Dear Head Pro,
Now I just had to share this cause its seriously too funny. I never thought a guy would put this much effort into a girl he met one night at a bar. Sorry I wasn't planning on meeting the love of my life at a bar like he apparently thought he was. Am I wrong for going out with the girls and talking to a boy if I have a boyfriend? He offered to buy me drinks. Should I refuse them next time? The only thing I regret is getting too drunk and passing out my phone number. I was just trying to have fun plus I'm a betch so I don't pay for drinks. And he is the asshole who texted me at two in the morning about five days after we met. Head Pro, am I in the wrong for flirting a little or did this man take the three drinks he bought me a little too seriously? Just wondering what men are thinking when they go out to the bar. Do they really think that they are going to get some action from randos? And really, who spends that much time coming up with a coalition name.
The Coalition Against Losers (CAL)
First things first, yes, this guy is a tremendous loser. He is not a bro. A pro, or even an advanced-stage bro for that matter, would recognize things for what they were and save himself the half hour it probably took to compose that gem of a text. Have you been converted? Are you now, as he says, as “classy woman?” I’m sure you are.
On the other hand, if I’m being honest, in this situation every guy is going to feel something similar. We may not be lame enough to express it in an eloquent text message, but the sentiment is there. For one, it’s a harsh reminder that no matter how good bros may be at acting shady, girls will always be twice as good because, as you’ve experienced, no one expects it. Most guys go through a phase where they get burned and spend a period of time thinking that all girls are whores except for their mothers. For the wrong kind of guy (this guy), this just kind of reinforces that. Also, to his credit, you did lie to him about some pretty key things. Presumably, he wouldn’t have been buying you drinks if he knew you weren’t single. I’m neither a girl nor a betch, but I’m of the understanding that people buy betches drinks because they think they’re that fabulous, not because they have to lie about their relationship status.
Does it matter? Did anyone get hurt? No, not really. If you were my girlfriend (as if), I wouldn’t give a shit if you were out and flirting a little if it got you some free drinks. What would piss me off majorly, though, is if you were to deny my existence when asked. That’s probably not ok. How would you feel if your boyfriend was out lying about having a girlfriend? You’d lose your shit. And then to give out your number? That would be strike two. I get why the guy was mad, because he’s probably had the same thing happen to him. In this case, he just couldn’t hold back his inner Nice Guy. So to recap, flirting? Ok. Lying about being single? Not ok. Giving out your number after lying about being single? Pack your shit. Honestly, if you need free drinks that badly you’re probably an alcoholic and/or poor.
Buy you a drink?
Dear Head Pro,
So this b/pro and I have been hooking up on and off for the past few weeks – haven't had sex yet but it's been discussed/was in the cards.
Fast forward to last Friday, when I saw him out at a bar. He hadn't texted and we hadn't planned to meet up, so I left him to chill with his bros. Still, he made a point of coming up and saying hi/flirting, and suggested we 'keep in touch' throughout the night and meet up later [read: hook up]. I jokingly said I wasn't sure about that because I hadn't brought my swimsuit (all of our previous hook-ups started in his hot tub) but made it clear I was game.
Then later, when I was at my friend's house party and hadn't heard from him, I initiated the following conversation. I don't get it. He turned down what was definitely a hookup of some kind to what? Go to bed?
My questions are: does this happen? Like, do bros just 'get tired'? Or is he lying, as my other bro friend suggested? And do I see him again?
Lost in subtext xx
Dear Lost in Subtext,
Am I just completely out of touch? Is this how sex happens nowadays, it gets “discussed”? Back in my day, if you wanted to fuck you just got drunk with your best prospect, started fooling around, and then asked if she had a condom hoping she would say “no but I’m on the pill.” Planning for sex is like planning for the next time you’re going to take a shit – it takes all the fun and spontaneity out of it. And not that there’s anything wrong with hot tubs, but is this the 90’s? How does he get you in the mood for that? After watching “The Big Lebowski” on his 800-lb DLP tv, does he pull up the latest Weezer album on WinAmp before softening you up with a few Zimas?
In reality, yes, bros can occasionally get tired just like anyone else, the same way LeBron can occasionally have a bad game or New Mexico can occasionally lose to fucking Harvard and occasionally assfuck my entire bracket. More likely though, he had something or someone better to do. He might have found someone who was ok not only banging, but doing it in a less disease-prone place like a bed. Or, it could have been something as innocuous as him having a good time with his bros and wanting to keep the party going. Or, like I said, he could have just been tired. Whatever the scenario, you were not a high priority for him. He might just not be that into you, or he could be tired of digging for clams in his hot tub when he’d like to get his D a different kind of wet.
As for seeing him again, that’s up to you. I think you’re a little delusional as to the nature of your relationship. “Making a point to come up to you and say hi” when you two are, in fact, in the same small space isn’t exactly the grand overture you make it out to be. You are just someone he fools around with on occasion. If that’s ok with you then go for it, but he doesn’t seem to be interested in making it anything more.