Shocking news alert: Scheana Shay and Rob Valletta have broken up after a little over seven months of dating, if my calculations are correct. I’ll give you all a moment to collect yourselves after the shock that a rebound relationship that started under dubious circumstances at best did not last. And yes, feel free to @ me. There’s just no way you could be close enough to someone to date them right after your divorce, unless there had been some emotional cheating going on with that person before your divorce. Like, I can only find someone to date me once every two years, and you expect me to believe you just “happened” to reconnect with a guy who became your boyfriend 30 seconds after your divorce, and nothing inappropriate ever happened while you were married? No. At the very least, Scheana and Rob were “just friends” in the way that Jim and Pam were “just friends” in the first three seasons of The Office. Anyway, this isn’t some random rumor I’m starting based on some questionable social media activity (like that other time I thought Scheana and Rob broke up); Rob Valetta confirmed the breakup himself.
In one of Rob’s Instagrams of him swimming in a pool by himself (sad), some random thirsty lady commented, asking why Scheana wasn’t in the picture. In a comment that appears to have now been deleted, Rob said, “Sadly, we broke up, we are still amazing friends and we adore each other. We will see what happens.”
Okay, honestly, can we as a society—nay, we as a species—fucking stop with the “we’re broken up but we’re still the best of friends” bullshit? It’s about as believable as Scheana’s claims that she hasn’t gotten plastic surgery. Look, there’s nothing wrong with admitting that you broke up with someone and it didn’t work out and while you don’t hang out anymore, you don’t actively wish bodily harm upon them. Why do all these Bravolebrities pretend they still hang out with their exes? Naomie did it. Rob is doing it. Scheana herself did it when she divorced Shay. Why tho? No real, sane person is actually friends with their ex, and anybody who tells you otherwise is lying straight to your face and/or just trying to bone their ex one last time.
A source told E! News that Scheana and Rob broke up because of “work commitments,” which is the classic BS excuse every mildly famous couple uses. The source added, “They’re still very involved in each other’s lives and remain optimistic about their future.” To which I’d like to reply with a wholehearted, “Sure, Jan.” I wonder if they broke up because Scheana’s been spending a lot of time with Robby Hayes lately? Wait. Will Scheana start dating Robby next?? Given their combined level of thirst for fame, I wouldn’t put it past them. I guess we’ll just have to wait and see.
It doesn’t look like Scheana has acknowledged the breakup just yet, although she’s been retweeting things like, “When you think you’re doing good in life that’s when the devil comes to test ya the most,” and if that’s not a cry for help, I don’t know what is.
I can’t wait for Vanderpump Rules season 6, when Scheana tries to act like a relationship expert. But at least now maybe Stassi will stop complaining that she’s the only single one.