What Would Ryan Lochte Douche? Quotes from the 2nd Episode

Last night on What Would Ryan Lochte Do we fell deeper in love with Ry and his low-brain-activity-stare while learning some new interesting things about the intellectual that is Lochte…the Lochtelectual.

He always knows exactly what girls are thinking when they see a guy with a short haircut:

“Now that I have this clean cut look I want a girl to be like “dammmmnn…what?”


He doesn't have a type:

“I don't really have a type, red hair, blonde, brunette, she could have green hair for all I care”


Making a speech is easier than the backstroke:

“I've never written down a speech. Ever.”

“I was just gonna wing it.”

“I didn't really write down my speech, I had like my bulletin points and then like uhhhhh like uh a fact.”

“Dude I've talked in front of a lot of business people about stuff I didn't even know!”


He was able to get this sentence out:

“I'm going to help lobbying for a bill to get more funding for Parent Project for Muscular Dystrophy”


He has an assistant who is his BFF and his name is Gene:

Ryan: Is it bad if my pee is neon?

Gene: It means you're having too much sex

Ryan: How's that bad!?


Ryan doesn't have much to say about politics, or any other topic:

“I swim so I don't know about all this that's going on”

“Some people ask how does it feel to represent a country and I just like, can't put it in words”


But he did have some moments of clarity during his trip to DC:

“I guarantee I'll be the first one peeing in that reflective pool”

On the Pope: “I guess we can call him ex Benedict”

“Abe Lincoln…he's got some serious swag”

And lastly, the thing that explains it all:

Ryan: I just blanked out again

E! interviewer: What happens in the blank moments?

Ryan: I don't even know..something will pop up in my head…all of a sudden I'll have like a jumping banana in my head and I'll stop and pause and be like, 'that damn jumping banana.'” 



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