Don’t look now, betches, but I think…Spring is…coming? The sun is shining, the days are getting longer, and the will to live is slowly returning to my body. Could it be? Are we really almost out of the woods? Probably not, but let’s all just pretend together. How will the shifting seasons affect you this week? Find out in your betchy weekly horoscopes.
Aries
This is a week for closure, Aries. A new month brings new perspective, which we have loosely translated to “please move on.” Setbacks, be they of the love or professional orientation, are bound to happen from time to time – you just need to figure out how to handle them. Take a few days to lick your wounds and then get back out there. Throwing yourself into something new is the best way to get your mind off the past.
Taurus
You’ve been in a bit of a rut lately, Taurus, and this week will show you a way out of it. It’s time to dive into that new hobby you’ve been eyeing, but still not committing to. What are you waiting for? No one will greenlight your next passion project – it’s on you to follow through. Carve out some time this week to dive in, and dedicate a few days to getting your bearings. If it turns out it’s not for you, no problem! There’s always a new thing to pick up.
Gemini
We’re all for the hustle, Gemini, but even the best of us need a break sometimes. This week, try taking a step back from your never-ending to do list to center yourself. When was the last time you ate a good meal? Put on a face mask? Idk, washed your hair? If you can’t answer any of those questions with 100% certainty, it’s time to chill out for a minute. Your work will be there when you get back, and you’ll be better equipped to deal with it with the renewed energy that only Netflix binging can give you.
Cancer
Time to get down and dirty, Cancer. You’ve got a week of hard work ahead of you, and your best bet is meeting it head on. Sure, these things can be exhausting and tedious, but that feeling of ease and accomplishment at the end of the tunnel should be enough motivation to get you through. Plus, nothing aids a good night’s sleep like knowing you got sh*t done that day. Get your to do list ready, and don’t look up until it’s done. God speed, my friend.
Leo
This is the week for telling your truth, Leo. You’ll find yourself feeling more open than usual, which is wild, because you’re more open than most on a normal day. Let the next couple days be a spring cleaning for your soul, leading you into a happier, healthier March. Try getting things off your chest that you’ve been harboring, both good and bad. But please remember that those around you have not been privy to your internal monologue these last few weeks, so be sure to break any big news carefully.
Virgo
Be careful with your words this week, Virgo. You may find your tongue a little sharper than usual, and if you don’t watch out it could get you into trouble. We know it can be hard to not bite back when people say stupid stuff, but we’d recommend erring on the side of civility just in case you come across a little harsher than anticipated. If you find your self-control slipping, try removing yourself from any situation that may lead to you popping off. It’s better to be safe than sorry.
Libra
You know what Spring means, Libra? It means it’s time to get your sh*t together. This is the perfect week to tackle the mess in your life, both literal and metaphorical. You’ve got a fever, and the only prescription is a full-on Marie Kondo of your life. Start with the physical – clothes you never wear but can’t seem to get rid of, that box of loose papers that you’ve been saving because you never know when you’ll need them, and maybe anything in your fridge with a questionable expiration date. Then move on to the less tangible things – numbers you should have deleted long ago, the unfollowing spree that you’ve been meaning to go on since 2015, and the text screenshots you save that only serve to piss you off when you read them. You’ll be a lighter, happier version of yourself by the time the weekend rolls around.
Scorpio
Don’t freak out Scorpio, but this week you’re going to find yourself feeling vulnerable. Love is in the air, and it may just have you peeling back some of those ogre-y, onion-y layers of yours. Don’t fight it! If someone has managed to make you feel this way, there’s likely a good reason. For the next couple days, try letting your heart take the lead, rather than your mind. It won’t feel natural, or probably even good at first, but you’ll get used to it. This window won’t last long, so take advantage of your seldom-seen sentimental side while you have the chance.
Sagittarius
Your already highly-attuned emotions are going to be working in over drive this week, Sagittarius. This will be less of a problem for you, and more of a problem for everyone around you. For the next few days, try taking a deep breath and counting to ten before reacting to literally anything. Odds are, you’re going to be a tad bit more sensitive than you would usually be. In the meantime, try curling up with some wine and a rom com. This too shall pass. so don’t be too worried.
Capricorn
Some wires are going to get crossed this week Capricorn, which will make your already reticent communication skills even harder to access. Don’t worry, you can get through it, you’re just going to have to try a little harder than usual. If you get to the point where it feels like people are starting to get frustrated, don’t hesitate to remove yourself from the situation. Sometimes it can be easier to ride out these spells in solitude. Let your friends and family know that you need a few days to yourself, and re-emerge once you feel like you can communicate again.
Aquarius
You’ve been balling out a little too hard lately, Aquarius. You’re not in dire straits just yet, but a few more weeks of this behavior and you’re going to be reduced to a strict diet of beans and rice until your next paycheck hits. Let’s try to avoid that by spending this week doing some good old financial planning. Don’t know where to start? Maybe try hiding your credit cards for a couple days. A simple life may not be the most exciting, but right now it’s what you need.
Pisces
It’s time to get back to basics, Pisces. There’s been a lot of development in your life these past few months, both personal and professional. This, of course, it isn’t a bad thing, but it’s also important to remember where you came from. Other people might be fooled by the rocks that you got, but deep down you know that you’re still Jenny from the Block. Spend this week trying to reconnect with her. Old habits, hobbies, or simple pleasures can do wonders to heal your worry soul. Just be sure not to backslide to any destructive tendencies you may have left in the past.
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