final words to his father: “I was horrible with Gerri… and don’t listen to this if you don’t want to. But I’m not totally okay with… are you kinda just being shitty with me? Because your son is getting married and you can’t fucking keep expecting me to bend over for you, like being cunty. So I’m just asking, yeah that’s the question, are you a cunt? Okay give me a buzz.”
(+1) Then again, “are you a cunt?” are the best final words a father like Logan could ask for from his son. Point reinstated.
(+1) When he answers to hear the news from Tom: “Hello, fucky sucky brigade. How may I help you?”
(+3) Showing immense compassion to Logan on the phone: “You’re okay… You’re gonna be okay, because you’re a monster, and you’re gonna win. You’re a good man and you’re a good dad. You’re a very good dad. You did a good job.”
🙁 Roman’s denial is too devastating to score:
“Can he breathe without a heart?”
“Do we know if he was on his phone? Had he checked his messages? Did I say I love him? I don’t think I did.”
🙁 And only continues throughout the episode:
Kendall: Sure, I mean, he has gone, I think he has died.
Roman: Okay, but you don’t know that.
Kendall: Sure, I get it. But, like, I think they know.
Roman: Okay, okay. Maybe, maybe is all.
Shiv: Roman, I think you have to accept.
Roman: All I’m saying is we actually don’t know. That’s it, that’s all I’m saying.
Shiv: Right, yes. Well, you sound delusional.
Roman: What am I, out-fucking voted here?
Shiv: No Rome, I’m just saying… come on, THEY KNOW.
Roman: No, no they don’t.
Shiv: He… he’s fucking dead!
Roman: Okay, well there’s no need to fucking say that until we know. What’s the point of keeping on saying it? There’s no need to fucking say that. All I’m saying, I’m not being crazy. I’m saying a fact. And until we do know, it’s not a very nice thing to say is it? So fucking stop!
🙁 When Tom calls Kendall and he says they stopped the CPR: “I don’t think they should though.”
(-2) Then he moves straight from denial to anger, without passing Go:
Roman: What if it’s a drill… what if it’s a big fuckin’ test?
Shiv: Well, if it’s a test, hats off to the planning department.
(-1) About who should tell Connor: “Can you do it, Ken, I don’t think I can? I mean I could, I definitely could.” – He can’t even admit that he can’t.
(-1) His recounting the events: “I said hello fucky sucky brigade, and he was in the bathroom”
(-2) To Gerri, as she’s getting off a phone call we had our eye on… (employment lawyer?):
Roman: I kinda… need the room.
G: Sure, of course.
R: I’m pretty sad… I mean, I’m actually right now totally numb, but theoretically I think you would say I’m fucking sad.
G: Well, the room’s all yours.
If Roman had just waited 20 minutes to fire her, this supposed plea for comfort could have gone very differently.
(-1) “Yes, will someone please think of the market?” Roman gets offended that the execs want to make a business statement for the markets… despite the fact that that’s exactly what Logan would do.
(+1) He’s the only one of the three siblings who goes to see Logan’s body. Is that done out of love or denial? Who can say.
TOTAL: 1
TOM:
(+1) Going to use “visually aggravating” in a sentence daily now, thanks, Tom:
Greg: Well, I have a list of nice things to say about Kerry.
Tom: Well, that sounds creepy. Listen, Greg, it’s not your fault, he just finds you visually aggravating right now.
(+2) Some patented Disgusting Brothers humor in simpler times:
Tom: I got like three, four people gregging for me. I roped in a few mini Gregs from the pig pen for me. Little, uh, Greglets.
Greg: Don’t turn me into a word, Tom, I’m a guy. Why do you have all these guys, these little Greggies running, who are these little Gregs?
(-1) “Hail Loganus Maximus, slayer of Vikings!” Oh shut up Tom.
(+1) For brutal efficiency: “You push Cyd, Roman knifes Gerri, all in a day’s work.”
(+1) He calls Greg immediately post-death to go into the office and prep for what’s going on: “You have to stick to Cyd like a limpet, okay? And you delete my folder marked ‘Logistics,’ and you delete that from the trash.”
