These Totes Are Perfect For The Girl With A Lot Of Baggage

Whoever decided that describing betches who carry a lot of baggage with a negative connotation had it all wrong. I’m guessing that person was probably Carrie Bradshaw, because she sucks at literally everything and I’ve definitely seen some bullshit Sex and the City quote on Pinterest about likening one’s issues to Louis Vuitton baggage.

Anyway, carrying a lot of baggage can pretty much only be a good thing. Where’s a betch supposed to carry her wine, phone charger, multiple outfit options, or any possible illegal paraphernalia if she’s without lots of baggage? Because we think that it’s just like, way easier to proudly display all of your baggage (it’s what made you so funny and it might land you a reality show someday), we thought we’d round up a few of our favorite betchy totes.

There’s Wine In Here

There's Wine In Here Tote

The “There’s Wine in Here” tote is perfect for both situations in which you’re trying to conceal the fact that you’re smuggling wine into a public event and for those in which you couldn’t really give a shit if anyone knew. Nobody’s going to suspect that there’s actually a little (or big) bottle of Barefoot Moscato in there if it’s so clearly labeled. At the same time, if you just straight up DGAF, everyone will think you’re hilarious because duh, you are.

Totes McDrunk

Totes McDrunk Tote

The Totes McDrunk tote is ideal for anyone who hates being asked stupid questions, which should be everyone. If you’re a commuter, you don’t have to worry about some moron interrupting your life to ask you if they’re on the right train, because they’ll just assume you’re drunk and won’t know the answer. Okay, I can’t actually promise that carrying this tote will totally prevent people from asking you questions, because your fellow betches will probably want to know where you got it from.

Get In Loser We’re Going Shopping

Get In Loser We're Going Shopping Tote

You probably already say this to your friends every time you’re going shopping or even just getting in a car in general, so it’s probably time to take your Mean Girls obsession a step further (if that’s even possible, but then again, the limit does not exist). Even if you’re an actual loser and don’t have any friends, I guess you could like, pretend that your phone, wallet and the rest of your shit could be your friends? IDK, a tote bag probably isn’t your solution here, but whatever.

Hannah Chambers
Hannah Chambers
Hannah Chambers is one of those people whose entire personality consists of Real Housewives references, taking pictures of her dog, and drinking out of an obnoxiously large water bottle. You can find her work in Cosmopolitan, Bustle,, and more. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter @hanchambers