Should I Have Rebound Sex After Breaking Up With My Ex? Dear Betch…

Dear Betch,

It has been almost six months since I broke up with my ex… Which means it has been almost six months since I last had sex. After the break up, I told myself I wouldn't have sex with anyone unless I was in a committed relationship. God I hate having morals. But I know if I break my rule, I'll be an emotional mess (I think). I've only ever had sex with my last boyfriend of two years. So it's still kind of a big deal. I'm starting to realize it might be a while until I find a boyfriend in college. I feel like I'm going to be one of those freaky born again virgins, kind of like clean teen Shelly from One Tree Hill or April from Grey's Anatomy. I've been talking/hooking up with a great guy for about a month. He totally hasn't pressured me at all into having sex but I kind of want to. I just don't want to get too attached. Is sex even a big deal anymore?! Please give me advice before my vagina closes up.


Your rare horny betch keeping her legs closed

Dear Sean Lowe,

Okay, since you sent this exact email on not one, but two separate occasions, I’m going to go ahead and assume that you REALLY need my advice because you have no friends you can turn to. Being that we’re about to enter the giving season and all, I’m going to answer you instead of following my first instinct which was to ignore you indefinitely. Also, quit flattering yourself for being the “rare horny betch keeping her legs closed,” since the subject line of your email was “How long should I keep my legs closed.”

Onto the issue at hand: There's no one-size-fits-all rule for how long you should wait to have sex with a guy; if there were, Cosmo would've gone out of business a long ass time ago. I’m not you (TG), nor am I inside your head. While sex isn't a big deal for a lot of people, judging by your email and the celibacy pact you made with yourself, it sounds like you're not one of those people. If you haven’t even had sex with a guy and you’re already worried that you’ll get attached to him, spoiler alert: you probably will. I have a strong feeling you're going to ignore my advice and sleep with the guy anyway–I can feel the sexual frustration from here–meaning you'll have to learn it the hard way. Ha. Either way you should seriously find yourself a group of besties you can bitch to as this saga unfolds, like, yesterday.

For the record your vagina is going to be just fine,

The Betches

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