A Strongly Worded Letter To The Girl Who Only Likes What Her Boyfriend Likes

Dear Chameleons,

Girls who take on new personalities based on the bros they date are literally the worst. Like in Runaway Bride, when Julia Roberts doesn’t know what eggs are her favorite because she only ever likes what her boyfriend likes, matching somebody else’s preferences does not count as having your own.

If we’re going to be totally honest, we already aren’t fans of branching out, but betches aren’t against new experiences if they’re worth trying. However, being open to something new is not the same as having no pre-existing personality.

We all know the girl like that. She suddenly wants to listen to Bruce Springsteen all the time, just because her Tinder date mentioned it’s his favorite. She has got this new obsession with rock climbing even though before last month, she’d never even ridden a bike. Or she suspiciously sports a Saints jersey and posts statuses like “Go New Orleans! Game Day!” even though she’s from California.

Normally, we don’t care if you want to look stupid in your own life, but the issue with girls who passionately jump into whatever their current beaus are into at the moment is they are unbearable to be around. And it’s easy to be fooled by girls like this – when you meet them first, they might seem totally chill, until they start dating a loser who’s into like monster trucks, and then you realize you’ve befriended a chameleon airhead who owns a Monster Truck Rally t-shirt.

At the end of the day, it just makes betches with real interests seem more interesting, but we can’t help but find it insulting to our womanhood to see ladies making themselves accessories for the sake of being liked by bros. Being interested in your own life is much more attractive than waiting for someone to tell you what to like. And once a bro sees past a pretty face and realizes you’ve got no substance behind agreeing to do things he wants to do, he will get bored and move on. We suggest you do the same. Maybe you’ll find something you actually like, and make your bro get into that thing, instead of the other way around.


The Betches


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