Last night's episode of RHOBH was more boring than Joyce. Pretty much nothing happened besides David Foster's star on the Walk of Fame (which caused a 5 minute discussion of whether or not the housewives would ever deserve their own Walk of Fame stars, and they obviously won't…unless they got some movie credits and real talent, you know, like Kim has).
Also amidst the shit talking and Mauricio's cheating rumors, Kim's daughter graduated high school which led into another whole discussion about how big of a deal this is because Kim and Kyle didn't get to go to college. I mean, why is everyone so excited that their daughters are graduating high school? What is this, a 50’s mining town?
“I'm from this town and I never got a chance to leave. I’m just a poor uneducated girl from Beverly Hills. A regular Pretty Woman tale.”
“For two months Lisa never called…she never tweeted…she never liked any of my instagrams!”
“Anytime I meet a friend who I really like, or someone I'm on a reality show with, I decide to share my secret facialist with them. Then after we go play in our secret fort and hold our I Hate
Rachel Green Lisa Vanderpump Fan Club meetings.”
“All you have to do to stay young is zap your face and then if you shock yourself enough your face will believe it's 25.” But no joke she looked great after that facial.
Theres nothing more condescending than a ‘pick up poop’ sign with a smiley face next to it.
Why do you have to cry during all speeches? Literally you could be talking about a recipe for a turkey burger and you’ll start bawling.
“Don't tell me you're my friend, be my Dutch brother and then you will be my best friend.”
“OMG Blanca I’m so excited for my mom and my brother to see my husband’s star on the Walk of Fame. Have you met my husband?”
“I was raised very disciplined I had to iron every Friday afternoon and yodel every day for the rest of the week. “
“At the age of seven I decided I had to take care of my whole family. Which is why I left at sixteen.”
Yolanda has some weird sexual tension with her brother.
“It’s no secret that I’ve been married a bunch of times. Here’s to my current wife Yolanda whose lemons keep my face from moving.”
“Everybody loves a comeback story especially when you’re an impoverished child actor with no high school education.”
I love Kim going on about how she didn’t get to be in school bc she was a movie star. You were in one movie, you’re not fucking Macaulay Culkin.
“Why you so obsessed with me” – Kim's kids
“Life is a sexy little dance. Now that I’m not on Dancing with the Stars this opener makes no sense.”
I own the rights to Pandora so she won’t be going anywhere.
“In my world money doesn't talk, it meows…when you give your cat acupuncture.”
“Cat acupuncture is totally not a Beverly Hills thing. It’s not.”
“My cats don’t do facials.” Things down to earth people say.
“Instead of having playdates I would hang out with animals….and then I would torture and kill them in sacrifice to the devil.”
“You can never be too young too thin or too into your weave.”
Of course being a new housewife you think that a weekend away for the girls is a GREAT idea. Never in the history of the real housewives has a girls weekend been a happy occasion.
Her face and excessive hair should be the display pic in the Wikipedia entry for Basic bitch.
“In Beverly Hills the higher you climb the farther you fall. This is especially true if you’re blind like Stevie Wonder and can’t see the ladder.”
Brandi and her dad are ON A BREAK!!!!
“I took a picture of Stevie Wonder. I don’t think he saw.”
Brandi literally has taken her clothes off in every episode. Relax. You’re a MOM. And please refrain from trying to fuck the other cast members.