Face it motherchuckers, there’s nothing like a good Gossip Girl marathon to remind you how great 2008 was. Obama got elected, headbands were making a comeback, and it still mattered that your purse had a name brand (No fabric totes here, betches!). In honor of the end of the 20-aughts, let’s throw it back to the best/most ridiculous quotes from the show that aired, while we still had it all. And by “it all,” I mean a President that wasn’t garbage, parents who didn’t charge us rent, and a Motorola Razr.
Oh, and just to be clear, these quotes are probably mostly from the first few seasons of the show, you know, before things got weird, and all the writers had aneurysms and decided Dan was Gossip Girl. TBH, I’m honestly still mad about it, like fuming as I write this right now. My vote for Gossip Girl was either Dorota or Nellie, but hey, what do I know? As long as Blair and Chuck ended up together, I guess all is well in the world. Also, don’t @ me saying I ruined it for you with those spoilers. The show ended in 2012—legit five years ago. If you haven’t watched it yet, what are you, like 12? Anyway, enjoy this trip down memory lane. XOXO
“Don’t mock the scarf, Nathaniel. It’s my signature.” – Chuck
Chuck said a lot of really fucking stupid shit, but most of the time we legit didn’t care, because even though Ed Westwick is legit kind of weird looking, as Chuck, he could get it. Let’s be real, Ed Westwick is still weird looking and can still get it. Chuck was that annoying ass friend who referred to their friends by their full names and not what they actually went by. Also, what kind of a 17-year-old has a signature scarf? Chuck Bass, that’s who. Any questions?
“Relax, man. Girls know that when a guy says that during it doesn’t mean “I love you,” it means “I love having sex with you.” – Nate
OK, I mean, in some cases, Nate wasn’t wrong here. But this is probably teaching a whole generation of girls that dudes only drop the ILY so they can get in your pants. Nate wasn’t even the biggest fuckboy on this show, yet he’s dropping truth bombs on millennials like its nobody’s business. Like, thanks a lot Gossip Girl for furthering my trust issues with dudes.
“Wait, just tell me that no one’s trying to stop a wedding, run a Ponzi scheme, give anybody fake cancer, or turn into a justifiably vengeful townie.” – Eric
This quote from the littlest Van Der Woodsen seems really fucked up, yet, these are all legit real things that happened in the show. Like I said, the last few seasons of this show were totally insane. Not included in this quote includes Serena being drugged by her on-again-off-again boyfriend who turns out to be Gossip Girl, a legit crazy person impersonating Serena, or Chucks dad dying and then, oh jk, not being dead at all. Gotta give these writers credit for being pretty self-aware, most of the time.
“I don’t read Gossip Girl. That’s for chicks” – Dan Humphrey
Nice try, Humphrey. Like we were supposed to believe an educated, worldly, Brooklynite refers to women as “chicks.” Even in 2008, this seemed a little out of place. We all thought the writers just spazzed and made him Gossip Girl, but what if they planned on Dan being Gossip Girl the whole time and used quotes like this just to throw us off?! #hottake
“Looks like this Parisian beauty reeled in a Bass. A Chuck Bass, to be more specific.” – Gossip Girl
Gossip Girl her/himself said a lot of weird ass things throughout the series, but I would have to say the Chuck Bass puns were among some of the worst. This quote is from the part of the show where Chuck starts dating Fleur Delacour. Gossip Girl also once said something about Chuck Bass being adrift at sea or some shit. Like, OK people. We get that his last name is Bass and that’s a fish. HA HA. Make a new pun.
“Your daughter wakes up alone, drugged in an empty motel room, and you don’t call the cops? You don’t ask if she’s okay or what happened? You just have her committed? What kind of mother does that?” – Serena
Can we just talk about how Lilly and Rufus were probably the worst parents of all time? This quote makes the ridicu-list for referencing a huge part of the show that no one remembers: the parents were totally shitty all the time. They dgaf that their dating would make it weird for their kids to be friends, let alone dating themselves. Also, Serena was drugged by Gossip Girl who turned out to be Dan, and then her mom blamed her for the whole thing. Way to slut shame, Lilly.
“The true reason I should stay right where I am and not get in the car, three words, eight letters… say it and I’m yours.” -Blair
What’s a list of Gossip Girl quotes without legit the best line from the whole show? A pretty shitty list, that’s what. Also, they’re at the Vitamin Water White Party during this episdode. WTF? Like that’s a thing. Blair tells Chuck that she’ll leave whatever aristocratic boyfriend she has at the time, if he just tells her he loves her. Of course, Chuck doesn’t say those three magic words until the end of season two, and then they don’t even really get together until the final season anyway. It’s all bullshit. Yet, why do I think about this quote all the time? Whatever, I ship Chuck and Blair forever.