Starting Strong (Sort Of): Weekend Horoscopes January 1-3

Adieu, adios, goodbye, and gtfo, 2020. It’s been fun, except, no, it f*cking hasn’t. From a pandemic to quarantine to our dumpster fire of a president to RBG dying and everything in between, there is absolutely no love lost from, like, any of us for this year. The only upside was that I, for one, never reached the level of desperation needed to bake banana bread. F*ck that.

Anywho, what do the stars have in store for the very first weekend of 2021? I mean, since we’re at rock bottom, I assume things can only go up from here.


Connect with your S.O. or hunt for one this weekend, Capricorn. Tackle a joint nest renovation (something simple), take a ride into town, or order takeout and build a couch fort. On Sunday, the stars want you to try something new, so break out a new sex toy and get freaky. You could also, like, just try making a new dish in the kitchen or experiment with hair color, but new year, new you.


Great ready for communication to flow easily, Aquarius. If you’ve been feeling a little touch and go in your relationship, this weekend will be a huge relief for you and your S.O. If you’re single, it’s a stellar opportunity to meet someone new and truly connect. The moon on Sunday is pushing you to make future plans, so, Aquarius 2021 brides—it could be your moment to shine.


New year, new chance to take care of yourself, Pisces. Use the weekend to pamper your bod and mind with your fav candles, expensive body lotions, long walks outdoors, and lots of healthy sh*t. On Sunday, the stars are gearing up for a nice surprise concerning your love life, so make sure your hair and nails look nice.


Take 2021 by the balls, Aries. Jot down all of the goals and dreams you want to tackle this year—be it traveling out of the f*cking country or just setting all your masks on fire. Use Sunday for a little R&R—think propping your feet up and actually reading a good book. If it’s a trashy celeb gossip rag or cookbook, even, it still counts.


Celebrate your home and fam this weekend, Taurus. With 2020 behind you, it’s a great weekend to call up all your family members and remind them that, even though you’re v busy doing hot girl sh*t, you still love them and love making time for them. Saturday night and Sunday are for physically cleaning 2020 away from you and your nest, so break out your Swiffer and take charge.


Get together with your siblings or, if you’re an only child, those folks that feeeel like siblings, Gemini. Call ’em up, head to a brewery or winery, or grab an appetizer while social distancing. The rest of the weekend is perfect for sprucing up your space with new curtains, moving furniture into different spots, or spending money on weird art. We’re here for it.


What do you really want this year, Cancer? Use Friday and Saturday morning to answer that question for yourself, and set a list of attainable goals so you can feel like you’re on the path to accomplishing sh*t. Maybe you do want to tackle sourdough or banana bread or wearing something other than sweats. Sunday is for reaching out to fam and reminding them that you miss them and can’t wait till you can hang out with them in a non-COVID environment again.


Celebrate yourself, Leo. 2021 is totally the year of confidence, so let everyone know how lucky they are to, like, be friends with you. After you make sure you feel validated in how cool you are, use Sunday to turn attention to your finances, which may be in dire straits after the holidays. Make a budget and stick to it. Not eating out several times a week may actually help you like, feel better, too.


Dreams are on the agenda this weekend, Virgo, so sleep in and plan for lots of naps. Try to be wary of drinking too much or overeating, though, since the stars could f*ck your day up if you overdo it. Instead, use the few days off to be kind to yourself with walks, journaling, feel-good eating, and hanging out with friends that are pretty obsessed with you.


Spend time with friends (safely) this weekend, Libra. Whether you plan for a group FaceTime to celebrate the first of the year or a small gathering of two or three folks in an outdoor space so you can talk about how much 2020 sucked, it’s important to pump some positivity into the next few days. Use Sunday to wind down and reflect on your nearest and dearest, whether that means your S.O., your bestie, your mom, your dog, or all of the above.


Plan to do some thinking when it comes to your career this weekend, Scorpio. If you truly want a better year, control what you can and fix up your resume, plan on how to ask your boss for a raise, and start organizing your professional life. Use Saturday to update your LinkedIn and set some alerts on Indeed, like a true adult. Sunday is for friends, so plan on grabbing brunch with one or two of your closest.


Get tf out there, Sagittarius. Take the new year by the horns and do some exploring a la a short hike with some friends or a weekend drive somewhere within an hour where you can support local businesses. If Saturday night you’re feeling “meh” about leaving the house, snuggle up and watch some travel shows for 2021 inspo, then order or make a fav dish.

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Sarah Nowicki
Sarah Nowicki
Sarah Nowicki aka Betchy Crocker writes about food, fashion, and whatever else she's in the mood to complain about for Betches and like, some other people. She resides in Asheville, NC, where she spends her time judging hipsters and holding on to her Jersey heritage and superiority. Yell at her on Instagram @sarahnowicholson