Social Media Maniacs: The Fashion Instagrammer

The fashion insta is like the #48 dud of the friend group. No one really wants to see them, but they’re useful for making yourself look good. When I’m scrolling through my feed innocently trying to enjoy over-filtered pics of food I would never eat and yesterday’s sunset, the last thing I want to fucking see is your new Celine luggage tote. But don’t start crying into your shopping bags betches, there is a way to post fashion instas that show off how rich and trendy you are without making all of your followers want to kill you (or worse, unfollow you). And if they do, they’re just jeal.

There are a few types of fashion instas that fall somewhere between jealousy like, I don’t give a fuck, and this bitch just made a #25 arch nemesis on the scale of betch reactions to your post. If you insta carefully, you might just be able to show off your adorb new romper without losing friends, but I can’t make any promises. Omgg did you see Katie’s post? Like does she really think fringe boots are cool again? 

The Shopping Bag(s) insta

Omg, you went shopping??? At Balenciaga, Gucci, and Prada?? I’m so glad you let me know by posting a color-boosted pic of all your bags!! Sorry, but no one gives a fuck that you went shopping and there is really no way to brand this pic as artsy. Omggg this perspective angle really highlights the Chanel logo. Nice try, but this one is really only useful for the TTH betch who wants everyone to know that she can afford a shopping spree.   


The outfit of the day insta is really only acceptable for the super chic betch. This betch’s outfits are so amaze they induce fits of jealousy (and double digit likes, duh) from all her followers. If you’re not this betch (and you probably aren’t), don’t even try. Having a visible thigh gap in your lululemons does not mean that outfit is worthy of an insta. Outfit of the night pics are also def not the move. If you need the world to see how hot you look in an Herve and how trendy you are for wearing a statement necklace, I fucking promise you it won’t be that hard to get a normal skinny arm pic at the club with your besties, no lame #ootn caption necessary.

Single Item

The insta of a single new bag or pair of shoes is a delicate endeavor. Betches love the #215 humble brag, but posting a pic of your new Loubs is pretty hard to call subtle. Try to avoid this, but tbh sometimes the world does fucking need to know about your new Chanel bag. Watch out though, your group text will be blowing up in approx. 2 min. Omggg I lovvvvvve your new bag!! ::bag emoji heart emoji heart-eyes emoji:: 

Note: Any and all jewelry given to you by a Pro obv NEEDS to be insta-ed, like, yesterday, the more karats the better. Caption it any variation of best boyfriend everrr with heart/ring/couple emojis and you just finally made it to 100 likes.

So betches, tread carefully on your own fashion instas, and remember to #1 talk shit as much as possible about everyone else’s.


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