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Russian Hackers Have Gone After Britney Spears

Britney Spears is an icon for many reasons. She literally taught us all how to dress like a slut before we even really knew what dressing like a slut was, her 2004 “I’m A Slave 4 U” performance is in VMA history, plus I have seldom entered a room without first screaming “It’s Britney, bitch!!!” And my name is not fucking Britney, or even Brittany. With her Las Vegas residency solidified, it’d be hard to argue that Britney Spears has not earned her place in the pop music hall of fame. I mean, the woman was a Mousketeer for fuck’s sake. More recently, Britney has developed an iconic Instagram personality, where she regularly treats us to daily affirmations, incredible TBTs featuring all your favorite 90s celebs, and just straight-up memes that would be right at home on your great aunt’s Facebook page:

 

A post shared by Britney Spears (@britneyspears) on

 

Britney has even been known to throw in a stock photo of corn every once in a while, just to keep us on our toes.

 

It’s honestly too good to be true mmmm

A post shared by Britney Spears (@britneyspears) on

And my personal favorite, this video of her being scared by her two young sons and screaming bloody murder like only a woman who became a famous sex symbol at 16 and has probably had multiple stalkers could:

 

My damn kids

A post shared by Britney Spears (@britneyspears) on

But just like everything that is good and pure in this world, Britney’s Instagram has enemies. Foreign enemies. Formerly communist foreign enemies.

That’s right, like our democracy, Britney Spears’ Instagram has reportedly been compromised by Russian hackers. Putin, you have finally gone too far.

The hackers, collectively known as Turla, apparently used the comment section of Britney’s Insta to spread malware and attack the one thing that Britney loves most: her fans.

This all started back in February, when an Insta user by the name of @asmith215 commented “#2hot make loved to her, uupss #Hot #X,” which is a fairly accurate representation of the average Instagram commenter’s literacy level. Apparently, because computers, this moment was actually a hidden code for a bit.ly link that would help these hackers steal your data and infect your computer with malicious software. Or something. I literally know nothing about computers beyond how to type and that sometimes if you turn it off and then on again everything is magically fixed.

According to Business Insider:

Security researchers at Slovakian security firm ESET have been looking into Turla, a long-running hacking group believed to be linked to the Russian government that has targeted foreign governments, militaries, educational institutions and more.

And they found something pretty unusual, they wrote in a blog post: The malware has been receiving instructions via a seemingly innocuous comment on one of Britney Spears’ Instagram photos.

This just goes to show you that, in 2017, nothing is sacred. Not even the comment section of Britney Spears’ Instagram. Also, don’t comment on celebrities’ Instagram posts. Not just because it makes you look like a psycho, but because it literally might get you hacked. 

Alise Morales
Alise Morales is a comedy writer and performer. She is the writer of the Betches Sup Newsletter and co-host of the Betches Sup Podcast.