Sometimes Self-Care Is Ghosting Everyone: Weekend Horoscopes April 23-25

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Bye, Aries! Take your toxic moods and GET. It seems like, even though Aries has left the building, we’re still going to be dealing with some nasty moods this weekend, thanks to the Libra moon. We recommend puppies, long walks, vacations in Bora Bora, and having millions of dollars. Okay, so only half of that list is actually doable. Puppies and long walks it is!


It’s your time to shine, Taurus, so try to make it worthwhile this weekend by leaving the couch, eating something other than your microwave cooking for once (sad!), and not checking your work email. You’ll have a surplus of energy this weekend, so spend it on some sort of creative endeavor on Saturday. Paint a picture, do chalk art in your driveway—IDFC. The moon is actually going to help you reach a goal come Sunday, so why not combine the two and start some sort of house DIY Saturday then threaten your S.O. until he finishes it on Sunday? Goal achieved!


It’s totally grool if you want to be a homebody this weekend, Gemini. The universe wants you to put on your sh*ttiest sweatpants and clean your house just so you can feel accomplished, which is like, really thoughtful. Beware, though—the stars may have you feeling frustrated for no reason Saturday morning, so if you’re starting to identify with the serial killers on the murder docs you’re watching, it could be time to step away and take a bath/drink a bottle of wine/go for a jog.


Give yourself some time, space, and allowance to ghost literally everyone this weekend, Cancer. You’ll find the need to pull away, so if eating lunch solo at a nice f*cking restaurant for brunch on Saturday just so you can experience some goddamn peace and quiet feels right—go for it. Luckily, by Sunday you’ll feel able to interact with other human beings, so maybe you can muster the energy to grab a seltzer with a friend.


Money, #mood, and your mouth can sum up your weekend Leo. First, keep an eye on your finances—things could go poorly if you decide to blow a ton of money on something you don’t need. I know the Reformation dress is cute, but you have nowhere to wear it. Secondly, you’ll feel the need to communicate a lot this weekend, but the stars are making your words extra spicy, and not in a cute way. Watch your mouth, and watch your money.


After work on Friday, spend some time spoiling yourself, Virgo. Take the long way home, listen to weird music, spend quality time with your sex toys—whatever gets you going. On Saturday, the moon in Libra is making you feel too many feelings, so try to relax and hang around people who are least likely to get on your nerves. That sh*t luckily passes by Sunday, and you’ll be back to kicking ass and not cry over dumb sh*t.


You’d think that the moon in your sign this weekend would be awesome, Libra, but you could be wrong. You’ll have some wacky dreams Friday, so plan to sleep late on Saturday in an effort to stay in that dream world where you’re banging Brad Pitt and avoid the feelings-fest that’s due to happen Saturday. Try not to pick fights; they’re liable to blow tf up. Things should cool down by Sunday, so if you did start a fight, we suggest making it up to that person with a bottle of wine, or something equally heartfelt.


See some friends, do some stuff, and drink a drink, Scorpio. This weekend starts off with a desire to be social, so plan an evening out for Friday with some close friends. Saturday you’ll actually want to be away from people, so, all the more reason to go hard Friday night so you can nurse your hangover the day after. Sunday, the solitude mood continues, so get some organizing out of the way and weed through your pajama collection. If it’s more than 10 years old, it’s time to say bye.


Get mad, Sagittarius. The moon vs. your own star vibes on Friday may result in a sh*tty mood, but luckily by Saturday morning you should be back on your regular bullsh*t (the fun kind). It’s actually a good few days to try and accomplish a goal. So, if you’ve been trying to run a mile in under 15 minutes, bake a cake without burning it, or finish a Netflix series in one sitting, it’s your time to shine.


Deal with all the sh*t you’ve been putting off, Capricorn. Or, at least whatever you can manage to take care of in one weekend. Maybe you can manage to take the trash out AND mail a return. Saturday you may want to be wary of your words, as they could start a fight between you and your S.O. Be extra nice to them this weekend—they’re going to be feeling a little delicate. If you’re bored on Sunday, peruse stocks that Reddit tells you to buy. Maybe you’ll stumble on the next Dogecoin.


Check in on any shared assets you have with your partner this weekend, Aquarius. Maybe you can get your adult on and refinance your house or pay off one of your student loans (lol). Give yourself space, though, if you start feeling extra irritable. The moon and Mars are teaming up to make you feel extra moody.


Plan a date night, Pisces. It’s been a while since you had a night out with your S.O., so make it a point to get away in the romantic sense on Friday or Saturday night. The passion can go either way, though, so choose your battles and don’t pick at dumb sh*t to start a fight, even though being right is *the best*. If you’re single, plan a few outings where you can easily run into people (with masks on) and potentially bump into someone special. Not like, literally though, because #pandemic.


Take care of yourself this weekend, Aries. If you’ve been uber focused on work lately, it’s time to step back and do something else—especially on Saturday. Unplug, go for a run, or just zone out while eating pizza and rewatching Puppy Dog Pals with your kid. There’s potential for a fight on Sunday with your partner, so try to avoid confrontation even if he’s being an idiot.

Images: Mike Von / Unsplash; Giphy (12)

Sarah Nowicki
Sarah Nowicki
Sarah Nowicki aka Betchy Crocker writes about food, fashion, and whatever else she's in the mood to complain about for Betches and like, some other people. She resides in Asheville, NC, where she spends her time judging hipsters and holding on to her Jersey heritage and superiority. Yell at her on Instagram @sarahnowicholson