Excuse me, what is in the Logistics folder?! Let’s hope Greg saves it.
(-1) For an ill-timed attempt to crack a Gregg: “Well, he’s passed away, and you’ve lucked out. And what’s at the bottom of your stocking, Greg? An old guy who fucking hated you”
(+2) About Kerry: “Judging by her grin, it looks like she caught a foul ball at Yankee stadium.”
(+2) For his realization that he needs to go back to Shiv, who he’s nice to throughout the entire episode, despite her rudeness. (The hug at the end cements our hunch that he’s still in love with her.)
“I’m sad, but I’m sorry. But, um… fuck. It was pretty grim, man. I lost my protector, and this is total lockdown. If this leaks, it’s a stock price rodeo, and a fucking slit throat for the big mouth. But, people should know that I was with him, okay?”
(-2) But that realization that he needs to return to Shiv also comes with the realization that he’s totally fucked without her.
Shiv: “You wanna choreograph some steps with my dead father? That the dance you like?”
Tom: “It’s okay, it’s a difficult day.”
TOTAL: 6
GREG:
(-1) For his continued failure of diplomacy: “I have a little list of nice things to say to Kerry.”
(-1) “Oh, you shouldn’t talk to him. He likes to whip it out to see if anyone notices. It’s a sick game, Greggy, stop playing it.” When Roman blows up his game while talking with the journalist at the wedding…
(-5) …who appears to be the likely leak of Logan’s death.
TOTAL: -7
SHIV:
(+5) For Sarah Snook’s insanely good acting throughout this entire episode. Her reaction felt so genuine, you almost forgot you were watching someone die who you would probably hate if he were real.
🙁 When Tom tells her the news: “Are you just being nice to me? Is he gone?”
(-1) For being the victim of bad timing: Her siblings made her tell Connor that Logan wasn’t coming (just before they learned he really wasn’t coming), and she lost the chance to talk to Logan before they confirmed he was gone.
(-1) Meanwhile, “Tom said that Kerry spoke to him quite a bit” (before he died). Just as Logan would have wanted.
(+1) Kendall and Shiv holding hands to go tell Connor, MY HEART.
(-1) For being stuck in the literal bargaining stage:
Shiv: Can we, uh, keep him up there for an extra beat, just till we figure it out?
Roman: No, we need to get him on the ground. We need to get a doctor on the fucking plane.
Hugo: Do you want me to ask if they can circle?
Shiv: Not till the markets open on Monday.
(-1) “I knew it was dad, but I was hoping it was mom.” Yikes. Get this girl’s therapist on the line.
(+2) She takes control of the speech to the press, taking the lead on the inevitable conflict over who will control the company: the kids or the execs.
(-1) Not that she appears to inspire much confidence about said company, while speaking to journalists: “We intend to shepherd it through, whatever its future may be… but we intend to be there.” (Cut to Roman showing the stock price plummet by measuring the drop with the inch between his fingers: “That is dad.” It’s interesting to see so much money and an entire life abbreviated in graph form.)
(-1) Tom hugs her, and she takes it… before walking away and rejecting him.
(+2) The siblings discussing if they should go see Logan’s body: “I mean, he’s not gonna get angry if we don’t.”
TOTAL: 4
KENDALL:
(-1) For having too much faith in the deal, or, rather, too little faith in Matsson: “Dad’s gotta go fucking lingonberry picking with Matsson.”
(-1) Even in Logan’s final moments, he’s still not willing to let it go. “I love you. Even though you fucking… I don’t know, I can’t forgive you. But yeah, I uh, it’s okay, and and and… I love you.”
(-1) Kendall’s own personal version of denial is trying to take control like it’s a work crisis:
“Jess, I need a few things. My dad’s dying. I’m just gonna do facts, okay? Get my doctor… and dad’s doctor, Doctor fucking Judith. Get that lazy FUCKING bastard, and get him and get the best heart doctor in the world and the best airplane medicine expert in the world!! And get them conferenced in and waiting and send a conference call number to me and to Tom and Karl’s phone, and any of those things I will take, but I would like it in the next minute, two minutes, please Jess? Okay??” Like a dial-in is gonna fix it, bro.
