In case you missed it, Spencer and Heidi Pratt welcomed their first child on Sunday night. Don’t feel bad, it was easy to miss, what with half the Kardashians being pregnant and our country getting shittier by the minute. But they welcomed their first baby boy into the world, and they did it only the way Speidi could: with $27,000 worth of crystals.
I know what you’re thinking, because I’m thinking it too: Do Spencer and Heidi even have $27,000? Because I thought they were flat broke. Spencer Pratt tweeted out a thank you to the company that delivered the crystals, and it’s unclear if they paid for them or if they were given the crystals for free.
Also, what does $27,000 worth of crystals look like? Are we talking like, a few giant ones or a bajillion tiny ones? I’m imagining Heidi giving birth on top of a sea of crystals. Ouch, that’s gotta hurt.
Spencer told UsWeekly his son’s birth was, “[o]fficially the most lit day of my life.” Spoken like someone who’s truly fit to raise a child.
Oh, and as for what they named their baby? Brace yourselves. Get a Xanax ready. Got it? Okay. It’s: Gunner Stone.
Gunner Stone. That sounds like a 90s action movie hero, one who used to be a cop but left the force because there were too many dirty cops and now he’ll stop at nothing to expose the rampant corruption and gain back his reputation. It sounds like Jack Stone’s serial killer alter ego. It sounds like a lot of things, none of them being viable names for a newborn baby.
I would waste time and my mental energy ranting about this name, these crystals, and everything about this birth, but this is Heidi and Spencer Pratt we’re talking about. This is actually pretty low-key for them. I’m just relieved (and kind of surprised) that they didn’t try to stream Heidi giving birth on Facebook Live.