(-2) For his utter lack of awareness of FAA regulations:
Frank: The pilot can’t speak to you right now.
Kendall: Yes he can, yes he can.
Frank: He’s flying the plane, son.
Kendall: Well, just tell them to do it, to do it right!!
(-1) Side note: Why is everyone so confused about where the boat is going, when we’re all well aware it’s going to Ellis Island for the wedding ceremony? Check your red invitations.
(+1) “We weren’t estranged. We had a family function last night. Estranged is a strong word and not accurate.” Technically true.
(+2) For showing a smidge of killer instinct by making sure the siblings don’t jeopardize their chance at control:
“Look, this is very surreal. And, uh, just to say… every single thing we say and do today is going in the memoirs, going in the fucking congressional record, coming up at board meetings, going in SEC filings… If we tell them to circle for half an hour so we can get our heads straight, we get crucified for being cold-hearted or something. We are highly liable to misinterpretation, so what we do today will always be what we did the day our father died. So you know, let’s grieve and whatever but not do anything to restrict our future freedom of movement.”
(+1) “We can get a funeral off the rack. We can do Reagan’s with tweaks.” Arguably the funniest line of the episode.
(+1) On the boat, deciding what to do about the company while talking in code like Kathy Hilton:
Kendall: “Tomorrow, hand in the crown, probably a good idea, finish the sale, great.”
TOTAL: -1
LOGAN:
(+1) When Roman asks if he’s coming to Connor’s wedding:
Logan: We got him some Napoleon thing, you said?
Kerry: Napoleon and Josephine letters.
It does not go unnoticed that “we” got Connor a gift together, though good for whoever remembered that Napoleon was Connor’s fave.
(-2) He wants to let Gerri go, and says Roman has to tell her today. This is how he knifes Roman and makes him feel like shit about going to the wedding instead of helping with Matsson.
(-1) For wanting to “hang cruises around” Gerri’s neck. (Tom is far more generous with his spin: “More like she took her eye off the ball.”)
TOTAL: -2
HONORABLE MENTION: KAROLINA
(+5) Karolina is putting together a contact list and timeline of events. She took charge of everything and was able to remain businesslike, while also sounding empathetic and gentle. How in the hell has she made it to the top of this company?
Karolina: I think we should at least call Matsson and tell him [Logan’s] delayed.
Karl: Oh, he’s heavily fucking delayed.
(+2) Kerry: “That was fucking… nuts. That was fucking crazy right? Whoa! That’s so fucking weird, Jesus wow, you guys okay?” Karolina then swiftly kicks Kerry out of the crisis management conversation, communicating to us in less than 10 seconds that the only reason anyone took her even 1% seriously was because she was fucking Logan.
(+2) Karolina: Do you mind if we use this space to coordinate a response?
Kerry: Do you want me to help?
Karolina: No, no, that’s so kind, but you’re in shock. I think you should go back there, and we’ll make you comfortable and we’ll bring you whatever you need.
As if Kerry has any power over any of them anymore.
(+1) Especially once Karolina cites Kerry as one of the potential leakers of the story. She’s out.
(+1) But Karolina is still the face of diplomacy, even when Karl is most definitely not.
Tom: [For calling some of the contacts], I think we should get Kerry to do it.
Karolina: Oh, now you want Kerry to do it?
Karl: Chuckles the clown? I think not.
(+1) The episode ends with Gerri saying the kids can be excused from the board meeting on compassionate grounds (mhmmm…). Next week is going to QUICKLY devolve into jockeying for control.
TOTAL: 12
During a truly heart-wrenching and difficult episode, this week’s FUCK OFF goes once again to the most discompassionate of the bunch, and likely leaker, Greg. How quickly the very tall do fall.
If you can’t get enough Succession convo from Betches, we are here for you. Check out our weekly bonus recaps on the @BETCHES Podcast, which will be out every Monday afternoon of season 4 and can be found on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts.
Featured image courtesy of HBO.
